How to come out?

[sara1985]

I've been dressing for a while now. My question is how do you come out to mostly your family? I'm very nervous about this even though I suspect they already know.

[Katesback]

I have said this before and will say it again. Do you plan on presenting to these people the girl? IF yes then it does make sense to come out to them. On the other hand if you have NO plans to present to them the girl then I see NO reason in telling them about this aspect of you.

Finally there is a FREAKING huge difference between telling someone your trans and ACTUALLY presenting to them the girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can easily point out the conutless people that do the telling and assume they have acceptance and then later present the girl and are crushed because there is not that assumed acceptance.

KAtie

[sara1985]

Thank you. I'm reaching the point where I can't deny Sara any longer. I want to be her whenever I'm not at work and I'm trying more and more to look like she is.

[Eryn]

Let's define "family." Are we talking about your spouse and others who live under the same roof with you, or are we talking about relatives that live elsewhere? This makes a huge difference.

[juno]

I am not sure that the way you tell someone makes a big difference, except that it is probably better to tell them in words rather than showing up dressed. The main thing is that you have to value honesty over acceptance. Not everyone will be accepting.

Some people worry that people will think CDing means they are gay, even though most of us are not. I wouldn't make it a big issue. For some people, the idea of a heterosexual male acting like a woman is far more confusing than just thinking you are gay. Personally, I would not mind if someone thinks I am gay, if that makes it easier for them at first.

[BRANDYJ]

It depends on their need to know and your need to come out to them. Yo ask how? Let me just say it in one word... CAREFULLY. I came out to a brother over 2 years ago. We have not spoken since. Foolish of me to trust his ability to accept it.
And as pointed out, what family members are we talking about? If in the immediate household, such as a wife, then yes, it would make it better if you can be accepted. If they don't live in your home, and will never see you dressed, then there is no need for them to know. it also depends on your plans. Are you planning on transition or planning to go 24/7, or are you a male that happens to crossdress from time to time? All this... and their ability to be non-judgmental and accepting needs to be taken into consideration. I failed to do that with only one person...my brother. I foolishly reached out to him at a low point in my life.

[Comet]

Some people worry that people will think CDing means they are gay, even though most of us are not. I wouldn't make it a big issue. For some people, the idea of a heterosexual male acting like a woman is far more confusing than just thinking you are gay. Personally, I would not mind if someone thinks I am gay, if that makes it easier for them at first.

Cross-dressers are in conflict with the "traditional" definition of a man ... so there really isn't much understanding yet. The gay community used to have the same problem, but they've gained some visibility. I think it's only a matter of time before some light is shed on the more complex issues of gender and orientation.

[April]

Finally there is a FREAKING huge difference between telling someone your trans and ACTUALLY presenting to them the girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can easily point out the conutless people that do the telling and assume they have acceptance and then later present the girl and are crushed because there is not that assumed acceptance.

I totally agree with you.