Results 1 to 18 of 18

Thread: Support - without wife knowing

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    67

    Support - without wife knowing

    Ok, so my wife seems no longer ok with me dressing. If I make any comment or reference to it I get a look. I want to join a support group but she is against that. Her reasoning is she is home all day with our daughter and she needs a break. With my hectic schedule I am only home before 10 3 nights a week. If I do a support group she feels that I will have even less time to spend with her and my daughter. Or the underlying reason might be she is afraid that I will get the support I need.

    So. my question to all of you is would it be wrong to join a support group or make friends with other CDs without her knowing? I was thinking of finding one that meets during the nights I work late and just cutting out of work early. Or, I know a couple other CDs through e-mail and was thinking of meeting for drinks and support. The reason it would be hidden is this would start an argument since she feels I should be home early. The trouble is how am I suppose to get support if she is against it. I know some people on here dress in secret but is it ok to get support in secret?

  2. #2
    Member Melissa Jill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Chippenham
    Posts
    497
    I would advise against that. Shes your wife, talk to her. Explain you respect her wishes, but that you need help from others such as by joining a support group, so that you can continue to be an effective part of the family and so that you can enjoy your time with her and the kids fully.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    16,659
    There is another solution which may be worth exploring

    If you can find a good support group you will find they are happy to have the wives attend too

    All you need do then is find someone to look after your daughter for the evening

    I would says dont join without her knowing it will only cause problems
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  4. #4
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Hampshire, U.K.
    Posts
    5,126
    I would say that your wife and daughter come first. Sorry, it’s not easy for you but that’s how I see it.
    It sounds like you are heading for trouble and upsetting your wife and daughter and they are so important.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    3,186
    There's good and bad to being a cd, i always put my family's needs first but i will admit my frustration levels do run high at times. Told my wife that i would also like to join a support group, she's ok with it but i don,t have time for myself. Even though my wife supports me i also try not to push it to much, woman change there minds pretty fast. I can relate with what your going through, you want something but you don't want to push to hard and even worse have her find out you were keeping secrets. Having a honest relationship is important, maybe just go at it slow, and she may come around.

  6. #6
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    7,322
    Babysitter.

    Note: support groups usually meet only once per month. So a baby-sitter once per month in trade-off would be equitable. Could even be the evening you go to the support meeting.

  7. #7
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    In between states.
    Posts
    8,041
    Julie, I believe there is more going on here. Your wife was more accomodating of your CDing in the past, even to the extent to taking your daughter out so you could have some girl time. You and your wife were in counseling but have now stopped. You say that your wife feels that by joinimg a support group would take more time away from her and your daughter. Sneaking off and doing it will only prove her to be right. Leaving work early is an equally bad choice. If you are employed, it cheats your employer; if self-employed it strains your business. It's time to sit down with your wife and get to the bottom of what's going on between the two of you. Getting some outside help may not be a bad idea. Best wishes.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
    Lipstick=confidence

    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]

  8. #8
    Carpe Diem Jackiefl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    I presently live in central Florida
    Posts
    530
    Holly: amen!

  9. #9
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Yorkshire, England
    Posts
    4,700
    As you are out in the open and she knows, it seems obvious that you need to talk about it... or get to it by talking about the "time" issue.

    I am with Suzy... if I had your work schedule, I would be spending as much time with my family as possible and put my CDing on hold for a while... been there, done it. It is hard, but I got the joy of being with my family, who in my book always come before anything else.

    My kids are now grown up, and I get to CD more than ever before. Yeah I would have liked to look as good as some of the younger CDs on this site... but in those days my priorities were different. No regrets! I have three beautiful daughters who are now women making their way in the world.

    I wouldn't have jeopardised or sacrificed that just so I could put on a dress every now and again?
    Kaz xx

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  10. #10
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    24,770
    To me it sounds like your family need your support.... Family first, work second.... Personal needs are a distant last, imho....
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  11. #11
    Member Tanya C's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    339
    Sorry, but can't go along with the concept of doing anything like this behind her back. For one thing when she finds out she will revile crossdressing even more than she does now. Not a good plan.
    I think that you need to spend your energy working on acceptance issues instead. Acceptance usually begins with tolerance and trust, and those will be the very things that will be destroyed if you're caught lying.

