Okay so just from my own observations would you liken crossdressing to say...being gay? Or having an extra finger? Lol sorry I don't know what else to compare it to other than it seems that most are born with the desire to CD, not a choice.
Lord I hope I havnt offended anyone....
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[SIZE="3"]If you don't stand for nothing I can't really stand behind you[/SIZE]
Yikes! Someone is going to come on here and claim your saying all CDers are gay. I know that's not what you intended, and I hope others will see it that way too. One way of looking at it is a non-mainstream hobby. I mean, it's something that I enjoy doing; I enjoy talking to other CDers (hobbiests...) about it; I "collect" women's clothing (it could just as well be stamps or coins...); and it's something I mainly do alone. For some it's also a sexual fetish. For others it's a form of self expression. There are probably as many reasons to CD and there are CDers. I'm sure this isn't much help but it's the best I can do for now.
Mina Lost aka Lynda
Lol no I didn't mean it that way at all...my SO is a CDer and well I gotta say I sure hope he isn't gay...I'd be in quite the pickle then. I meant it as something you can't control...I'm just now learning how many different types of cders there are!
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[SIZE="3"]If you don't stand for nothing I can't really stand behind you[/SIZE]
Most would say it's an uncontrolable urge or compultion. Others would say it's a choice. For me it's a little of both. I've felt the urge from the about age 10. I've periodically "chosen" to give in to the urge, or not to, at verious times in my life for various reasons. I've proven to myself that I can "not crossdress" for as long as seven years. Durring that time, however, not a day went by that I didn't think about it. So, for now, I've chosen to "give in" to the urge agian. And why not? It doesn't hurt anyone, and it's fun! I truly enjoy the prosses of dressing up as a woman. Makeup, bras, breast forms, skirts - the whole thing is a blast - and don't get me talking about heels! I never smile more than when I'm doing something that makes me feel/look/act more feminine. Do I want to be a woman? Nope. My wife would NOT go for that at all, and, when I'm not in fem mode, I actually enjoy a lot of things about being a man.
I hope this helps.
Mina Lost aka Lynda
I'm uncomfortable the term crossdressing. To me, crossdressing has too many direct and indirect references to clothing and/or the act of dressing only. How about substituting it with "lifestyle"? I would consider my lifestyle as eclectic and IMHO, it's more of a attribute or gift than an oddity like an extra finger (though it would be quite a conversation piece LOL).Originally Posted by Dahlia007
Hope this helps.
Babette
Someone else's imagination is a terrible thing to waste.
Hell I can't even tell you why I CD. I know I'm not gay. I do think it could be likened to being gay, meaning its something in u when you're born.
I'm not even sure if that's correct. I just know I've had the urge to CD my whole life.
I don't think its something I can help or explain. I know its wierd and I know its only weird because of society.
I honestly don't care if its weird.
Anyway before I ramble on too much. I don't know why I CD. Well even then I know I do
It because it makes me feel really good and happy and its fun and it also turns me on.
So I suppose maybe that's why I do it. Why I tried it though? That I'm not sure of.
I do think its like homosexuality in the sense that you can't help it, its just how you feel, a way of thinking.
And when accepted and embraced can be a fun way of life.
I'm still learning more about it and about myself.
Just as people have different personalities and different ways of thinking and word thoughts, I think CDing to each individual can be different.
Some feel like they were just born the wrong gender.
Some maybe just like the feel of the fabric on the skin.
Some feel like two different people, one boy and one girl.
Some just have a very feminine side.
I guess the list could go on and on
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You know GG's who like to change their hairstyle/color, love to do make-up? it's somewhat like that. Why does someone like broccoli? Because they do.
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Its a personality rather than a physical trait for me. There was a large chunk of my youth when I thought it was a physical problem. ie I was a girl in a boys body. But I now view myself as a man, who is furtunate to think and react, quite natrualy, as a woman when I need to.
