"Go find a girlfriend" she said

[Jackiefl]

I agree with Kimberly

[Emily Ann Brown]

Come on !!!!!! You are heading for trouble...can't you see this?


Em

[NicoleScott]

Here's how I see it: the wife tolerates to some extent but is a bit put off by your asking for her constant approval. If you really want an opinion on that skirt, she doesn't have one. If you're fishing for compliments, quit doing that, as it irritates her.
My wife knows and accepts, but does not want to participate. It bugs her somewhat if I even ask her to snap a couple photos. So I don't. I take what I have, which is that it's ok to dress up at home, even in front of her, but it's my acivity, not hers or ours. How many cd's who don't have that would love to have it and be happy?
Don't even think about getting girlfriends for fashion advice.

[linda allen]

All my sirens went off as well! I would be very careful with this one.

She is basically saying that she is willing to share your emotional time with other people. That really does not bode well, IMHO. If she wants you to have a life of your own, what is she telling you?

It would all but put me into a panic.


Honestly.

Tina

I think you are right on this. It's not a good sign.

Oh dear.

I have to say that Suchacutie and Juligirl are the only ones who get it. lol. Let me give you a bit of insight into a GGs mind (if you're interested).

First, please don't make the mistake of taking your wife literally. I know that it's the sensible thing to do, it's what most husbands do, but in a case like this I really don't think your wife wants you to hang out with other women. I think she's just showing some exasperation over the CDing, since as you say, she dresses for comfort more than fashion and she doesn't get why you're so into the "looks" part of being femme.

Second, Saren suggests finding a gf to shop and do things with just as a friend, but Joni T confirmed the sad truth: wives don't understand the concept of their husbands hanging out with other women very well. Even though you see yourself as a girl when dressed, and activities (shopping, lunch, etc) with another girl wouldn't be sexual for you, you wife still sees you as a male and she may well imagine that as a male, you will have male-like attractions to the other women. Also, the other women you befriend might mistake your friendliness as a come-on. They will certainly be open-minded if they enjoy hanging out with a CD, but there is also the risk that they will also see you primarily as a male and they will enjoy the attention, especially if they are single, or in a bad relationship, or just plain lonely and looking for excitement. They might entirely mistake your intentions as to why you want to hang out with them. And wives understand this, because they are GGs too. I was in that situation with my SO a few years ago. My SO sought GG friends to do things with while dressed, and she thought that a GG she had befriended just wanted to be friends. But, I met this GG (she was gorgeous) and I sensed that she definitely was into collecting men, preferably of the exotic kind. There are vibes that GGs can pick up from one another that go way over men's heads sometimes.

And last, back to the concept of not understanding why the wives don't wear all the dressy clothes and the makeup: Valerie said that her wife dresses for work or when they go out. This is normal for most women who are past the "mate seeking" stage of their lives. The priority is on life now: work, the kids, household chores, relaxing, etc. But most importantly, it's because the wives know they are feminine or female without the dresses or the makeup. They don't need the stuff as an enhancement like CDs do. Just as CDs have a hard time understanding why their wives aren't into looking like fashion plates, many wives have a hard time understanding why their CD husbands are so much into it. Hence the exasperation. I mean, the wife probably thinks that her CD husband can and should express femininity without so much focus (or obsession for some) on all the clothes, makeup, and jewelry. If that makes sense.

Yes it makes sense and it's a very good post.

My wife dresses OK when out shopping or on other errands, but no makeup, fancy hairdo, heels, etc. She is a good looking woman and she knows that I know that. Around the house, whatever is comfortable. If we go somewhere special, she dresses better, wears makeup, etc. Never heels, she has foot problems.

I read the posts sometimes where crossdressers go out for a walk around the block or to the park or mall in their miniskirt and 4" heels. A GG wouldn't likely do that, it would be jeans or shorts and sneakers.

[Kelly DeWinter]

So, my wife isn't into skirts, or dresses, high heels, or lingerie, pantyhose, makeup or anything sexy..

Tonight, I asked her for her opinion on a skirt I put on and she says "Go find a girlfriend". Of course I laughed, but I had to ask.. "what do you mean" and she says "you're a girl... you need other girls as friends.. so you can ask them about this shxx you're always asking me.. I'm not into the fashion and makeup shxx like you are"

So, just to be sure, I said "yeah, and like you wouldn't be bothered by me being with other women" and she said "you're a woman.. why would I be upset about you hanging out with other women" "I'd be more worried if you were hanging out with men while you were dressed up"


OK.. so.. how do I find female friends to do girl stuff with?

