Still wrapping my head around CDing

[Kate Simmons]

Already have that which you need but you are not a "Jedi" yet. You must still face yourself and your feelings.

[GingerLeigh]

Gotta be careful on this one. I don't want to step on toes....

Born this way, sure. I think most of us would agree to a certain extent. Liken it to homosexuality? Sure, why not? I'm not gay and I'm out of my comfort zone of personal knowledge, but I would assume they were born gay as well. I think there's a bit of feminine brain in all of us so yeah, we're related. It's just different part of our brains that's feminine and gives feminine impulses. The amount of the feminine brain in each of us differs as well. This could explain why some of us transition, and some of us never go all out to pass as women. The fact that there are so many of us out there makes me believe its not an abnormality. Unusual yes, an abnormality would infer that it rarely occurs.


Ginger

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm still trying to wrap my head around crossdressing and I've been doing it for years. Leslie has a good take on it and I like how she put it, read her post again. I've read that gender is neutral or even female in the early stages of gestation. Then the hormones wash over the thing that will become us and differentiation begins in multiple ways. I like to believe that the wash and rinse cycle is done differently for those of us who end up as a crossdresser or transgendered or transexual or homosexual. After birth and as we grow up we have to find ways to deal with all the feelings and attractions as new cycles of hormones move thought our bodies and minds. We grow and find ways to mostly fit within a standard worldview. But there is a lens through which we view the world that changes our perception of how we want to experience gender.

So we end up confused, embarrassed, needing to express ourselves and explore our life, wanting explanations and most commonly finding judgement instead. Then we begin to pair up with someone we are attracted to, most commonly female, and try to match their expectations. For some it is a very, very strong conflict and gets worse and for others its manageable. No single answer, just a sliding scale that isn't necessarily stable. How we manifest our unique version of gender expression ranges widely and you can find it here.

The important thing to remember is none of us will do this just to make your life difficult or to hurt you. That may happen, but it's not the goal here. We are trying to come to terms with something very basic in our lives, it's not easy, it doesn't seem to go away and it may be the best response is to go with it as far and as long as it provides answers or satisfies without harming. I could be very wrong about all of this, but that's my story for now and I'm sticking with it.

Good luck to you and your crossdresser. I appreciate your effort in searching for answers that will work for you and your crossdresser.

[Dahlia007]

Thanks everyone for your responses...given me plenty to think about

[NicoleScott]

I can see how crossdressing could be likened to being gay. Society wants our sexual and gender identities and behaviors to be either male or female. Whether crossdresser or gay (or both) the lines are crossed or blended, and it makes people "uncomfortable".

[MizT]

My opinion after many years of CD'ing and numerous purges where I "swore off" of dressing. I have come to the point in my life I just accept it. As the great philospher "Popeye" once said "I yam what I yam!". Nuff said..

[Christinedreamer]

This all too common misconception of CDing being an indicator of being gay has always amused me.

By the same token, then it MUST be that all GGs who wear jeans, cowboy boots, shirts, etc MUST be lesbians. What other reason could there possibly be?

[lmildcd]

I don't know if I was born with the desire to crossdress. I do it when I fell down in the dumps. It makes me feel better. Like most I started trying on my mother's clothes when I was young. Din't really start wearing woman's clothes until I was in my 40s. Started with knee highs, panties, and pantyhose.

[Dahlia007]

I never implied all CDers are gay, I was just making the comparison of being born that way. Didn't mean to offend anybody. And even if you were, I see nothing wrong with it.

[katrinakat]

Don't think about it too much! It is what it is! Don't let it consume you, have fun with it; Life doesn't have to be so binary. Enjoy!!! xoxo katT

[ReineD]

I'd compare it to having grown up in a remote, little known culture, with it's own language, social norms, customs, it's own distinct cuisine, it's particular laws. It forms the fabric of who you are. You can move away for awhile and adapt to a different culture, but you always feel it when you are back home.

[eluuzion]

As to the "born this way" theory...
I am not totally sure if I was born or hatched. I mean if an Easter rabbit can hide a bunch of chicken eggs...who knows what is really going on for sure?...

and what's up with all cartoon characters having only three fingers & a thumb?

