Anyone else not want their SO to participate?

[Karren H]

It seems to me, over the years I've been here..... from most of the posts, that getting your wives or girl friends to accept and participate in their crossdressing is the ultimate goal? Right? The holy grail!! And I concur with the acceptance but personally, I really do not want my wife participating, at all! No way!! Yes, it would be wonderful if she accepted it but I don't want her help. After 35 years of marriage, I just want something that is my own, that is not a community project. Something that doesn't require her approval or comment on. Maybe it's just me but I get enough of "you are going to wear that?" in male mode. I love picking out my fashions and accessories and makeup and hair and it just seems to me that having someone else "help" would take all that away! Or greatly reduce the enjoyment I get.... Not to mention my wife does not have the best taste in women's clothing... lol (ps, don't tell her that..) Not saying I do but our styles are totally different...

And this isn't "sour grapes" either... "My wife won't accept or help me so I don't want her help!!!" Nope.... Not at all!! So, does anyone else feel this way or am I just odd?? Odder.... Oddish....

[Lexi X]

Can I candidly say I thought it was funny you said you didn't want her opinion on cloths and then said she doesn't have good taste. You're kind of doing to her what you don't want her to do to you. You could be right tho!

Personally, I think you're crazy but you still make a valid point. For me, I guess me and my wife just have a different relationship and we've only been married for 6 years so I might get where you are someday. Do you ever critique her style when she picks out clothes? Cuz if you do then its fair that she critiques your style.

[Annaliese]

Karren you have a way of putting thing that just make sense. Thank you for all your wisdom.

[Zoe Preston]

The thing is Karren that accepting and participating are two different things. My wife's acceptance consists of not beating me with a baseball bat whilst I'm sleeping She doesn't want to see me dressed or talk much about it, so participation is a long long way off

Others may want their SO to participate because they couldn't refuse the offer. Imagine, you tell your SO, she's accepting and offers to get involved. You say "Er, no thanks I'd rather keep this to just me!" Cue one p***ed off partner

Zoe

[Mary Jane]

I do wish my wife was accepting but I would not want her participating. As Karren said, this is a part of my life that is ALL mine. Having said that I must admit I am appreciative that my wife is at least tolerable of my dressing.

[xxprincess_tiffyxx]

I guess its really a to each their own thing. I love my SO participating, its like until the last little while where. I have become totally open with my SO. I had kept Tiffany all to myself and very much burried.
Now she's out open and loving it. I like just having friends as a girl and a lover too.
Personally I couldn't be happier. I get to feel kinda like one of the girls as well as a sexy partner to my sexy partner if that makes sense haha.
Tiffany is happy n I love it!

[docrobbysherry]

At present, I do NOT have an SO. But, dreamed of having one that participated in my dressing!

On a CD dating site, I had a few offers from GGs to help, "Doll U all up and do your makeup!" Some even described the LOOKS they wanted for Sherry!

And, thinking about a stranger involved with my creation of/becoming Sherry, freaked me out!

I now realize that creating/becoming Sherry is VERY PERSONAL for me!
And, I'm not ready to share that with anyone. Even with someone I'm intimate with! ( I had that opportunity last year, and shied away!)

However, unlike u, I would LOVE help with dressing Sherry AFTER I've become her!

[LisaM]

I am completely with you on this, Karen. My wife knows, tries to understand and does not want to participate.

[ChristineM]

Zoe, shouldn't that be a cricket bat? The usual comment from my wife, when she rarely comments, is "you're still doing it, aren't you?" I can't even imagine at this point her participating or whether I'd want her too.

[Kelly Blaine]

Karren,
I to feel the same way. My life as Kelly is my life and I really don't want her to participate since she is not accepting at all.

[Denise69]

Having been there on both sides. I love having my SO involved. I believe it has created a more open and stronger bond between us. My first ex was neither accepting or participatory ( she didn't know), My second ex accepted but didn't want involvment after a while, and then didn't want to know about it at all. While it is a "me" time, I love having the ability to share it openly with me partner.

