Why do i keep seeing this happening ?????

[Tybalt]

There's a question on my mind that has been turning and building on allot of post I read.
(because this seems to happen to me.....i Would first like to say I'm not trying to bash any one or single any one out I'm simply trying to be a supportive person coming to you all with a concern)

Why is it that so many posts are about hiding?? How to hide, close calls almost getting caught, or the inevitable "I got caught". Believe me I know what fear is and I'm taking it into account here, I understand being bound by fear. However I find it strange (and this is the truest nature of my question here) that so many people hide from S.O's and family, granted I'm not to close with my family, but shouldn't those closest to you be your refuge from all other things in this world.

On top of all that, love built on lies and secrets is no love at all, If it were well Id be a perfect wife wouldn't I? I could have a relationship with just about anyone I chose because I wouldn't ever tell them about myself and if they asked I could just lie.

Then this cycle ends on so many posts with disillusionment, broken hearts, and devastation. When it could have just been avoided, in the first place. Its kinda a F'ed thing to do to some one you love.

I understand I'm a GG and some might say I don't know the first thing about being a man in this world with a taste for pretty things, but what I do know is I have spent my whole life outside the main stream and definitely no where near any social norm, and I know a Farley large sum about psychology and sociology, so I'm often concerned when I see self destructive cycles repeating and not being corrected. I'm not saying you got to go out in the world and shout from the tallest tree your a cross dresser I'm just thinking you should be honest with your lovers and such

To sum this up, I would like to add a side note to those who have done this and say thanks ya all rock my socks,

so next time your running to a bathroom for a washcloth because you just herd a car pull up in your drive way, your only hiding a wonderful chapter in your life from some one you love and care for, and if its going to ruin your relationship , consider the strength of the relationship your involved in.

IF you cant be your self who can you be?

[Phoebe P.]

I'm sitting here dressed, watching TV, and posting on this board with my wife next to me. My parents and siblings are another matter. It's none of their business and I don't need the trouble. Life is complicated enough. If you go out in Levi's and a wife beater, no one thinks twice. Lesbians are "En Vogue". Cross dressers are not. If I walk around the neighborhood in a dress the police would probably be at my door. Discrimination laws or no.

Ostracism is not one of my favorite past times!

[Tybalt]

I agree with you In that my family are not he most loving excepting people to ever grace this earth, i think its good that you can share with your wife, and im fortunate that i live in a place where most people don't bat an eyelash at much of anything, i suppose that's a bit of why i wounder about this. I certainly do have that to my advantage.
as far as being ostracized, maybe if more people went out it would be "En Vogue"

[Phoebe P.]

My parents are VERY loving, but very conservative. I live in one of the most conservative areas in the country. It's a great place to live as long as you respect the opinions of other people. I live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. I respect their wishes and don't invite criticism. "En Vogue" where I live is often flannel shirts, Wranglers, and an old ball cap!

[Edyta_C]

Interesting! I went thru a phase in dressing that was sexual. Then that passed, but I think that it was replaced for a while with the high of all most getting caught. The adrenalin flowed. Then I did it just because it felt relaxing and good. Now i feel completely different and don't really give a hoop if caught or seen. I have accepted myself as who I am (at least half girl). I was raised for nearly my first six years as a girl. Then my Dad forced a switch to go to school. I suppose it was for the best because in the early 50's it would not have gone well in school.

So I think that some of the cycles we go thru are just that, cycles. The so called pink fog cycles for many of us. But the stories of almost getting caught etc. are part of the desire for some of us at a period in our development for the adrenalin rush of it. I think probably 60 percent of the people on this forum have realized that part of them is femme and perhaps more that just part.

I hope my two cents sheds some light on your query.

Hugs Edy

[Amanda22]

Tybalt, I can't agree with you more. I'm glad you wrote it so clearly and directly.

[RenneB]

It's just something inside me that I haven't let out to anyone...'cept y'all. Even that was a long time in coming. I would find it easier if I was gay and I came out of the closest with a boyfriend. It's mainstream and besides my SO and I have had the gay chat already. I'm not but she see's no problem in anyone being gay. Now the recent incident tells me that she's not ready for this just yet... Now, if I looked like Casandra, or Cortnet, or Calperna that would be something different.

In my world, this matters.

Renne.......

[Eryn]

You bring up a good point, but from the CDers POV the stakes are very high. I love and trust my wife, but I had to consider long and hard before I had a frank discussion with her. The benefits seemed nebulous and the potential cost might be extreme. There are many stories on the forum about coming-out disasters where otherwise loving and forgiving wives can't, for whatever reason, handle CDing. Against that possibility, hiding might well be the more attractive choice.

[Ericka2]

Just love your post, just what the doctor ordered, thanks for the encouragement and you so right, what kind of loves ones will they be if they won't understand?

Love, Ericka.

[Phoebe P.]

What kind of loved one would you be if you don't understand their sensibilities? They aren't out of the mainstream. I am. I respect that and don't expect the majority of the world to conform to my desires.

