Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 80

Thread: Why is being gay a prob?

  1. #26
    I can't fight the urge <3 Breannah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Just outside London, England :)
    Posts
    47
    Because im sure there are many like me, who are completely straight men when not in dress and are constantly questioning themselves as to why they cross dress but are straight. Call me homophobic but iv been brought up like this and i don't in the least get along with gays and get annoyed if i see them kissing. All my male mates are English footy loving beer drinking LADS and i myself am one all via the cross dressing... (yer im weird...) I like to remind myself that i am completely straight, even when cross dressing i feel no attraction to men and i would never ever get with a man. Any small feelings i get towards men when playing games as a female is soley me trying to convince people im a girl (i know its completely wrong but meh i play for a laugh with some female friends). Maybe that does make me a bit bisexual but i know for certain in real life im completely straight. So sorry if people don't like that but its reassuring to let people know that im straight so just block it out if you don't care life story over :P
    Breanah <3 18 and loving life to the full!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/baby_breanah/sets/

  2. #27
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    Quote Originally Posted by DebsUK View Post
    There was a long thread on this very subject a few weeks back, but it produced some interesting debate. I'm with you and don't quite get why a lot of CDs do make a point of stressing their heterosexuality.
    Yes, many responded that they don't see why straight cd's make a point of stating their heterosexuality. Some even take offense to it. For those who object to cd's stressing their heterosexuality, do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?

  3. #28
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    2,749
    Quote Originally Posted by Avana View Post
    one word that starts with homo and ends with phobia
    You think that's bad try transphobia! Being gay is such a nonevent these days, most people yawn when they find out someone is gay.

  4. #29
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,799
    Conditioned responses. Things that someone assumes to be true about a group because they have been told it is so, over and over and over.

    In actuality, they gay label comes mostly from what people see in the media. RuPaul's drag race. Movies like Too Wong Foo. Every group has them. Hypersexuality, militant, miserly, slow, intelligent, tall, angry, dirty. Choose anyone and see what pops into your mind. Now when you talk to a person in that group you may immediately have that idea pop into your mind also. And that person may have been accused of said stereotype so many times they feel they need to dispel it even before it comes up (even if the person they meet isn't thinking that). There have been several threads with what to expect to hear when you come out and as noted the gay question is almost always first. Women ask it out of fear, guys ask either because they are afraid or they see a new conquest (because they don't think it is gay to have sexual relations with a man who is wearing a dress...it is just a normal thing after all, they aren't really attracted to men but men who look female...why they can believe it isn't a man.)

    I don't like the disclaimer stated well in advance of the question being asked. It does smack of homophobia. But I understand that most here are already scared and confused and have their defenses up all the time.

    Let me try one here. Evil- car salesperson. See preconceived notions
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  5. #30
    a bit nutty
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    597
    Why is being gay a problem.... Uh, because I'm married and I'm not gay? If somehow my wife ever read the stuff I put out here, I don't want her to think I was trolling for a dude, or that the idea of being with a man ever even occurred to me. It would be untrue, and my marriage would certainly go to the crapper.

    So many people out there think crossdressers are gay simply because we emulate females. Just type in crossdresser into Google and see how much porn you get. It's no wonder we're perceived as gay. It is in fact one of the first questions any SO will ask their partner that has just come out of the crossdressing closet. I don't care if anyone else thinks I'm gay. My co-workers already do and I've been living under the blanket of suspicion for a long time. But my SO thinking I'm gay would be a problem for me, hence why I spell out that I'm not.

    ginger

  6. #31
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    At home in my own skin
    Posts
    8,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Alberta_Pat View Post
    Well all, here is my spin on this...

    The first question one receives in public when crossdressed or even acknowledging crossdressing oneself is:

    ARE YOU GAY?

    When someone answers that question here up front, they are being open and honest in the spirit of this board. In some cases, the statement can help another understand the point of view of the poster.

    Smile.
    There is a major difference between what happens in "public" with people who are ignorant of gender and what happens here with people who are at worst less ignorant.