Lita;

What are we 'chopped liver' ? Post some damn pictures, and ask your questions here so you can keep your marriage togeather. Really girlfriend, I don't know why we put up with you sometimes ? Has that pink lip balm gone to your head ? Ohhh and yes that short skirt you were wearing yesterday ? It's like soooo 80's .

Kelly and 'The Girls'


P.S. Just a little humor

[kimdl93]

Any chance that you could hang with your wife and her friends on occassion?

[Jorja]

Oh dear.

I have to say that Suchacutie and Juligirl are the only ones who get it. lol. Let me give you a bit of insight into a GGs mind (if you're interested).

First, please don't make the mistake of taking your wife literally. I know that it's the sensible thing to do, it's what most husbands do, but in a case like this I really don't think your wife wants you to hang out with other women. I think she's just showing some exasperation over the CDing, since as you say, she dresses for comfort more than fashion and she doesn't get why you're so into the "looks" part of being femme.

Second, Saren suggests finding a gf to shop and do things with just as a friend, but Joni T confirmed the sad truth: wives don't understand the concept of their husbands hanging out with other women very well. Even though you see yourself as a girl when dressed, and activities (shopping, lunch, etc) with another girl wouldn't be sexual for you, you wife still sees you as a male and she may well imagine that as a male, you will have male-like attractions to the other women. Also, the other women you befriend might mistake your friendliness as a come-on. They will certainly be open-minded if they enjoy hanging out with a CD, but there is also the risk that they will also see you primarily as a male and they will enjoy the attention, especially if they are single, or in a bad relationship, or just plain lonely and looking for excitement. They might entirely mistake your intentions as to why you want to hang out with them. And wives understand this, because they are GGs too. I was in that situation with my SO a few years ago. My SO sought GG friends to do things with while dressed, and she thought that a GG she had befriended just wanted to be friends. But, I met this GG (she was gorgeous) and I sensed that she definitely was into collecting men, preferably of the exotic kind. There are vibes that GGs can pick up from one another that go way over men's heads sometimes.

And last, back to the concept of not understanding why the wives don't wear all the dressy clothes and the makeup: Valerie said that her wife dresses for work or when they go out. This is normal for most women who are past the "mate seeking" stage of their lives. The priority is on life now: work, the kids, household chores, relaxing, etc. But most importantly, it's because the wives know they are feminine or female without the dresses or the makeup. They don't need the stuff as an enhancement like CDs do. Just as CDs have a hard time understanding why their wives aren't into looking like fashion plates, many wives have a hard time understanding why their CD husbands are so much into it. Hence the exasperation. I mean, the wife probably thinks that her CD husband can and should express femininity without so much focus (or obsession for some) on all the clothes, makeup, and jewelry. If that makes sense.

Oh Reine, you party pooper!!! You just had to go and ruin the fantasy with your GG mind and knowledge

Thank you Reine for your wonderful insiders view. I think you explained it with complete clarity so anyone could understand. Don't make this mistake LitaKelley or you'll be standing before the judge with your checkbook in hand faster than you can imagine.

[monique01]

Joni, come to Arizona. The gun law now is so good for us citizens that you don't even need a concealed permit to carry concealed!
It is a very gun friendly state. It's like being somewhere that the constitution still is honored.
Monique

[LitaKelley]

...remember you wanted her to wear Real girl clothing right?

I never said that

she doesn't get why you're so into the "looks" part of being femme.

Actually, she does get it. She sees me dressed every day...

Here's how I see it: the wife tolerates to some extent

She more than tolerates it. Things have progressed much further than what it was like awhile back.

Any chance that you could hang with your wife and her friends on occassion?

Hell no. I see her every day.. when she goes out with her friends, it's to get AWAY from me, lol

"I'm irritated and so I'll be flippant or sarcastic."

.. that's exactly right. Sarcasm and flippant is a big part of her personality.

[Anne Elizabeth]

I have to agree with ReineD and Kathrynmartin. I was going to pop in untill I read their remarks. Remember that your wife loves you and probably deep down having a time dealing with the CD issue. I feel that this remark is her way of dealing with the frustration of the whole situation. Love her back and find a different method of afirmation.

[SamanthaS]

I can see where you are very lucky, and very confused Be careful about telling your female co-workers and good luck finding some g-friends, LOL.

[insearchofme]

Maybe she means gurl friends, as in other CDs?

[Roberta Lynn]

.. that's exactly right. Sarcasm and flippant is a big part of her personality.

I wouldn't take her at face value. I see her comments as being Sarcastic, flippant and like others have said she seems irritated.

"Actually, she does get it. She sees me dressed every day... "

Does she see her husband, her 'guy' enough?

[Deborah]

and she said "you're a woman..