[Debra Russell]

My wife in the beginning has given me acceptence on a level of ,OK I just dont want to know but it has gradually moved to looking at my pics and buying my clothes - something I might have said looked really cute or something. Yestrday we went shopping, she offered to buy me boots but couldn't find any I liked. She bought a pair of purple slacks and a sweater "we both could wear" (I modeled them for her when we got home) but still she keeps "Debra at arms length" I said it would be more fun to go shopping if I were dressed, that way we could both try on clothes, she replyed I'am not there yet but does that mean there's hope But to the question, do I want her to participate? No not in general other then the shopping, I like that she accepts, a little participation might be nice but in general mabe a little uncomfortable. Going out with my granddaughter as Debra is a whole different matter - lots of fun So I think it's a matter of what level of acceptence the person is on that you are out with

[Karren H]

Can I candidly say I thought it was funny you said you didn't want her opinion on cloths and then said she doesn't have good taste. You're kind of doing to her what you don't want her to do to you. You could be right tho!

Personally, I think you're crazy but you still make a valid point. For me, I guess me and my wife just have a different relationship and we've only been married for 6 years so I might get where you are someday. Do you ever critique her style when she picks out clothes? Cuz if you do then its fair that she critiques your style.

Your not the first or will be the last to think I'm certifiable!! My wife and I do almost everything together and that has bound us together but even in a good relationship you need some personal time, to time apart.. I was listening to the news on the up coming Super Bowl and the stripper to visitor ratio of 1:30. And how everyone goes to the strip clubs.. which brought up a question in my mind.... Would you rather have a husband that loves getting lap dances at strip clubs or one that crossdresses and goes shopping when out on a business trip? Lol.

[Alice Torn]

I agree with Karren and Sherry. It freaks me out too, to think of anyone messing with my creation, even a pretty GG. Karren, another reason you don't want your wife helping, is, she may try to force you to wear JEANS!!!!!!!!!!

[TGMarla]

Count me in! Never mind that my wife is not approving of my crossdressing. If she were, I really don't know how I'd react. It's always been something deeply personal to me, and I've always pursued it on my own and by myself. I'm used to it being a solitary endeavor. Yes, I'd prefer her acceptance. Yes, I'm curious as to what it'd be like to have an accepting and even a participating wife. But I don't. And were she to one day ask to see me in all my feminine glory, I'm sure I'd be very nervous, and perhaps at this point even unwilling to go along with it.

[Heather Daniels]

I agree with you Karren. My time is my time. My wife has hobbies that I don't participate in, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me to participate. When I dress, I enjoy the sheer relaxation it gives me. If she were involved, it may not be as relaxing anymore.
While I would like acceptance, I'm just not ready to spill all the beans to her yet. I also don't know if I would want her to see me all dolled up. Crossdressing is a very personal thing to me, and for now at least, I'm happy keeping it to myself. This is something that I have struggled with internally for almost 40 years. When "us older girls" were growing up, we had none of the resources that our younger "sisters" have today. We thought we were the only odd balls in the world doing this. We were so very alone in our thoughts and I think that has carried over into our adult lives. Maybe thats why I'm afraid to come out to my wife completely. I still feel as though this is something that I and I alone, need to address. I'm just not sure that I want anyone else involved with it. There is still a stigma involved with cd'ing, even if it's our own internal stigma. Some of us have gotten over it....others have not. I haven't.

[ChristineM]

Your not the first or will be the last to think I'm certifiable!! My wife and I do almost everything together and that has bound us together but even in a good relationship you need some personal time, to time apart.. I was listening to the news on the up coming Super Bowl and the stripper to visitor ratio of 1:30. And how everyone goes to the strip clubs.. which brought up a question in my mind.... Would you rather have a husband that loves getting lap dances at strip clubs or one that crossdresses and goes shopping when out on a business trip? Lol.

Ah, I tried a question like that once with my wife but can't remember what it was. Did you know that losing memory of events before a blow to the head is called retrograde amnesia?

(Just a little exaggeration. I got a dirty look was all.)

[Marissa]

Karren, even though I don't have an SO at this time, I totally understand and agree with your thoughts..that sometimes 'we' needs to be 'me' to keep some sanity about ourselves. You have chosen dressing as your place and put up an electric barbwire fence with a few flash grenades to give warning when your 'area' has been comprimised These are some things that can keep a relationship healthy and not give that feeling of being suffocated...

