Why do i keep seeing this happening ?????

[2SpeedTranny]

And, you're familiar with the OC where I live? Then, u know that over 16 million folks live in "the basin"? And, the communities there r as different as Beverly Hills from Compton? Yet, they're only about 20 miles apart! And, NEITHER ONE is in OC!
If u saw "freaks" here, it sounds like u were in Hollyweird or Longbich. Neither of which r in OC either!
If u spent much time in up tite, conservative Newport, where I live, you'd understand!

Well, yes, you are correct, and I was aware that Compton is not in OC. I did grow up in SoCal, and I tend to see it as a little more monolithic than you do perhaps. It's a weird thing. I never noticed much going from Anaheim to Torrance... but head the other way to Garbage Grove and there's a bit more of a noticeable difference, shall we say! So, I know what you're getting at. I just think the incredible cosmopolitanism of SoCal in general should give one more leeway to be different... it takes a lot more to stand out in that crowd.

And by the way... up til I left CA, I did spend summers at Newport. That was on the beach though, so I will admit my experiences there may be a bit different than yours if you live there. (Admittedly, I laughed when I read your use of the word "conservative" to describe anywhere in California. )

One feeling I always got in CA is that people are more insulated from each other than they are in say, the Midwest. People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

[Cassandra Lynn]

.
People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

Then they move up here to get away from it all and give us a dirty look when we speak to them, hold a door open for them, or welcome them into the neighborhood.
Oh well, as long as they keep bringing their money, we'll leave them alone.

Cassie

[Eryn]

Then they move up here to get away from it all and give us a dirty look when we speak to them, hold a door open for them, or welcome them into the neighborhood.

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

Be careful with your broad brush. There are good and bad people in every locale, mostly good.

[Cassandra Lynn]

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

Be careful with your broad brush. There are good and bad people in every locale, mostly good.

My apologies Eryn, i meant it in the same jest as the previous posts, i can delete if you'd like?

For the record though: quit chewing a few years ago, truck is new, the rifles and all but one handgun are locked in a gun case and "our" potatoes get shipped out of state. But i do love the smell of fertilizer in the morning, it smells like........farming. Kinda like Cali does.

Cassie

[LilSissyStevie]

That's because everyone in Idaho dips snuff, drives old pickup trucks with rifles in the rack, and smells like the fertilizer they put on their potatoes.

I live in So Cal and that sounds a lot like my neighborhood. Except, only the women dip snuff up here. The men chew loose leaf or plug tobacco. There's nothing more feminine and girly than that Skoal ring in the back pocket of some tight Wranglers. Oh, and we have to hide our mini-14s under the front seat of our pickup trucks.

[Eryn]

My apologies Eryn, i meant it in the same jest as the previous posts, i can delete if you'd like?

Naah, it's all good. I probably should have put a smiley or two in there myself.

Hugs, Eryn

I live in So Cal and that sounds a lot like my neighborhood. Except, only the women dip snuff up here. The men chew loose leaf or plug tobacco. There's nothing more feminine and girly than that Skoal ring in the back pocket of some tight Wranglers. Oh, and we have to hide our mini-14s under the front seat of our pickup trucks.

What a lot of people don't realize is that stereotyping Californians is like lumping New Yorkers and Carolinians together. California is a big state and has an incredible range of terrain, climates, and citizenry. It should really be 5 states!

[Gocaps14]

I feel my wife would like me more if I were gay, she loves gay people. She is not accepting of crossdressing.

[irmichelle]

Ahhh! Me too! Only my wife and I are both on our own computers in the living room. I have been married for 30 years and one thing that has really sunk in with me is always be honest. It's no bed of roses sometimes but it's all worth it.

[Amanda22]

This is a great thread. My emergence from the "closet" resulted in the best imaginable outcome: complete support from my wife. Believe me, I thank my lucky stars every day for this. But, it's tempting for me to say that everyone should reveal all. Everyone's relationship with their SO isn't exactly like mine. They're all different and each situation contains risk. As others have said, it's probably a fair statement that each of us knows our situation and can gauge the risk better than anyone else.

