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Thread: Not going to worry...

  1. #1
    Member stellatoo's Avatar
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    Not going to worry...

    Well I recently got back together with a young woman I had a brief romance with a while ago. Back then I thought we might have a future and so (as is my practice) I told her about Stella as soon as I could (2nd date). She took it well and we planned that she might get together with Stella one day. Unfortunately due to other things we split up soon afterwards and didn't see each other for a few months. Then she called me out of the blue and we met up last week. It was all different as far as I was concerned and, though I was pleased to see her, I didn't want a relationship which went further than just friends. I told her this and she was fine with that until we met a 2nd time. She came on quite strongly and I told her again (calmly-I thought) that we could only be friends. She then walked out of the tea shop we were in and refused to speak to me! Well logging on facebook she's sent me a message saying that she's told people I'm a gay crossdresser

    Now we did share a few friends on there and there are some I work with and I'm not sure if she is just saying that or it's true. I may find out Monday when I return to work. I'm not too bothered except I'd prefer to be the one who tells people & not be outed. For most of my work mates it's none of their business & I'm strong enough (I hope) to be able to deal with any fallout.

    I'll let you know what might/might not happen.
    It's not going to stop me being open with new girlfriends either, I refuse to be bullied into silence/lies

    But please wish me luck


    Stella
    "Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes"
    The shortness of life prevents us from entertaining far-off hopes. From Horace’s Odes, Book 1,4

  2. #2
    Retired Lass Margot's Avatar
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    Can she prove it? If not just tell your workmates it must be sour grapes.

  3. #3
    Member stellatoo's Avatar
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    No she can't prove it! However if I tell them it's sour grapes I'm effectively calling her a liar by lying myself. I'm not sure if I'm prepared to do that (I'm going through a "trying to find myself time" at the moment!! Might turn out like this though... http://www.theonion.com/articles/jou...ization,19100/). I think I'll probably just try to shrug and refuse to discuss it. Nobodies business but mine and who ever I share my life with after all...
    "Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes"
    The shortness of life prevents us from entertaining far-off hopes. From Horace’s Odes, Book 1,4

  4. #4
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Geez, that went badly. I wouldn't worry much about the gay crossdresser thing, but I have to wonder if you could have let her down in a better way.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


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  5. #5
    Member stellatoo's Avatar
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    Hi Marla; is there a "good" way to let someone down? I was honest & truthful with her, telling her I liked her, wanted to be her friend but (after what had happened before) I didn't think there was any future in a romantic relationship. She was the one who had originally finished the relationship and I was a bit uncertain about meeting her but... she's a nice girl! Or can be. I'm not too worried about the "gay crossdresser" thing it's just annoying that my crossdressing may be outed to people who really don't need to know! I'm out to my family and a couple of friends, all my ex girlfriends know but that was at my instigation, nobody else's. Still Monday and work is still a good few hour's away!
    "Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes"
    The shortness of life prevents us from entertaining far-off hopes. From Horace’s Odes, Book 1,4

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Deanna B's Avatar
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    hi stellatoo . i feel for you . i hope things turn out ok. well you will find out who is a friend . good lucky take care love deanna

  7. #7
    Member Zoe Preston's Avatar
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    Neither confirm nor deny! Be blase about it, explain that you rebuffed her advances and she's got such a high opinion of herself therefore "What straight man could resist her"

    Good luck,

    Zoe

  8. #8
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Stella....I think that you are right with your title.....not going to worry... This is the perfect way to deal with this, especially if you are out to those you love already. Most likely, your co-workers will just give you the "she's mad at you" and laugh look I hope.

