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Thread: Who's boots are these? She asks.

  1. #1
    Silver Member RenneB's Avatar
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    Who's boots are these? She asks.

    Whew. That was about the closest call I've ever had. The SO comes out of the master bedroom this evening with this pair of knee high boots and asks "Who's boots are these?" Ahhhhh.... I said, I picked them up at a thrift store for you to try on. She says no thanks and asked what I was going to do with them?

    Oh, I don't know, how about if I like wearing them... Are you serious she replied? Ahhhh. long pregnant pause here.

    No, dear I bought them for you. I thought you'd like to get back into heels.

    Well okay she says but then says she doesn't want them. That's okay, I take them back and donate them. Quickly the boots (my most favorite pair of shoes) get placed in the bottom drawer of the dresser... for now.

    Then to top it all off she closes with "it's better they are for me than you". Well, I think I have my answer if I'm going to come out. Ahhhh No.

    Renne is getting a bit slopy. Too much stuff and it's leaking out. I'm going to have to come clean one of these days. Just not sure when...

    Renne...........

  2. #2
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    wow Rennee...that is some awakening that you just experienced. I hope that everything will work out for you

  3. #3
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    It's time to have the talk. The sooner the better or it could lead to troubles down the road. I would bet that she already suspects.

  4. #4
    Silver Member RenneB's Avatar
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    My heart is still racing. Almost like when my folks found my crumbled up leaves from a favorite green plant in a baggy. I came clean with them. They said don't do it in the house and keep it away from your siblings. Somehow, I just hit the edge of the universe and try to peer to the other side. I'll stay on this side for a while longer...

    Renne.......

  5. #5
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    Ouch! I agree with Alice! The "Talk" is going to happen anyway! So you should start it! If she starts it, there will be a rainy day in paradise!

  6. #6
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Hello Renne

    I agree. It's time for the Talk. The longer you leave it the more difficult and unpleasant it is likely to be.

    Good luck.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina
    Canadian Flag:
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  7. #7
    Member Tanya C's Avatar
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    One thing is for sure, it will go much better if you tell before she makes another discovery.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    I agree with everyone above. You've been dishonest about the boots (you wear the same size?!) and this will come back to haunt you. OTOH, it can provide you with an opening topic for The Talk:

    "Dear, I want to talk to you about the boots you found yesterday. I wasn't honest with you and it has been bothering me ever since..."

  9. #9
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Most grownups don't need someone to pick out their footwear.You can hide your dressing desires out of marital survival,however,you need to get a whole lot better at it...

  10. #10
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    Do you think you subconciously left them where she could find them? If you think you did, it's time to come clean.

    If not, you better get busy making sure the rest of your items are well hidden. No need for a replay if she finds a bra or pair of panties.

  11. #11
    Member Marcie R.'s Avatar
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    I think you just received a reprieve and nothing more has to be said. My advice is to find a specific hiding place for all your special clothing. I found a special place in the basement furnace room, up in the rafters, behind some insulation. This has worked, for me, for several years.

  12. #12
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi, Renne .

    I sure hope your baggy is long gone ,

    As to boots . youv been put on notice . next time the fat hits the wall.

    ...noeleena...

  13. #13
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    yeah, hide if you must....but she already knows....and everyday you dont come clean will just make her more angry.....

    For most SO's its the lying....not the dressing. Others who have had the talk will back me up on that fact

    -Donni-

  14. #14
    Hello, my name is Lacey. Kittie's Avatar
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    It's my opinion that you shouldn't hide things. It will eat at you like a bot fly larvae in the brain. Especially if it has become an integral part of your life, like it does with so many.

  15. #15
    Woman and loving it Jennifer Marie P.'s Avatar
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    That was a close call.

  16. #16
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcie R. View Post
    My advice is to find a specific hiding place for all your special clothing. I found a special place in the basement furnace room, up in the rafters, behind some insulation. This has worked, for me, for several years.
    I was going to suggest the same thing. The dresser is not going to cut it. Rafters, above a dropped ceiling, false wall panel, attic, hidden in the garden shed, etc.

    Since I haven't told my wife either, I'm not going to give you that advice. Each of us has to make that decision ourselves.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  17. #17
    Silver Member RenneB's Avatar
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    Thanks sooo much girls. If I didn't have soooo much at stake here, I'd make it public knowledge. I so much want to come clean but since her first reaction was negitive, I don't see her being open minded.

    In packing up yesterday, the boots just didn't fit. And gosh darn it, then blended in with the bedspread. I know the day will come when openness and honesty and forgiveness will reign, but for now the two lives need to be kept apart.

