Wondering how unusual I am (or not)

[CassieV]

Hey everyone, I'm drifting through again. I have pretty specific reasons and goals for dressing, and every time I start browsing here and other CD communities I always seem to be alone in my viewpoints. I guess I'm wondering if I'm a minority even in a misunderstood subculture!

Basically, I can't say I've ever attempted to pass as female. Maybe part of it has to do with my physical appearance, I'm 6'3" and while I have slender limbs, I'm rather obviously male-shaped (and somewhat more hairy than I'd care to be). But I don't think that's the primary issue.

While I'd be down for a makeover in a heartbeat, it's not something I feel I NEED to do. I enjoy the juxtaposition of male and female in my appearance. I don't like conforming to one side or the other, which I guess is how I see being en femme. I wear female clothes because it feels natural and right to me.

Of course this means I'm subtle in my clothing choices when I leave the house (barring some late-night food runs where I figured what the hell!), though I do yearn to wear whatever I want, when I want. There's a different level of acceptance between a full-on crossdresser presenting as female and... a guy in a skirt. And I see a lot more of the former online, too, and only a very small handful of the latter.

I really want to talk to those in my situation, but...how alone am I?

[Kalisopwith]

I don't think you need to feel alone. I think that we all have our own reasons for dressing and those reasons, like style are different for most people. Is there someone out there who feels exactly the same as you? No one knows, but there are many who are very close. I think it's just a matter of time till you find someone who feels similar to the way you do about your dressing. In the mean time everyone here is understanding of your feelings I am sure

Kali

[Ellen James]

Cassie -

As one of the so far less adventurous souls here I can't really speak too much from experience - and I share your concern about how well I would present as woman in public (though still hoping to take that challenge sometime - after a bit more experience and learning), but I wanted to share some observations.

Since admitting to myself, this forum, and my wife that I like to dress - I've become a good bit more attentive to people in public as I go about my day. If it's not looking at shoes (which led me to my first "I've got to get a pair of those" moment), dresses, and outfits in general - then I'm also just looking at people to get a sense of how they appear in public and especially how they might be presenting themselves (for whatever reason). While this has led to occasional rants to my wife about men who still go out in public dressed as if they were still 12! - and occasionally I've wondered if I haven't spotted a sister from this forum or the larger community - it has also led me to suspect that most people aren't making a point of trying to pick out who might be representing themselves as something other than they are physically. Most them appear to be busy and focused upon their own business/errand/life to be trying to "spot the tranny" - and on a busy city street in a city that has a large LGBT population, most people don't really get excited about it one way or the other. But my real point is that I've also seen that both women and men come in a wide range of sizes and shapes with at least an equally varied selection of fashion and style sense.

The most important thing is to be comfortable with who you are, what you are doing, and with how you present yourself - and it seems to me from reading what you've posted that you are.

Personally, I've come to a point where I at least underdress more often than not and have even gone as far as wearing women's shoes, jeans, top, etc in public but stopping short of fully presenting en femme. I now have breast forms and a good wig is next on my list, but I really need to concentrate on my makeup skills! So I'm working on it but however far I get, I will still be male somedays, female others - and on still other days either confused or confusing!!

[Joanne f]

If you don`t pass that well and you enjoy wearing skirts then I see nothing wrong with doing that as a male in fact I have done it myself outside and do it a lot in the house .

[JenniferR771]

Cassie,
Scroll down to the photos section and take a look at Jive Turkey on rye. Should be interesting. And watch the video like I just did. Ryan is girly sometimes, but much of the time she is not so much. Wig optional. Be sure to read through her blog. We are all unique in our own way. Wear what you want--let 'em stare. You are probably one of the better dressed people when you shop at Walmart.