    If the statement is pertinent as Debs quite rightly said then it will add to the discussion. In too many examples that I have seen the disclaimer only served to detract from the discussion.

    In the following imagininary exchange, which reply do you feel would be most useful to anyone interested in the question posed?

    Q "Do you think red or pink nail polish would go best with this dress?"

    A1 "I am not gay"
    A2 "I'm bisexual"
    A3 "Actually I would wear a mushroom or beige nail polish with that colour of dress"

    Quote Originally Posted by JamieTG View Post
    I agree with Alberta. I think most people naturally assume that we are gay. They don't know a lot about Xdressing and maybe the only exposure they have had is television reports showing the flamboyant queens from the gay pride parades.
    You are right if you are talking about the general population, but what about the context of these forums? Actually, even in the general population I have only ever been asked that question once. In consequence I do not tend to go up to people and start a conversation with "I'm not gay, I'm not bi, I've never been married but I have had girlfriends, I'm not American, I'm not Chinese ..."

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    For those who object to cd's stressing their heterosexuality, do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?
    As one of those who objects to inappropriate parading of sexual orientation in these forums, I would object just as much to someone who answers a question that has nothing to do with sexuality with "I'm a lesbian" as I do to someone who replies "I'm not gay". Difference is, I have no recollection of ever seeing the former.

    Interesting side question, why is it that people who think everyone wants to know their sexual orientation always seem to say what they are not rather than what they are.

    AFAIRI have only ever overtly mentioned my orientation twice on these forums (apart from examples as above), the first was in a research thread where one of the questions was along the lines of "what is your sexual orientation" and the second was in relating a conversation when I first came out to my team leader - the only time that I have been asked the question directly by a member of the general population.
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-18-2011 at 01:10 PM. Reason: Avoid multipost
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  7. #32
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    Interesting side question, why is it that people who think everyone wants to know their sexual orientation always seem to say what they are not rather than what they are.
    It's not that I think others want to know my sexual orientation, but that I want others to know it. If it's important to me to say "I'm not gay", I'll say it. And if I said instead "I'm straight", it would be taken the same way.

    If we are engaging in a discussion about football and I say "I like baseball", my off-subject comment would at most get a "huh?" but most likely it would be ignored. If someone says "I'm not gay" but is not relevant to the conversation, why can't it be ignored?

    Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.

  8. #33
    Member Olivia2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    California
    Posts
    124
    A couple of decades ago before TG's were more out in the open and discussed in psychological literature, etc., it was my experience that many in the gay community believed that anyone who had a propensity for feminine things, or clothes, etc. was most likely gay. That, and the constant desire to reassure wives/girlfriends/prospective girlfriends that we TG's are sexually attracted to them are probably the two biggest reasons that cause many to state the "I'm not gay" line.

    I've reached a point in my life, and have worked among the gay community for so long, that I just don't care what people think. Unless, I am interested in a GG, and then that is a different story.

    I also think many of us, like in post 26, go through a process of discovery to figure out exactly where CDing fits into our lives and at that place, feel the need to put it out there about our sexual orientation.

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member Alberta_Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    992
    Rianna, I accept your statements at face value.

    When a person states their preferences here, they feel it is important. It is to them!

    The reader may not care though, and may, ignore the statement as non-sequiter. We all wish to feel important, and we wish not to be misunderstood. By making the point, the poster is presenting their background in a quick, easily understood manner.

    Here, we are judged by our words. Our facial expressions and our mannerisms cannot be seen, nor do we have anymore to go on than the image of our avatar.

    Your examples, taken as they are, are not needed by me with the exception of the direct response to the question. But, the responder may feel the information is germane. It may be that the responder is presenting a response that is outside what one may expect.

    To this point, being 56 years old now, some comments from persons much younger may not be appropriate to me, but they do have merit. This bit of information may help me to decide if the post is for me, or if it is a "skip".

    Love you anyways.
    Inside every good man, there is a good woman.

