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Thread: Packed Mall

  1. #1
    Chick for a Day Tricia Lee's Avatar
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    Packed Mall

    My wife bought a ton of new clothes last week. After getting home, she found that one top didn't fit, and the SA's at Macy's didn't take the security tag off of a pair of trousers. So she asked me to return them for her.

    I decided to make it a CD challenge. I dressed up for the visit to Macy's customer service.

    With the nice warm weather I assumed the mall would be busy (Castleton Mall in Indianapolis). I had no idea! It was packed like I've never seen it. The parking lot was filled all the way to the edges.

    Deciding to go for it despite the nerves, I felt fine walking into Macy's. As I approached an empty service desk it seemed like it was going to be a piece of cake. Just before stepping up to the counter, a man stopped to talk to the SA's. I chickened out and walked away. After roaming around for 10 minutes or so, getting more nervous by the minute, I found another empty service desk. The woman wasn't overly friendly, but she did her job. The mission was accomplished!

    After that I walked through part of the mall, then back through Macy's to my car. No dirty looks that I noticed. No laughing that was audible. It went OK. Wish I didn't get so nervous!

    I've been going out to dinner with friends quite a bit lately, though always in "friendly" places. It was starting to feel like I was really getting used to being out in public. I'm finding that a TG friendly restaurant is still a lot less intimidating than a crowded shopping mall.
    Last edited by Tricia Lee; 02-20-2011 at 06:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Member AnnaCalliope's Avatar
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    I've been out dressed at least a dozen times in the last month, none of which have been anywhere considered "TG friendly". Not saying they were "TG unfriendly", just regular restaurants and shops with the general public. I've gotten a few looks and double takes, but no laughing, no off-color remarks or snide comments. I will agree that I'm a little on edge, taking every step to appear as feminine as possible, while choosing an outfit that's very similar to what most other girls are wearing.

  3. #3
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Hi Tricia, well done on a job well accomplished Now that you have proved you can do it and not get called out, perhaps you'll find it easier next time. You already conquered part of your fears just by getting out of the car and walking through the mall.

    I think the big difference between a TG friendly restaurant and a crowded mall is in the number of people present. Perhaps you could try thinking of it using the old 80/20 rule. 80% of the people in the mall won't even see you, 20% might. Of those who notice you, 80% won't see anything other than someone wearing pretty clothes and 20% might look a bit further. 80% of those who look will not really register much and 20% might think "is that a man?". Of those who wonder, 80% won't act on it and maybe 20% will be more curious. Of the curios ones, 80% will take a second look and 20% might say something. So the chances are that of every ten thousand people in the mall, you might get about 3 reactions. Doesn't always work, I have come across idiots in smaller gatherings, but in nearly two years of going out dressed on a regular basis I can still count the number of comments on one hand and have fingers to spare to give them the response that they deserve (not that I do).

    To quote FDR "let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."
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  4. #4
    Chick for a Day Tricia Lee's Avatar
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    Thanks or the responses

    I've been out lots of times, in malls that weren't quite as crowded. It actually wasn't the crowd that bothered me so much. It was the face-to-face interaction.

    Part of nervousness, I think, is that I'm leaving behind the idea of passing. I mean I pass in the sense that the majority of the people who I come in impersonal contact with don't seem to recognize that I'm a guy. But in face-to-face interaction all pretense is lost. I *know* I'm not going to pass there, and don't even try in terms of voice.

    Being fully conscious that people will recognize me as a crossdresser is a little unnerving. In the past, when I at least "hoped" I might pass face-to-face, it was somehow a little easier.

    Now that I consciously recognize that I'm not going to pass, essentially "embracing" my status as a crossdresser, it's a bit harder.
    Last edited by Tricia Lee; 02-20-2011 at 03:05 AM.

  5. #5
    Loves ordinary miracles SuzanneBender's Avatar
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    Tricia that is so cool. I still have a fear of returning items!

    Seriously great job gal. Nothing is more unnerving than personal interaction with others and you can geometrically increase the nerves when you are dressed. You would be surprised at how well many of us don't pass but still function wonderfully in the world. Confidence is the key. You belong in the world just as much as the next person and you have the same rights of self expression as they do. OBTW from your avatar you look like you pass quite well.
    See yourself as a soul with a body not a body with a soul" Dr. Wayne Dyer


  6. #6
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    I'm with Suzanne, you look great. And remember, it isn't so much about passing for most of us. To me the big thing is to show others that you are comfortable with yourself. I know that is hard when you have nerves, but repetition is the key there. Once you start interacting, try to let your natural self come out and chat it up. You will be more comfortable and other than the complete prudes, you will help the other people relax too.

