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Thread: Careful what you wish for:

  1. #1
    Been there, done that!
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    Careful what you wish for:

    So, I finally met someone who accepts me as I am. A crossdresser most of my life, very small in the male parts dept. At first she was accepting even helpful. I felt fantastic! She started to tell me what to wear. I'm still OK w/that. Then she took me to a party w/her friends from work. A little teasing but it was fun right? Wrong. Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member
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    I would think if I found someone that would be understanding that I enjoy dressing as a woman, I think I could handle being told what to wear as a woman. I would like to have my male identity disappear at times.

  3. #3
    Just gotta be me!! kaitlin's Avatar
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    My reply is and would be "Yes mistress, how may I serve you?" If she wants me to be her fem toy I'd just go with it!!! But that's just me!
    I love Jesus!
    Life is so much better now that I know who I am !

  4. #4
    Senior Member charlie's Avatar
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    If this road is making you uncomfortable just get off it!
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  5. #5
    Aussie girl Tasha McIntyre's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.
    Jeanne, your male identity can only go if you let it go.

    You might want to establish some ground rules here, something like ..... when you are crossdressing you welcome input from your patrner to help (not dictate) what you wear. When presenting male you decide what to wear without assistance.

    Good luck.

    Tash

  6. #6
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    You didn't say how you feel about her becoming more dominant? Is that ok in addition to her being more demanding what you wear?

  7. #7
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    Hmmm kinda what I would wish for but my so would be male so probably easier to be dominated being his wife

  8. #8
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Jeanne, you are now effectively in a D/S (Dominant / Submissive) relationship. If you are not happy with that situation, then you need to stop being submissive in areas where you do not wish to be submissive. If you find that you cannot do bring yourself to assert yourself or (especially) if she refuses to allow you the balance that you need, then you need to get out of the relationship.

    With what you wrote above, we cannot tell how the extent to which you have let her know that you are unhappy about the situation, and the extent to which she has understood your protests as being real rather than being "part of the act". I'm not In The Lifestyle myself, but my understanding is that protests by the subs are frequently an important part of the relationship, as being overridden on them gives the subs a comforting feeling of being controlled. Arbitrary rules made up to have something for the subs to harmlessly disobey on and get the control and "punishment" that they crave. If you have protested but your SO feels that the protests are not "real" or feels that what you really want is to be controlled, then you aren't going to get very far.

    You do not have to be an official "slave" and you do not have to have an official discussion of roles in order to find yourself in a D/S situation: some people take to it naturally, and some dominants are simply "users" who enjoy the power more than they care what their partner wants.

    20-ish years ago, I found myself in a situation in which my then- girlfriend was quite controlling. She was not exercising power for the sake of power, and she was not treating me as a submissive, but in any topic of importance to her, she wanted things done her way. For example, she used to complain if I had some coins in my pocket or if my jacket zipper dangle was hanging loose, saying that her ears were very sensitive and the jangle of the coins or the jangle of the zipper really bothered her. Or one time when I explained a scientific principle to her, her response was "That's stupid!", implying I didn't have a clue what I was talking about (I have a science degree; she had no science background.)

    I found with her that I was often "off-balance", feeling like I was defending myself or deliberately having to avoid doing normal things in order to keep from accidentally encountering one of her boundaries. I didn't feel that I could "be myself". It bothered me enough that when I had a ready-made excuse to leave the situation, I did so instead of doing some minor paperwork that would have allowed me to stay longer. I needed to go home and get my feet back on the ground and rebalance myself so that I could deal with her as an equal. My departing then had the side-effect of triggering the breakup of the relationship (in time), which is not what I had aimed to do but was what I was prepared to live with: I could not have remained and yet stayed true to myself.

    From the distance of time, I can see that getting out of her dominance was the Right Thing To Do. There are a number of areas I am willing to compromise on, or just Don't Care about, but everyone needs to feel secure in themselves.

  9. #9
    Bridget Elaine lil red's Avatar
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    I would say that would be exactly what I want, however I wouldn't know until it happened!
    Just LOVE being censored! Why have a forum if you can't speak your mind!
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  10. #10
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    So, I finally met someone who accepts me as I am. A crossdresser most of my life, Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.
    You don't say whether you are enjoying this or not.

    If you aren't, then why don't you set some boundaries with her, and prepare to walk from the relationship if she continues to ignore your feelings?
    Reine

  11. #11
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    So, I finally met someone who accepts me as I am. A crossdresser most of my life, very small in the male parts dept. At first she was accepting even helpful. I felt fantastic! She started to tell me what to wear. I'm still OK w/that. Then she took me to a party w/her friends from work. A little teasing but it was fun right? Wrong. Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.
    I'm really confused, you are a PERSON first and formost, as a PERSON you should be accorded with respect, It's up to you if you allow someone to disrespect you in front of others. Unless you LIKE to be humiliated in fron of others ? So whats the deal ? Is it worth giving up your self respect just to be a crossdressers ? If you read though the posts on here, you will find a lot of people who have found and are in relationships with someone that won't belittle them in front of others. Are you going to talk to her and make some boundries in your relationship ?
    Kelly DeWinter
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  12. #12
    ~ M2F Lezzie ~ Annaliese2010's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    So, I finally met someone who accepts me as I am. A crossdresser most of my life, very small in the male parts dept. At first she was accepting even helpful. I felt fantastic! She started to tell me what to wear. I'm still OK w/that. Then she took me to a party w/her friends from work. A little teasing but it was fun right? Wrong. Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.
    Humble nothin...that sounds like heaven to me! She got a sister? Lol...

