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Thread: Is it a fetish? Can it be cured?

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Dec 2010

    Is it a fetish? Can it be cured?

    Hey y'all. Me again. I just wanted to update everyone on what has been going on since I last posted about my wife finding out. I read every post several times. I appreciate the good advice. After hearing from you I decided it would be the best idea to go with my wife to marriage counseling and see where that would take us. I really had a hard time not just breaking out of the waiting room door.

    But it wasn't all bad. After hearing my wife unload on me about this for 20-30minutes the therapist asked me a few questions. I was truthful about how I feel which made my wife cry even more but I answered some way difficult questions. After all this I came away with a lot to think about. I saw a lot of things through my wife's eyes. I could see how poor of a husband I have been outside of the crossdressing issue. I'm lousy at communication. I'll admit I have a lot to work on. But that's not the reason for my post.

    The therapist was 100% convinced that I have a satin/pantyhose fetish. He descibed it as no more than a sexual addiction. He says it is curable. He descibed using a 12 step program a lot like AA that he thinks would cure me. But he definitely told me that it is a sexual deviance. So how am I supposed to react to this?

    I had a few thoughts after I left this guy. One, this started when I was 4 or 5 years old. I had no idea what sex even was then. How does that work? Next, other than just to keep my wife happy and save my marriage, I really don't want to be "cured". I realized I've been lying to my wife about this subject, but if this is part of who I am for the last 35+ years, won't denying this part of me be simply living a different lie?

    So my questions, Is it a fetish, and can it be cured?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Debglam's Avatar
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    Nov 2010
    Northern California
    Hi Samantha,

    Was this therapist trained in gender issues? You probably need to talk to someone who "gets" this stuff to figure out where you are and then talk to a marriage counselor. Maybe the same person, maybe not.

    Best of luck with this.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Feb 2010
    Im sorry to tell you this..

    Some therapist believe they can cure this so called fetish...I have never personally met anyone who has been cured and if it works give me his number.. I would see a professinal one who deals with Gender Identity issues..A therapist does not need a degree and is just mostly someone to whom you pay to talk to..

    Go with the gut instinct but be fore warned it's best to deal with a pro.
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Stephanie Miller's Avatar
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    May 2006
    I agree with Deb. I would check to see how trained this counciler is in TG issues. I have done many Outreach programs with groups of councilers that had not been up to speed or had really no actuall training at all in this field. Find out the facts. Not saying this person isn't trained and that the advice given to you isn't correct - just check.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Denver CO
    Cured? are you sick? I don't think so. Some things just don't need to be "cured".

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    South Western PA
    I'm sure if you give him enough money then eventually you will be "cured". also knows as running out of money and not able to buy satin panties any more!! Lol.
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
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  7. #7
    Member Lainie's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    Sugar Land, TX

    time to get a new counsellor

    This one is not going to help you & your wife.


    You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!

  8. #8
    New Member Salina's Avatar
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    Jan 2007
    I think you should ask the therapist your questions. As a recovering alcoholic and drug addict who went through the AA and NA programs and has been sober for 16+ years, I will tell you I am not cured. I am still an alcoholic/addict, just a sober one. So your therapist is off base if he believes alcoholics/addicts get "cured". If I were cured I could drink responsibly. I do believe that if someone wants to bad enough they can stop crossdressing. I don't think that "cures" them of being a CD though. Only you can answer the question of whether you have a satin/pantyhose fetish.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Mansfield, UK
    I don't wish to slag off 'Therapists', but to assume you have a 'fetish' that can be 'cured' seems a bit presumptuous to me.

    In my opinion, crossdessing is a life-style choice not a disease that can be cured.

    I may annoy some people with this comment, but I think the only thing your therapist sees is dollar signs.

    Last edited by aliceeliot; 02-04-2011 at 06:23 PM.

  10. #10
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Aug 2005
    I have to admit that this therapist seems to be confusing issues. I would suggest a separation of ideas:

    1) Communication and understanding within the marriage apart from any transgenderism. Those are real issues that need to be worked on in any marriage. This is a good direction.

    2) Transgenderism is not something to be solved or cured, unless you call understanding your feminine self a "solution". If he wants you to come to grips with your transgenderism, that's one thing, but if you started at age 4 or 5, how does the therapist possibly think this has anything to do with a fetish? I think that this is not the therapist for this area of your relationship issues.

    just my 2cents.