I do believe that if a person is a crossdresser and is in a new relationship that they envision having a long-term future, the right thing to do is to come clean about our need to dress. That doesn't help those of us who married and then realize we're carrying this huge secret burden. I disclosed crossdressing to my wife two years after we married. I didn't have deceptive motives. I honestly (naively) thought the need to CD would disappear now that I was with the love of my life. It didn't. I was just extremely fortunate that all worked out for me.

[GG Kathy]

I have to say for me personally, I would have preferred her to tell me than finding out about it myself.

[ReineD]

"I found a large candle under the bed with $100 price tag on it!"

"we can make money by selling other candles out of the candle under the bed "

Um ... can someone please explain what the $100 candle is about? And it can make candles of its own?

[Phoebe P.]

Not sure, but if I can find a candle that procreates at $100 a pop, I'm going to retire!

Talk about the Golden Goose, err candle...

[docrobbysherry]

Honey, does his dress make me look fat?
Yes, you look fat. Take that off.

Alternate response (also not recommended):
No, it's your stomach that makes you look fat.

I made ONE remark to my ex about her dramatic weight gain. She never forgot or forgave and mentioned "how much I HURT HER" at every opportunity for years until we separated!

U BET it's NOT recommended, Nicole!
"The truth? U can't HANDLE the truth!",Jack Nicholson!

One feeling I always got in CA is that people are more insulated from each other than they are in say, the Midwest. People in CA don't know their neighbors, and don't care to. They don't have friends so much as acquaintances. People are shallow, quick to judge, and overall less friendly. I know I'll get some upset responses from Californians for saying that, but that's my experience from having lived there, and in places much different; contrasting them. YMMV.

Of course, you're RITE about that, 2 Speed! Because people come here from all over the world! Many stay for awhile, then move on, or back "home"! So, the people u see around changes all the time!

However, it's different for me! I grew up here when it was a SMALL TOWN! Like those mentioned in the posts above! Everyone knew everyone else. Everyone let their kids go where ever and no one locked their doors! I STILL run into folks I went to high school with here! They know me and my family! Altho us "locals" r usually LOST among the bijillion new comers, it happens often enuff that I don't DARE go out dressed here!

In fact, I just came back from a meeting of my high school reunion committee. If u met my classmates, you'd KNOW how conservative this place can be!

[Tybalt]

phew so many posts, so little time
( im only on page 2)
perhaps a bit of Q&A might solve some questions
Raised by a , single parent who was not often around, my godfather who is 56 now did a lot of caring for me in my adolescent years. he instilled me with many of the views i have today he grew up in the closet and back then as most people know you were NOT OUT and if you were it was dangerous. as i got older I herd lots of the the stories of his life and I have had a fare share of my own about intolerant people and what they do when they don't like who you are, I have scars both physical and other wise as evidence. But I grew up, strong mind, strong heart.
and well as for my views, they can be summed up neatly in one of my fav quotes "what is this but my reflection, who am I to judge or strike you down?"

Mars and Venus maybe, Tybalt?
I'm wondering how u would respond to your CD partner's HONEST revelation, "I find my fem image in the mirror more exciting than u"?

docrobbysherry,
im truly enjoying your posts they may not share my same view point and I may not agree with you, but I can understand you points and you are very well spoken on them, my answer to you is this, If my partner was to say this to me, i would ask them why? and given the answer take it from there, perhaps the relationship would end. there are to many factors and variables in your question for an out right answer sorry im sure there's a Freud joke some where in there.

So, u ALSO live in this secret unnamed all accepting nirvana near Tybalt, 2 Speed? Well, I can understand wanting to keep it a secret! Otherwise, all the rest of us would move there! Lol!!

aha nirvana,
Nirvana is a state of being not a place on the physical plane any one can be there

I find it funny, that a person can come into a room full of strangers, and give advice on how they should all live. I'm out to my wife, but to no one else, I don't feel I owe it to anyone else.