I do what I do b/c I like to do it. I don't expect others to understand me. I am who I am, but I don't force it on others. I respect everyone and their opinions.

[ThiHi]

To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting. They don't have to do it, but they do, because they feel its the right ting to do. I finally realized i'm not "the guy", not even, for the most part A guy. I've come to accept i'm "one of the girls" no matter how i'm dressed. It does matter where you live though. I couldn't be me in, say, Alabama. Which is why I don't live there ;-)

[EllieOPKS]

Phoebe - You have given as about as clear and concise answer that can be given. I have the very same mind set as you.

[sissystephanie]

My parents are VERY loving, but very conservative. I live in one of the most conservative areas in the country. It's a great place to live as long as you respect the opinions of other people. I live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. I respect their wishes and don't invite criticism. "En Vogue" where I live is often flannel shirts, Wranglers, and an old ball cap!

I also live in a "family oriented" subdivision in the Bible Belt. It is a very small subdivision and those of us who have been there for sometime know almost everybody. Yes I do try to respect their wishes, But I am ME, and I dress the way I like. When the weather is warm, I often go for a walk in the subdivision wearing either a mini skirt, or a skort along with my usual panties and bra. Never once in many years have I been asked why I am dressed that way! If you accept who you are and what you want to look like, most people will just accept you. Those who feel that they "may" get caught have a persona that magnifies that feeling. They are literally projecting that feeling to the public. I know that I am a crossdresser, and I am happy with it. I just accept it and live with it!!

[Valerie Nova]

Just love your post, just what the doctor ordered, thanks for the encouragement and you so right, what kind of loves ones will they be if they won't understand?

Love, Ericka.

My mother found a bag of my clothes and told me she never did anything to deserve this, that I am so selfish to be hurting her like that, that I am living in darkness, that she thinks my past drug use may have messed up my brain and made me start doing this, and that I need to turn to God. On one hand I know she's batshit crazy when it comes to anything sexual. On the other hand, she's my freaking mother. She was just so sad. I couldn't help feeling awful.

[Xandria]

tybalt
this deserves post of the year.

[Cynthia Anne]

Dear Tybalt: I hope I explain myself clearly! Ninety seven percent of the people on earth are taught right from wrong between the age of six months and five years of age! Even though we know what we are, parents nor anyone knows what our feelings are, our minds tell us we don't agree with what we have been taught! I feel that we hide because that's not right (in the eyes of our loved ones!) They can't except it because THEY were taught it's not right or normal. They can't except something that they see as wrong! We are afraid of letting them know how we feel because we don't know how they will react! HUGS!

[docrobbysherry]

----------------------------On top of all that, love built on lies and secrets is no love at all, If it were well Id be a perfect wife wouldn't I? I could have a relationship with just about anyone I chose because I wouldn't ever tell them about myself and if they asked I could just lie.

----------------------------Then this cycle ends on so many posts with disillusionment, broken hearts, and devastation. When it could have just been avoided, in the first place. Its kinda a F'ed thing to do to some one you love.
---------------- Farley large sum about psychology and sociology, so I'm often concerned when I see self destructive cycles repeating and not being corrected.
-----------------------------------IF you cant be your self who can you be?

Love ISN'T built on lies and deception!? How about THESE? See how your "honesty" works for u!

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"
"Do I smell booze?" "Oh, I met the boys for ONE beer after work."
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend?"
"The boys r going out to Lake Las Vegas for some fishing. U won't MIND if I go?"
"Honey, why is there a $50 charge for porn on our latest cable bill?"
"Sorry dear. I'm NOT in the mood tonite! No, I think those pounds you've put on r kind of CUTE!"
"Sorry dear. I'm stressed from work and Big Tom just can't seem to perform tonite! I promise to COMPLETELY satisfy u next time!"
And finally: "I find my dressed image in the mirror to be more exciting than U R!"

Complete honesty in a relationship would END most before they started!

-----------I am fortunate that i live in a place where most people don't bat an eyelash at much of anything, -------------

And, where would THAT be? Frisco? New York? Stockholm? Mars!?

[AKAMichelle]

Your reasoning is pretty much why I quit hiding things from everyone around me. Now my close friends and family know. I have been very fortunate to have been accepted for me.

[Sophie86]

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

Well, sure. But that's not really the same, is it?

It's not that I'm an advocate of complete honesty. I think it's a question each person has to wrestle with individually. I will just say that being out of the closet is better than having to hide, but having to hide may be better than being out of the house. If you're having to lie, though, don't kid yourself that it's a white lie akin to hiding your true opinion of her weight issues. You're keeping a deep, dark secret from her, and if you're right about the necessity of lying, then there will probably be hell to pay if/when she finds out.

[busker]

[QUOTE=sissystephanie;2432252 Never once in many years have I been asked why I am dressed that way! [/QUOTE]
Stephanie, since you have breasts and wear a bra, as you have often mentioned,, is it possible that people think you are a woman occasionally dressing as a man, and therefore don't take exception to your dressing? I have to admit, that I am always surprised that you are not hassled in such a small town in GA. [Isn' that Jimmy Carter territory?]