  11. #11
    Boy with a girlie streak kay2's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    This sounds like a sadly simplistic analysis by a therapist with no training in such issues. I went to a therapist with an SO many years ago. We were working on some issues unrelated to the CDing. However, my SO brought up the CDing as an issue that concerned her. The therapist's response was to ask her why it concerned her so much.

    The reality is, you can find a therapist to support any particular bias, and unfortunately you came upon one with a rather naive perspective on these issues. I would not go back to that therapist no matter what.

    One might just as well ask, what would one think of a woman with the same attitudes towards clothing that you have? Presumably there would be no stigma.

  12. #12
    Female Spirit Bernadina's Avatar
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    Apr 2004
    BC, Canada
    Seems to me that this therapist is about to release a paper on "Fetish really is a Disease" that needs to to be hammered with toxic drugs. Voilla, richer therapist.

  13. #13
    Member AnnaCalliope's Avatar
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    Nov 2010
    Portland, Oregon
    Any therapist that tells you crossdressing/gender dysphoria/being transgendered is "curable", is either very naive, or lying through their teeth. There is no cure, magic pill, medication or radical therapy that will change the feelings we all have about wanting to wear women's clothing or be female. Its entrenched far to deep into our minds for anything short of maybe a lobotomy to get rid of.

    Its been said many times already, and I will reinforce it here: FIND A NEW THERAPIST.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Alice B's Avatar
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    Jan 2007
    San Diego
    In my opinion he is not qualified to deal with gender issues. "curable". I don't think so.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Jenny Gurl's Avatar
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    Aug 2009
    Your therapist is mistaken in my opinion. I have read several posts on this site and would consider it a lot more realistic sample of real crossdresser information. I can tell you I was born this way. I denied it myself, telling myself it was a fetish, I will grow out of it, the right woman will make it go away, etc, etc. Due to the increased difficulty in society with this I would have loved for it to go away a few years ago, until I found this discussion forum. This forum helped me understand that I can't' get rid of my fem side without losing many of the good personal traits that make me who I am. I'm not crazy and neither are you. Your therapist is not familiar with gender issues, and I would highly recommend you don't see this particular one again. He will only support your SO opinion that it is a curable fetish and it is not. This will only solidify in your SO mind that she was right and that you choose to do these things and it is curable. You need a real licensed therapist who is familiar with gender issues. A real therapist will help you figure this thing out, then help your SO understand it. After you both understand it is not curable, the only thing left is to determine boundaries you can both live with. This is my opinion, I am not a licensed therapist, but I did sleep at a holiday inn express. A local tri ess support group may be able to recommend one or you can just google gender identity therapist and your state and you may get some numbers. You always have our support here.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Cassandra Lynn's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    As to your main question, without bonified proof that we can be cured in any manner, i'd say that i agree with all the suggestions of looking for another more qualified theapist.

    But i have another thought here, and your comment about living a different lie brought it to mind. If you both carry on with this therapist and your wife thinks you'll be cured you will indeed be carrying on a self perpetuating lie.
    I too am a recovering alcoholic and Salina is right we will never be cured, we medicate through the 12 steps, but the disease remains. That this wannabe would make that comment is a glaring indicator of his qualifications.
    Btw, and this is IMO, i'm also not comfortable with this guy likening CD/TG, or gender issues of any kind to substance abuse, but that as they say is another thread.

    Serenity through Femininity
    Life isn't about waiting out the's about learning to dance in the rain.

  17. #17
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Oct 2005
    Southwest USA

    How ridiculous!

    Sexual deviation? Look, the word "deviate" (v) means to go against the flow of the differ from the norm. I'm not arguing about crossdressing being "normal". Since most people don't do it, that means it's not normal. But left-handedness is not normal either. So that must make left-handed people "physio-deviant".

    You boil this all down to gravy, there are people who just like certain things more than other things. But no one told some of us that we had to choose from one list, and not the other. Women like clothing in certain styles and and certain fabrics. I like knit acrylic, for instance, but that's bad because I'm not really a woman. It's okay for some people to like knit acrylic and not others? Men can't like lace because only women can wear it? Men like it, too, or they wouldn't tell their women that they look pretty when they wear lace. So we approach clothing likes and dislikes way differently than we approach other things, like food for instance. Some people like broccoli; some like Brussels sprouts. Most people like tomatoes; I'm not crazy about them fresh. But I love everything you can do with them. Cars? People love Corvettes, but frankly, I'm not crazy about them. You want one? Go ahead. I prefer the Cobra, or a GTO.... I found out a long time ago that despite the fact that I'm a guy, I really like feminine things, and I really love wearing dresses. Hey, not my fault! I'm just wired that way. You can't force yourself to like some things and not others.