Tina B,
not every one here is a stranger to me, I respect your out to your wife, that's GREAT "happy dance for you !!" as i stated in my original post, the true nature of my question was why not to your S.O. or who ever is closest to you.

[dethklok]

Tybalt that is a great quote and all i can say is this I KNOW people fear what they do not understand and many are TOO close minded to TRY to understand

[Tybalt]

Um ... can someone please explain what the $100 candle is about? And it can make candles of its own?

it was a reference to careless spending I think, sorry it was a rush out the door kinda reply on my part, or.... see when one little candle likes another.......you get,, extra candles???

[ReineD]

OK. lol. I thought it was about some exotic cultural ritual that I hadn't heard of, and you and Doc seemed to understand each other perfectly!

[Tybalt]

Reine, that is too funny for words to express.

[KellyG]

In truth, we are doing them a dis-service, never letting them know the wonderful beings that we are. I'm hoping one day to finally find the self acceptance to be able to bring my true self to those I love.

Thank you, Kaylee. That was so beautiful, and so spot on. I think I'm gonna cry now...

[sabrinaedwards]

I can say, after dating many women, never has one of them, have said "gee, I wish you were a crossdresser." I have dropped hints and have never had a posive response. In the work environment to admit to being a crosdresser, well that would be suicide. This site is one place where we can freely express our feminine side. Love you all.
Sabrina

[JulieC]

I can say, after dating many women, never has one of them, have said "gee, I wish you were a crossdresser."

As I've said many times here, little girls don't grow up dreaming of their knight in shining white wedding dress.

But, from everything I've seen, a very large majority of women will accept crossdressing enough to accept a relationship with someone who crossdresses.

[Patricia Jane]

What a wonderful and truthful message> I agree with all you say! Hiding is lying. Trust and respect are not built on this attitude. You must be open and honest. There can be no secrects in a marriage! That is just my opinion,but, we have been married 41 years. It is working so far!

[Fab Karen]

(Ca.) People are quick to judge, and overall less friendly.

Sounds like a description of SOME people in the midwest & the south. Calif. is the most diverse place you could find in the U.S. If you think So. Cal. is monolithic, you either didn't pay attention or were staying in one location.
Want to know the facts, ask a native ( c'est moi ).

Just as an example about this nonsense, women here will hold the door for me ( in boy mode ), and I, like many people here, say thank you.

[NicoleScott]

so next time your running to a bathroom for a washcloth because you just herd a car pull up in your drive way, your only hiding a wonderful chapter in your life from some one you love and care for, and if its going to ruin your relationship , consider the strength of the relationship your involved in.
:

There are plenty of success stories here - cd's who told their wife, fiance, or girlfriend and found acceptance and a great foundation for a trusting relationship. But there are also testimonies of cd's who for years or decades had a very good marriage which was destroyed after coming out. It wasn't destroyed by the crossdressing - that was going on the whole time. It was the coming clean. There are no guarantees of a good outcome.
There seems to be a self-fulfilling prophesy at play here. Look at the last part of the quoted post. When someone tells all to their wife and good things result, it's the coming clean that gets the credit. Trust has been maintained and reinforced. But when coming clean results in disaster, well it must have been a fragile marriage to begin with. Some continue to deny that there are simply wives who cannot tolerate a crossdressing husband.

[ReineD]

But there are also testimonies of cd's who for years or decades had a very good marriage which was destroyed after coming out. It wasn't destroyed by the crossdressing - that was going on the whole time. It was the coming clean. There are no guarantees of a good outcome.

I hear what you're saying, and obviously none of us know for certain the exact reasons why people divorce. But, 50% of marriages end up in divorce in this country for a myriad of reasons other than the CDing. Click here for common divorce causes, with a lack of commitment and communication being on top of the list. So, how do we know that the non-supportive wives and their husbands don't have other issues that come into play? We mostly hear from the husbands (not the wives), who say their marriages broke up from the CDing. It may well be the CDers who report this can't see beyond their own CDing as the root cause, and there are fewer marriages that break up strictly because of it than we think.

Just food for thought.