Heard that before as well followed by "i'm not a lesbian"

Although when she divorced me she said it had nothing to do with me being a TS/CD i think it had a lot to do with it.

[Dana]

Oh dear.

I have to say that Suchacutie and Juligirl are the only ones who get it. lol. Let me give you a bit of insight into a GGs mind (if you're interested).

First, please don't make the mistake of taking your wife literally. I know that it's the sensible thing to do, it's what most husbands do, but in a case like this I really don't think your wife wants you to hang out with other women. I think she's just showing some exasperation over the CDing, since as you say, she dresses for comfort more than fashion and she doesn't get why you're so into the "looks" part of being femme.

Second, Saren suggests finding a gf to shop and do things with just as a friend, but Joni T confirmed the sad truth: wives don't understand the concept of their husbands hanging out with other women very well. Even though you see yourself as a girl when dressed, and activities (shopping, lunch, etc) with another girl wouldn't be sexual for you, you wife still sees you as a male and she may well imagine that as a male, you will have male-like attractions to the other women. Also, the other women you befriend might mistake your friendliness as a come-on. They will certainly be open-minded if they enjoy hanging out with a CD, but there is also the risk that they will also see you primarily as a male and they will enjoy the attention, especially if they are single, or in a bad relationship, or just plain lonely and looking for excitement. They might entirely mistake your intentions as to why you want to hang out with them. And wives understand this, because they are GGs too. I was in that situation with my SO a few years ago. My SO sought GG friends to do things with while dressed, and she thought that a GG she had befriended just wanted to be friends. But, I met this GG (she was gorgeous) and I sensed that she definitely was into collecting men, preferably of the exotic kind. There are vibes that GGs can pick up from one another that go way over men's heads sometimes.

And last, back to the concept of not understanding why the wives don't wear all the dressy clothes and the makeup: Valerie said that her wife dresses for work or when they go out. This is normal for most women who are past the "mate seeking" stage of their lives. The priority is on life now: work, the kids, household chores, relaxing, etc. But most importantly, it's because the wives know they are feminine or female without the dresses or the makeup. They don't need the stuff as an enhancement like CDs do. Just as CDs have a hard time understanding why their wives aren't into looking like fashion plates, many wives have a hard time understanding why their CD husbands are so much into it. Hence the exasperation. I mean, the wife probably thinks that her CD husband can and should express femininity without so much focus (or obsession for some) on all the clothes, makeup, and jewelry. If that makes sense.

Thank you for your crystal clear honesty and openess!

[busker]

My father used to tell when I was in for it, that I was "cruisin" for a bruisin", and I got a suspician that that is exactly what your wife is telling you here. This is one time that you should definitely avoid your wife's advice. In fact, you might want to pack away your stuff for a while. It sounds as though she is NOT (Reine really has this pegged, I might add) into your particular quirk and may be building up to a "mental cruelty" case. It seems that you have gone from A to Zed in a very short time and even with an understanding and supportive partner, it's been a pretty fast ride. Take care! Listen for the clues along the way.

[TxKimberly]

.. that's exactly right. Sarcasm and flippant is a big part of her personality.

Yeah, mine too! lol

[Kiera79]

Sorry I cannot help you with your questio, but I wanted to comment as my wife is similar to yours.

She does not use skirts, she uses very few make up, never knows what is the current fashion trend, I boughted her sexy stuff she never uses and so on.

Isn´t it frustrating?.

Initially, I started to surf female clothing and underware websites to buy stuff for her ... after seeing so much sexy things I started again my crossdressing (first time was when I was 12 years old, and never crossdressed since 14).

Rachel

I too am in the same boat. My SO is a knockout (too me) but still she rarely puts her face on, or wears sexy things.. I too have purchased nice things for her( I wear it more than she does.) i still love her to the fullest.

[LitaKelley]

In fact, you might want to pack away your stuff for a while. It sounds as though she is NOT into your particular quirk...

To define transgender as a "quirk" is negative IMO as you're implicitly stating that it's odd or strange and not normal. This is no "quirk" as you put it, but a part of ME.. My wife and I interact and communicate with each other on a daily basis, and I can tell you that although she's not into makeup or skirts, ... the dressing I can assure you, is not an issue.

It seems that you have gone from A to Zed in a very short time and even with an understanding and supportive partner, it's been a pretty fast ride. .

Not fast enough IMO... the sooner I get electrolysis and get on HRT the better, and my wife is fully supportive of this.. even encouraging.

I don't understand "gone from A to Zed in a very short time"... Where can I find the A to Z of transgendered and the timeline for these steps to be taken in moderation? What was A and what is Z... because I don't think I'm anywhere close to Z yet.. still have facial hair.. still don't fill and AA cup with my own flesh.. Z is a long way from here.

