fear

[ReineD]

Thanks Nicole. Basically my escalating the CDing openly is what eventually led to the split between my wife and I. We are still not divorced. Mainly what it was was that she did not want to be with someone who was "half a man and half a woman" (her words not mine). When all was said and done I was just myself anyway, gender presentation notwithstanding.

Thanks for responding Denise. I wasn't meaning to put you on the spot, it's just that I remember your story and I never forgot the post you made when you shared the remorse you felt for having had that huge pendulum swing, before you settled in the middle as the person you are now. I am sorry that your marriage ended it up the way it did.

Katesback expressed perfectly:

Typical definition of telling wife= Telling wife with the assumption that you can escalate your crossdressing related activities.

This site is filled with the stories of telling the wife, some semblance of "acceptance", rapid escalation that brings the crossdressing activities to a front and the wife is now innundated with it. Finally the whole thing ends with a separation because the wife was never expecting nor preparred to deal with this.

There is a difference between a wife not accepting the CDing conceptually and recognizing it as a need but then being utterly overwhelmed when her husband goes into a major pink fog and goes way faster than she can catch up with. I wrote a fairly typical scenario recently describing how a wife must stretch in order to keep up with her husband, and if you are interested in reading this, Rachel Lea, here it is:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post2426835

Granted the wife in the scenario I constructed is the ideal "accepting" wife, but if there is a divorce because of the CDing, it is because she just can't take all the changes in that quickly and she feels utterly left behind. I know there will be a million little exceptions to my story, but it's the best I can do without writing a tome to take into account all the different possible permutations. I hope you get the idea.

[GG Kathy]

Rachel you will know when the time is right, but please make sure you tell her before she finds out herself. Just make sure you remember to tell her how much you love her.

[Natalie Wood]

Rachel,

Just based on my experience of telling my wife 6 mo ago I can assure you that it will be better if you be honest with her rather than her finding out another way. And most importantly is this: Your wife knows something is not right. I assure you this because although you are hiding it well I am sure, there are subtle, slight nuances that appear in your daily life with her due to your cd'ing. So by you sharing what you are going through may just relieve her of any other thoughts that she may be having.

I was in the same, exact spot as you are in right now. I did not know why or how, but I could feel the urge screaming for me to finally tell my wife. I couldn't believe I was doing it once I sat her down to talk. I had to hide my face as I spoke because I felt ashamed. But it all worked out and we are very happy with the cd'ing. It has changed our lives for the better. And I was worried that she would leave me. I didn't give her enough credit. Just be honest about your feelings and most importantly is this...GO SLOW AND LET HER ASK QUESTIONS. I found that advice very helpful for me.

Wishing you the best!

[CDSamantha]

There is a lot of great information and advice in these responses. As people have stated, you will know the right time and place to tell her if that is what you truly want to do. I have not arrived at the right time yet. I hope it all works out got the best for both of you.

Samantha Anne

[Phoebe P.]

I've just recently started to dress en femme in front of my wife. We've known each other since we were 14 when we started dating. That was 27 years ago. You could say we know each other! It used to just be panties or stockings, but I always left clues. Finally when I started leaving nail polish and lipstick on our sheets she called me on it. I meant to put on the makeup, but didn't mean to mess up the sheets! She didn't know the extent and that's when it came rushing out. I explained a/b my childhood experiences. She was ticked at first. Grabbed a bunch of her female clothing and threw them at me. I slept in the guest room that night. She's ok now and I've been dressing nightly for a/b 3 weeks now. 90% of the time she's ok, but there are still those nights she gets moody (Like I'm one to talk a/b being moody!).

I'm not one that usually beats around the bush (as has been brought to my attention a couple of times on this board... ). I am not one who often avoids confrontation for better or worse. With me it's rip the band aid off and deal with the pain.

You have to do what is right for you. What is right for one is not right for all. Take everything with a grain of salt and do what is best for you and your wife.

[Rachel Lea]

Thank you for all of the words of wisdom and encouragement. For the past 2 years the urge to tell has been very strong and I believe If I do not tell I will be found out in the near future and that situation would be too uncontrolled. I have to be alone with my wife because I do not want my children to find out at the same time that my wife starts dealing with the news.

I know I will be able to discuss the matter better from all of the suggestions and points to consider express by all of you girls.

[Raychel]

Hello Rachel,

Telling your wife can be a very stressful thing to do. It would be best to write things down and prepare your speech as best as you can. Be sure to tell her exactly how you feel about her. And try to time it when there are no other stresses in her life. This can be a very dificult thing for any woman to deal with. Then after you tell her, give her some time to think it over, talk to her when she is ready. And go at her pace.

You know her best and I am sure that you have an idea what her reactions can be. Be prepared for anything.
I am hoping for the best for you.