  9. #9
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellatoo View Post
    she's told people I'm a gay crossdresser
    Quote Originally Posted by stellatoo View Post
    if I tell them it's sour grapes I'm effectively calling her a liar by lying myself.
    Are both halves of her statement true? If not, you are not lying by contradicting her. If you are a "straight" or a "bi" cross-dresser, then there is no lie in saying that you are not a "gay crossdresser". OTOH, if both parts are true, just shrug it off with something like "So that's what she has been saying!"
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  10. #10
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Sounds like the wrath of a scorned woman, hope you don't have to tread on eggshells because of her.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  11. #11
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    Well... instead of saying never, maybe say lets just keep it friends for now and see where it goes. She probably feels rejected, but also doesn't sound too much like one who you could have a trusting relationship with after what she said she was going to do... if she was joking or not. If there is fall out, don't offer up anything about yourself, but just say...'She is out to get me because I wasn't in to her BSDM fantasies!'.
    Chickie

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member dilane's Avatar
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    Wow, this is the n-th time I've heard a similar story on this board.

    It kind of makes me think twice about when to make the disclosure.

    I think that should wait until one knows:

    1) That there's a decent possibility of a LTR (long term relationship).

    and

    2) That the person isn't vindictive or cruel. Of course, it's probably a good idea to suss that out before getting in to LTR mode, isn't it?

    -- Diane

  13. #13
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    "Never interrupt an adversary when they are in the process of hanging themselves."

    I am going to take a wild guess here...I bet this is not the first time she has engaged this dysfunctional strategy to enact revenge on somebody who innocently "rained on her narcisstic parade". The best defense against senseless nonsense is simply to allow people to consider the source on their own, or suggest to those who might question you about it...to do the same. I am confident others will recognize her weak character on their own.

    (The more somebody tries to defend themselves against accusations, the more (shallow) people tend to believe the accusations may be true.)

    I do not feel any obligation to defend myself against nonsense. Personally observing a person's character and behavior usually takes care of most of those scenarios in my world.

    Last edited by eluuzion; 02-21-2011 at 07:01 AM.
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  14. #14
    Senior Citizen Mary Morgan's Avatar
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    Stella, I think you have good instincts and lots of integrity. "To thine own self be true." (the Bard)

  15. #15
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    One of my sisters does this.....poor guys. Shes not used to being turned down and when she is, she gets vindictive really fast. Its a coping mechanism of sorts.
    Dont sweat it, just ignore her.

    -Donni-

  16. #16
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    Sounds like you took a smart path to be wary of her! I agree with many of the statements above. Replying, "it seems that my wanting to go slow pissed her off a bit...you think?" It will get a laugh and that will be the end of it. Avoid the issue entirely for now. Take one issue at a time

    tina

  17. #17
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    Excellent advice here. You could also recommend to interested parties that dating the young lass would be a wonderful of adding color to thier reputation as well.

  18. #18
    Loves ordinary miracles SuzanneBender's Avatar
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    Stella I think you have found yourself in a tough situation and because you are proud of who you are you will completely diffuse it.
    See yourself as a soul with a body not a body with a soul" Dr. Wayne Dyer


  19. #19
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Stella I think your best plan might be to comment on her advances

    "Its amazing what some women will say when you reject them"

    If your workmates make comment about being a gay crossdresser you can say "yeah right and kind of treat it as a joke

    This might be enough to deflect further questions
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  20. #20
    Member stellatoo's Avatar
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    Well 2 days after returning to work & nothing has been said! So I think the threat was just that, a threat! Thanks for your advice ladies. I'm still convinced the way to go is honesty upfront so will continue to tell any girls I may have a relationship with (though the chances of that seem to be fading as the years pass...).

    Thanks again

    Stella
    "Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes"
    The shortness of life prevents us from entertaining far-off hopes. From Horace’s Odes, Book 1,4

  21. #21
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
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    Whoever does end up with this girl,better sleep with one eye open,She sounds the vindictive type
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  22. #22
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellatoo View Post
    It's not going to stop me being open with new girlfriends either, I refuse to be bullied into silence/lies
    Others have given lots of good advice already, but I wanted to give you a hug for your character, your honesty, and your integrity.

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  23. #23
    New Member CharlieQ's Avatar
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    Stella, so glad things worked out for you!

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