[ReineD]

Lita, I'm sorry. I just assumed you were a CD since you posted in this part of the forum. Are you a TS beginning transition? You mentioned hormones. When I posted my response earlier, I took it that your wife was annoyed with some of the aspects of the CDing.

Whatever is happening, I'm sorry if there is any discord between you. How does your wife feel about you taking hormones, and is your marriage OK in all other respects, specifically the physical intimacy? I ask this because you said that your wife can be flippant and sarcastic. This is usually an indication that there is unresolved anger underneath it all, and I wonder if the two of you ever do sit down to get to the bottom of things, namely, her feelings about your transition.

None of what I've posted is intended as criticism of what you choose to do for yourself. I was approaching it from the POV of bridging the gap between husband and wife.

[LitaKelley]

Lita, I'm sorry. I just assumed you were a CD since you posted in this part of the forum.

That's how it all started, yes.. as a crossdresser... but since then I've decided that I want to live full time presenting as female. I am happier this way.

Are you a TS beginning transition? You mentioned hormones.

I'm not beginning transition, no.. But I want to.. I'm just waiting til holidays are over then going to a therapist before making any decisions. As for TS.. I did not have any life long gender identification issues.. but of late, I don't like being a guy and I really love being a woman. Only transition I've done is going as close to full time presenting as female as I can get.

When I posted my response earlier, I took it that your wife was annoyed with some of the aspects of the CDing.

You were correct. She does get annoyed.. not because I dress... but because I ask her questions, like on makeup for example and she's not into it and gets annoyed by me asking something she knows little about.. like if it's about foundation, she's annoyed because she's never needed to wear foundation, so don't have the answer for me.

Whatever is happening, I'm sorry if there is any discord between you.

Whatever discord we have from time to time is unrelated to this.. it's other stuff.. like finances, home, etc

How does your wife feel about you taking hormones, and is your marriage OK in all other respects, specifically the physical intimacy? I ask this because you said that your wife can be flippant and sarcastic. This is usually an indication that there is unresolved anger underneath it all, and I wonder if the two of you ever do sit down to get to the bottom of things, namely, her feelings about your transition.

We've discussed alot of things regarding crossdressing, transgender, transition, etc... She supports me and agrees that she's ok with me living full time en femme and we mutually agreed on the various aspects of it.. That she gets her "man" at least once a week and that there'll be nothing sexual while I'm dressed, etc.. neither of us have an interest in anything physical while I am dressed. She's been out with me en femme a few times and isn't uncomfortable with it.. She's even shared this fact about me with several of her friends.. some of whom are very accepting of it, and others which she got upset with for their attitude and she defended me... Her attitude about it, as she told me, is that she don't care what they think. She even posted one of my photos on her facebook, commenting "isn't she gorgeous" and on my own fb where I shared with my friends and family, she's commented on how pretty she thinks I am and that she loves me.

Strangely, we get along MUCH better when I am dressed, because I'm calmer, happier and generally a better person to be around, whereas in drab, I was often tense, moody, wound up, easily aggitated, etc.. .

None of what I've posted is intended as criticism of what you choose to do for yourself. I was approaching it from the POV of bridging the gap between husband and wife.

I understood. You make a very insightful and valid point and I appreciate the thought and effort put into your post as it does make one consider all it is you have to say and it is helpful.


OH.. I almost forgot about sarcastic and flippant, lol.... She's ALWAYS like that, lol.. ever since I've known her.. Matter of fact, that's how we met.. We were both taxi drivers.. for competing companies... and she got into an argument with me over a parking spot at the taxi stand.. and WOW.. what a MOUTH on her.. and I thought to my self.. "what a f&@%^ing BITCH".... but she was HOT, lol... we started dating a few days later.. been 13yrs together as of last month.

[ReineD]

She supports me and agrees that she's ok with me living full time en femme and we mutually agreed on the various aspects of it.. That she gets her "man" at least once a week and that there'll be nothing sexual while I'm dressed, etc.. neither of us have an interest in anything physical while I am dressed.

That's great news, but one thing concerns me. If she supports you being a woman, then how can she demand that you be a guy once per week, and always sexually? I just wonder if she does see you fundamentally as the woman you are increasingly feeling that you are.

Also, even though your wife is not into the makeup or fashion for herself, if she does support your wish to transition, wouldn't she understand that you need these props for now (good makeup applications, fashions that enhance your femininity) until your skin and body change through HRT, and she would be understanding of your need to learn these things? One poster suggested earlier that maybe your wife was suggesting you learn how to do this from professionals, such as having a makeover at a MAC counter. This might be a better idea than developing friendships with other GGs who are into makeup. As to the fashion, you could begin to go to one or two clothing stores more often and develop a good customer relationship with an understanding SA, who might have a better fashion sense than you do right now or your wife.

