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Thread: Crossdressers as friends and frends as crossdressers?

  1. #1
    Member Elizabeth Ann's Avatar
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    Crossdressers as friends and frends as crossdressers?

    I can count my times out on one hand, but this weekend I had an opportunity, and found myself enjoying an evening with three other crossdressers, one of whom is also on this forum. It was very enjoyable. I had a great time bonding with them, and it was a liberating experience.

    But early on in the evening, I figured out that I should not discuss our considerable differences in politics or religion, and that each of us had very different interests outside of crossdressing. I could not add a thing to the discussion on motorcycles. None of them knew anything about sailing, a passion greater than my crossdressing.

    Is one commonality enough for a relationship? I don't know, but I found myself regretting that I could find crossdressers to be friends with, but that it seems impossible to find friends that are crossdressers. I suppose that if I were "out" it would be easier, but I am not.

    How do the rest of you deal with this? I really don't mean thus to sound harsh, but are you satisfied with crossdressing "acquaintances"? Do you search for common interests, or just enjoy this little compartment of you life, distinct from the rest?

    Liz

  2. #2
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Imho, liking to wear the same type of clothes is not enough to build a friendship on. If it were all women would be friends and all men would be friends and I'd be posting on the male Wingtip Shoe Forum instead of here.
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  3. #3
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    I don't even dress like a lot of other crossdressers, so we don't even have that in common. But I think it's like a lot of other things. I have friends I can never discuss politics with and friends with whom I can discuss politics but not religion. There are things I can't discuss with my wife though she accepts my kind of crossdressing better than many TGs do. It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world.

  4. #4
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    I struggle with this as well. I like getting dressed and meeting other TG people but then I run out of things to talk about. I'd love to meet some ladies that would enjoy a dinner out, a show or a movie and a discussion afterwards. But most TG people that I have met like to talk about their sheer joy in dressing.

  5. #5
    Call me Celes!!! the_me's Avatar
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    Being a younger, atheist, un-married, single, bi CD myself, I do admit to having trouble finding some common ground with the other local girls sometimes. I keep thinking it would be nice to meet another closer to my age, but even then I'm not sure we would have a lot to talk about!

    But differences aside, I love each and every one of them to death, and enjoy every minute I get to spend with any of them! Besides, if I find someone just like me, we'd probably get along horribly! haha. If the others you have met are so different it just can't work, keep on looking. Hopefully you'll have my luck and at least find some really good ladies you get along with perfectly even with your differences in opinions.

    Good luck! <3
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  6. #6
    Aspiring Member msniki48's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth Ann View Post
    .

    I really don't mean thus to sound harsh, but are you satisfied with crossdressing "acquaintances"? Do you search for common interests, or just enjoy this little compartment of you life, distinct from the rest?

    Liz

    Liz, up until now i have compartmentalized my cross dressing relationships. If i meet someone who shares more of my interests maybe i'll take the aquintance to that next level of friendship. Till then, i am happy to spend time with those with like interests and challenges [ dressing]

    I have many lady friends [ gg] that i love to share converstion with and talk about shopping, but i don't take them bass fishing, i have other friends who share that interest, and others that like to golf. I don't think any of my friends share all my interests...



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  7. #7
    Silver Member kristinacd55's Avatar
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    I talk about all kinds of stuff when I'm with my crossdressing friends. One thing I do stay away from is politics! Ugh. Of course, I've only been hanging out for just over a month in person. But so far it is fabulous, can't wait to meet more friends in person! Lookout Saturday night!

  8. #8
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    Funny thing is maybe you should be looking at the differences instead of what you have in common.

    My very best friend and his wife are devout Church going Christians and I am an atheist. Just because I don't believe in organized religion or a Deity, we still find many things to yack about. And no, they do not know of my feminine side.

    In my opinion, differences are what bring us all together. (Except for politics that is! LOL)

  9. #9
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    I agree with KarenCDFL to the extent that I know my friends and I don't agree on a lot of things. Part of friendship is being willing to accept some give & take.

    Also, friendships aren't found - they are cultivated. Over time, you may eventually meet some CDers who share some of your nonCD interests.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Imho, liking to wear the same type of clothes is not enough to build a friendship on. If it were all women would be friends and all men would be friends and I'd be posting on the male Wingtip Shoe Forum instead of here.
    And it's a known fact that Karren's friendship with Levi Strauss is going nowhere.
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  11. #11
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I understand what you are talking about. I have two goals when looking for friends to go out with en femme. First, I like to go out whenever possible, 1-2 times a week ideally. So, I would love to find someone local who likes to go out mainstream and has a flexible schedule and living arrangements to make that happen. As part of that criteria is the enjoyment of the same types of venues and a sense of adventure to explore new experiences while out. Secondly, I would like to find someone with whom I could really click as a friend and hopefully vice versa. That means we can be comfortable with the other's personalities and characters, etc. Ideally, both situations would merge so that my true friends also could go out as much as I can. I have met local girls, but there is always something, normally just logistical and availability issues. I also have a few very good CD friends, but alas, they are long distance with limited trips to my area for work or vacation. So, none of this is easy. I am just happy that I have been able to meet so many people and get out as much as I do.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elizabeth Ann View Post
    I can count my times out on one hand, but this weekend I had an opportunity, and found myself enjoying an evening with three other crossdressers, one of whom is also on this forum. It was very enjoyable. I had a great time bonding with them, and it was a liberating experience.

    But early on in the evening, I figured out that I should not discuss our considerable differences in politics or religion, and that each of us had very different interests outside of crossdressing. I could not add a thing to the discussion on motorcycles. None of them knew anything about sailing, a passion greater than my crossdressing.