  12. #12
    Forthright Member Tybalt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    earth
    Posts
    25
    A long time ago, a very wise man told me relashionships were selfish indevers, each person involved is only happy when ther partner is happy, if that circle is not perfect problems rear there ugly head. Consider this, which fight would be worse. The fight over going to the support group, or the fight your going to have when she finds out you deceved her trust, there is a conflict not being addressed between you and your wife that needs resolved and it sounds to me that is has to do with her comfort level with your cd,ing settle that fight and this one won't be more than fixing your day planner
    long story short , talk to you wife
    "if i find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
    -C.S Lewis

  13. #13
    Gender adventurer JamieG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Eastern Pennsylvania
    Posts
    1,249
    Given the current situation, I can't blame your wife for not wanting you to take even more time from the family. It sounds like your work keeps you from being with them very often. You didn't say how young your daughter was, but it can be stressful for your wife if she is home alone with a young child all day. Does she ever get time to get out of the house and do things for herself? Maybe if you give her one night a month where you watch your daughter and your wife goes out with her girlfriends, she'd be more amenable to letting you go out one night a month to a support group. I also suggest that if your daughter is old enough that you would feel comfortable leaving her with a baby sitter, then take your wife out on a date once a month. Otherwise, arrange a date in the house: once your daughter is in bed, open up some wine, put on a movie and spend some quality time with each other.

    When each of my children were born, I took six-month breaks from attending my support groups. I also found that once my wife had a chance to start getting out of the house more to meet with her friends and explore her hobbies, she became more supportive of my dressing.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    24,180
    I think it would be a mistake to go out to a suport group without her knowledge. The real problem here seems to be that she needs and is asking for your support and regular respite from parenting. Meet her needs, listen to her needs and get home early. Alsi s a parent of grown kids, I urge you to spend all the time you can with the little one - they grow up so fast, and you can never get back those prescious moments of childhood.

  15. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    1,840
    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    To me it sounds like your family need your support.... Family first, work second.... Personal needs are a distant last, imho....
    @the OP: Sage words. LISTEN to them and take them to heart. Maybe there is a hidden agenda from your wife to keep you away from support. But, you don't know. You're guessing. What she HAS said is she needs support from you. Three nights a week before 10? And you want to take ANOTHER? I'm with her. Get home. Support her, and spend time with your kid.

    And as for lying to her (and don't tell us it's not lying if you don't tell her)? Don't even BEGIN to think of doing that. Guaranteed pathway to breaking of trust.

  16. #16
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,422
    Quote Originally Posted by juliecdfl View Post
    The trouble is how am I suppose to get support if she is against it. I know some people on here dress in secret but is it ok to get support in secret?
    No, it isn't OK.

    You need to start working towards having your free time coincide with your wife and child's, if it means a gradual change or perhaps even an eventual job change, so that meeting friends for support once or twice per week will not take away 30% of your alloted time with your wife and child.

    Or, if you can't get out of working nights, you might want to instead make some CD friends you can meet for coffee in the mornings?

    There must be a better way than sneaking around, especially if you only have 2 nights per week with your family?
    Reine

  17. #17
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    South Florida
    Posts
    67
    This is why I am a member of this site. Deep down I know what the right answer is. When I post a question I always get the answer, which I know is the right one, without any bs. I am sure as you all know it is very hard in the beginning with telling your SO. I do still deal with the guilt of being a cd and the lack of acceptance by my wife adds to it. I hope things will change but in the meantime I will try to work out marriage, being a parent, and job before being a cd. Thank you for all of the comments.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    A bit south of the 49th!
    Posts
    24,180
    Julie - I think that the more you bring to the relationship in terms of love, understanding and support, the more you will get in return. There's no assurance that she'll accept you fully. But, if she sees that being who you are means that you are more nurturing, more emotionally intelligent, and more sensitive, then perhaps she'll realize that these are parts of that derive from the same place as the desire to dress and perhaps live as a woman.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State