[prettytoes]

I am much the same. I do not want to try to pass as female, nor could I. I just like the way the clothing looks and feels on me. It just feels natural, "right", like it is the way things should be. I am much more comfortable in a skirt or capris than shorts. I feel naked if I ride my bike or workout without a sports bra on. I love to look down at my toes and see pretty colors on my nails, and men's underwear is just plain uncomfortable...I'll take pretty panties anytime. Makeup is not my thing...once in a while I'll do my eyes with some liner and shadow, and I occasionally apply some clear or light brown mascara. I do not go out with liner or shadow, but mascara is pretty discreet.
So, you are not alone. I feel much the same way you do!

[Michaela51]

Cassie, you and I are in the same boat. I love to wear women's clothing, panties, camis, skirts, women's jeans, and I paint my toenails red, but i never try to pass. I have facial hair that I want to keep and am very much a man, but I have strong female side. Dressing makes me feel good, more complete, and I like feeling feminine. I dress that way in public and have many times been complimented for how I am dressed or how good my nails look (mostly by women), and that feels good.

[Barbara Ella]

Cassie, as you can tell from the responses, there are a lot of people here who like dressing, and just dressing. I started that way, and have no intention of passing. I decided I wanted more than just the dressing, and picked up makeup and wigs, and began presenting as full on female. I did this because I wanted to go out. do I pass, no. Do I care, no, but my decision is to go out dressed and presenting as female. Not everyone has to go out fully female. So far this is not a NEED, but a want to do, and a like to do.

Lots of us started out exactly where you are. You are not alone in that respect, and there are many here who will be chatting with you that are similarly positioned.

Barbara

[Lori Robins]

I don't think you need to feel alone. I think that we all have our own reasons for dressing and those reasons, like style are different for most people. Is there someone out there who feels exactly the same as you? No one knows, but there are many who are very close. I think it's just a matter of time till you find someone who feels similar to the way you do about your dressing. In the mean time everyone here is understanding of your feelings I am sure

Kali

Short sweet and to the point. I love your reply Kali! I sympathize with your situation Cassie and no you are definitely not alone feeling like that. We are just like any other selection of a community. We have extreme hairy drag queens to those guys who just feel comfortable wearing panties once in a while. You will probably find that people in your situation choose not to participate in these forums so that is why you seem to have an isolated view. I have a friend that is like you, tall and all man, but he dresses up to the nines now and loves it, he would never pass, but he doesn't want to, he just LOVES to dress as a female, albeit a very ****ty one lol!!!!
As for shapes, I have wide shoulder but there is ways to dress and shape wear that gives me an acceptable female shape that allows me to pass when I go out if that is something you would like to try, there are tall girls out there you know. The most important thing is that YOU are happy, whatever way you choose to be.
People often think that they are not normal, doing what they choose to do, to that I say, define normal!! You are among friends here and there are lots here that you could talk to, even tho they may not be exactly like you, they know what you are going through.

[Organza]

Hey everyone, I'm drifting through again. I have pretty specific reasons and goals for dressing, and every time I start browsing here and other CD communities I always seem to be alone in my viewpoints. I guess I'm wondering if I'm a minority even in a misunderstood subculture!

Basically, I can't say I've ever attempted to pass as female. Maybe part of it has to do with my physical appearance, I'm 6'3" and while I have slender limbs, I'm rather obviously male-shaped (and somewhat more hairy than I'd care to be). But I don't think that's the primary issue.

While I'd be down for a makeover in a heartbeat, it's not something I feel I NEED to do. I enjoy the juxtaposition of male and female in my appearance. I don't like conforming to one side or the other, which I guess is how I see being en femme. I wear female clothes because it feels natural and right to me.

Of course this means I'm subtle in my clothing choices when I leave the house (barring some late-night food runs where I figured what the hell!), though I do yearn to wear whatever I want, when I want. There's a different level of acceptance between a full-on crossdresser presenting as female and... a guy in a skirt. And I see a lot more of the former online, too, and only a very small handful of the latter.

I really want to talk to those in my situation, but...how alone am I?

