I think my sister is trying to 'cure' my crossdressing

[Jill]

Recent trips to our local tri-ess meetings lately had made been making me a bit envious. Members in our group have brought spouses, friends and siblings. I had decided to approach the topic with my youngest sister who is just above me in age. Years ago the cat came out of the bag a bit with my family and at the time I had a good, honest talk about it with my sister. We hadn't talked about it since that time but I decided to bring it up again because I have wanted to be more open about it and have some accepting people in my life.

A couple months ago I brought it up with her and we talked about it again and even though it was a bit awkward it was a pretty good talk. My sister is kind of a naturalist, she's always taking supplements for things, using non-traditional means to heal and cure herself. She reads a lot of books about symptomology and natural cures. When I talked to her about my crossdressing a couple of months ago she said something about she thought that it was probably a symptom of something, like homosexuality. I assured her that I was totally straight and had no desire to be with a man and we moved on.

Okay fast forward to Christmas morning (yesterday). Her gifts included things that you eat and drink out of that are made of glass. There was glass tupperware and glass dishes. She then proceeded to say something about how plastic is petroleum based which increases your levels of estrogen and can have negative affects on your mind and body. Later, she asked if I had health insurance and insisted that I go see a hormone doctor to get my hormone levels balanced out because it would help improve my sleep and other things.

I'm now convinced that I have not made an ally, I've only gotten someone who is trying to cure me and get rid of crossdressing. It's kind of a bummer and I'm not very happy about it. Oh well, at least I tried...

[PretzelGirl]

I am sorry to hear that it doesn't seem to be working out the way you were hoping for. There are things to take away from this though.

1. She is showing that she cares about you, however misguided her actions yesterday may be.
2. You talked with her and she isn't openly freaking out (I say that from the perspective that she isn't running around the family gossiping).
3. Your relationship is intact; she isn't "cutting you out". Some have had this happen and it is always a scary thought.

So I would say now that outside of you noticing a change it her, maybe it is time to let the waters calm. It stinks, I know, and I wish we could have met her. But there is time for her to reconsider or for you to meet an accepting friend. Patience is a virtue they say (I don't know, can't sit down long enough to think about it).

[Karren H]

Too bad she didn't try to cure you like my parents tried when the found my brother smoking. Having to smoke the whole pack! Lol.

[Joann Smith]

Thats cool let her try and cure you ...make a deal with her ...tell her you will try her cures ....if she tries your cure and that is to learn a little more about crossdressing ...what it is and what it aint....


Joann

[Jilmac]

I have told the people I've come out to that the cure will come when dirt is being shoveled over my casket, maybe it'll work for you if you tell your sister.

[Diane Smith]

To look on the bright side, it certainly couldn't hurt you to avoid plastics and get your blood checked. I would thank her for her sincere concern and then look elsewhere for someone to share more deeply with.

- Diane

[Sarah Doepner]

I agree with the others here that it's not all negative, but I understand your point of view as well. It would be nice to have a family member who is really on your side and ready to support you if anyone else discovers your crossdressing and is negative about it. In the meantime continue on showing her you appreciate her concern for your health while teaching her that it isn't a cure you are interested in. And if you can avoid having her meet others who believe in the disease model, that might be a good idea as well.

[melissaK]

I am sorry to hear your sister hasn't become that completely accepting person you want in your life. I don't know you or your family dynamics but here's some ideas to kick around.

Maybe an older sister would be a better chance? If you were the baby brother one of the older ones who might have been in a care-giver role toward you, like a Mom, might be more readily willing to accept you with that unconditional love moms often display.

The sister close to your own age seems more likely to be used to helping you solve problems you found together in life because she was just a bit older. She had a teacher position, not a caregiver role. In which case the tables are turned now - you have had decades to come to understand crossdressing and trans feelings (we mostly all tried to find a cure even if it was sheer willpower, before we learned to accept it) and she has not had the same amount of time to understand it. This is not her normal position in your relationship. She just may need more time. So, I share the sentiment expressed by some others that if you stay the course, direct her education some, keep some dialog going, she may accept you yet.

hugs,
'lissa

[Shelly Preston]

I am sorry to hear your sister thinks she can cure you

She obviously thinks she is helping how ever misguided

I think you could let her know you have looked at this option and no one has found a cure yet

Why not tell her you dont need curing as your hormone levels are just fine

She may be more understanding whey she finds there is nothing she can do to cure you

[Jenny Gurl]

If you get your blood work done and it comes back normal, will she accept that you are born with your brain this way and it is not some temporary external force like your diet? She sounds like she genuinely wants to help, but is convinced it is a temporary defect causing it. Maybe if she is shown the truth she might be able to understand after a little time to learn about you. The next time she brings up a cure let her gently know that you have researched it in depth and the bottom line is you are born this way, and this is the way you will die. Everything in between is how you deal with it.