  10. #35
    fierce glamazon
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    295
    Quote Originally Posted by Aprilrain View Post
    You think that's bad try transphobia! Being gay is such a nonevent these days, most people yawn when they find out someone is gay.
    well i experience a little bit of that every day since i have been 24/7, and since I've identified as trans-femme, I think ultimately both comes from the same root fear of undermining masculine privilege and values.

    i still feel like the majority of people have a 'as long as you keep it in the bedroom' attitude towards homosexuality, which is still a latent form of homophobia. just the fact that people have to insist to someone that they aren't gay or that it's often the first question or concern out of someone you come out to shows that there is a broad, latent homophobia embedded in society. A lot of crossdressers I've talked with, when I tell them about my experiences with men (I am pansexual), will very quickly jump assure me of something like "Oh for me it's just dressing, no gay stuff, OK?", and I've heard many stories of "Don't worry [insert relative here], I'm not a fag, I just like wearing women's clothes".

    It could also be some form of sexism (man and woman are immutable things, women ought to like men, men ought to like women, so if you dress like a woman you must want men like a woman ought to)
    Last edited by Avana; 02-18-2011 at 03:04 PM.

  11. #36
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Twin Cities, MN
    Posts
    3,500
    I think the primary reason is to reassure SOs/wives.
    Hugs, Carole

  12. #37
    The woman inside me Kathryn Philips's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    419
    All I know is that if my wife was not so incredibly homophobic, she might actually accept the fact that I am a CD. In her mind all CD/TV/TG are gay, period. She fears that the logical progression of dessing at home, then dressing in public is having sex with a man. Go figure that one.
    xxx
    Kathryn


    Waiting for my upgrade to Female

  13. #38
    Member CaitlynRenee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    181
    I feel compelled to reply to this. You see, I'm NOT gay though I have all of the feminine thoughts and feelings when I'm en femme. Go figure. I don't care if someone is or is not gay. I really don't care. I respect them as a human being in any case. Unless of course, the individual is a total horses ass.

    As for being gay?? I've served in two wars and know for a fact some of our warriors were gay. I didn't really care one way or the other. Their blood was just as red as anyone elses and they died just as dead. I never saw any of my warriors quit or give up just because they were gay. I never saw morale suffer because they were gay. I never heard snide remarks because someone was gay and I never knew a gay person to push their personal agenda (if they had one) on anybody else.

    I HAVE heard some gay people jokingly say that bisexuals were just hiding their 'true' feelings. I've known gays to be insular, but then why wouldn't they be, given the history in the world of intolerance from various societies??

    I welcome one and all, regardless of persuasion. To do less would be to deny myself of knowing some truly phenomenal people.

    'Nuff said
    Last edited by CaitlynRenee; 02-18-2011 at 03:41 PM.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member DebsUK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Yorkshire, UK
    Posts
    540
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    It's not that I think others want to know my sexual orientation, but that I want others to know it. If it's important to me to say "I'm not gay", I'll say it. And if I said instead "I'm straight", it would be taken the same way.

    If we are engaging in a discussion about football and I say "I like baseball", my off-subject comment would at most get a "huh?" but most likely it would be ignored. If someone says "I'm not gay" but is not relevant to the conversation, why can't it be ignored?

    Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.
    But if the discussion is about football and someone chips in with "I like baseball" you aren't making a statement loaded with the inference that you're not "one of them"

    Speaking as a crossdreser that doesn't like Piers Morgan or is Mongolian, and taking responses in this thread, the subject isn't "Who's gay here?", but "Why is being gay a problem?", yet how many have started off by saying "I'm not gay, but....." or words to that effect? Doesn't the fact that contributors making that assertion are implying that there is in fact something wrong with being gay?

