How to aproach another in public?

[Drew Painter]

I was at the payless shoe store today , and as I walked in I walked towards the womens size11+ area. As I aproached the area a guy 5'6" slim mustache, in levis and light jacket was bent over looking both ways then picking up a pair of heels then quickly put them back as I walked past..I continued past him down to mens size10 at the other end of that isle. I watched as he continued to look and then I walked back past him again and went towards the door. I wanted to look at some shoes but didn't want to scare the guy away... The sales girl said have a nice day. I was afraid to talk to him about looking at shoes, cause he might have been looking for someone, (But I kinda doubt it) because he seemed nervous enough. I wanted to talk to him very badly, but again, I am just getting to where I feel okay to go out dressed.(I wasnt dressed enfemme). Can anyone tell me how this should be handled. ? I really wish I could have talked to him...(Note, he walked out just as I was leaving and he walked to his construction truck.) Dam I wish I would have had some idea as to how to have aproached him. I so do want to meet someone in my area that dresses, for conversation and chats.....I will thank you for your responses here, now...Thank-you all.......Drew (Far western Burbs of Chicago)

[Stephanie Anne]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

[Coyote]

you tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "what's up tranny?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

lol 8-)

[eluuzion]

Just go up to the front register, grab the PA mic and say...

"Attention Customers..." We have a gentleman at the front of the store that would like to speak with the CD looking at heels in the shoe dept. Please report to the information desk immediately. Thank You for shopping at ...."

It might be more effective if you also describe what the guy is wearing too...



Jus' kidd'n...

The CD topic is a bit too sensitive and personal to be walking over to a stranger and start chatting about the topic. You stand a better chance of getting a positive response by walking up to women buying personal hygiene products and asking them if they use tampons...

it would be nice if the world was one big sandy beach where you can just walk up and talk to anybody about seashells and rum drinks...but it is still only possible in the Internet World...

just my thoughts...

[2SpeedTranny]

"Oh, nice... I have a pair just like that, but in (pick a color)"

What makes one man feel better about stuff he does? Other men who do the same thing!

[AnnaCalliope]

Unfortunately, unless the CD in question has built-up enough self confidence to shop for himself (and it sounds like this guy has not), the second you approach him concerning his "hobby", he's gonna sputter out some excuse and high tail it out of there.

I was that guy once and I often refused to shop for myself unless I was with a girlfriend, and even then I was still nervous. Nowadays, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. En femme or not, I'll try on heels, hold dresses up to my body etc.

[Rianna Humble]

You do have to be extremely careful and the usual good advice is not to approach someone unless you know for sure that they are "out" as a cross-dresser and that they don't mind others knowing.

If the guy is a little less furtive than you describe then 2SpeedTranny's suggestion could be an ice-breaker.

[2SpeedTranny]

Unfortunately, unless the CD in question has built-up enough self confidence to shop for himself (and it sounds like this guy has not)

I thought the guy in question was, in fact, shopping... or did I misunderstand the original post?

Maybe he freaked out because some other dude (the original poster) was staring him down. Just sayin'.


Rianna H:

Don't approach (and potentially say "howdy") to someone unless you know they're "out?" How else will you know they're "out" without talking to them?

This sounds to me like a recipe for social alienation -- as if trannies were lepers of some kind, and not to be contacted. "Oh, that's a tranny, better not talk to him! Don't look!" Picture yourself on the receiving end of such thought. Do you want potential acquaintances to walk away thinking you're immune to humanity? Build an invisible wall around yourself spray-painted with the words "**** OFF!"?

Imagine, for a moment... that you somehow impress on the rest of the population that they should never go strike up a conversation with someone they think might be a tranny. My God, if everyone thought this way, I wouldn't have any friends.


I've seen this line of thought here quite a bit in the months I've been lurking... and now that I've joined, I had to say something. I just don't get it.

[MonicaTC]

I agree with Eluuzion.. As a new CD it is very uncomfortable for me to go out shopping. Haven't dressed in public either. Right now I'm using my girlfriend crutch. We go out shopping for "her" (her being both of us lol). Though it would be nice to have a fellow CD spot me and say hi while I was trying to shop, I think the initial shock of meeting would derail my thoughts of shopping too much to actually shop. But wouldn't be a loss though, would make a new CD friend . But, I would say, keep the hello's to an area where a CD wants to be freely open, such as here or at a gathering/bar.

Monica

The CD topic is a bit too sensitive and personal to be walking over to a stranger and start chatting about the topic. You stand a better chance of getting a positive response by walking up to women buying personal hygiene products and asking them if they use tampons...

it would be nice if the world was one big sandy beach where you can just walk up and talk to anybody about seashells and rum drinks...but it is still only possible in the Internet World...

just my thoughts...