Here's a bucket list of things women do...often or sometimes all at once:
Grow hair long
Dye/highlight/frost
braid/bun/ponytail/hairclip, curl/iron
pierced ears & myriad choice of earrings
dresses & skirts...short, medium, long
lingerie:lace/silk,satin & sheer
reveal skin instead of hiding it
shave legs
pedicures/manicures....in as many colors as an artist palette can come up with
high heel shoes
high heel boots
myriad of shoe styles
sheer stockings, pantyhose pattern tights, opaque tights, leggings
jewelry & accessories
lipstick/eyeshadow/eyeliner, rouge, etc.
spa/salon/facials
shopping & impulse buying (..."Ooh, I want that Coach bag")
All that I mentioned above is a lot of stuff going on there, girlies.
We live in a world where women can fly helicopters & fire rifles on combat missions, drive racecars, run fortune 500 companies, own pick-up trucks, and play hockey. Yeah, I'm a guy, and I like doing guy things....I like doing girlie things too.
If you are a gg, you tell me what goes on your mind when you find the urge to purchase something at impulse , or why you like to go to the spa, or what made you choose to wear a skirt that day? Or why yoo chose that particular color of red for your toenails? IMO, there's something happening in women's minds, and I want to experience it too.Maybe I'm atypical of most guys. If something is pretty, I just like it. All I know is I like what I like.
I really fill that its something I was born with. Before I joined this forum I blamed my sister for dressing me when I was four! The great ladies here have proved to me that was not the case!
That about sums it up for me!
Not atypical of this guy/girl!
I have been CDing for more years than I can count;
Even though I only have 5 fingers on each hand. I am married, had 2 kids
from the first wife, Defiantly not Gay, Remarried to a very understanding Lady
who allows me my dressing Hobey, And I am retired to boot. So what
pidgin hole does that put me into????
Rader
I had NO INTEREST in dressing before age 50, Dahlia!
None what so ever!
And, I have no interest in sex or flirting with other CDs or men!
Or, going out in public dressed.
However, very little I or others say here about our CDing will be very relevent to your SO's CDing.
U need to discuss what he wants and where he wants to go with his dressing. Then, u will have to agree, or NOT agree to go along with it!
And, remember he and his dressing directions r as succeptable to change as u r!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I would tend to agree with Babette in terms of our crossdressing evolving into a lifestyle over time, and also I agree that we are likely all born with this "bug". I wouldn't go so far as call it an abnormality like a 6th finger; it's more like being born with blue eyes or red hair, or being-left-handed i.e. a genetic roll of the dice that we cannot control as individuals. And while the urge to crossdress is not common, it is not that rare either. To put it into perspective, statistics indicate that 1 out of 100 males are crossdressers, 1 out of 10 are gay, and 3 out of 100 people suffer from hay fever and related allergies. So, no, not quite like the odds of being born with the same condition the Elephant Man was.
But I also think that for most of us, crossdressing is an evolutionary process. The majority of us first become aware of these "strange" feelings around age 5 or so. This is well before puberty hits and our sexual urges start to get aroused, lending credence to what we all know - namely, that it is a gender orientation issue as opposed to a matter of sexual orientation. We then go through various stages of acceptance and denial as we become adults, marry, have children, and otherwise get on with our lives. Then WhammO! - as we get into our mid-40's and beyond, the "inner girl" starts to rattle her cage, demanding to be let out. Possibly, this is tied to andropause ("male menopause"), or simply the realization that we have more days behind us at this point than in front of us, and are no longer willing to suppress and/or deny this part of ourselves. I don't think that it is a coincidence either that most of the members here fall into that age bracket (50+) and often start going out in public around that time.
Like Babette, I prefer to call myself transgendered now as opposed to simply a crossdresser. For me, it is no longer just about wearing the clothes; it is now about being out-and-about, and actually being treated like a woman and experiecing what it is like to be one (from a social standpoint, obviously - not from a biological one). And that is still a far cry from having the sexual orientation of most "normal" women, which is to say - being sexually attracted to other men. Like most here, I am fully heterosexual, am strongly attracted to women on a number of levels, and do not "hate" my inherently male persona either. Again, I'm generalizing, but I do believe that what I have outlined above applies to most of us here...
In my opinion, the desire for men to have interests in feminine things is perfectly normal. The problem is that men also have a strong instinct for themselves and other male peers to be a "manly man", which probably was important to survival in primitive times. The result is a lot of needless emotional turmoil. Women can cross-dress and nobody notices. Men do it and everybody freaks out.
So, a cross-dresser is more like being a truly normal human and not afraid to admit it. Too many people strive to be "textbook normal" and suppress their true identity.