    So that therapist telling you that you can be "cured", what is that? Is he going to "retrain" your brain so that you don't like satin or pantyhose anymore? So if you go out on the town, and your wife puts on some silky hosiery and a satin dress, that you're no longer going to appreciate it? Or is it that you just won't wonder what it feels like to wear it yourself anymore? How's he going to do that? Hypnosis?

    Maybe you should stand up for yourself, since it's all out of the bag now anyway. You're not some "deviant". You're just you, and you're not a bad person. You may need to communicate better, but that has nothing to do with your so-called "fetish". If you and your wife, after all this is out in the open, still want to work on your relationship, you'd better get your ground rules in along with everyone else's. Seems to me that you're being given the ultimatum, while the choice is clearly hers, not yours. Nothing is ever going to get you to not like satin and pantyhose. If you want to curb your crossdressing, that's up to you. But you have to want to curb it. If you just try and artificially supress it, you'll be unhappy and frustrated, chasing an ideal that you will never truly enjoy. My advice to you is to try and explain to her how you really feel about everything, and try and reach some suitable compromise that works for the two of you. It may mean that you'll keep your activities private, or it may not. But just brainwashing yourself into "curing" your "sexual deviancy" is not the way to go about things. If you pursue that path, you will regret it forever.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!

    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

  18. #18
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Quote Originally Posted by Samantha X View Post
    Is it a fetish
    For some, yes, for others, no.
    and can it be cured?
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  19. #19
    Formerly Deborah Whitney
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Minneapolis, MN
    Maybe this therapist can be "cured" of his illness ... the one that makes him assume, after fifty minutes, that you have a fetish that can be "cured".

    I wouldn't try to cure him, though. Just let him know of his illness.

  20. #20
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    Mo. Ozarks
    Oh yes it's a fetish and a sex thing! I had this FETISH and knew all about sex when I was four so did my grandson at that age! NOT!!!!!!

  21. #21
    Member herwannabe's Avatar
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    Oct 2008
    Oklahoma Hills
    I suppose it is a fetish since I really enjoy crossdressing and as much as I enjoy it then it must be a fetish. As for a cure, I would have to want to be cured for a cure to work and besides that We are not the ones that are sick, They are!
    I have been to numerous shrinks ( for other reasons) over the course of my 57 year life time and I have come to the conclusion that most do not have a clue as to what the hell they are talking about unless they specialize in a certain area. A marriage counselor knows about marriages but not a damn thing about Crossdressing, so my unbiased opinion to keep the family together see the right type of therapist then maybe you and you SO can come to an understanding because I feel that there is no cure for CDing

    The reason you close your eyes when you dream, when you kiss, and when you pray is because the best things in life aren't seen with your eyes, but are felt with your heart.

  22. #22
    Member Being Paige's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Ontario, Canada
    Hmm, so what is a left handed cross dresser! just wondering. LOL
    seriously, I think you went to the wrong type of therapist to talk about this. Also I think that if your going to go to a therapist you should start by going alone and then get your wife to join in after a few meetings. Just my thoughts

  23. #23
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    This "therapist" probably doesn't have much if any experience with gender issues. I don't think (s)he is the right therapist for you and your wife from the sounds of things.

    Crossdressing is almost always for life.

  24. #24
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    Jan 2011
    Mo. Ozarks
    [QUOTE=Being Paige;2401193]Hmm, so what is a left handed cross dresser! just wondering. LOL
    I think a left handed cross dresser is a pertty nice girl! Cause I happen to be one! But what do I know!

  25. #25
    Chloe liked her new body docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.

    Samantha, u MAY HAVE A FETISH!

    U haven't given us enuff information to properly answer!

    If you've been getting TURNED ON by wearing satin, hose, etc. I believe your therapist may be correct! U HAVE a fetish! Which in fact MAY BE deviant from the norm!
    Of course, that also may just be the tip of the CD iceberg!

    If u DON'T get turned on by wearing those things, I must agree with the other posters, you r seeing the WRONG COUNSELOR!

    However, if u DO simply have a dressing fetish and nothing more, I believe it MAY BE CURABLE!

    I had a strong bondage fetish that virtually disappeared!
    Now, I find out Sherry's suddenly getting interested in it!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 02-04-2011 at 09:39 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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