[Derp]

Yeah, that fellow CDer was probably paranoid like crazy while looking =<

[Stephanie Miller]

When we walk down the isle and see a GG looking at a pair of heels, we don't immediatly think " I have to stop and comment". When we pass another male looking for guy shoes we don't feel the urge to comment. ( Oh my gawd, those wingtips whould go wonderful with that tie). We pass by with our own agenda - for the most part. But the moment we see, what we think is, a fellow CD doing the same thing, we immediatly think "I have to make contact". Why? To validate our own positions with another CD'r? Because we feel the need to bond with another? All at this poor guys expense. Just treat them like you would any other shopper. But for goodness sakes, don't keep eyeing the poor devil. (Black trench coat with dark glasses " I vill be vatching you " Heck, I would be nervous in drab!

[Rianna Humble]

When we walk down the isle and see a GG looking at a pair of heels, we don't immediatly think " I have to stop and comment"

I guess that's a difference between how you and I socialise. Isn't it great that we can all be different yet together in support?

[Shannen]

Since I was born with a logical brain, I find myself setting up a matrix of possibilities:

The guy shopping for shoes isn't going to welcome another guy drawing even more attention to the racks... That moment of bonding is probably never going to happen.

A cd'r dressed enfemme may be just as nervous, and she probably won't welcome your presence for the same reasons. If you are also dressed, I'm not sure the odds go up... (my experience)

If you can't tell if she was born female or not, then, well, you can't tell... I'd hate to suffer the wrath if I was wrong...

Solution? Do what you do. If you don't shop for shoes when anyone else is in that section, then you did what you would have done. If you would shop, interact with the SA, and other customers, then you should do that and let the other individual make his decision, based on his "rules".

Best case? Make some cd friends and go out shoe shopping with them! It's quite fun!

[Traci Elizabeth]

I too remember tying on shoes as soon as the isle was clear of everyone. It was nerve racking, scary, and I feared getting caught. Thank goodness that was a long time ago but had someone approached me back then, I would have crawled under a dime. Show others the compassion you would have wanted in the beginning and leave them alone. They are scarred to death as it is. Don't send them into cardiac arrest.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted to try rather than make several laps around the guy and then leave. That way you kill two birds with one stone, you get the shoes you want and you throw up a flare to him that you're shopping for yourself and letting him make the decision to approach you about his own shopping or not.

[Tricia Lee]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted...

I was going to suggest the same thing. The best thing to do if you want to make contact is probably to pick up a pair of women's shoes where he can see you. No reason to make eye contact immediately or anything. Once he sees you looking at shoes he'll probably feel better instead of freaked out that there is another guy in the aisle.

[Breanne]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted to try rather than make several laps around the guy and then leave. That way you kill two birds with one stone, you get the shoes you want and you throw up a flare to him that you're shopping for yourself and letting him make the decision to approach you about his own shopping or not.

My thoughts, exactly.

[Lorileah]

I remember my first trip to Payless to buy shoes. I drove 10 miles away so I would not be known, slid in grabbed the shoes I wanted and ran to the check out like I was stealing them and they were the last pair on earth, I looked at he floor and said "MY aunt is sick and she wanted these shoes". The sales girl scanned them said whatever the price was and I left with a pair of 1" plain pumps. The world didn't end then but if someone had challenged me or even talked to me I would have wet my pants and left without the shoes and NEVER went back. I know hard to believe this in your face TG would do that but 'tiz true.

So the point? You may smile and acknowledge the person just like any other shopper. You could have went about your shopping further down the aisle (maybe they would have noticed, probably not) and purchase what you came or and leave. Any other sign or invading their space would be like trying to grab a feral kitten. You don't want to get bitten now do you?

I know we feel alone out in the big world and we all want to meet our fellow TG's. I want to meet a Hollywood star or famous musician, BUT if I did I would smile, maybe nod and move on (unless they are someplace where you are supposed to talk to them). They are real people who have the right to be left alone, sort of like the guy in the size 11 aisle. Gotta give him credit for trying them of before buying, returning them when they don't fit is expensive with today's gas prices.

[RADER]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell.
Maybe trying on a pair of shoes near him might open him up a little; but
he might have been looking for a present for a SO or something. Rader

[larry]

Now this was a funny reply. Thanks for putting some humor to it. I think it is something how a man in drab-like me-will go to payless-like me-and look for womens shoes and hope he is not found out. Today the security cameras and sales people watch whatever you do so if you try them on then it is pretty clear they are for you. So I just accept it these days and if I go shopping I also accept the sales associate will know.

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

[JohnH]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell. Rader

You just have to make sure that he's smaller and weaker than you!

[Stephanie Anne]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell.
Maybe trying on a pair of shoes near him might open him up a little; but
he might have been looking for a present for a SO or something. Rader

It's called juke and jive. You have to be nimble and quick.

[RADER]

It's called juke and jive. You have to be nimble and quick.

I'm not quick at anything anymore, papa time has nipped me in the tush. LOL Rader

[AllieSF]

I like Shannen's response. When I shop in drab or femme mode I may or may not interact with whomever is near me. If you want to converse with a suspected CD, there is no reason to bring up, "I am one too". Just make a normal statement that fits the moment. "It sure is crowded in here when they have big sales", "It is cooler in here than outside", whatever you may say to a stranger when being sociable. Innocent comments allow the other person to decide how they want to respond. If they dopn't respond or encourage further conversation, drop it and move on.

[xd-tigger]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

LOL. Brilliant.