I had issues about 'my space' towards the end of my marriage..before saying 'I do', I went through the trouble of putting my military memorabelia up on the wall of 'my room' which is not an easy thing for me as I was always moving every few years so it wasn't uncommon for me to have bare walls, even in my office, so I could be in a state of always ready to move when ordered.

Once married, things seemed to change.."we have to move this to make room for that.." seemed to be the normal practice.. Well we got a new house but I had to work in another state for a couple of years. Each time I came 'home', I looked around and didn't see 'me'. So I made a comment about that. "Sure you are here..see a pic here and here of us"...ohhhh kkkk... She even converted what was to be my office space into a bedroom for her youngest so he could use the downstairs bathroom.."Well you are not here all the time"

So one day it finally hit me, this is not my home..there is no 'me' in the picture..so I knew to find me, I would have to end us. Now that is a simple picture but it was so true. There was no 'me' anymore..and sadly, the cost would be an end of a marriage to find me..

Now I have all the space (5/3/2 two-story home) to be 'me' since its only my oldest daughter and I..youngest just moved out..

sorry for the long story..but I wanted to show how I so agree about 'me space'

Karren: I had one question, is your wife accepting to your dressing? I know that even if she is, you still want your space..and its agreeable.

Hugs,
Marissa

[suchacutie]

Am I unique in that Tina is a creation of my marriage? Bringing my feminine side to light was a joint project from the beginning, akin to "OMG, there's a woman in there!"

What I'm saying is that maybe since we started together, I can't imagine Tina's activities separate from the bond between me and my wife; it's that bond that spawned Tina and all that has flowed from that beginning.

Is it just that those of you (almost all) who started this journey alone have more trouble bringing a spouse into it as a full partner?

?

tina

[Alice B]

I know the Holy Grail is not going to happen with my wife. I am very pleased with her level of acceptance and it has taken several years to get there. About the only thing more I would like is full acceptance when dressed at home so we could spend the evening together without any hiding. I think that will come.

[Avana]

What I don't get is: if all of you ladies consider your dressing to be super personal, why are we discussing this on a public message board?

[AllieSF]

Well, being a very late bloomer, divorced and looking, I would like to find a partner who would accept, not tolerate because that probably wouldn't work for me. I don't dress every day and do not feel the need to. But I do need to dress and to get out into the real world to interact with all those wonderful people out there. That is my personal driver at the moment. I would love for my partner to participate in that sometimes, but maybe not all the time. That remains to be seen and explored after I find that elusive and special partner. Since you, Karren, have a wife that knows and appears to only tolerate, I can totally understand your point of view and agree with it 100%.

[Heather Daniels]

What I don't get is: if all of you ladies consider your dressing to be super personal, why are we discussing this on a public message board?

Alana, I would rather this not be a public messgae board, but it is , and it's really the only outlet a lot of us have.

[Rhonda Jean]

Straddling the fence here, how about both? Having a girlfriend who totally accepts, encourages, and enjoys the whole thing is a new thing for me. I've found, though, that I still need some time when it's my own very personal thing. I think I've been in public alone for so long that it's become an integral part of the whole experience. It's rather hard to explain. Maybe it's that I'm not accustomed enough to her being with me that I just can't quite be myself. We have a long distance relationship, so for now it works.

The other side of the fence is, there is truly nothing like complete openness out of the public eye. Maybe couples who do their makeup togither, stay together! Seriously, of everything I do that is cd related, getting dressed together is the best! I feel more accepted, more complete, and more loved when we're sharing the mirror doing our hair and makeup, and when she sees me putting on a bra and panties as just a part of getting dressed. Just as freeing is being able to talk openly about about it without feeling you're betraying some masculine ideal. There's something pretty special about being able to ask something like, "Leggings or a skirt with this top?"

[WillowWriter]

If I every get a girlfriend, I'd like her to help me out with crossdressing and accept it. It'll make me so happy, and make it not a secretive, non-honest relationship. It'd kill me inside. That's my hope, but I can understand wanting something for yourself.