[dsweet]

To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting.

A(wo)men! Men get to do nothing exciting or involving public display of emotion or sensitivity without being ridiculed. Had I originally been born a woman, perhaps I would not feel the need to cloak my sensual/caring nature with boring male placidity.. But being that I am single (and heterosexual), there's just not anyone on a daily basis that needs to know. When I meet the right woman for me, I will make sure that she is aware of my inner nature & outer habits before we get the ball rolling in a semi-serious direction.

[Frédérique]

Why is it that so many posts are about hiding?? How to hide, close calls almost getting caught, or the inevitable "I got caught". Believe me I know what fear is and I'm taking it into account here, I understand being bound by fear. However I find it strange (and this is the truest nature of my question here) that so many people hide from S.O's and family, granted I'm not to close with my family, but shouldn't those closest to you be your refuge from all other things in this world.

[SIZE="2"]If we lived in a world, or in a time, when gender-unspecific behavior was encouraged or even championed, rather than the current polarized era, hiding would not be necessary – are you aware of your immediate surroundings? Since we are in the MtF section, I’ll talk about this little corner of the wonderful world of crossdressing. I seek to be non-male, or non-masculine, via my choice of clothing – these days, this is not an accepted practice in a world of “us or them” mentality…

Needless to say, if a male wishes to be anything less than male, he has to hide his alternative proclivities from his peers (and family) for reasons of survival. It’s a sad state of affairs, but isn’t personal safety a worthwhile cause to pursue, i.e. “looking out for #1?” In a similar fashion, the crossdresser may seek to diminish the effect his behavior (or inherent characteristics) may have on those around him – this is another reason to embrace a clandestine lifestyle. MtF crossdressing is not accepted by the majority, barely tolerated by a dwindling minority, and not understood by nearly everyone. Is it any wonder that you have to hide your love of femininity (and effeminacy) away from prying eyes? Get real…[/SIZE]

IF you can’t be your self who can you be?

[SIZE="2"]Sounds good, but you can be yourself AND hide, in case you didn’t already know. What if you can ONLY be yourself by hiding your penchant for crossdressing? After all, the incorporation between the genders (one may seek) may require a certain distance from the world at large. Tell me – are you comfortable with yourself, or do you require the approval of others? In my case, I can be ME, and nobody is the wiser. Hiding can be a positive thing, while confrontation is the antithesis of the mental peace I seek for myself…
[/SIZE]

[Tybalt]

"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"
"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"
"Do I smell booze?" "Oh, I met the boys for ONE beer after work."
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend?"
"The boys r going out to Lake Las Vegas for some fishing. U won't MIND if I go?"
"Honey, why is there a $50 charge for porn on our latest cable bill?"
"Sorry dear. I'm NOT in the mood tonite! No, I think those pounds you've put on r kind of CUTE!"
"Sorry dear. I'm stressed from work and Big Tom just can't seem to perform tonite! I promise to COMPLETELY satisfy u next time!"

as a matter of fact I am in a perfectly honest relationship, like...
"yes you look fat take that off"
"Do u mind if my mother and sis come stay the weekend, "yes ill be at my brothers house have fun...
"we can make money by selling other candles out of the candle under the bed "
see the problem with this is you have no idea what i would say to these quotes
but you have a false assumption of my personality in you head
and so on, sorry I upset you and you think me naive. haven't kept any secrets from any of my partners in a long time, I learned that lesson years ago. guess you and I just live in different worlds.

To be a MAN today, in the US, is full of rules and scripts. It's hard work, exhausting.They don't have to do it, but they do, because they feel its the right ting to do.

Funny side note to you, most of my jobs have been what most would call boy jobs, I've worked on docks where i was the only girl and i kept up just fine with all the boys. I have also worked in a casting shop (my first job with hotness) i never lost a beat, but i can girl it up like no ones business

[Kaz]

Tybalt,

You raised a very serious issue... it will bring responses that are both constructive and defensive, after all, you have effectively challenged what many here are doing. many will feel defensive and say nothing.. some will articulate their feelings. It is a very big thing to accept and not reject how others feel.

we all live in the same world, but in micro-cosms. What is acceptable in San Fransisco may not be acceptable in a small town in Northern England... we all have constraints to deal with. I am about to take on a mentoring role with a work colleague who has decided to come out and live his loife how he wants to. He now wears feminine clothes and makeup every day at work. He is quite a rugged looking guy and so does not look like a woman... but he is who he is and I am trying to help him through this transition and acceptance.

Is everyone accepting of this? NO they are not. This is the reality. So living a lie is about knowing this fact and being scared to do it for fear of rejection. In some countries, being out could cost you your life...

[crusadergirl]

I like that quote if can't be yourself who can u you be. Don't know why i hide who i am its not fear anymore just never have time to be me got other things that come first.