Missed Opportunity

[joanne51]

For those of us who are in steady, long term relationships (even marriage) whose CD'ing is kept from our partners we all wish for the opportunity to break the ice and find out her thoughts without admitting to what we do.

Well the other day we were out shopping when she said 'It makes a change to wear a skirt for a change' to which I replied 'yes I wouldn't mind wearing a skirt occasionally!'

Now when she came back with 'why don't you, there's nothing stopping you' I missed the chance to say 'are you sure?'

The annoying thing is that I'm at the point in my life where I would love (may be desperate for) my CD'ing to really take a new direction. And yet I couldn't risk springing it on her without an opening such as this.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?

[linnea]

Oh, yes, before I disclosed my CDing to my wife, these situations would come up quite often--and I almost always passed them over. Occasionally I would say something like, "that would be interesting." But she never followed it with anything encouraging and I was too afraid to say more.
Now that I have told her, I can speak freely though she is still reticent to open up entirely to me about how she feels regarding my gender dysphoria.
If you really want to come out to her, the opportunity will avail itself and you will know that the moment is right, and you'll go for it.
Best wishes.

[Alberta_Pat]

I've not had that situation.

But, I would take her statement as a challenge to see how serious you are.

Are you going to accept the challenge?

[Eryn]

The opportunity is not necessarily lost. You could, during a quiet moment, say "Do you remember when you asked me..." "What would you have thought if I had said..."

If she answers honestly, you'll have a pretty good idea of where she stands regarding CDing.

Are you ready to live with that answer?

[Josie M]

When you are used to being careful about revealing a particular side of yourself, doing so becomes almost habitual. Thus, even when you start to feel ready to share, you will reflexively let such opportunities go by. Again, not voluntary so much, more force-of-habit I think.

Eventually, if it is what you want, opportunity and intent will mesh.

[Cynthia Anne]

I have never been that lucky! But as Alberta Pat said I would take it as a challenge! She may be serious!

[busker]

Now when she came back with 'why don't you, there's nothing stopping you' I missed the chance to say 'are you sure?'

If she said this without flinching, it sounds to me like she knows unless of course, you are Scots, and the skirt was a kilt. Perhaps going out shopping again, and when looking for skirts, ask 'how would that look on me?".
That's when the game turns in your favor. No sense in skirting the issue forever.

[AlanaBCD]

I have to disagree that for sure she knows. My wife used to say all kinds of stuff like this, and yet when I recently came out to her, she was shocked beyond... She totally did not know.

There was recently a thread on telling your SO. You have to decide. Remember you can't unring the bell. It can be a slippery slope. You have to be prepared for the worst.

[Kelly DeWinter]

........ she said 'It makes a change to wear a skirt for a change' to which I replied 'yes I wouldn't mind wearing a skirt occasionally!'

Now when she came back with 'why don't you, there's nothing stopping you' ..........

What missied oppertunity ?? This in legal and marital trmes is called 'implied permission' . The longer you wait the more you will have to explain. Go with a a neutral skirt, denim or black, below the knee, with a colorful men's buttondown shirt. mayby knee high socks of an approprate color with a pair of tasseled loafers black. This will give you a kind of scottish Sean Connery look.

butt ...... What are you waiting for ???? The clocks ticking !

[eluuzion]

Sounds like there is a possibility of "selective listening" going on here. We tend to interpret things according to what is going on in our world. Sometimes what we hear is what we wish to hear, instead of "hearing" the message actually being sent by the speaker.

But hey, this is an internet forum, where anything is possible...
Considering that...

Why, I am sure she is probably already suspicious of your CD interests and just giving you an opportunity to acknowledge it. She is hoping this is the moment, because she noticed that dress in the window is your size and she is anxious to see how you look wearing it when you both get home.

then again...I might be wrong...

[DonnaT]

Create a new opportunity.

Suggest a shopping trip so you can look at skirts.

