How can people be so...

[brookalicious]

Becoming more active in the CD community has opened my eyes to so many incredible people... but at the same time left me wondering, how other human beings can be so willingly cruel to one another...

I have to wonder, when I see announcers on TV mocking transgendered individuals, or making fun of those who cross-dress... are they truly comprehending the hurt that they're subscribing to?

Even more so, I'm sure everyone here has an example (or more than one) of a love one, someone truly close to you, who you've let down your guard to about being CD/TG and who's taken that information only to hurt you in a way that you can't even describe.

Maybe this is just a rant, but how can human beings do this to one another? How can you willingly hurt someone so badly, simply because they're different?

An evolutionary biologist friend of mine once told me that its because the parts of our brain that control anger and emotion are 10 times closer to our nervous cortex that the parts of our brain that control love and forgiveness. That's why you hurt first, and forgive later.

If that's so, then I promise to always tell my son that to willingly hurt another person makes you less than human. Obeying laws and following rules may make you an adult, but to truly be a man, or a woman, or a human being; you should never willingly choose to hurt someone else. That kind of pain is only passed on to someone else and thus you've planted the seeds of hatred once again.

*sigh* Just a rant... just a rant...

~b

"Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge."
Chiune Sugihara

[Nick2Nikki]

I find that "fact" your friend told you extremely... dubious. While it would make evolutionary sense to hate faster than love, I'm skeptical that it's the position within the brain that causes one emotion to happen before the other. I could be wrong though.

I have a pessimistic view of humanity overall. I believe that every single person is capable of horrific deeds if put in the right situation, even if they are normally nice people. Specifically, if someone is told that an action is okay by an authority figure (or say, society), then people will carry out actions that they wouldn't otherwise (see the Stanford Prison Experiment and Milgram Experiment). On top of that, some people just aren't nice. So, when you have a non-verbal minority, more visible as a group of stereotypes than as a group of people (how many people know a transgender person who's out of the closet?), it's not surprising that transgender people are labeled as acceptable to abuse by society. And if society labels a group as acceptable to abuse, then who is the normal citizen to argue? Most people are too weak to argue against the "authority" that is society at large, at least on their own, of their own volition.

Of course a great many people will treat you fairly as a transgender individual, and I personally have been lucky enough for the people I've met to fall into that category. Then again, it probably helps that the authority of society is becoming more open to the idea of people who are different, or I create my own authority through my confidence which overrides the authority of society, if only temporarily.

[brookalicious]

Nicki
I thought for a long time just like you did -- sort of that all of human existence is universal, but the more I think about it, its quite simply not. Yes, we're all capable of wonderful things, but we're still bound by the same regulations that evolution has imposed upon us. Anger, hatred, protectiveness, social hierarchy are all the quickest, most sensitive emotions. Why does it take so long to forgive, and yet its so easy to be hateful?

Why do sociopaths lack the ability to feel empathy? Because their brains, are, quite simply, not developed... or damaged. I don't know... I guess I wonder to myself, if its so easy to hate and hurt... do we have any hope as a species?

It's easy to love your children...and your parents... but what about the bum on the street? Or the boss that fired you last week... I'm not religious, but maybe Jesus had one thing right -- to love your neighbor as yourself, is more than being simply human. It the first step to being something else, something better.


I just want to say, to all of you:

At some point in my life, I met you. I may not have met you in person, but I met someone like you; someone confused... someone alone... someone who needed help. And instead of offering my hand, I turned the other cheek.

And I'm sorry. You all deserved more than that. If you ever met me somewhere; somehow; someway; please remember that you were the better, not I.

~b

[JohnH]

Some people are insecure. If they can drag others down they can feel better about themselves.

Johanna

[Chickhe]

Half of the problem is we are too sensitive and the other half is they are too insensitive. They don't understand the hurt they cause and we make the mistake of believing the intention is evil. Education is the key.

[Marissa]

I'll have to give you a 'thank you', Chickie, for the last comment on your post Education may be the key.

But alas, I have to give in to the side of 'survival' Maybe its in a human's natural instinct to survive and that includes not losing our identity. Even with a majority in rule, the minority will do whatever it takes to become equal or surpass the majority. And then the roles are reversed.

How is that story told that two on a deserted island can be friends...add a third and one will be an outcast. What if you were that outcast, would you do something mean to remove one from the picture? Will you do something to gain what the other two have? or will you go to the far side of the island and let it be?

We find commonality, for the most part, on this site (even though at times the lines are drawn within) as to how bad a crossdresser may be treated. That is what you are feeling at this time..the cruelty of others against crossdressers.