  13. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    So, I finally met someone who accepts me as I am. A crossdresser most of my life, very small in the male parts dept. At first she was accepting even helpful. I felt fantastic! She started to tell me what to wear. I'm still OK w/that. Then she took me to a party w/her friends from work. A little teasing but it was fun right? Wrong. Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.
    Sounds like you got a wife ....LOL!

    Joann

  14. #14
    Fearfully MTF Steph.TS's Avatar
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    I'm pretty submissive, but my submission is an act of trust, if it was me being treated with disrespect, I'd try to put distance between me and her, if she was teasing you with her friends about your crossdressing, then I'd suspect that she doesn't really accept your crossdressing, but instead enjoys the power she gets from you and your crossdressing.

    I don't know you and I don't know her so I can only go with what you said and what I'm thinking.

  15. #15
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Interesting. I see that it is the fantasy for many people here to be in that relationship. However if the shoe was on the other foot, it is not considered an abusive situation (at least here in the US) and self respecting woman would allow it.

    But I think the point is that it all sounds good until someone gets an eye put out. Many here say they would love that situation, being totally under someone's control, but you would find in most cases it gets old and you start to resent it. You really have to be a total submissive person to be under this 24/7. You get angry and you get irritated. Almost every relationship has one person who has the stronger personality, usually this will mesh with the other person and things work, but in many other cases it becomes a point of contention...irreconcilable differences is what they put on the papers. It sounds to me like the OP is getting to the edge of this. As stated above, it is now that you should discuss how you feel so that adjustments can be made to suit both of you. Otherwise, before you know it you will be angry and snippy and she will push back and soon, no one is happy.

    So if you like being controlled but not totally, it is time to say that. It sounds like you have come to a point where you are not happy. If that isn't the case are you bragging to the subs on these boards?
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JEANNE63 View Post
    She started to tell me what to wear. I'm still OK w/that. Then she took me to a party w/her friends from work. A little teasing but it was fun right? Wrong. Now she gets a little demanding and I don't know what to do. My male identity is gone. She tells me what to do , how to dress, I am humble.

    I think if I tried to tell my wife what to wear her response would be about the same as mine would be if she tried to tell me what clothes to wear, "I love you Dear, but I'm a big girl, and I can choose my own clothes, thank you!"

    A relationship should be built on mutual respect and trust.

    Just my opinion.

    Bobbi

  17. #17
    Been there, done that!
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    Jen, my submission started as an act of trust but quickly grew out of my control. Except for work, I am no longer allowed to present male. I've had gender issues all my life. As I said I am very small in the parts dept., she uses this quite effectively. I get plenty of coments about how cute I look, some sincere, some maybe not so much from her male friends. But I do love her. I don't know if I can live w/o her.

  18. #18
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    Jeanne, who defines you?.....your GF, or you?
    What do you really want to be?
    That's great that you have an accepting partner. Just look at life from her perspective.
    One's person's fantasy is not necessarily another's.

    I love angel food cake.
    Fortunately I love apple pie enough that if I could never eat angel food cake a day in my life , I would not miss it.
    We humans are adaptable like that. So is every other living creature on earth.

  19. #19
    Been there, done that!
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    Lost

    I've lost my identity. Whatever small part of male that was left in me may be gone. She came with me to get my Brazillion. She is right, I'm so close to being a girl (down there) I have next to nothing. My panties make me look completely feminine. You could not tell by looking at me that I was once male. I've had no surguries, I'm just that small. My face is the only tell, and she sees to it my makeup is done the way she likes it. I'm like some boy/girl toy to her. Please, be careful what you ask for.

  20. #20
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    Just because you like to dress feminine doesn't mean you have to be submissive or humiliated. Some genetic women are submissive, but many are not. Why should you be, if that's not who you are? You may love her, or think you do, but it sounds as if you might need to distance yourself for your own sanity.

  21. #21
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Sounds like a bit of wish-fulfillment/fantasy going on here. Parts is parts - no matter how small, it's what was issued. If your will is as small as your "parts" then it looks like you're stuck. Basically, I smell fish.

    Kathi

  22. #22
    the happy camper
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    I think our collective leg is being pulled.

    And I, for one, am not amused.

  23. #23
    Senior Member Presh GG's Avatar
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    I agree with Kathy and Sophie, pure silly fantasy
    Mods ?

  24. #24
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    I to find this a little questionable. Sounds like someone wants a dominatrix bdsm fetish or is really, really bored. More like someone got into your account which hasn't used in over a year.

    I do believe this is account hax
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  25. #25
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    If the OP is enjoying a bit of fantasy, he's been called on it several times. If not, he has a thread full of people telling him to set boundaries or get out of the relationship.

    If he doesn't want to take the advice, that's his business.

    On that note, I think that everything that can possibly be said to help him has been said, so I'm locking this thread.

    To the OP: do take the time to read all the advice again if you want to get out of this relationship, or perhaps get some personal counseling if you cannot do this on your own.
    Last edited by ReineD; 12-29-2010 at 01:35 AM.
    Reine

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