Crossdressing dads and dads to be

[GingerLeigh]

Well said Sophie. If you give everything and leave nothing for yourself then what kind of parent will you be?

GingerLeigh, why is it necessary to quell your desires and / or do it privately if you're not doing something wrong? I just can't buy in to the concept that there is something wrong with one's children having knowledge of the parent's crossdressing.

I understand that some people have much to lose by being out or outed but our culture of silence, secrets, and shame only contributes to that. Teach the children love, openness, respect, and pride and they'll do that in the future. Teach 'em silence, secrets, and shame and they'll probably do that too.

Then your level of comfort is greater than mine. I don't think my kids need to know about my crossdessing. It has always been, and will continue to be a private affair. If you plan on have total freedom to walk thorugh the house enfemme with family around, then I guess they better know about you. I have no such intentions, so it is unneccesary to chirp a word. You can still teach your children about love, respect, acceptance and tolerance. You don't have to be a crossdesser.

Ginger

[Lorileah]

You can still teach your children about love, respect, acceptance and tolerance. You don't have to be a crossdesser.

Ginger

true that. You don't have to be a CD to teach your children. BUT by hiding it you are implying that there is something morally or ethically or legally wrong also. It is a subtle way of teaching when you hide. It can extend to other matters in the child's life. Isn't it lying by omission? Is that a good thing to show or teach your child? Hey it's ok kid, just don't get caught. but daddy why is it wrong? because the world says so, but it is harmless One thing that the members of this forum could benefit from is not being ashamed about what they do. That is a learned response. It is a learned response to someone else's ignorance. By sneaking and hiding you imply what you do is wrong. Do you believe you are a bad person? Do you believe that what you are doing is wrong? If that is what you believe shouldn't you stop doing it? If in your heart you believe you should not do something then you should not do it, even in secret. You don't have to tell the world but you should tell those who are close to you and many here don't give children enough credit in many instances. They are smarter and more willing to learn than we think they are.

[Byron]

So much has been said about putting the children and wife first that I want to push back on that a little. My wife and children are extremely important to me, but it's understood within that context that I have my needs too, and a right to a certain amount of "me time." My wife and I also need time for ourselves away from the children, and the children have to learn that there are limits to what they can demand of other people. Otherwise, they'll end up being spoiled brats who think that the rest of the world owes them a living.
So that's just me pointing out that making other family members your top priority shouldn't mean that you live like a slave to their whims. Don't forget what you owe to yourself.

Very much agree with this point of view.

[JohnH]

Ginger,

I wish to say in my opinion in no uncertain terms, do one of two things:
1. If you crossdress DO NOT HIDE IT.
2. If you cannot crossdress openly, DON'T DO IT AT ALL.

Crossdressing in secret is destructive - people can sense that you are hiding things from them and if they ever discover you, the results are devastating.

Johanna

[Ericka2]

Ouch! I adore my children and will never do anything to hurt them, emotionally or physically, therefore, I will wait until they reach 18 to tell them, in the mean time, I chew my own tail.......

[LeeAnnRose]

Chloe,
I know just how you feel on this. I think you have gotten some really good advice so far. These are separate events. There is the CD'ing and your relationship with your wife, there is the fatherhood, there is your dressing, and there is drinking.

Let me start with the kid. Your life will change, period. The decision between you and your wife is will the CD'ing be known to your child. My wife and i decided it would not. I don't live in a place where this behavior is easily accepted so keeping it on the DL is a good idea.

This of course comes to getting better rules with your wife. I know I think I have things down to what is ok and not ok, but it is still a subject I am not entirely comfortable with around her. . . .(wait before you answer)

I would be lying if I told you I didn't grab some of the hooch myself. Sometimes it is just not feasible to dress-up and relax...or clean the house...or do work...so having a drink or two to take the edge off and trying to get to bed early is a trade-off. I did start drinking a little more heavily at one point and it was mentioned to me by the wife. It led to a conversation of why, which helped keep conversations in the open and stress a little lower.

Maybe if your wife takes a day trip with the baby to Mom's or you snag a day off you can get some longer dressing time to make you more comfortable for those times you can't dress.

Hope it helps, if only a little.

(Oh and that wait part, grab yourself a therapist. Before you go in, inform yourself. Be ready to talk about where you are and what you are feeling. You are there to make your decisions, they are there to listen. They should not tell you what you will be doing, but they should be helping you get to where you need to go.)