stop talking start walking

[jerri kelly]

it seems to me that most sisters on this site have a love of dressing. that is a good start. that is a sign that there is a girl inside you that at least wants to be outwardly expressed. the second phase is another person actually seeing you dressed. this is most likely still experianced indoors, with someone you know well. this is a good confidance builder but still way short of the ultimate experiance of going out dressed.the first time going out dressed is hard. you might need a couple of drinks but sisters please dont drink and drive.each suceding time you go out dressed gets easier.the altimate pleasure of going out dressed is well worth the effort.the more of us girls that are seen in public can someday make ower life style more tollerant to the general public. so sisters stop talking and start walking! luv xxxxx to all sisters. jerri kelly.

[Shelly Preston]

While I ageee it must be intoxicating to go out dressed.
It is not everyone who has that luxury.
Some of out sisters are unable to go out for different reasons.

I would like to think we would all be able go out and not have a bad experience or dissappionting consequences

So I would say go out if you can do so safely.

[Natalie x]

Hi, Jerri, this topic has been a source of discussion off and on here for some time.

I am one of the fortunate ones who's circumstances allow them to get out occasionally. I love it, it's such a buzz. But, for many of our sisters, it's just not an option. Family, work and social factors mean that some girls can never be seen outside their homes. Sometimes, they cannot even be seen dressed IN their homes, by wives or family who cannot accept having a crossdresser in the house. There are a lot of neighbourhoods where it would be dangerous to walk out the door dressed as a woman.

There are also a lot of crossdressers who don't want to get dressed up to go out. For some of our members, just wearing a few things in secret is all they desire.

We are such a diverse bunch that no single activity will ever be right for more than just a percentage of us.

For those who want to go out, and haven't done it yet, I would say "do it when you are ready; don't feel pressured into it; plan and prepare carefully; choose somewhere safe; and be prepared for one of the most exiting experiences of your life!"

[Karri M]

Hi all,

I hear you, Jerri. While I understand what you're saying, I don't agree that going out is the "ultimate" experience for everyone. Take me, for example; the ultimate experience is the satisfaction of knowing that people know I'm gender-variant, even if they've never seen me dressed.

Although I have gone out en femme (usually at night, but in the daytime, as well), I have no strong desire to do so with another "sister" or group of "sisters." All my life, I've been struggling against the kind of groupthink that inevitably leads to a harmful "us vs. them" mentality (that is, so-called "normal" people vs. transgender individuals) and I don't see why I should engage in the same kind of behaviour from within our community. I don't want to live in a ghetto and a ghetto is what you get when you hang out only with people like yourself.

I know all the good arguments for why we should hang out with our "sisters" (and they are good arguments); for friendship and companionship, for support and a sense of community, for safety in numbers (as someone who's been assaulted by three men while I was out en femme, this last one is particularly appealing to me). But I don't think these things lead to an increased visibility as much as does hanging out with non-gender-variant people. You want to increase understanding and tolerance? Rather than socialize or fraternize (no pun intended) just with your own kind, hang out with people for whom what we do and who we are is still a mystery. Don't get me wrong, Jerri; I know the two aren't mutually exclusive. But there's a strong pull, once you're part of an "in" group, to remain safely ensconced within that group. That's precisely what I don't want to do.

This is not snobbishness, by the way. Far from it. I've gained much pleasure and a much greater understanding of myself by exchanging with other gender-variant folks--even if only online (and I like to think that this is a two-way street). But the greatest pleasure I've gained comes from my having been accepted for who I am by people outside the transgender community; my friends, my SO's, my colleagues, and, with the exception of my old-fashioned father, my family.

Like I mentioned in our PM exchange yesterday, Jerri, some of my GG co-workers are hounding me to step into my dancing heels and go hang out with them. The only reason I'm hesitating right now is that I'm not entirely comfortable with the thought of mixing my private friendships with my workplace friendships (well, that, and the fact that I don't dance, I guess :refuse: ). Still, I have no doubt that it will happen one day.

Another thing. I'm definitely not ready to get together with other men I've met through online forums who might (I do say "might") be doing what they do for purely sexual reasons. I'm not denying that there is a sexual aspect to my own crossdressing; I'm just saying I'm not willing to share my sexuality with another man. Crossdresser or not, transgender or not, I'm heterosexual and therefore much more comfortable in the company of women. No offense to men (nor, specifically, to bi or gay men) but it's just not my bag.

So, to sum up, for me the ultimate thrill is to be "out"--not "out" in the sense of painting the town red while dressed as a woman but, rather, "out" in the Queer sense of not hiding from others my true psychological and emotional colours.

In the end, though, to each his (and her) own, I guess.

Love,
CJ

[Vallari]

I'm all for going out en femme and getting us more visible to everyone else, however I understand that not everyone can do this. As painful as it may seem to feel trapped in your own residence, it's not worth having the $hit beat out of you or worse, simply because you were in the bad side of a city or in some narrow-minded hick town.

Use common sense and plan ahead for the most likely setbacks and go to the safer places. A good example - use the restroom in your house before leaving and having to use the facility at a restaraunt, unless you know for sure things will be ok. An emergency change of male garb is also ideal.

But yes, get out there, be heard, be seen, and have fun. Just do it safely and don't be niave.

[DeniseNY]

I know I don't speak for all our sisters when I say this, but here goes:
If you go out and find just the right outfit, the perfect shoes to match it, and have yourself made up nice and look like a pretty little girl, if you didn't go out and enjoy yourself out on the town, did you really get dressed at all? To me, it's like that tree falling in the forest thing - did it really make a sound? I understand there are various reasons that many girls cannot or will not ever go out in public - ranging from threats of physical violence, disapproval from wives, parents, children, etc., and maybe even just not having desire to do it. You all are still my sisters and I still love you all, But for me, it's not the same until you have gone out in public and been treated like a real woman by men and women alike... and lived to tell the tale(s)

I can't wait for the day that I can do it more often and for longer periods.

[JocelynG]

I agree with you jerri about going out being the ultimate experience. However it isn't as easy as it sounds. My heart still beats fast when I come in proximity of a person while I am out in public. But some of us can be hurt emotionally or physically if we go out where we are at. I agree with Shelly that if it is safe and controlled then go for it

[jerri kelly]

i never said it was easy i did say it gets easier with effort keep trying and be safe

[Vaerise]

Well I would love to but I cant pass and I cant handle the consequences, so I dont think i am going to try. But props to those who had the courage to