Hey at one point, we all thought the world was flat too. There is still one saying... "Just remember...if the world did not suck, we'd all fall off."

I did not start CDing until I was almost 30. Does that make me odd? or just "old"?

How can we figure out who we are and how we got here if we can't even figure out "Who's in the kitchen with Diana?".

and most importantly, would it change anything to know those answers? In some degree isn't that like trying to back out of an accident after it already happened? lol... Would not change much of what we are now, even if we could change the past, which we cannot...
I have found the most constructive approach in life is to just to monitor my feelings (which are self-regulating anyway). If I am "happy" I continue on. If I am "unhappy" I adjust my sights or train them on something that will make me happy...and move in that direction. If I am "frustrated", I just stomp on my reading glasses (they only cost $1) or break my computer (I'm working on that character flaw, lol).

Life is good, if you don't try and figure yourself out...


The Dance Continues
and so the band plays on...

Ok, my answer is...
I can say with absolute certainty..
That I am not sure.

Think Less, Act More...Life is Short

carry on citizens...



When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion
-Robert M Pirsig

[CaitlynRenee]

Perhaps ALL guys are a bit female. You know, the old 'X' & 'Y' chromosome thing. My daughter always said I was half male and half female, long before she knew I was a CDer. I liken it to being more the 'dual spirit' of native American lore. Hey, after all, I AM 1/2 Cherokee and 1/4 Sioux. Hmm, I wonder about the other 1/4 European????

On a more serious note, I'm definitely a male, but I too really enjoy feminine clothing. One question though, just WHAT defines feminine clothing? WHY do men have to stay bound up in uncomfortable fabric? WHO said only women can have nice, soft, silks, satins and nylon next to the skin??

When en femme, I have probably the same feelings a woman would have about romance and loving. When en drab, I'm most assuredly male. Both traits are enherent in my nature.

Before I 'grew up' so to speak, my view point was rather restricted as to what was and what wasn't acceptable. It was only after memories from my early childhood of Grandmas first putting me in panties and slip came back to me and I started thinking about it, that things changed. Since I started acknowledging who and what I am as a person, started dressing, I have found an almost total release of prior prejudice against those who are different. I've found my life enriched by those whose creativity and gentleness I've pulled away from in the past.

I now fully acknowledge my being a 'dual spirit', a cross dresser and though totally straight en drab, I acknowledge being possibly 'bisexual in thought' when dressed. Couldn't actually BE bisexual, but the thought processes function the same.

[James Kaon]

I have not read EVERY comment so apologies if this is no longer relevant! For me, I see it as a fetish but am not closed to the idea that it could become something else - but because I am open to it, I sorta think it must just be a fetish as I am not trying to keep it back or inhibited, if that makes sense! I did try tights once when i was a kid, but soon forgot about it and around 3 or 4 months ago gave it a try cause i was single and wanted a 'kick'. Now I love it. I dont really worry whether or not i may or may not be gay. I feel like I like girls, and I also like wearing some of what they wear - so I dont really think about it in that way. What I do see is, people who have posted on this wonderful forum here seem to be at every possible phase in life. From someone like me to someone who identifies with a feminine persona that is inside them. All is good and not the same as having a physical abnormality such as that 6th finger! Its actually about society and perception - you may 'notice' someone with 6th finger, but you would not be shocked, intimidated, threatened or whatever it is people feel when they see a CDer. However, I have great faith in the human race. Despite what the papers tell you, society on a whole is getting more civilised and intelligent. Old idioms are being challenged and I am pretty sure CDing will become less of an issue one day. It is because people like the people on this forum exist in and out of the open that has already been the catalyst for a change of attitude. It just feels painfully slow. I guess because i only tell a few people I have not exactly lent some weight to this but, the fact that I am able to express it somewhere without fear of prejudice that shows how far we are going!

Wow, sorry, was gonna say something short and sweet but got philisophical there! Sorry!

Jx

[Jenn868]

For me it is a thing that over the years have come to terms with and accept it about myself, but am still very much in the closet only out to a few people.