  15. #40
    Member James Kaon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    108
    Quote Originally Posted by Avana View Post
    A lot of crossdressers I've talked with, when I tell them about my experiences with men (I am pansexual), will very quickly jump assure me of something like "Oh for me it's just dressing, no gay stuff, OK?", and I've heard many stories of "Don't worry [insert relative here], I'm not a fag, I just like wearing women's clothes".
    Avana, great points. Although I have not knowingly met another crossdresser, I guess I would have also said that I am straight if I was in a situation where we both knew we crossdressed. But I dont think that is because I am worried about their sexuality, I think more because I have had preconceptions about crossdressers that just no longer stand up to any reason or logic. So yea, something in society is still very inhibiting or untolerant and some of that possibly remains with us for a bit. Forums like this help tho - truthfully, seeing the answers has made me feel a little naive about posting it! But hey, im ok with that for the mo

    Good thing about this forum though is despite my very naive questions that I have asked so far, no one has slapped me for it!

  16. #41
    Aspiring Member Deanna B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Cornwall
    Posts
    533
    Hi I see what people are saying here. I have got a reading age of 13. My father has called me thick and dense all my life - I went to work and got more of the same so no friends. So I don't care who you are as long as you are friendly and chatty. Back to the thread - people are people , they don't want to be judged or looked down on. I noticed on this thread that some people are hitting on others and upsetting them. I just want to chat to people on their private messages. I hope I am not being judged too. This is my new home. I am sorry, this may not make sense but in my head it does. My writing sucks too!

  17. #42
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    At home in my own skin
    Posts
    8,586
    Quote Originally Posted by Alberta_Pat View Post
    being 56 years old now, some comments from persons much younger may not be appropriate to me, but they do have merit. This bit of information may help me to decide if the post is for me, or if it is a "skip".
    Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  18. #43
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    974
    This is a golden statement, nicole

    Declaring oneself as straight or not gay is not homophobia.
    Many here get wrapped up in these discussions for varying reasons but this topic seems to get addressed many times over...for many different reasons.

    At the end of the day its all about trying to understand and communicate with one another. If we are afraid to say what is on our minds because we might offend our peers, how in the hell are we going to understand each other at all....
    No matter what ridicule we have suffered in our lives from Circus freak to Soccer mom, we all have issues to discuss as well as have sore spots for certain topics....this topic seems to be a well rounded one here.

    It doesnt matter who you are or what you like no-one should ever judge you for it, but it happens still everyday. We as a whole, driven by human social idiosyncrasies, usually build up walls against such ridicule and over time they develop into an automatic defense mechanism. For the sole purpose of being able to explain ourselves in a way we are understood by our peers.

    -Donni-

  19. #44
    Senior Member Sherry-Stephanie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Nashville TN.
    Posts
    1,665
    For me it's simply this...I am what I am and so be it...

    One can accept it or not their choice...not mine....

    I was bi a long time before I became a CDer....actually my CDing is probably a maifestation of my bi-sexuality as I tend to be the "femme" as far as that goes....

    That being said we are who we are...nothing more nothing less....

    My dressing or my sexuality is mine...it's part of me and it's probably as much of me as it is the fact that I live in Tenn. and was born and raised in Mass...some peple don't like notherns or yankees....

    I was a LEO for all my adult life...lots of people don't like them....

    Eventually I reached this point....

    I am who I am and what I am I am...if you don't like it that's fine move on and ahve a good day...otherwise bite my white Irish ass...

    as my Avitar says ..."a bitch with an attitude"....

    Seriously...why should I really care what other people think or judge me...if I do it with one, then I'll have to do it with 2 or 3 or 4 people....or 10 or 20....pretty soon I'm all screwed up because I've got to find acceptence from everyone who I come into contact...

    Bottom line here is simply this...accept me for who and what I am. if not then more than likely you won't have me in your life anyway...so who cares...I surely don't....those who do accept me I know are friends and those are the ones who are important to me...and sure I might have jsut a few, but better to have a few than to hide the truth from me ....

    JMHO...YMMV!!!

    have a great weeeknd girls....
    Discovering the female self aka "Bitch with an Attitude"

  20. #45
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Mississippi
    Posts
    5,000
    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones
    Yes, you should if you think it's important. Do you get it now?

