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Thread: A funny thing happened the other day...

  1. #1
    A Mess of Contradictions
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    A funny thing happened the other day...

    I'd forgotten about this until recently, but in retrospect it's kind of awesome.

    The last time I went to my aunt's house (an eighty-mile drive across highways and freeways and up over a thousand feet from where I am, where it's really, really cold), I went pretty far with my guy clothes. Admittedly, in my case I am almost always dressed in guy clothes; it's mainly an issue of exactly how masculine they are. T-shirts = not very. Thick flannel sweater = pretty darned masculine.

    I was dressed more for cold than intentional masculine presentation, but I had on men's jeans, the aforementioned sweater over my T-shirt, a hat that someone had bought for my dad, and enormous (over-glasses) sunglasses. I was also wearing a burgundy windbreaker, which doesn't exactly scream "dude", but I did have my ponytail tucked under three layers of clothing and the hat covered all of my hair so you couldn't tell it was long. Oh, yeah, and I wasn't wearing anything special to cover my boobs - just a worn-out sports bra that does hardly anything in any direction.

    Anyway, we stopped at a gas station on the way there, and I had to use the restroom. They were both occupied, so I decided that I would just use whichever one opened up next; no one was likely to see me anyway. As it happened, the men's room opened up.

    While I was using the toilet, I heard someone outside the restroom. It sounded like someone had come in to use the men's room and, finding it occupied, gone off to wait. I was a little worried at this point, wondering if the guy who needed to go was waiting outside the door, but I remembered the rule of "act like you belong there," so I just finished my business and left.

    There wasn't anyone in the hallway, as it turned out. However, once I walked out of the hallway, I saw a guy standing nearby, a few feet out of sight of the men's room. He looked at me for a couple of seconds or so, then apparently concluded that the men's room was now empty and headed in that direction.

    So you can guess what this implies...

    I PASSED.

    And yes, I am aware that passing isn't everything (unless you never pull it off and your entire sense of self hinges on seeing yourself as your gender; I don't, and it does). I am also aware that three layers of clothing + thick hat =/= practical everyday applications.

    HOWEVER. Imagine if I took the object lessons here and adapted them. First, instead of hiding my hair, I get a good (i.e., flattering) masculine haircut. Second, instead of three layers of clothing, I wear something that can actually restrain teh boobies. Third, hats. Fourth, big-arse sunglasses that hide the most telling parts of my face.

    Oh, and fifth, go places without my mother, who will invariably destroy any chance I have at being read correctly by referring to me as "she" and "(girl name)" in endless conversations that she has with sample station handlers and cash register operators and any other strangers that she happens to have something in common with. (Also by acting like I can't speak for myself, telling people in restaurants, etc. what "she wants." Soforth.)

    And sixth, never open my mouth.

    Anywho, I just had to tell somebody about this, because this is the first time EVER in the history of EVER that I can confirm being read correctly, AND I WAS WEARING MY PINK COAT. It was a magical day.

    Oh, it was also magical because later we went to Wal-Mart for some groceries, and there was a guy standing in there who was wearing the same design as T-Shirt as me (a TMNT shirt). It was so awesome I had to unbutton my flannel and stand strategically so he could see (while acting like I didn't care, of course. Lo, I am a jerk.)

  2. #2
    Quartermaster DanielMacBride's Avatar
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    WOOO!!! That's awesome that you passed and that you have identified things that you can do that work. I LOL'ed at the TMNT shirt thing - I totally would have done the same
    [SIZE="3"]Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. ~ Unknown[/SIZE]

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member NiCo's Avatar
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    Strangely, when I wanted to pass pre-T I didn’t but when I wasn’t fussed, I did. Weird, eh?

