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Thread: Have you ever felt....

  1. #1
    Junior Member xxprincess_tiffyxx's Avatar
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    Have you ever felt....

    Have you ever felt, or been made to feel ashamed for dressing?
    Not just ashamed but almost worthless or pathetic,just disgusting and wrong.
    If so what makes some of us feel like that. I use to feel like that everytime after I dressed.
    That was when I only did it as a sexual thing, before I opened up about it with my SO.
    I felt bad about myself all the time for I tlike I was a gross being and it was just wrong.
    Just curious how others feel or have felt. I felt relieved and liberated finally free and like
    I wasn't doing anything wrong when my SO was so sweet and compassionate and
    Accepting.
    Has anyone ever made fun of you for it? How did that feel?
    Follow me @xxTiffyLovexx on Twitter xoxo

  2. #2
    erica lynn stone erica12b's Avatar
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    it our up bringing , real guys dont do that , , hopefully the guilt will go away completly some day
    I like my femself; it makes me feel more civilized, i think girltime should be a requirment for all kids.

  3. #3
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    once I was caught by my twin brother.he told me I looked ridiculous and to get that stupid dress off
    I was embarrassed and sad.if my twin felt that way everyone else would be worse

  4. #4
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    absolutely - those feelings of guilt and shame begin early and stay a long time - potentially through a lifetime - unless we are able to come to terms with ourselves.

    Ever been made fun of - my god yes....caught wearing mascara, teased for throwing like a girl...and a hundred other things. It felt terrible at the time, partly because I disliked myself so much that I felt I deserved the abuse.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    No one ever made me feel bad about crossdressing... I did that to myself.. Growing up... But not enough to make depressed... Overall I was a pretty happy outgoing kid but there were time when I questioned why I was like this... Not normal.. I guess from the start I must have realized that wearing my mothers clothes was "wrong". Else I wouldn't have hidden it away... And it wasn't till I read an article in Life magazine about transvestites in NYC that I realized I wasn't the only person like this... Still abnormal but not alone. Lol. And it took years and years to over come the "why am I not gay if I love to dress like a woman". Too bad I can't really pin point the exact day I said "hey... I am who I am and I like what I like".
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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    Aspiring Member Christie ann's Avatar
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    Oh ya! been there. Growing up my dad told me I had a disease while the rest of the world seemed to make fun of boys-who-dressed-like-girls. I think I saw that same article Karren describes and saw I was not alone. Now I know that I am who I am and things are not going to change and I should just enjoy the ride. Too bad my wife doesn't agree more.

  7. #7
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    Yes, in the beginning I felt ashamed for dressing. We were brought up to think only manly thoughts. We were not allowed to show emotion. We would not be caught dead with anything girly even near us. This happened day in and day out for 18 years or so. Is it any wonder we might find ourselves feeling just a little shame over doing something girly even though we love it so much? OMG, what if someone sees me? Mom and Dad will be furious if they find out! The other boys will tease me relentlessly if they catch me! Look at all the taboos you are breaking just by dressing like a girl.

    There is an old quote we can learn a lot from now, "You must first be comfortable with yourself, before you can be comfortable in the world". This means that when YOU finally accept and embrace this is who you are, only then will you become at ease with everything else around you. So what if some jerk calls you names? Yes, it does hurt but hold your head high and be proud of who you are. So what if someone sees you? You just tell them so what, this is what I like and be proud of who you are. Depending on your age and living arrangements, Mom and Dad can be kind of a difficult spot. If you are out living on your own, you can basically tell them to mind their own business and get over it, this is who I am. Still living with them is a diffrent story. You must adhere to their rules but a conversation about you and your dressing is warranted.

    So, If you are feeling a bit guilty and ashamed for dressing and doing what feels so right, stop it right now! Hold your head up, smile for the camera, say ta ta and be on your merry way. Or, you could just tell them to kiss where the sun don't shine and keep out of my business. Be proud of who you are.
    Last edited by Jorja; 01-28-2011 at 01:58 PM.