    Oh yes, the baggy is long gone. Too many years peeing in a cup to remember what that stuff was like.

    Thanks again for all the adivce. You gals are the best.

    Renne (.)(.)

  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    RenneB, there's a problem with "testing" your SO's reaction in this manner. The context is "who's boots are these". Worst case scenario for her is that someone else left her boots in your closet. Its already created a negative, threatening tone for any discussion that might follow. And that off the cuff comment "it's better they are for me than you", really isn't a fair indication of her reaction to cross dressing in general or to your cross dressing in particular. I think you owe her and yourself a grown-up, rational conversation to explore both her attitudes and your interests.

  19. #19
    Silver Member darla_g's Avatar
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    This sounds like a terrible impasse. It sounds like crossdressing is a dealbreaker for your wife. All this stuff hiding things etc is prolonging the inevitable confrontation.

    In the end after a discussion either she accepts this is part of you and wants to be with you or she will force you to quit. Then you have to make a decision about what you want to do.

    Being deceitful like creating an elaborate hiding place if discovered is even a bigger issue should it be discovered. Just ask some of the GGs here.

    Be aware if you do decide to have the "talk" that this site is an excellent source of experiences as a number of people have written about this. But expect the standard set of questions (eg.. Are you gay? . Do you want to become a woman? etc)
    Last edited by darla_g; 03-10-2011 at 10:04 AM.

  20. #20
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RenneB View Post
    Whew. That was about the closest call I've ever had. The SO comes out of the master bedroom this evening with this pair of knee high boots and asks "Who's boots are these?" Ahhhhh.... I said, I picked them up at a thrift store for you to try on.
    Sorry if I seem a kill-joy, I don't see this as a narrow escape, I see this as a lost opportunity to be honest.

    Time and again we read from GG's that they got upset because of the dishonesty and were left wondering if their SO could lie about something like this, what else would they have lied about?

    Your tale contains several missed opportunities to "have the talk", I just hope you don't come to regret that in the future.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

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  21. #21
    Junior Member gwenbeth's Avatar
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    You do need to plan to have THE TALK with your wife. You need to be mentally prepared for every thing. Look over the numerous post here and know what questions you should expect your wife to ask and know your answers to them. And you must be prepared for a wide range of outcomes -- every thing from "great we can go shopping together" to "If I had know that about you, I never would have married you". And as things go on, be prepared for a lot of change. As the reality of it sets in your wifes attitude will probably change, and as you face your wife's reactions, your attitudes about dressing will probably change too.

    One other thing to consider is the current state of your marriage. A strong healthy marriage will handle this better than one that is having problems. In my case, my marriage had a lot of issues and coming out to my wife (combined with me coming out of years of depression) has only served to break it apart.

    i wish you the best

  22. #22
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    In may case I would say they are for my next halloween costume... I don't think she is ready for any of my female stuff to make it in the bedroom take away valuable realestate from my male stuff... seems like having it boxed up like my other hobbies is the right place for now and signals no change in lifestyle.
    Chickie

  23. #23
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    Speaking abstractly here, and not picking on you ReneeB...

    Too often we as CDers think we're getting away with something. It's often that case that people don't connect the dots, and just go on with their lives. But, people aren't dumb either. So many times I've seen stories here where a CDer has "the talk" only to find out that their wives have known for years. There was a recent one in fact, where the wife knew because every time she came back in from out of town, her clothes were a little out of place.

    You can't see through other people's eyes. You have no idea what they are seeing, hearing, and finding. You can't know because you're not them. When you live with someone long enough, you get to know every detail of their lives. Everything from how often they cut their toenails, to whether they wad up their toilet paper or fold it, to whether they like catsup or mustard on their hot dog, to..to..everything under the sun AND moon. To think we can hide indefinitely, keep CDing hidden indefinitely...the chances are very, very low.

  24. #24
    Silver Member
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    That's what got me caught eventually and you know the feeling of dread I used to have about being found out didn't turn out half as bad for real, my wife doesn't want any part, but at least I don't have to hide my things quite so deep, not that I was doing a good job anyway as I was found out!!!

  25. #25
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    You might want to put on the boots, when the two of you are alone, and just walk
    up to her and ask "What do you think" maybe as a Ice breaker.
    Then say I have something to tell you. Now if she is screaming through the roof
    at this time, than just walk away until she calms down. But like others have said
    in the posts above, It is time for THE TALK.
    Good luck.

    Rader

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