Wow its amazing how many people have felt like this too.
When I was younger I really thought I was alone. Like a special genetic mess.
Its comforting as odd as it sounds to know I'm not the only one who had to feel that way.
Not that its right or that I would wish it upon anyone but to have all these people to sharere. Feelings questions and advice with.
Thatnk you all for replying.
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Growing up in the 50's and 60's society was not accepting at all. Even though nobody knew, hearing that this type of behavior is abnormal and wrong was bound to create an inferiority complex that I still battle to this day. I still have trouble with guilt feelings and accepting myself as I am.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I too can identify with feelings of others here. At times I still feel angry at myself. As I become more accepting the less shame I feel.
I think this is an important thread, especially for newbies who are confused about CD/TG.
I know I initially joined this forum due to feeling helpless and hopeless about my gender. This site has/is instrumental in allowing me to accept myself. Thanks all. Kitty Sue.
Just another man in a dress
Reading the OP was like having my mind read. I feel this all the time. Why am I not the man I was born to be? God doesn't make mistakes...Am I a perv? Why can't I stop? Am I psychotic? Is there a second personality trying to emerge? How do I get control of myself? This can't be normal...nobody else does it. OK so some other people do it...it still isn't accepted by the rest of the world. Why can't I just be accepted for who I am?
So I only beat myself up on days that end in "Y"
Thank you for the inspiration, I am working on it...Originally Posted by Dahlia007
Me too. I think (know deep down) that people will treat me differently. They won't like me anymore or they will think less of me. Maybe they can accept me for being me but they will never want to be around me the way they used to because they think I am different.
I have to agree with this specifically from personal experience as well as experience recently by a close TG friend not to mention the treatment we see in news articles around the country. There may be pockets of total acceptance but we even have intolerance on this site of our own members. It is a dream to find acceptance wherever we go but the unfortunate truth is that people tend to find differences in others and then exploit them for their own personal benefit, whatever that may be.
If it were only me, it would be marginally more lonely than it has been for so long in my life. I have built up a "great wall" around me becasue of this and as has been mentioned, I force myself be distant in my relationships for reasons I have mentioned above. On the flip side, I would feel OK going anywhere in whatever clothes I wanted.
I can rationally see the importance of self acceptance. I understand that in order for others to accept me, I need to be OK with me first. I know that I do not accept myself for this part of me but I am working on it everyday. I do feel good about myself when presenting female. I am still a confident (potentially arrogant) successful man in a world that places a lot of value on those traits and I have been rewarded handsomely for exhibiting these skills. The more I express myself feminine side, the less effective I am at what has made me successful. I actually cried yesterday in front of my employee that I suspended and even he admitted that I should have fired him.
You have to be able to see the dichotomy we are all in when we have managed to develop "regular" lives in spite of this little "quirk" we were given. There are so many self righteous people here who berate those of us who haven't (or hadn't) told our SOs when we first met. Well, if we can manage to get by all these years without telling anyone and still be successful, why wouldn't we think we could pull that off with our SO. After all, we wouldn't want them to think of us differently or not like us anymore and certainly we aren't cheating or doing something else destructive to them. Please don't get me wrong, I am not promoting not telling our SOs. I am merely giving one explanation for why some of us don't. It certainly would have been better for me to have done this with all my wives. But when we don't accept ourselves, we aren't real confident that the one person we think will love us forever will accept us either.
These are purely my thoughts and opinions and I am not advocating that anyone take any advice or words I have written and apply them to their own lives. This is just my feelings conjured up from this entire string. Of course now I am babbling and sobbing so at least I have that...
oh yes i have felt ashamed and i have "quit" many times. I have propably not "quit" for the last time.
The ironic thing is that i now understand that my crossdressing-shame teach me very much about life. It teach me that everything that stops me in life is fear and shame. So the shame is actually very natural and would propably be there if I did something else than crossdressing. So it doesnt matter what you do, the shame will still be there in some way and you have to defeat it.
Oh lord yessss.
My mother did, after she found me wearing a bra once. After I regained consciousness yeah.....I felt pretty bad.
Also my ex takes every measure she can, going out of her way even to make me feel like a pathetic excuse of a man. Worthless and I might just as well kill myself cuz I'll never please a woman. So after her 30 min rant everytime I call to talk to my kids I tell her "Well that's nice, anyways I'll talk to you later. Have a nice day!" It makes me all warm and fuzzy to hear her scream and throw the phone. She's must have broken about 10 by now.
I am very lucky to have missed all of this negative self-assessment both internally and externally. It may be an advantage having found Tina at age 55 and in the consort of a loving and supportive wife, since in that context I don't care at all what the world thinks and I've yet to have a negative feeling about my transgendered self. I've never even had an SA make a negative comment!
I'm sure one of these days someone will attempt to be negative towards me. I'm sure it will be a different experience.
tina
Ah ha, I have never felt that way. I have lost my wife who was revolted but we are still friends and parents and the kids are ambivilant. I sit here fully attired in BVP girlie things with wig and boots,except for my favorite VS bra. I hope you will get to feeling better, life is good.
I know that for me, I have to deal with the LDS church saying that it's mental confusion, an addiction, just something wrong and sick. Yet for me it's relaxation to let my feminine side out. Hiding only tires you out. And, that's how I feel alot of the time.
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Twitter: https://twitter.com/CassieCD90
When my mom found out long ago, she used to call me a sissy and told me I would not amount to anything if I kept doing it. My dad said "he will grow out of it" and never really seemed too concerned. Well, I have been made fun of for other things more than for my cd. I am freakishly tall at 6'7" and was very skinny in school. People used to call me anorexic. If you are skinny, big people call you toothpick. If you are big, you get called jelly roll. If you cd, automatically society calls you a faggot, a term used against gay sexual orientation in a hateful way. Makes no sense when I think most dressers are not gay at all. There is no need to ever feel guilty. Feel bad for them that they refuse to take the time to understand something that could affect them one day.
"If you think you can or can't, you're right" -Henry Ford
Of course I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed when I was caught one day after school wearing my older sister's clothes. My family really came down hard on me. I was confused by all of this because it almost seemed like femininity was forced on me all my life. I was allowed to have a doll when very young. Had to wear sister's underwear when mine were 'dirty'. Was baptised at the age of about 3 and a half in a very frilly and nylon dress or silky dress (which I don't remember, but I have seen a few pictures of myself). Was put into a dress when I got my boy clothes dirty. Very humiliating. When I was in the fifth grade I dressed as a colonial girl for Halloween. That was the start of my searching my femininity. I did keep that secret because I knew at that time there was something wrong with that kind of behavior. Also I was always encouraged to play with my girl cousins. As a young boy I had to be a dress model for my mother when she was making dresses for a girl cousin. Remember having to wear all the necessary undies, etc, when helping her. I don't think my father ever knew about that. I spent a lot of time with my mother alone. Also was very close to my one sister.
Kelly,
Love your response. I divorced my ex 25 yrs ago, had nothing to do with dressing. For like 3 years after she left, her mother or herself would call me from time to time to give me hell. I would do just like yourself. I would tell them nice talking to you and have a nice day. It upset them both so much that they couldn't get to me.
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