Juno Michelle Krahn
Normal people are weird. Stealth is another word for "in the closet".
Wow, do I ever resonate with that description. Thanks Leslie!
Eryn
i believe you are looking for the answer of yes we are born this way, not made to be so.
it could be said down to the one that we need to do this as it is part of us.
i was raised male, doing all the male things. but as far back as i can remember (early grade school) i wanted to be the one in the dress. NO i am not "gay" i like women..only. i would say most here are about the same.
but all are different with different wants and needs.
my only regret is i did not have the courage or to be able to do anything in my teens. i am now a member of the over the hill gang.
.
I cant attest to the idea of being "born this way" cause to me the jury is still out on that one. But Im a happily married guy with no interest in men. Every morning when I wake up if my body could work on its on without a mind to tell it what to do, my body would dress enfemme. My mind however tells it no...youre a guy dummy. And if anyone ever wants to know what its like to wake up like i do and have your body trying to do one thing and your mind trying to do another, just wake up and try putting your shoes on the wrong feet. You can put them on, but it just isnt right. Just a brief look at how i feel about it.
Good question, Dahlia. I think Leslie is right. Somehow we are born with the urge to cd. Just as some men are born gay, some women lesbian, and some of both transexual. And perhaps a crossdresser is really a sort of half transexual, that really enjoys being a man, (and sometimes a woman). True, for me and many others there is a sexual fetish element.
There must be some advantage to the above concepts--otherwise they would disappear from the gene pool just as quick as six fingers.
I have said this many times. When it comes to myself I just like the looks and the clothing. I like skirts, and the feel of leggings or hose on my legs. I despise how men are limited to pants, and only a specific times shorts when it comes to the below the waist. I like long hair, and see no reason only women should be able to benefit from makeup.
If there is an urge, it is an urge to have more latitude in self expression. I don't like the "manly" look, I like the lithe and flexible fem look. I am fond of the looks of Tolkien's elvish people. Graceful and beautiful, both men and women.
I don't know why it is men kinda got left to having only baggy clothing, always with pants, which hide our body shapes. No wonder most men just "let themselves go". One of my main motivators to stay in shape is my catsuits.
If I slip one on, and there is a bit more of a pudge, I start excercising more and eating less junk food.
I am not into men, and do not put down those men that are into men. I just like women. I just like to take on many aspects of them. My ideal appearance is a fine mix of the two.
"I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.
I am now 78 and have been crossdressing since I was somewhere between 6 and 7! But I am definitely not GAY, having been married for almost 50 years and have 2 wonderful children! I have no desire to be a woman, and never have had that desire. I just like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing better than men's clothes. Sure I wear men's clothing when it is appropiate to do so. But when I have the opportunity, such as while I am writing this, I am totally enfemme! But to those who know me well I am a "manly" man even though I wear skirts and dresses! Just don't make me mad or you will find out!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
I liken it to being normal. It's everyone else that's odd.
- AF
Look girl, act girl, feel girl ... be girl.
No, I was not born this way. I was born transsexual. Did girly things as a child. Was dressed s few times by my mother and aunt but as soon as the dresses came off I no longer wanted to wear girl clothes. Dressed as a girl for halloween when I was in the fifth grade. Because I overheard comments from some girls about me wearing a dress I decided to see for myself what they were talking about. I did more experimenting after that and really could have stopped CDing at anytime. It wasn't until I hit the right combination of clothing (after hearing some other comments) that I became HOOKED.
I think I would liken it to a talent for art or music. (Not that we could call crossdressing a "talent.")
Some people have an inborn talent for art or music, but just never get the instruction or impetus to make anything of it. Other people flail their whole lives, sincere in their efforts, but without a lick of talent.
So, there has to be some innate predilection, and a trigger of some sort.
Instead of saying "like being gay ... or having an extra finger" I think its more like being born blond or a redhead - being a cross dresser is just who we are. The characterization of "having an extra finger" suggests an abnormality - I know the public in general considers cross dressing abnormal - but, I feel perfectly normal. I just feel repressed because most the "normal" people out there cannot accept that there's another harmless option.
BTW - I read somewhere that about 90% of cross dressers are hetro, not gay.
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