A road trip with my wife

[jjjjohanne]

My wife and I had a weekend get away. We started out driving and I swapped my pants for some shorts. I was wearing a men's top, shorts, socks, and shoes. I was wearing women's nude pantyhose. We stopped at a mall and did some heels shopping for my wife (they don't have MY size). We spent about an hour in the shoe department. The attendant who was helping us never showed any sign of noticing my outfit, but sometimes attendants are cool like that. Then we walked over to the men's department and found me some exercise pants. I noticed an older woman who was sitting on a display look me up and down, but that was it. Maybe another guy noticed something odd... He was waiting in line. Beyond that, I was invisible. That is my normal experience. My wife is "tolerating" of this stuff. She was uncomfortable about going in with me dressed this way, but allowed it. During this shopping trip, she acted like she forgot how I was dressed. At the start, she seemed nervous similar to how I would get when I would first go out dressed like this.

After the mall, we stopped at a gas station. As soon as I walked in the door, something that never happens happened. One (or maybe two) of the clerks looked at me and then looked immediately at my legs. It was obvious that she noticed. She started smiling. In almost no time the second (of three) clerks was smiling too. I went about my business. I couldn't find any "Super Bubble" bubble gum. I was looking over my options and I was pretty much in view of them for a couple minutes. Then she said, "You can't find it?" We spoke briefly about what I was looking for. No odd reactions. Then I made my selection and the first woman checked me out. She still had a funny smile, but she was professional. I asked her, "You noticed, didn't you?" She played coy and said, "Noticed what?" I said, "My outfit." She said, "Yes," and blushed. I said, "Most people don't notice. Is it obvious?" She answered, "Oh yeah." I said, "I don't see how you women don't love these things," and she responded "Oh, no," and she lost that smile briefly. I asked her, "Is it bad?" She said, "I guess not if you've got that," in reference to my wedding ring. We finished up our transaction and I smiled and said, "Get yourself one more good look!" I backed up and sort of put my leg out. She smiled bigger and took a good look. Later, my wife and I were in the car about to leave and she came out to help someone. She walked in front of my car. She made eye contact with me and smiled. I waved and she waved back. For the rest of the trip, I was invisible again.

That woman looked at my legs immediately as people would look down when I have gone out in a skirt as a man. I don't know why. I have been in full sun in front of people and the never paid me any attention. Maybe she likes to look at legs or something. I don't know.

I am southern. Therefore, I am well trained to never even mention race. But I will in this case, so please pardon me. This woman was black and over 40. I have found that black women over 35 are pretty cool about this stuff. I have had three women come out and talk to me about it openly without me starting the conversation when I have gone out in a skirt. Two of them dropped everything they were doing and attached themselves to me and basically interviewed me. They had no experience with a crossdresser before. They were just very curious. They had all of the rookie questions and everything. One stuck with me in the mall. She was over 60. We ended up sitting and eating ice cream together. The other woman sat by me on the plane. She was asking me all kinds of questions in full voice. I kept shushing her. She stuck with me all the way until we had both found our luggage. Does anyone know why older black women are this way? It is fascinating (and great).

[Marie-Elise]

I am southern. Therefore, I am well trained to never even mention race. But I will in this case, so please pardon me. This woman was black and over 40. I have found that black women over 35 are pretty cool about this stuff. I have had three women come out and talk to me about it openly without me starting the conversation when I have gone out in a skirt. Two of them dropped everything they were doing and attached themselves to me and basically interviewed me. They had no experience with a crossdresser before. They were just very curious. They had all of the rookie questions and everything. One stuck with me in the mall. She was over 60. We ended up sitting and eating ice cream together. The other woman sat by me on the plane. She was asking me all kinds of questions in full voice. I kept shushing her. She stuck with me all the way until we had both found our luggage. Does anyone know why older black women are this way? It is fascinating (and great).

I think that a white Southern man taking on the clothing of a woman might be intriguing to older black women on a couple of levels.

First, you are (whether you believe it or not) a symbol of power in that region. It was especially true when they were growing up in the late 50s and early 60s. So, it is no doubt interesting to see a white man take on a physical manifestation of what, in that region, was not powerful (a woman). Now, I think that there has always been a bond between women no matter what the race. They have always been powerless and objectified in Western society. Black women have been (and still are) objectified for being exotic (think Venus Williams); white women have been (and still are) objectified as sexual playthings.

To those older black women, you are outwardly and physically giving up that power. Something that would not have happened when they were children in the South.

The second reason I think is that, as older black women, they were always thought of as "other" in the larger society. That is, living in it but not of it. A white man in a skirt shows a willingness to be "other" in a society where, were it not for that skirt, you would be living in it as well as of it. Some social scientists see black men and women's historical and current attempts to straighten their hair as a physical manifestation of the very human urge to become part of a larger community. The majority of American society was white and had straight hair, to become "of" the society, you must do the same (think James Brown, Geri Curls, etc.).

When I first moved down South, I was having a conversation about grits with a man born and raised in Tennessee. Cooking is one of my hobbies and I never thought of it as an especially feminine thing. After all, my father was a notorious womanizer with a few kids out of wedlock but he could and did often cook up gourmet meals.

So, in talking about grits, I asked how you cook them. He said that he just likes to eat them, not cook them. That's his wife's job. Gender segregation is alive and well in some (or most?) places in the US.

[Persephone]

Darn! I can't help you out, Johanne. I just went to the pantry and checked. I have "Double Bubble" and Israeli Bazooka, but no "Super Bubble." Otherwise I wouls have been glad to email you some.

So, in talking about grits, I asked how you cook them. He said that he just likes to eat them, not cook them. That's his wife's job. Gender segregation is alive and well in some (or most?) places in the US.

Southern men and women often do take pride in their gender, which is why a lot of the women look so delightfully girly. And I've heard similar things about cooking other items, but never about cooking grits. My friend is a deep Southern Baptist whose line goes way back in Southern history and it is well known in his family that he makes the best grits. Never saw his wife make 'em.

(Howsomeever, my spouse made our grits this morning).

[jjjjohanne]

It was nice to get out and be in public with my wife while wearing something pretty. But stopping at cheap restaurants and gas stations is not very fulfilling. Shopping in the mall was a great change.

I never make grits, but I like cream of wheat. Does that count?

[sissystephanie]

Cream of wheat does not count at all! It is good to eat, but that's all! Nowhere near like grits, which I do not like!

I am not southern, even though I have lived in Georgia for over 27 years. I was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest so I may have different attitudes about race. My thought is that the lady liked the look of your legs, not necessily that you had pantyhose on. Buy I will add something about wearing skirts. My dear wife passed away 6 years ago. She had always done my makeup and fixed my wig when Stephanie went out in public. After she died I decided to just go out dressed enfemme, but with no makeup or wig. I have been doing that now for almost 6 years, and only very rarely does anybody pay any attention to the fact that I am wearing a skirt!! Case in point, I have 2 Post Office boxes for business reasons. This afternoon I went to the P.O. to pick up my mail dressed totally enfemme! But of course no wig or makeup. The P.O. was rather crowded, especially around the boxes, but I don't believe anyone paid any attention to the fact that I was wearing a knee length corduroy skirt that is definitely feminine looking. People mostly don't really care about someone else's clothes, unless they are really outstanding!!