[Veronica Lacey]

Hi Jill...

From your post it sounds as if a promising possibility has fallen flat except...you do not come out and say "she said she is trying to cure me" but voiced your suspicion, saying you were convinced.

Did your sister actually say she is trying to cure your crossdressing or have you drawn this conclusion from what you know of your sister and the circumstances? This is not a challenge to what you have written, not at all. It would simply be an unfortunate turn if you came to an incorrect conclusion. Maybe you blow off her intentions as trying to cure you, wait several more years to bring it up again and she says "Whatever happened to going to those meetings? I was simply concerned for your health as I am for my own!" and it was all a misunderstanding.

Just want to ensure you have not discarded an "ally" as you say based on a misread. Maybe another good chat with her is in order?

Either way I hope things continue to work out for you.

Veronica

[Jill Devine]

*sigh*
I know how you feel Jill. It's so tough when people try and find a cure. Yes they have good intentions but it's the outcome that counts. And trying to change another person often has a negative outcome (regardless of the intent).

And it still bugs me why people confuse CDs with homosexuality. Look, there's nothing wrong with being gay. But there's little correlation between the 2 topics. Most gay people do not cross dress: simple fact but not understood. As for hormone levels - testosterone has little to no impact on sexual orientation or fashion choice.

Be patient with her but stand your ground and speak up. Tell her how you feel and put the ball in her court.

[Rachel Morley]

Thats cool let her try and cure you ...make a deal with her ...tell her you will try her cures ....if she tries your cure and that is to learn a little more about crossdressing ...what it is and what it aint...

I agree with Joann and also with Jenny Gurl. I say take her tests, follow her advice (we all know what the outcome will be) but in return she has to listen to your side of things, how you feel, what it means to you etc. Perhaps you could even educate her on some of the more common theories of why .... like for example, the "transsexual gene link" and the "hormone wash theory". Just an idea

[Roberta Marie]

If you get your blood work done and it comes back normal, will she accept that you are born with your brain this way and it is not some temporary external force like your diet? She sounds like she genuinely wants to help, but is convinced it is a temporary defect causing it. Maybe if she is shown the truth she might be able to understand after a little time to learn about you. The next time she brings up a cure let her gently know that you have researched it in depth and the bottom line is you are born this way, and this is the way you will die. Everything in between is how you deal with it.

Also, if you do a little research, you will be able to point out to her that there were crossdressers around long before we were storing our food in plastic containers, long before there were so many chemicals and petroleum products, and long before there was synthetic estrogen or chemicals that mimick estrogen.

Grace,
Bobbi

[sterling12]

Be grateful that so far, she hasn't tried to mess with your mind! I've seen plenty of Family Members try that ploy, and it causes ill-will, hurt feelings, and can lead to total dysfunction. If The Worst stuff she tries is glass cooking utensils, and a visit to The Endocrinologist, then you are not doing too bad. While your in The Doc's Office, I would ask if possibly I needed to INCREASE my levels of estrogen. You do have The Advantage of Doctor/Patient Confidentiality! Unless Doc wants a Lawsuit, he won't be sharing anything with your Sister. I would make that very clear to him from The Beginning!