  8. #8
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    You are describing transphobia, specifically, internalized transphobia.

    You can read about it here, but I've taken the liberty to extract the description of the internalization, which is found close to the bottom of the page under "Impact of Discrimination":

    Quote Originally Posted by Trans Accessibility Project
    Impact of Discrimination

    Regardless of the nature of the discrimination suffered, whether it is because of our sexual orientation, race, age, religion, size, ability or gender identity, discrimination erodes our dignity, our ability to participate in society as equals, and our ability to experience ourselves as fully human. Riki Anne Wilchins writes:

    There is something peculiarly incestuous about trans-experience. It robs us of our bodies, our intimate moments, our sexuality, our childhood. It robs us of honesty, of open friendship, of the luxury of looking into a mirror without pain staring back at us. It means hiding from friends and family, from spouses and children, as surely as it means hiding from the police car during an evening stroll, or from that knot of laughing boys down at the corner when we go out for a coke. In the end, it is as tiring as a constant pain and as barren as the bottom of an empty well at high noon. (1997, p. 21)

    The impact of sustained discrimination is profound. Most transgendered people, like lesbians and members of other disadvantaged groups, grow up feeling isolated and acutely aware of being different. The constant barrage of negative messages can lead to internalized transphobia, with feelings of shame and self-hatred.

    The abuse, anxiety and self-loathing instilled by genderism and transphobia permeate all aspects of a person's life. Some clinical reports suggest that over 70% of transsexuals have contemplated suicide at some point in their lives and between 17% and 20% have attempted suicide at least once. Transgendered youth report intense loneliness during adolescence and great difficulty finding acceptance or identification with mainstream youth and, often, gay and lesbian youth (Brown & Rounsley, 1996). Young transgendered heterosexuals, for example are not perceived to be so by others; and gay and lesbian transsexuals may be seen as heterosexual, though they identify with same-sex peers. The impact of growing up under the weight of discrimination can be as straight forward as knowing that you do not belong, and perhaps feeling that you do not deserve to belong.
    The only way to overcome this is to do precisely what you've done, which is to open up to others (even if it begins with one person), and take ownership of who you are.
    Reine

  9. #9
    Just getting my feet wet Marie-Elise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    And it took years and years to over come the "why am I not gay if I love to dress like a woman". Too bad I can't really pin point the exact day I said "hey... I am who I am and I like what I like".
    You hit the nail on the head. I used to ask myself that. Now, oh well. I just like to dress as a woman.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    Yes i have had a great deal of fun made of me , have i been ashamed of myself, yes but only in the context that i felt ashamed of myself for getting my family made fun of but i am not ashamed of what i am even though it has cost me .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  11. #11
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    Well I have felt disgusted with myself and dirty and weird and shameful and lots of other things when I was much younger and funnily enough it was when I did it also sexually, well that is what I used to tell myself anyway - but once I saw the light and let me be me for what I am and the sexual aspect went, I never feel anything but liberated and happy and amazed at how much I enjoy being en femme and never a doubt that it is right for me now

    As far as I am concerned it is how I am and I am happy with me

  12. #12
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Have never been made to feel ashamed certainly not in my adult life,and im pretty sure no one could ever make me feel that way now.
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire

    ========================================

    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
    A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
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  13. #13
    Member RylieCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by black007 View Post
    Have you ever felt, or been made to feel ashamed for dressing?
    Not just ashamed but almost worthless or pathetic,just disgusting and wrong.
    All the time

  14. #14
    Senior Member 5150 Girl's Avatar
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    My ex was aginst it, so she used shame as a tactic for discouragement.

  15. #15
    Pursuit of happiness Natalee's Avatar
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    Initially, I was coerced into CD'ing by my wife. I've never felt guilt, shame, remorse or anything negative about this activity. I only had very brief confusion about the unexpected feelings of thrill, excitement, joy, and calm; dressing brought me.

