Stopping?

[Starla]

Getting in late with my two cents...

There is nothing wrong with taking a break from CDing -- it's healthy, and helps you get your bearings. In my own case, I wish I had pulled over to the side of the road and taken a reflective break more often, and perhaps I wouldn't have driven down the wrong highway for as long as I did, and I might still be an active CDer.

If you do stop, or take a break, make sure it's not from guilt, because there is no reason to feel that way. But if things are just getting a bit too intense, or confusing, feel free to step away from the skirts for a time.

As far as stopping completely, while I agree that there is some validity to the "once a CDer, always a CDer" theory, there are some people who do it for a time, then walk away from it. I haven't dressed in over a decade, largely because of burnout (or "girlout") from having unwisely attempted to transition when I had no business doing so, but also due to economic, residential, health and personal factors that make the notion rather problematic. Do I still consider myself a crossdresser? Yes, I do. Will I ever dress again? Maybe, given the right combination of situational factors. I have a mixture of both fond and remorseful memories of my "Pink Period," but I do not have the urge currently to don any feminine finery.

In your case, walk away for a time if you feel the need to do so, but be open to the urge reasserting itself.

[k lynn]

All I can say is good luck wish you the best

[kendallsan]

I feel bad for you, Ikthys. It feels like you want to stop for all the wrong reasons. None of them seem to genuinely be because YOU want to stop. They all seem to be external. Your wife, your religious feelings, what you feel society thinks about you - nothing about YOUR feelings on dressing, which you seem to enjoy. It all seems rationalized to external influences. I'm not saying those external things aren't important, just that you don't seem to have taken your own feelings into account.

I also noticed that you tend to disassociate yourself from the subject - you write very distantly, as though you are on the outside of your own life looking in. It's like you want to be objective and merely comment on your life as though it is someone else's life, rather than really experience your own. It made me very sad for you. I fear you are not allowing yourself to feel anything in order to avoid facing your true feelings.

However, since you are clearly in some pain over this, my suggestion is that you look at this as you would any other behavior you want to change. Frankly, the only thing that has really ever shown any efficacy in the long run is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. It's a long-term process and can take years and you have to do the work - it's not easy. But if you do the work and have a good therapist it's possible. I have had success using CBT with a crippling phobia, and I know people who have had success with quitting smoking through CBT. There are tons of other examples. Something to consider, and just my two cents.

The argument that crossdressers are born this way, so you should just embrace it and feel free to be who you want - I find that to be a double-edged sword. What else can you argue that about? People are born gay, or pedophiles, or serial killers, or artists. Of those four choices, only two are acceptable in my opinion. Just because you are born a certain way does not necessarily mean it's good or that you should accept it in yourself. I was born with a predisposition to be fat - I fight that every day and no one sees anything wrong with that.

If you truly want to change, Ikthys, you probably can. But unless it's something you truly want, and want for yourself, it's unlikely you will succeed. There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser, but you seem to have convinced yourself, through multiple external influences, that it is very wrong. These external influences are huge, but still - it just doesn't sound to me like this is truly YOUR choice.

Whatever the outcome, I hope in the end you find a way to be happy. That should be your end goal, really. Good luck!

[missyvf]

My 2 cents...I don't think anyone can ever truly stop. If you are going to purge my suggestion is to stash everything away somewhere because ultimately you'll want to come back to it. Even for a short period. I have come to terms that I will always want to dress in some capacity at some time. It kills me how much I've gotten rid of over the years...and the money spent.

[CandyDarling]

I wish I could quit. I wish I could even get more control.

[sissystephanie]

Stopping crossdressing is easy!! All you have to do is quit dressing! Of course that means that you have to have the mindset that you really want to quit, which is the major problem with my first two statements.

I am probably putting my foot in my mouth saying this, but I believe there are very few CD's on this Forum who have the mental wherewithall to stop if they desire. I know I do, because I did stop completely some years ago. Yes, I am now dressing again because my late wife begged me to!! But if my children, or my GG friend asked me to stop I would. I may not like it, but I know that I have the willpower to stop!

To the best of my knowledge, no CD is being forced to dress enfemme. He, or she, does it because they want to!! If you REALLY want to quit, you can. It just takes some willpower!!

[Rianna Humble]

Stopping crossdressing is easy!! All you have to do is quit dressing!

As with all simplistic generalisations, this may apply to some members of this community but certainly not to all

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

To the best of my knowledge, no CD is being forced to dress enfemme. He, or she, does it because they want to!! If you REALLY want to quit, you can. It just takes some willpower!!

Willpower, plus accepting that by denying an integral part of your personality, you risk serious psychological problems, particularly depression and suicidal tendencies.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Willpower, plus accepting that by denying an integral part of your personality, you risk serious psychological problems, particularly depression and suicidal tendencies.

very true alice. People in general forget that we are physical,mental, and spiritual creatures. Making a change in any one area reflects in the others as well. counseling is a great start. A good counselor will foucus on 1 question "What do you hope to acieve with counseling?" then will assist you in obtaining those goals as safely as possible.

[Rachel05]

I have tried to stop at certain times, but for me it didn't work, it made me feel miserable and I missed dressing, it took me a lot of years to accept me but I am there now and have never been happier and I know that I couldn't stop because it is a part of who I am and now thank goodness a part I never doubt or worry about

[JustAlex]

I don't think stopping is a problem (wait! keep reading). It's something you do by yourself, so you can just not do it. In fact, it's a lot easier not to do it than doing it.
The problem is dealing with the anxiety you get for not doing it.

The biggest mistake is to focus on CDing and not the anxiety. If you keep your focus on CDing, it's going to be in your mind all the time and your desire is not going to fade away. If you focus on controlling your anxiety, you're more likely to succeed.
Staying busy is a good choice, at least a positive choice. I'm not in favor of therapies, most would focus on the crossdressing as the issue and it's not. Or stuff you in medicine to control your anxiety, not a good choice either.

I stayed out of crossdressing over long periods of time. Just did my best to keep it out of my mind by focusing on work and studies.
And it's not that I "fell off the wagon", I decided to keep doing something that I like to do.

[SweetPea_GG]

The biggest mistake is to focus on CDing and not the anxiety. If you keep your focus on CDing, it's going to be in your mind all the time and your desire is not going to fade away. If you focus on controlling your anxiety, you're more likely to succeed.
Staying busy is a good choice, at least a positive choice. I'm not in favor of therapies, most would focus on the crossdressing as the issue and it's not. Or stuff you in medicine to control your anxiety, not a good choice either.

I think this is good advice for those who 'want" to try and stop or take breaks from CDing.. Its nice to see responses that arnt just "oh you cant stop etc" i think it does have to do alot with willpower and training your mind and such.. but im not expert lol just a outsider looking in.

[Carly D.]

I would say depending on how long you have been dressing up and when the urge came forth and all things considered that stopping will figure into the equation.. That line of B.S. aside, the truth is quitting sounds so easy and everyone who says therapy will cure you is.. B.S. as well.. You have to want to stop and YOU have the control mechanism to do just that.. I swear quitting is very easy, I've quit many times but staying that way.. Well let me be the first to wish you luck.. Just remember, pantyhose feels so good.. Shoes are the bomb.. The wind blowing up your skirt... hmmmm....

[WillowWriter]

Something I learned here is that you need to except it. I've tried to quit before, but it just keeps coming back. I Googled quitting crossdressing and it said for majority of people it hardwired to their brain. If you can quit that's good, but if you can't you can find ways to live with it.