    Is one commonality enough for a relationship? I don't know, but I found myself regretting that I could find crossdressers to be friends with, but that it seems impossible to find friends that are crossdressers. I suppose that if I were "out" it would be easier, but I am not.

    How do the rest of you deal with this? I really don't mean thus to sound harsh, but are you satisfied with crossdressing "acquaintances"? Do you search for common interests, or just enjoy this little compartment of you life, distinct from the rest?

    Liz
    Life would be pretty boring if we based friendships on whether we liked banana splits or not. It is just part of life and perhaps the question to ask is 'Is Cding just a fad or fancy, or is it part of your life in some other way. I try not to be a dual personality and see my dressing as something apart. I put my clothes on and do what I would normally do, except that I am more content to be in my skirt or leggings or tights or whatever. I crossdress but that's NOT me , and I wouldn't want that to be the focus of my life, and it is not. I have many interests in this very short life. I sure wouldn't want to spend the rest of my days talking about lung cancer to someone..
    There is on this forum, a place to post for friends so why not see if there are "sailing cds aboard"? You could have mini cruises together, but as far as friends go, they are truly few and far between. A friend to me is someone that I would do anything for, but shoot myself. I have had one such person in my life, and though we don't see each other much these days because of distance, nothing has changed. So perhaps, close acquaintances are a different matter . and those are what we usually have throughout our lives. It does sound as though you want to talk CD stuff and that could be off-putting to a lot of people, including cds.
    just sayin'
    Last edited by busker; 03-07-2011 at 04:17 PM.

  13. #13
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Common philosophical beliefs or shared pastimes only play a small role in the friendships I have with other GGs. The larger common ground we all share is our feelings: our hopes, joys, trials, sorrows, triumphs, etc. The focus is more on who we are and not so much on what we do. However, what we believe in can sometimes form the basis for a spirited discussion.

    What elevates my friendships beyond just knowing someone in passing is the caring that develops between my friends and I as we share our inner lives.
    Reine

  14. #14
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Well, I can't speak for everyone of course but many of my friends are my friends in both modes, the friendship being the most important part.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

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    A comparison could be made to two total strangers who happen to be sitting together on a train heading for a distant destination. They can choose to remain silent, or to limit conversation when it seems that they have nothing in common, or they can open up to each other and see where it leads. We all have things that we can teach and there is always something new to be learned. Being a TG can present new horizons and break down fixed ideas about ourselves and about others.
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  16. #16
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Yes Sapphire I agree with you and do converse with all the strangers I happen to sit next to when I go out. However, that does not determine a friendship for me. It does set the stage for a friendship and helps to develop a limited knowledge of that stranger for that next filtering stage. Then we have what is maybe partially intended in the OP, we have acquaintances, friends, and then better friends, and then we have good friends. After that, maybe we get married to them! LOL

  17. #17
    A Silly Banana Haley Heather's Avatar
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    I don't know any cross dressers at least that I know of .....
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  18. #18
    Sparkly Starshine Mahoro's Avatar
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    I've been very fortunate to have been able to find some really wonderful friends who are also crossdressers, and although I agree it takes a little bit more than just a mutual love of heels and skirts to make something click between two people, the truth is that some of the closest bonds of friendship I have are with other CDs that on the surface would seem to be the most different from myself. No two people will share all the same interests, and part of the fun of making new friends is exploring to find what you do have in common.

    I have to agree with Reine that digging deeper and revealing a bit of your innermost self is what really brings friends closer together, once you take the time to get past the surface stuff, and start to understand what makes each other tick, then a frame work of understanding can be built that goes far beyond any differences of political and spiritual opinions you might have, and finding friends who enjoy different activities then you currently have just might open up new and exciting opportunities to you.
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  19. #19
    Woman and loving it LitaKelley's Avatar
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    I've met several whom share many common interests, and others whom share nothing in common.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    Friendships come in all shapes, forms and sizes. We are friends with different people for different reasons. The depth of the friendship can also differ. Usually there is a common bond whether it is work, hobbies, interests or some other aspect of our lives. You tend to start with the one of those commonalities then move on from there. Having many things in common does not make for a good friendship either. Sometimes you have little in common, but something intangible draws you together. You just connect with some people more than others.

    For me, it comes down to whether I enjoy a person's company. I'm totally out in the mainstream. My best t-girlfriends are those who are similar in that regard. We are great friends because we can go more places and experience more things together which keeps things more exciting, interesting and fun. We just happen to do it as girls. Being transgendered has become secondary, but it is what brought us together. It is how we got introduced. Our differences don't matter since we enjoy spending time with each other, and that builds a deeper friendship. One of my best friends in girl mode is a GG. We have very little in common and are different in so many ways. It should not work, but we have the best time when we go out.

    For some, having specific things in common is necessary for a friendship. For others, it is less important. I cherish friendships regardless of the glue that makes it happen. Not everyone can be my best friend, but any friend is good.

  21. #21
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    As far as a really good relationship goes, the crossdressing may just be a foot in the door so to speak. We meet because of the dressing and then it goes from there. I don't talk politics and religion with anyone. I just don't like how discussions on those topics can degenerate. But there is so much more to talk about and do. If I go out with another person while dressed, then what we are doing has to play into the major part of our enjoyment. Yes, getting out dressed is part of it, but it sure can't be all of it.

    I don't think the relationship with any of my "best" friends has been forced in any way. We each belonged to some group and then we hit it off and it took off over time. So the friends I have made and am still making that I know from crossdressing are friends because we can talk, relax, do different things sometimes. Wanting to share in each other's lives is the main thing. I'll have to say that it is easier because I have been able to meet a large number of wonderful people while dressing, but maybe I am just lucky. I think Kim says it quite well below.

    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Also, friendships aren't found - they are cultivated. Over time, you may eventually meet some CDers who share some of your nonCD interests.

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