    I haven't even felt guilty about sneaking a skirt or dress, here and there when my wife was at work; during my exploration phase. I guess I'm at complete ease with all feelings for dressing, since it was started initially by my lovely wife. Although, it is now further comforting, to not sneak clothes while she is away; or change out of a skirt before her arrival.

    In regard to society or religion's imagined pressures/view upon myself. I have never had any feelings, zero, good or bad. I have no measured regard or care either way. My wife seems confused by this, but I have no embarrassment, or guilt for anything. And the more successful I become, and with age, the less of zero, I care about the view of those people outside my close circle. Also with age, I realize, there is no societal "norm"; and society's pressure is fully imagined. Whether it be CD'ing, or any other social expectation. Getting a little deep; sorry.

    Does this make me a sociopath? I should look that definition up.... I only care about the feelings and acceptance of those I love, and myself. (period.) And my-"self" feels comfortable in fitted clothing, sexy heels, and if I see a style I like on a woman; I'll give it a shot.

  16. #16
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    fifteen years ago I felt a rediculous amount of guilt & shame every time I shaved my legs. I felt that no woman would accept me, and everyone would regard me as a freak. My whole existence was based on a successful career (which, luckily these days I can't complain), and being what a man is supposed to be.


    Then I hid in the closet, and didn't dress for 11 years, and tried to suppress it.....FAIL

    Now it's a part of me, and I feel liberated, and more confident than I ever did. I have no problem with recieving criticism if/and when I get it. I spent most of my life being like this, I can't change. I'm reasonably happy now.

  17. #17
    GG'd up from the feet up
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    Quote Originally Posted by black007 View Post
    worthless or pathetic,just disgusting and wrong.
    If so what makes some of us feel like that. I use to feel like that everytime after I dressed.
    Baby, it breaks my heart knowing you ever felt that way. No one should feel so out of place in their own skin. My heart goes out to all who have unsupportive SO's or that feel wrong or disgusted, just know...YOURE BEAUTIFUL! WORK IT!
    Flickr acct: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59075151@N03/

    [SIZE="3"]If you don't stand for nothing I can't really stand behind you[/SIZE]

  18. #18
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    I have been in some dark places over this, beating myself up big time... but I also have had some of my greatest moments when dressed. We express these through posts continuously. I have beaten myself up so much, this really impacts how you are then perceived by others. My SO doesn't have to express her disgust... I have already felt it. When she does, she doubles the impact of it. Fortunately this rarely happens... just when I am not careful enough and something is "visible"... like I forget to put something out of sight.

    So it is a strange ride isn't it...? Up.. down...

    I am in a place now where I guess Karren and others are... I am old enough to have finally learned and accept things, but now just have to deal with my situation the best I can. I still get all those feelings though at times, I just get over them a lot quicker!
    Kaz xx

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  19. #19
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by black007 View Post
    Have you ever felt, or been made to feel ashamed for dressing?
    Not just ashamed but almost worthless or pathetic,just disgusting and wrong.
    If so what makes some of us feel like that.
    Just about all my life! I pretty much did it to myself.

    I'd try on one feminine thing, enjoy the feeling, but then experience deep guilt/foreboding/etc. for what I had done. I worried about getting caught. I worried about what my parents (even though deceased) would think about my "perversion". The only time I went beyond single items is when my family was out of town and still guilt and shame seemed to follow me. I kept it to myself and never looked at anything on the Internet, mostly because it never occurred to me to do so. I could talk to my wife only about individual items, but only in the "bedroom use" sense.

    My life seemed to spiral downhill. I felt trapped, but I realized I had a wonderful wife and children and I didn't want "my problem" to ruin that.

    Finally, something prompted me to do some Internet research. Some of what I found disturbed me, but then I found that there were other people out there who shared many of my own characteristics. The possibility that there were others like me hadn't really entered my mind. At that point I decided to start taking steps toward understanding my identity. This forum has been a big help in that regard.