  7. #7
    Silver Member insearchofme's Avatar
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    Tricia

    Good for you! I live about 45 minutes from that mall so I don't go there a lot. To those who are not familuar with it, it is VERY BIG and it is in pretty upscale area. I'd be so nervous! Next time I'm in that mall, or other malls in the area I'll keep an eye out for you.

    Hugs
    Dana Fleming

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member aprilgirl's Avatar
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    You were in town shopping and you did'nt invite me? Thanks alot! (only kidding)

    Glad you had that opportunity to get out, breathe the fresh air and feel the warm sun on your face. Returning those items for your wife perhaps made the adventure easier as you could'nt back down. I know I would'nt want to return home with the security tag still on a pair of slacks. In that instance, I would rather deal with an unenthusiastic sales associate than my wife!

    Kim

  9. #9
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Tricia, if that is you in the avatar, you do "pass' in my opinion!! Now on the other side you would not want to go shopping with me!! I dress totally enfemme, but wear no wig and use no makeup. What hair I have on my head is shaved to be 1/8th inch long. In plain english, I am a man wearing feminine clothing!! My late wife always did my makeup and fixed my wig when Stephanie went out in public. When she died 6 years ago, I decided to just dress and go out as a man! The reason being that I am terrible with wigs and makeup! In those 6 years I have never had one single negative comment made to me. I have had lots of compliments on my outfits, from both men and women!! And I do go everywhere dressed enfemme, shopping malls included!! Most people don't care about your clothes, as long as you are decently covered!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  10. #10
    Junior Member jenny_geek72's Avatar
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    Tricia, congrats on the packed mall adventure. By looking at your profile, you are a natural beauty and I'm not surprised to hear that you went undetected. I am looking to build my confidence for an adventure like that. Look forward to hearing more about your adventures out.

  11. #11
    Biker Chic Audra Sinclair's Avatar
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    I used to be really nervous about going out in public. I don't know if you have ever used hypnosis but I found a site that has a hypnosis cd called "Public Arena". It builds up you confidence. Using the suggestions I am able to go out in public with very little fear. You can go to the web site Cheetu.com and check it out. I love it.

  12. #12
    Chick for a Day Tricia Lee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aprilgirl View Post
    You were in town shopping and you did'nt invite me? Thanks alot! (only kidding)
    I will call next time. Hopefully I'll have more time. This trip was really rushed. I didn't have time to do anything but visit the service desk.

    I did have the option of going back to the car and changing back to drab. That would have been a complete wasted opportunity though. It was still a fun time.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member jjjjohanne's Avatar
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    For Christmas shopping this year, I went out in all women's wear (skirt, heels, dark hose, etc.) but with my man head. That's as much as I am interested in. It was scary, but I did it. Most people looked at me. Other than a glance up and down and up, there was no reaction. No one approached me. No clerks mentioned it unless I brought it up. I went to a few small stores and shopped in a mall. I got rather comfortable in my own clothes after a while. Later I flew dressed this way (in flats). It was stressful being so obviously crossdressing. But in truth, it was a non-event. I kind of recommend it. It is freeing not trying to pass. There is no wondering if anyone can tell. There's nothing to figure out. What you see is what I am. I found it less stressful than going out in shorts and hose or going out all made up. I wasn't "hiding" anything. After I had been out like this for 30 minutes or so, I kind of determined to stop looking at people's faces for a reaction. I tried to just focus on what I was doing and let life occur around me. Hopefully, no jerk took a picture of me with his camera phone.

  14. #14
    Chick for a Day Tricia Lee's Avatar
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    That's really funny!

    It gets to the realization I came to after making the original post - that we can find some comfort for ourselves with the idea that we might pass, and that I was less comfortable when not thinking that way. I found that to be true even though I didn't go as far as you. It only took the intellectual abandonment of the idea of passing to change my attitude about being face-to-face with someone.

    Giving up the idea of passing seems to have worked for me being in the general public. That doesn't bother me much at all now. It will probably just take some time to get as comfortable going face-to-face.

    I don't think I'm going to try your idea though. I'm not *that* brave!
    Last edited by Tricia Lee; 02-22-2011 at 02:30 PM.

  15. #15
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    I found that my confidence soared once I came to the realisation that passing or not,I was going to approach EVERY trip out as one great adventure,the last time I went out with my wife into town doing "normal" things,I didn't recieve one negative look or comment,It felt so good

    Sophie
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  16. #16
    Member Katie Moore's Avatar
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    I love Castleton Mall. And yes its been pretty packed lately. You're tempting me.

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