Just a suggestion.

One last thing. It doesn't take all that long to learn what fashions are best for a body type, and how to apply makeup convincingly, once a person sets out to do this. I'm just wondering if you've learned just about all you can about the makeup, but now you want to share your interest with someone who is equally interested (which is more a type of emotional bonding), and your wife is annoyed that the two of you don't share the same interests?

I guess you could compare it to your wife being very much into quilting for example, and frequently wanting to talk about the combinations of fabrics, patterns, threads, and all the new designs she's working on, together with having discovered this new technique, or that new sewing machine, with you having no interest in it at all. If your wife was as much into doing this as you are into being feminine, would you feel as if you were going down different paths if she wanted to spend much of her free time with others who share her hobby, instead of allocating time for her hobby, but also wanting to spend time with you doing things that you both like?

I don't know what the balance is between the two of you, but this is something you might want to think about.

[LitaKelley]

That's great news, but one thing concerns me. If she supports you being a woman, then how can she demand that you be a guy once per week, and always sexually? I just wonder if she does see you fundamentally as the woman you are increasingly feeling that you are.

Not a demand really.. It was mutually agreed upon.. we don't even have sex once a week.... unfortunately.... it's just something we agreed to do.. it used to be twice a week.. we make adjustments accordingly.. been doing things slowly.. before that it was 3x per week.. just making the transition into full time a gradual one... we agreed upon 24/7 after New Years Day.. But the 6days a week en femme I got right now is good..

Also, even though your wife is not into the makeup or fashion for herself, if she does support your wish to transition, wouldn't she understand that you need these props for now (good makeup applications, fashions that enhance your femininity) until your skin and body change through HRT, and she would be understanding of your need to learn these things?

She does understand my need.. she just thinks I should have female friends..

One poster suggested earlier that maybe your wife was suggesting you learn how to do this from professionals, such as having a makeover at a MAC counter. This might be a better idea than developing friendships with other GGs who are into makeup. As to the fashion, you could begin to go to one or two clothing stores more often and develop a good customer relationship with an understanding SA, who might have a better fashion sense than you do right now or your wife.

Going to a MAC counter is a good idea, and someday I will do just that.. as for fashion advice, I'm not particularly concerned about it. As for having GG friends, I'd LOVE to go out with other women and do stuff.. There's just stuff I like, or would like to do, that my wife don't like or don't want to do.... so, having GG friends to do stuff with would make me feel better, probably look better too..... I still have my guy friends, but only a few know about me as I am now, and well, they're not gonna go out and get their nails done, or come with me to Victoria's Secret, or hang out with women doing whatever... Naturally they'd do guy stuff, but then I have to be concerned with making them look "gay" if I'm clocked/read lol Those that don't know are distant, ones I haven't seen in a long time.. My closest and best all know, and they're all ok with it and they're waiting to meet my en femme self.. I haven't been out with them yet en femme.. they only saw pics.

I'm just wondering if you've learned just about all you can about the makeup, but now you want to share your interest with someone who is equally interested (which is more a type of emotional bonding), and your wife is annoyed that the two of you don't share the same interests?

Perhaps you're right..but there's many other things we do share in common.. I just threw the makeup, dresses and skirts thing out there for context on how this topic was brought up, because I asked her something about the skirt I had on and she made the comment... She don't wear skirts, and so.. this skirt I have.. it has a liner, and the liner has a thread attached to it attaching it to the skirt, so I asked her if it was supposed to be like that or if I should cut it, and that's what started it.

[ReineD]

She don't wear skirts, and so.. this skirt I have.. it has a liner, and the liner has a thread attached to it attaching it to the skirt, so I asked her if it was supposed to be like that or if I should cut it, and that's what started it.

Keep the thread on. It's there to prevent the liner from twisting around when you sit down.

As to the rest of your post, I'm prepared to eat my words. Your wife is a rare one, but if she's cool with you going out and doing things with other women, then you've got a gem! Just be sure to check in with her frequently though, to make sure that she really is supportive of this, and not saying it to mask deeper, more insecure thoughts.

[Leslie Langford]

She does not use skirts, she uses very few make up, never knows what is the current fashion trend, I boughted her sexy stuff she never uses and so on.

Isn't it frustrating?..Rachel

...that youth is wasted on the young, I share your frustration and sometimes think that femininity is wasted on some women who don't seem to fully appreciate their God-given assets .