  21. #46
    Aspiring Member Alberta_Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    992
    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    Maybe I should start prefacing my remarks with "I'm not 56" so you can see that at 55 I'm one of those younger ones
    Yup Rianna; You are way too young for me.
    Inside every good man, there is a good woman.

  22. #47
    Silver Member Marissa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Deep in the Heart of Texas..okay..DFW area
    Posts
    2,286
    Quote Originally Posted by DebsUK View Post
    But if the discussion is about football and someone chips in with "I like baseball" you aren't making a statement loaded with the inference that you're not "one of them"

    Unless the original question was "what sport do you like?", then the "I like baseball" with nothing else fits...but in most cases, the response would be something of "I like baseball and don't follow football so....etc etc" We have taken the three words "I'm not gay" for discussion and not even make reference to what the remaining stated. "I'm not gay, so it would be difficult for me to understand...etc etc".

    Speaking as a crossdreser that doesn't like Piers Morgan or is Mongolian, and taking responses in this thread, the subject isn't "Who's gay here?", but "Why is being gay a problem?", yet how many have started off by saying "I'm not gay, but....." or words to that effect? Doesn't the fact that contributors making that assertion are implying that there is in fact something wrong with being gay?
    Maybe starting this thread with that title was not the best to use if you are going to make reference to a "I'm not gay" statement. Others here have said it, specifically NicoleScott's last line. And many (can't say all..) do not see anything wrong with being gay...or straight or bi.
    Marissa



    "You better look hard and look twice,
    ...is that me, baby or just a brilliant disguise?"- The Boss

  23. #48
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    CITY of L.A., Ca
    Posts
    3,420
    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
    do you also object to gays who overtly display their homosexuality? If not, why not? What's the difference?
    analogy: If someone always was announcing to people "I love broccoli" when it wasn't relevant, people would find it needless & absurd. & yes, if gay people did that about their sexuality, it would also be unnecessary. Gay people being open about their sexuality isn't the same as inserting such an announcement where it isn't necessary.
    btw, plenty of hetero people "overtly display their sexuality" but many people don't comment on it.
    Last edited by Fab Karen; 02-18-2011 at 09:22 PM.
    [SIZE="3"]Gender is a state of mind[/SIZE]
    LGBTQ PRIDE
    As of Oct. 5th, go here to see my pics:http://www.flickr.com/people/fab_karen/
    A Yankee Doodle T-Girl
    proud of my President

  24. #49
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    1,026
    Very interesting topic James. Personally I am here for support in my CDing MtF first, then the next step, my sexuality. Crikey, one thing at a time . Maybe stating sexuality is to avoid fear of being subjected to more criticism if homosexual, I don't really know. Bi-sexual, Homosexual, Heterosexual or A-sexual are more terms, labels to complicate the question why do I crossdress? Maybe I am questioning my true self if I state "crossdresser, heterosexual" maybe I am wanting to avoid those people who like to "hit" on a CD, maybe I am putting up a fence to protect myself from others who knows, currently I am happy learning to accept my CDing even at my old age I am still learning.

  25. #50
    Member CaitlynRenee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    181
    Reference my post above, #38. I mention my personal feelings of NOT being 'gay', not as a matter of denial. In the next sentence, I also say that I have all the feminine thoughts and feelings when en femme. So who knows, I just might have some gay feelings deep inside, but at this time in my life, I doubt it. I just wish that the concept of being or not being G/L/B/TS/CD weren't such a contentious issue. Unfortunately, I don't see anything changing in the world anytime soon.

    What I DO know is that I've been blessed with a wonderful wife, and daughter who both know I have some feminine feelings, that I CD and that I am a much more tractible human being when en femme. They love me for being me, no matter what I wear or WHERE I wear what I wear (wrap your brain around that!).

    As for the age thing, 55? 56? the fact that I'm 62 doesn't seem to matter. My daughter says her Mom LOOKS half her age and her Dad ACTS half his age. SOOoooooooo, that makes me 31, married to a gorgeous, open minded 30 year old. WOW!
    Last edited by CaitlynRenee; 02-19-2011 at 12:51 AM.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State