Who's boots are these? She asks.

[Eryn]

You might want to put on the boots, when the two of you are alone, and just walk
up to her and ask "What do you think" maybe as a Ice breaker.

I completely disagree. Shocking someone is not a good way to ask for acceptance.

IMO, the way to approach it is to pick a quiet time when the two of you are alone and otherwise unstressed. Tell her that you're feeling bad about something and need to talk. That will put her in an empathetic mindset and then you can proceed to the talk.

Remember, talking is a two-way street. It is as important to listen to your wife as it is to tell her about your feelings. She will have doubts and fears, particularly about how far your activity extends. Address them, but don't promise anything you can't live with. "I don't know" is an acceptable answer if it is honest.

"The Talk" is a start. There will be many talks as you both work your way through the issue. Give her plenty of time to assimilate the situation. This is completely new for her and requires considerable adjustment. She probably won't have anyone to talk to about it except you. The FAB forum here might provide an outlet for her.

I wish you good luck.

Eryn

[Rachel Morley]

Then to top it all off she closes with "it's better they are for me than you". Well, I think I have my answer if I'm going to come out. Ahhhh No.

That sucks ... I hear you though. Before I was married, I had a GG friend (not even a girlfriend) who I thought about telling because I had the feeling she would be cool with it. Boy was I wrong. I was talking about the idea that I might wear some big hoop earrings and she made an "off hand" comment about how big hoops are are "only for girls" .... I was gutted This clearly shows as it does IMHO for your wife too that she is not open to the idea of a guy doing something that is socially thought of as "just for girls".

[Haley Heather]

I think you probably know your wife better than anyone here and should use that to decide how best to approach this subject and when, but with what I am understanding of this here boot ordeal I would have to agree that she probably suspects you of something.

[GG Kathy]

Renne, I have to say if she made the comment better for me than you she has her suspicions. When I had mine (suspicions) I did some searching and found out, and as previously stated I was more hurt by the deceit than the dressing. I think you may need to have the talk just make sure you keep telling her how much you love her.

[Gocaps14]

I came out to my wife several times, the first before we were married,with a positive reaction. That was what I needed. But as time went on, her views changed, mine didn't and more and more problems arose, until today where we are not in a good place.

[AshleyJones]

The only people that know about me are my best friend two ftm guys from my old high school the last girl friend I had knew that i had multiple gay/ lesbian and a couple of trans friends. I "jokingly" said on a few occasions after said friends had been brought up "what would you think if I were trans?" she flat out said each time that she wouldn't be able to handle that. For two and a half years I never said a thing about my being trans. we recently broke up and I still haven't told her. The worst parts are that every now and then she would claim that I act like such a woman and I would just play it off with a sarcastic thanks as if i didn't appricaite it while inside I was screaming "if only you knew" and that occasionally I browse photography of women on art websites and fantasize about looking the way they do (admittedly some of it would be nude photos honestly only artistic not porn) when she would find that i was looking at said photography I forced to let her believe I was just being a pervert and sit through the ensuing argument for fear that the truth would be much worse.

I came out to my wife several times, the first before we were married,with a positive reaction. That was what I needed. But as time went on, her views changed, mine didn't and more and more problems arose, until today where we are not in a good place.

I truly hope things work out Gocaps14

[JulieC]

Renne, I have to say if she made the comment better for me than you she has her suspicions. When I had mine (suspicions) I did some searching and found out, and as previously stated I was more hurt by the deceit than the dressing. I think you may need to have the talk just make sure you keep telling her how much you love her.

Renne, read this and take it to heart. Once a person begins to suspect, they may start looking in earnest. And as the lady I'm quoting agrees shows an example of, most women married to CDers are more hurt by the heaped upon lies than the CDing itself. Putting on a pair of your own pantyhose isn't a breaking of trust. Hiding the pantyhose is.

You know your wife better than anyone here, but I suspect as do many here that she already has an inkling. What you do with that knowledge is up to you.

[JenniferR771]

I think her comments were a hint that she suspects. However they are also a hint that she does not approve. Could be worse. Be ready for the talk, but a little gradualism might be helpful. Wear some pantyhose in the winter"for warmth"--judge how she reacts.
Start wearing lip balm, using women's deoderant, knee highs under your sneakers. Shaving your armpits. Girly cologne. T-shirt with kittens--she will give you a signal--be ready to be a receiver. Go long.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Reene, I've got a bad feeling that this isn't going to end well.

Orchid

[Fab Karen]

The more lies you tell, the harder the excrement will hit the fan.
And using places like "the bottom drawer" is asking to get caught.

[TGMarla]

Sigh. You should really just sit her down and tell her. It's a tough, nasty thing, but you really ought to do it. I tried very hard to conceal it all, and I didn't manage to do it. My wife knows, doesn't get it, doesn't like it much, and doesn't talk about it with me. But our marriage is as good or better now than it ever was. I know everyone's different, but it's a lot easier on you if it isn't a huge secret.

[RenneB]

Y'all are just a wealth of information and advice.

I really appreciate the chat girls on this issue. Each of you have made a real and profound statement on laying it all out on the table. I don't know if it's my vast compartmentalization of relationships over the years, of which having Renne wear comfy clothes is just one, or it's the fact that givin' the odds of keeping the house and this way of life or living in an appartment paying alimony, I'm going to go with the "we'll have the chat.... later". Not sure when, but I will get there.

We have a few other irons in the first, non-CD related, that need to be resolved. In the next two months those should be answered and then it'll be a topic.

The right place at the right time. I'm an enginerd by education and career and you should have seen the maticulous planning just to get down on one knee and ask for her to marry me. I had everything planned out from the dinner to the limo to the ring but what I couldn't plan was the answer. Back then, I could handle the 50/50 chance of her saying yes or no. The stakes weren't that high. No and I get the ring back, I'm out the charge for the limo and dinner, but that's it. Yes and I'm in for the time of my life.

Thanks again girls and I will keep y'all in the loop as this moves forward...

Renne.....

[linda allen]

If your wife finds women's clothes in your house, she has to think one of two things - they are yours or they belong to some woman you're bringing to the house (an affair). Neither is good.

[Jessica_Dillon]

Renee, she already knows. Time to come clean. In fact, her comment, "Better they are for me that you" was probably her way of letting you know she is aware, and was giving you a chance to be honest. You'll read it all over this forum. Our SOs are far more clever than we think, and we are not nearly as good at covering up as we believe. She didn't hit the wall so far, so you're probably going to be safe to sit and talk to her. I'm also assuming that you and your wife don't wear the same size shoe, and she probably also noticed that the boots were way too large for her. Give her the credit she deserves and talk to her.

[vickyv]

Damm. She knows. How you deal with it is the question. Still in the closet here,

[jonie]

If you don't lose the boots and she finds them you'll have the talk on her terms. Warning