[SusieB]

Careful, in my experience a statement which ends in "what's stopping you" constitutes an "over my dead body" challenge. A lot depends on the tone of voice but for sure if the hands hit the hips at the same time as the "what's stopping you" phrase was uttered you had better run for the hills.

[RADER]

Why don't you get a plain skirt, put it on at home, and walk around and see how long it takes for her
to notice it. Then tell her you took up her ideas to wear or at least try on a skirt.
Now if she explodes, well you got your answer as to how she would react to you wearing fem clothing.
If the door opens a little, and she starts laughing, then ask her "What would I look like is I had a bra?"
You never know, this just might crack the ice in a positive way. Good Luck.

Rader

[Zoe Preston]

I agree that there is a danger that we all hear what we want to hear. How about when the two of you are just relaxing you say "By the way, I'm not being funny, but what were you implying when you said that there was nothing to stop me wearing a skirt?" If she gets defensive about what was probably just a throwaway remark tell her "Well actually the idea was a bit of a turn on if I'm honest"....

After that you're on your own and good luck

Zoe

[joanne51]

A big thank you to you all for your advice and suggestions. I wish there was an easy answer to this dilemma.
We all go through it, and a few of us grab the bull by the horns and come out the other side relatively intact!

For now I think I will look carefully for another opportunity to provoke a response from her....but this time take it a stage further.

[Angiemead12]

I always pass up offers as well, I wish I had more b@ll$ to just go for it!

[CaitlynRenee]

Chuckle................. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My SO bought me my first nightgowns (three), panties, and full slip (for sleeping in) and pantyhose.

[linda allen]

For those of us who are in steady, long term relationships (even marriage) whose CD'ing is kept from our partners we all wish for the opportunity to break the ice and find out her thoughts without admitting to what we do.

Well the other day we were out shopping when she said 'It makes a change to wear a skirt for a change' to which I replied 'yes I wouldn't mind wearing a skirt occasionally!'

Now when she came back with 'why don't you, there's nothing stopping you' I missed the chance to say 'are you sure?'

The annoying thing is that I'm at the point in my life where I would love (may be desperate for) my CD'ing to really take a new direction. And yet I couldn't risk springing it on her without an opening such as this.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?

I have missed several of those opportunities. It just comes at you so quickly that you don't have time to think and react. Example: Regarding breasts, she once said "You ought to have to carry these things around all day." Missed opportunity.

[Chrissy be good]

Whenever my wife says things like that to me I'm usually caught off guard. Only later do I say to myself "I should've said _____". I need to be a little quicker and step my game up hahaha

[JenniferR771]

My wife is normally strongly disapproving. But at one time when she first found one of my dresses she said, "I should make you wear this dress!"
"No way."
What an opportunity missed! If only I had said, "You wouldn't dare!"

[DanyaKay]

I'm a quick thinker so I'd probably said something to effect of " no I like I would look better in a floral print. What do you think?".

[Rianna Humble]

the other day we were out shopping when she said 'It makes a change to wear a skirt for a change' to which I replied 'yes I wouldn't mind wearing a skirt occasionally!'

Now when she came back with 'why don't you, there's nothing stopping you' I missed the chance to say 'are you sure?'

I don't thinkthe opportunity has necessarily gone forever

The opportunity is not necessarily lost. You could, during a quiet moment, say "Do you remember when you asked me..." "What would you have thought if I had said..."

How about when the two of you are just relaxing you say "By the way, I'm not being funny, but what were you implying when you said that there was nothing to stop me wearing a skirt?" If she gets defensive about what was probably just a throwaway remark tell her "Well actually the idea was a bit of a turn on if I'm honest"....

I think both of these replies give good advice, but I would caution carefully phrasing your question so that it cannot be seen as argumentative or challenging then be careful to listen to her feelings more than to her words.

[Joanne f]

No it is not a missed opportunity it is the starting of one , the next time you see your wife looking at one of her skirts just ask " you wouldn`t happen to have one that will fit me " i have a feeling you might get a surprise answer .