Cassie, you sound pretty close to me. I've only been "out" twice (apart from driving around in a dress) and neither time did I attempt to pass. Once was with my wife (also in a pretty dress) in an urban area that is famous for being extremely tolerant of gender differences. The other time was Halloween, when I played Blanche Dubois (even memorizing about two dozen quotations, which cracked people up). I would enjoy an attempt at transformation, but I think it's kind of hopeless, really, like you. So you're very far from being alone
Lisa

[April_Ligeia]

I am in the same situation. I often wear nail polish and jewelry and sometimes makeup but am also too big to pass, but also too big to really care what people think. It's all about self-expression and art to me, I'm not worried about being female.

[CassieV]

<3

Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I wasn't trying hard enough, or afraid to go all the way, or something. I guess it's in my head. It's great to hear all the of positive responses, thank you!

I'm happy being a guy in girl's clothes. I'm dressed pretty much 100% of the time at home, and when I leave the house on the weekends. Granted going out has "only" been jeans and a shirt, but I'm working on it. Summer's almost here, and I've lately been stepping out in flip flops so I can show off my toes. The current lavender has been getting some glances!

I think I'll get some pictures together to share, I'm tired of being anonymous, and not afraid of being laughed off the board now.

[sissystephanie]

Cassie, you are not alone nor unusual!! There are a lot of us on this forum who feel and do exactly what you do. When my late wife was alive she could make me look like a real Stephanie (by that I mean totally passable)! In the almost 70 years that I have crossdressed I have never wanted to actually be a woman! I just love to wear feminine clothes, from the skin out!! My wife died 7 years ago, and since I am terrible with makeup or fixing wigs I thought my time as a crossdresser was going to end. But then I decided to try dressing enfemme and go out looking like the man that I am. I have been doing that for most of the past 7 years, and still have not heard one single negative comment made! As long as you are decently covered, most people don't care what you have on!! And BTW, I go everywhere dressed enfemme, malls. other shopping, the post office, etc. I am usually dressed enfemme, including panties of course, when I go to my doctor!!

Put your pretty clothes on and get out in public so the people can see the real you!!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Cassie,
Scroll down to the photos section and take a look at Jive Turkey on rye. Should be interesting. And watch the video like I just did. Ryan is girly sometimes, but much of the time she is not so much. Wig optional. Be sure to read through her blog. We are all unique in our own way.

I appreciate the mention, though I do prefer using male pronouns in my case as I do typically present as male, my most recent photo notwithstanding.

<3

Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I wasn't trying hard enough, or afraid to go all the way, or something. I guess it's in my head. It's great to hear all the of positive responses, thank you!

As someone who has been posting the guy in women's things look on this site for a couple of years now, I feel I should warn you, you'll occasionally run into a bit of backlash on here for it, I almost never am able to post pictures of myself in guy-in-skirts mode, my default look, without someone referring it to only being halfway, or asking why I don't take it all the way. It can be a little frustrating at times, however I think the vast majority of people on here do tend to be supportive and while they make it clear that it is not their cup of tea, usually still will respect my choices or give me constructive feedback.

[Tina B.]

We have a few here that dress without even wanting to look female, while there may be a lot more of us that go for passing, you definitely are not a lone, or even that rare around here. As far as belonging, if you wear anything female, or want to, or know someone that does, and you want to find out what it's about, you belong here, and you will find others pretty much just like yourself, because we have all kind of crossdressers, and the SO's of crossdressers, and friends of crossdressers, as well as the TS gang, and all the others! So stick around and you'll meet plenty like yourself, and you'll feel right at home. It's funny, as to people thinking your not trying hard enough, there are some, that think everyone should try to pass, others that don't think it's required,or necessarily good for the trans movement, people that go out the way you do let the world know we are out here, they might as well get used to it. Yes Jive is right, there are some that will question it, but I think they are the minority, I think most of us accept the fact that we all have our own needs and wants when it comes to cross dressing, and yours are no more out of order, than mine, after all, we are all out of step with the rest of the world.
Tina B.