    It's not an instant change. I'm fighting against decades of engrained attitudes and habits. I still feel pangs of guilt. However, many long talks with my wife helped assure me that she was with me, even while she was still coping with the revelations that I had dumped on her.

    Eryn

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Laura Evans's Avatar
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    Ditto about everything everyone has written about this post so far. Have finally accepted myself in the last four or five years after coming out to my SO who has been very accepting. As Kaz said above I also still get the feelings but they are less strong and I get over them much quicker.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Carly D.'s Avatar
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    In a way i feel this way without even telling anyone.. It's the reason I don't tell anyone about my cross dressing.. I don't want anything to change..
    This is what I mean by "every guy can look like a girl from the right angles".. this is one of the first pictures of me dressed up.. very vague look.. almost fem...

  22. #22
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    I'm going to take a stab at this, and you're welcome to disagree with me if you wish.

    We live in a society where it is considered weak and wrong to show weakness in any way. Women have been considered (or made to be) weak and submissive to men for millenia. Thank goodness these views are slowly changing, but this is still the fact. And when a woman dresses as a man, she's seen as strong. When a man dresses as a woman, he's seen as weak. Weak equates to terms like "lesser than" and "submissive". And these things help to diminish us in the eyes of others. It's a bit of a no win situation there, unfortunately.

    We have been programmed to react to crossdressing in the very same way, and we have difficulty going against our own mental blueprints. So we feel afterwards, that we have emasculated ourselves, and done harm to ourselves and to society at large. We feel diminished, and ashamed.

    Now, if you're also throwing sex into the mix, remember that it often ends in a rather large amount of male hormones thrown into the mix. Quite a rush! And there you sit.......Panties, pantyhose, heels, lacy slip, bra, falsies, makeup, nails....... And the guy in you, who's just woken up in a big way, says, "Geez, I'm wearing a freaking dress........"

    So I ask ya.... Is it any wonder that from time to time you might feel like that? The trick is self-acceptance, and personal growth, and the ability to see that the prevailing attitudes got it all wrong, and that you're not hurting anyone at all. And half the people who don't understand have still wondered at least once in their lives what it's like to be all dolled up, or questioned their sexuality in some way - admit it or not. Some just have the courage to find out, I guess.

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  23. #23
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    I have been a CD probably longer than most of you have been alive! Many years ago I did have some feelings of guilt when dressing enfemme. Probably for the same reasons that have been given. But shortly after I was married my dear late wife changed all that. One day she noticed that I was acting a little strange and asked me what was wrong. I told her about the guilty feeling. She said, "do you dress to please yourself or to please other people?" I told that I dress to please myself and her! She responded, "then why feel guilty about it? You are doing something you like that is not hurting anyone else! There is no reason at all to feel guilty about that!" That was over 50 years ago, and I have never had any bad feeling about dressing enfemme since then!! I know that I am a crossdresser, and I enjoy being one!! Yes, I am really a man, but I do like to wear feminine clothing!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  24. #24
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    I was a teenager in the 1960's. Sexuality was not flaunted like it is today. There was no information on sexuality available in print and the Internet did not exist. Cross-dressing was equated with being homosexual. The only 'porn' available on the newspaper stand was Playboy. Why on earth did a guy who liked girls dress in feminine clothing? For decades I beat myself up over it. My wife knows and does not approve. Nobody else knows, so I think. I'm sure if my cross-dressing came out in the 1960's I would have been suicidal. I do not believe society is as tolerant of sexual differences as some of you believe.

  25. #25
    Forthright Member Tybalt's Avatar
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    Talking

    I think allmost everyone has a story like that, if you do anything out of the norm most of the time you get singeled out one way or another, it's just something people have to let go of. if it were onaly you in the whole world if you could live with just yourself would you be allright with your self? Because when it comes down to it you have to make peace with yourself
    "if i find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
    -C.S Lewis

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