But, perhaps you need to "nip it in The Bud." Stop this stuff before it gets out of hand, and she escalates. If Candid Conversation doesn't work, maybe you can invite her to a Tri-Ess Meeting? Often in these Groups, you get an attitude from The S.O.'s that has a very positive outlook that can change dubious minds.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jill]

Thank you Sue, you're right and make some good points. I typed that post in a bit of a hurry this morning which didn't allow me the time to discuss the inevitable dynamics of family. My family isn't a particularly tight knit group and I've had a lot of ups and downs with all three of my sisters. This particular one has spent time being both one of my best friends and one of my worst enemies, both recently.
In other words, when I talk about the things that she does it brings up past issues of her pushing her own agendas and approaching me as though I'm just a stupid kid. Anyway, I do have an update, she and I had a good talk today.
After I posted this morning, I ran off to see my sister and my parents for awhile, get in some post Christmas family time. My dad has kidney failure and he and my mom had to leave around 10 AM to take him to his dialysis treatment. After they left, my sister and I were able to talk for about an hour and a half. We discussed a variety of topics about our lives and crossdressing was included in that. It was a bit awkward at first, she acted strange when we talked about it initially but it became less so as the conversation continued. She asked questions and I explained some things to her. Though we didn't talk about the possibly of her trying to 'cure' me, I still believe that was part of her motivation behind the Christmas gifts.
The good news is that she said that she loves me and accepts me and it's okay for us to talk about it. She said that it would be strange for her to see me dressed and even shop with me for girl clothes but was sure that she could get used to it. She also said that she would still like to come to a Tri-ess meeting but since she lives a long ways away we don't know when that might happen.
It was a very good talk and I'm glad we had it, I feel much better about it now then I did this morning.

[Joann CD/NJ]

Sisters are cool........... I have one, a good friend and wonderful mom to my nieces. I do not think that we will ever share any crossdressing issues though, as I'm pretty sure it would ruin all of our relationship also within a not so close family. For now, Joann will stay close to home and only become visable to her should the opportunity present itself. Joann CD/NJ

[PretzelGirl]

The good news is that she said that she loves me and accepts me and it's okay for us to talk about it. She said that it would be strange for her to see me dressed and even shop with me for girl clothes but was sure that she could get used to it. She also said that she would still like to come to a Tri-ess meeting but since she lives a long ways away we don't know when that might happen.
It was a very good talk and I'm glad we had it, I feel much better about it now then I did this morning.

Excellent! Even if she is unable to come, the sky is clearer and you do in fact have someone to talk to. I hope the feeling stays and everything continues to work well. And if she does need someone that isn't a CD to talk to, I know someone who might be willing and isn't a spouse (that is a different perspective I would think).

[TxKimberly]

I honestly dunno. I know my wife has a touch of that "naturalist" in her too and she HATES plastic type dishes because of the petroleum base. She wont by anything in plastic bottles and sure as hell wont store her food in anything plastic.

[Kate Lynn]

I have told the people I've come out to that the cure will come when dirt is being shoveled over my casket, maybe it'll work for you if you tell your sister.

My sentiments exactly

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Jill,

I am glad that you had a good talk with her. Talking is always the best when honest but delivered nicely. I did notice an apparent contradiction.

If your sister is a "naturalist" then why would she trust a doctor's hormone test?

[Christinedreamer]

too bad that so many think that secondary petroleum products are only found in objects like plastics etc. Pet. components are in medicine, makeup hair products, foodstuffs, clothing, virtually everything to handle has a pet. product as a component.

One thing the a good endocrine panel should look for is the testosterone levels as well as the multiple parts of progesterone, estrogen, estradiol and numerous others. As genetic males age the testosterone levels can drop dramatically and in the male body, testosterone metabolizes into estradiol and other androgen based hormones hormones. These chemical changes affect all sorts of physical changes and systems of the body as well as emotional and even intellectual sharpness/acuity can be negatively affected in varying degrees.

[Tanya C]

It sounds to me that there is still a great potential for developing an alliance with your sister. Unfortunately, she has the mistaken belief that crossdressing is some sort of pathology. To the contrary, the true affliction is her misconception that being TG is a problem that must be rectified.
Education is the best "cure" for this type of misunderstanding, and as her loved one you're in a great position to help correct her misunderstanding. She sounds very loving and caring and want's the best for you. I think she'll be very receptive to learning more about cding. Have you thought about turning her on to this site?

[jjjjohanne]

Well, if you try her cures and they work, please come back and tell us! Some of us would want to pursue it too, and some of us would want to know what to avoid doing!

Joey

[Christy_M]

Too bad she didn't try to cure you like my parents tried when the found my brother smoking. Having to smoke the whole pack! Lol.

...so what would be "the whole pack?"

It does sound like she cares and is trying to attribute it to something, albeit unrealistic. Her learning more will help you both in the future.