What about how we were cruel in our own ways? Were you not part of a 'social clique'? Did you treat others cruel since they did not belong or you wanted to 'survive' in the social order. I know I have and am sorry for it..even now at my age, I may still do it but its not on purpose and would stop if I realized it.

Will we survive? Maybe..or maybe our extinction will be caused by our need to survive.

Marissa

[brookalicious]

"Even a hunter cannot kill a bird which flies to him for refuge."
Chiune Sugihara

A few days ago I was leaving our gym and a teenager, not much younger than my son, asked me if I would play ping poong with him. It was just a table
Something deep down inside me told me to ignore him and move on....What the hell was I thnking? ..... aaaaugh... I only ask for the strength, when the time comes, to be strong enough to make the *true* decision. All he needed was someone to hang out, and i refused...

[Cynthia Anne]

I have always been for the underdog, the little man the one who try's and try's but cant seem to get it right type of person and I have seen a lot of foolish hurt! For the life of me I cant understand why one human has hatred for another!

[DaniPat]

Hi Brook,
I don't think anyone will have an easy solution or even a workable solution as long as bigotry is perpetuated from parent to child. If bigotry can be overcome then understanding and empathy should soon follow. I actually think that education is the key, but the kind of education where there is role reversal to some magnitude, to teach others how it is to be the minority, or how some groups are treated, may work. Many European nations have less bigotry than we in the US, although, that is not to say that bigotry has been expunged from their societies completely. It has been reduced through the generations by, what I think of as, a shift in the view of society toward other creeds or races, even other religions. Our ancestors fled Europe to practice freedom of religion and freedom from persecution. But they brought many bigoted views on race or creeds with them. The Puritans brought such a restricted view of sex and the naked body that it stunted how Americans view sex and the naked body to this day. Through all of those generations that view point has not been eradicated but it has been modified to some extent. Education and time will eventually win the day. As a group in the minority we can only influence those we meet. So in essence it starts with us to change the view point of a world toward those of us who are "Gender Challenged", we actually exhibit more traits of the opposite sex than what we are. I only hope that you can eventually see the world for what it can become and not the few who make it what it currently is. Be of good cheer, you have more friends than you know. Your posts point toward someone who is a very kind person and I would like to extend the hand of friendship. I know the south is full of red necks who are ignorant of anything which is different. If my grand daddy did it and my daddy did it then I will do it is the type of mentality of which I speak. I spent 8 years in S.C., love the beauty and friendliness, but I saw the good old boy network in action. Personally that is the part of the old south I would like to see gone. Anyway sorry to rant also. Take care and I hope you someday see the good about you and focus on that. Until then you have quite a few friends here in this community, TTFN

Danielle

[juno]

My opinion is that dislike of people different than you has an evolutionary basis. Evolution occurs by survival of one small population over another. When times are tough, the group that is willing to survive at the expense of another group is the one that survives genetic selection. That is why racism flares up when the economy is bad. When times are good, the haters are detrimental to the group, and diversity is also good. Even if this is right, it is a primitive as getting girlfriends by clubbing them and dragging them to your cave.

[crossdrezzer1]

people mock what they dont understand

[Gerrijerry]

I personally believe that most of the hate in the world is based on religious beliefs. If you don't believe the way I do then anything from hate to killing is ok. So being CD or anything else is a target unless you follow what ever rule that someone else says is correct. Thanks to education most people are realizing that religious fanactics have only one agender themselves.

[t-girlxsophie]

Some people are so preoccupied with trying to be the big "I am" that they will set out to hurt anyone that they perceive to be lesser human beings so as to try and make them out to be the big shot.

[CaitlynRenee]

Throughout my life, I always wondered what I was missing in not knowing other people who were different. I found out the hard way that SOME of those 'different' people would seek you out and hurt you if they could. Their reasons didn't matter except to them. What I found out about them was that they didn't matter and you couldn't change them. Ignorance is bliss and there are SO many who content and happy in their blissful ignorance.

What I also found out (much later sadly) was that I wasn't the only one who had the same feelings and enjoyment of delicate fabrics, soft and frilly lingerie, gentler moments and sensitivity. It doesn't make me any less of a human being at all. In fact, I feel so much more complete when en femme. Even donning just a soft pair of panties, tones me down a bit. I appreciate that in me. I admire those of us who can feel the same way and talk about it.

Our community is unique. Too bad we aren't (as a rule), comfortable enough to meet one another, both in drab mode and/or en femme, grab a cup of coffee, talk football and Bali bras or panties and motorcycles at the same time. Yeah, I know, Starbucks would never be the same.......

I for one would welcome the chance to spend time with some of the other girls, dressed or not.

[Jannette H]

Education is the key, "IF" they want to be educated.
Some just don't.