    P.s- congrats
    [SIZE="3"]-Broken out of a window in hell-[/SIZE]

  4. #4
    Quartermaster DanielMacBride's Avatar
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    Which just goes to illustrate how much of "passing" is confidence I found that too, when I was particularly concerned with passing, I never did, but when I was just being me and not worrying about what other people saw or heard, I passed just fine.
    [SIZE="3"]Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are. ~ Unknown[/SIZE]

  5. #5
    FTM ~ Andro ~ Boi Areyan's Avatar
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    way to go, man! i love it when this happens. you guys are right too, it always seems to happen not only when i'm feeling confident but even, blase about it all. i have been approached now by interested females on a couple of separate occasions, not realizing until i opened my mouth that i was passing and they were interested, lol.

    i use the dark sunnies i wear and my long hair over my face to try to pass more in public... apparently it works with some people and i feel more anonymous this way. being short has it's own set of problems but i get eyed up by teenagers (of either gender) a lot so i imagine they must wonder at times.

    very cool when this happens though aye? must be the confidence thing that works most effectively... i'm starting to believe that's one of the most important things for passing on visual. the voice thing, lol... ya, that's something else eh.
    [SIZE="3"]~ Androgynous/FTM/Boi ~[/SIZE]

    it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved as someone you're not.



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  6. #6
    Member Seamus_Jameson's Avatar
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    Yay!

    Good for ya! It's awesome, isn't it? To many more such happy occasions!

    It really is a matter of confidence, though. I think most of the guys here would agree that passing comes easier when you aren't particularly worried about it. (and if you don't feel that way, FAKE IT!) Here's the bad part: pretty soon you will be passing wherever you go. Wait, you say. How is that a bad thing? 'Cuz when that happens, you'll start feeling angry and humiliated when people do get it wrong. It'll happen before you know it. Or that's what happened to me, anyway.

    Best of luck!
    Quote Originally Posted by 4serrus
    If you look like the laundry basket threw up on you you're doing it wrong.
    Do you know every thought that crosses your mind? To know the mind of many is to know the depth of the ocean. Where at? What era? Why? It is to ask of heaven, how many stars? Those near, those far, those seen, unseen, heard by whom, in darkness, alone, or in sunlight, beyond? How far? Who cares? Our creator, over all seasons presiding, knows each mind by name.

  7. #7
    A Mess of Contradictions
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    Heheheheh... it's so much fun to read everyone's responses.

    I would say confidence played a fairly small part - I'm "meh" pretty much all the time because it's just such a pain in the butt to try very hard, and usually I get read female 'cause of my long hair, bewbs, etc. You all have a point, though; good old-fashioned apathy is probably good for me. All men are apathetic, right?

    And yeah, I am completely flippin' THRILLED to know exactly what the main things are that are giving me away. I had suspected for a few months that my long hair was one of the big tipoffs - of course, I had also suspected that my burgundy-rose-ish coat was, too, and I turned out to be wrong which is nice because it's such a nice color and I don't want to have to replace it.

    I think the best part was that I wasn't even trying and just BOOM.

    Problem is, now that I've done it once I want to HURRY UP AND MOVE OUT OF HERE so I can get my hair cut and start doing it ALL the time. It will be so flippin' awesome and I will be so very very happy and stuff.

    One thing I forgot about is that this actually isn't the first time I've been seen as male. There were a couple of times before, on ChatRoulette, where I went on in just a ponytail and T-shirt and was assumed to be a dude. This is encouraging because maybe it means I have more androgynous looks to begin with which would be SO very helpful.

    And Seamus, I totally understand what you mean. The same thing happened when I realized I was trans in the first place - suddenly just living the life of a female became a daily cause of angst and frustration. It's funny how that works.

    Anyway, I ramble. I'm tired and I've had a REALLY good day for the first time in... way too long. Just got Plants vs. Zombies for the Nintendo DS and I've been blowing the smithereens out of hordes of undead.

  8. #8
    FTM ~ Andro ~ Boi Areyan's Avatar
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    Problem is, now that I've done it once I want to HURRY UP AND MOVE OUT OF HERE so I can get my hair cut and start doing it ALL the time. It will be so flippin' awesome and I will be so very very happy and stuff.....

    The same thing happened when I realized I was trans in the first place - suddenly just living the life of a female became a daily cause of angst and frustration. It's funny how that works.
    yeah, those things exactly! i really get this... ramble on all you like.
    [SIZE="3"]~ Androgynous/FTM/Boi ~[/SIZE]

    it's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved as someone you're not.



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  9. #9
    Senior Member pamela_a's Avatar
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    That rocks guy. Which maybe proves the point that when you're not trying so hard (to pass) and instead being natural and letting you be you people will more easily see who you really are. I'm glad you discovered that being YOU is so much easier than pretending and that just being natural about who you are allows others to see it better too.
    "Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
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