I don't want to be a "Woman". Not the way the world defines a woman to be. I don't want to be a object, a victim, be submissive or a host of other items associated with the present condition of a gender, which in itself still needs a lot of work. I just want to come out as "myself" on the other end of this meat grinder we call life.No unrealistic expectations. Just "Me."
That I can live with.
Last edited by dawnmarrie1961; 03-20-2011 at 04:58 PM.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
I can't really describe it but everything that I have done toward transitioning has felt like the right thing to do for me.Originally Posted by ikthys
It's something I feel in my heart.
If the question was "why do you want (sometimes at least) to be a woman (temporarily at least) in your sense of being a woman?" how would you answer?
"If I may press the issue, what exactly has felt right about it?"
From my point of view...
It feels right because of the inate feeling that it is how I should have been born. I often ask myself why do I feel like this, other men don't even think about stuff like this they just live their lives fat dumb and happy about their gender.
From my earliest recollection, say, around the age of 2 years I knew that I should have been a girl. I wanted to correct this great mistake that God had made, I prayed every night that I would wake up in the morning and find that I had changed. Ever since then it has been on my mind every day, I started dressing at age 10 and now wish that I'd had the guts to confront my mother about srs before I hit puberty, but it was the early 1960's and I was afraid of the reaction.
Playing the male role is hard when it is not the real you. I spent a lot of time abusing alcohol, being cranky and miserable as well as hating myself because I was not a woman. So now after playing the stereotypical male role for all of my life I have retired and can be me every day, and at the encouragement of my wife I might add. She say's that she prefers me to be in female mode because I am a different person, more settled/centered and much easier to live with.
Then I would say , in my sense of what a woman should be, that being such a person is the only way that I can truly exist. Their is no other alternative but to be "myself". Anything short of that would be living a lie. Which I ,in good conscience, can not do .
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
What is it about the female role that you relate to so much more?
Sorry to nag- but it would help if you could describe what "such a person" is that you feel like you wholly identify with.
Last edited by Nigella; 03-20-2011 at 06:47 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts again - any further multi posting could result in a warning infraction
It's the feeling, knowing and understanding of things.
When I compare myself to other men & women I can see exactly where I fit, almost invariably I have the same feelings about and reactions to things that the women around me have. There is a connection that women have with each other that is purely cerebral, I seem to be able to tune into it. Although I am obviously male women talk to me on woman to woman level and some have told me that I'd make a good girlfriend, "are you sure you are not a woman".
Women role play, they have differing persona's depending on the company they are in and they don't often show males that intrinsic woman side. I love it, although I am externally a "man's man" which seems to sit well with my male friends my female relatives & friends can see right thru it, lol.
To fill a deep emotional void of not having the nurturing love that only a mother can give.
Or perhaps it just plain feels good?
Life's too short to not do the things that make you happy.
Tonight I am dressed head to toe as a women. If someone asked me at this moment in ime if I wantedto be a women, I would say yes! I feel so incredbly feminine right now. I feel so blessed, that I can feel this way.
Such a person that I currently am, or at least am trying to be. My idea of what a woman should be, strong ,determined,confident, honest and empathetic to others. Physically capable of taking care of herself but not to proud to ask for help if needed. Not arrogant and self centered, which I was in the past, but willing to admit that I am inadequate and imperfect. I don't want to aspire to conform to the unrealistic Barbie doll image, of which I admit from time to time I'm guilty of pursuing in form and figure. I just want to be the best me that I can be.
Does that make any sense? Does that adequately answer your question?
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
I can deeply relate to both reasons, as well as the sarcasm of not wanting to really go there.
That is SO helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time and giving the energy!
Sometimes I'm not sure if I long to be feminine so that I can be more like a woman (with other reasons for wanting to be a woman) or if I long to be a woman so I can be feminine (which has more to do with a truncated view of femininity).
Last edited by Nigella; 03-21-2011 at 08:58 AM. Reason: Merged three consecutive threads
ENERGY is one department that I'm never lacking in. I have too much of it. Sometimes I wish I could be like everybody else and did not feel the need to physically push myself to the limit like I do. I guess I like the high it gives me. The only good high is an adrenaline high!That is SO helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time and giving the energy!
Last edited by dawnmarrie1961; 03-20-2011 at 07:42 PM.
CANCER IS A BITCH SO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE OF A BITCH TO BEAT IT.
To paraphrase Nietze: "I exist, therefore I am Transgendered!"
I think that just about covers it.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 03-21-2011 at 01:17 AM.
For me, a woman has more choices now days and they have so much potential to be themselves. They have more choice in clothes and fashion than a male. They can be in a powerful position yet at home they can also be a little girl. They can be loving yet demanding, and above all, most males always obey their mom. I was looking at the TV on the weekend and a special about some old photos of Aussie diggers in world war 1 were found. Interesting to see a group of soldiers holding up a sign saying "We want our mummies".
I am drawn to the notion of being a woman largely because I value social contact more than making money, aesthetics more than winning first prize, kindness and compassion more than aggression and hardness. I cannot be the person I want to be because I am forced to be something else due to my physical sex. I dont actually want to be a woman but the idea can be sublime. I get to escape from the male prison and spend my time enjoying aspects of life forbidden to me.
I disagree with the notion that this is a man's world. That only makes sense if you value money and power over friendship and community. The real power lies with women, always has been because they get to enjoy the best and most important things in life, things which connect with your soul and tickle your senses. A man's life is banal in comparison.
I want to be judged for who I am not what I am. Thank you for listening.
I can't imagine ANYONE not wanting to be a woman. It's so rewarding and just plain fun. I wouldn't switch for a minute.
Stephie
There is a certain strength of character that goes along with womanhood my friend. It helps to look at both sides when seeking to become a full spectrum person.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I was born a woman, no, not the one with soft, glowing skin, sensual curvature, long lashes framing deep blue eyes, no, not that one, but chunky, smelly, hairy where hair was not suppose to grow, thick and swetty but underneath this mass of flesh the girl was born into this world. Sensuous, soft, shy, frivolous, wholesome and eager to embrace it with love. One day she learned that everybody called her by boys name, wanted to play boys games, and train in the art of war and revenge. So she did, really had no choice, not then. Once in a while she put on a pretty dress and imagined life was different, happier, fuller, but those moments lasted only a short while and she always put the dress away. She could only feel her self in those moments, true, loving, caring, unmistakable.
Last edited by Inna; 03-21-2011 at 05:04 PM.
You know, at first it was to make myself into my idea of a perfect woman like was stated here before. I was shy so I had trouble with women. But I was shy because I was experiencing budding feelings of femininity. I just did not fully understand it then. Now I have come to grips with myself for the most part and what it has become now is...I just want my external looks to match the being inside. The being inside is female and she wants to dress and feel things like other females on this earth do.
The phoenix has risen the old life is gone
A new life to live has finally begun
There is fun to be had and work to be done
My beauty is radiant my freedom is won
This really touches on a strong point for me. It seems that, almost regardless of how crossdressing gets its start in our lives, it seals us into it by virtue of the fact that we inevitably related our self identity to what we do. "If I'm wearing panties, I must be at least a little girly". Then, this "flowers" (to borrow your metaphor) into a sense of NEEDING to cross into expressing womanhood just to let that part of us live and not feel like part of us is dead or dying or stifled or suffering, all the while we are identifying further and further with womanhood and simultaneously moving further and further from the core reason why we ever identified with it in the first place! I'm trying to pry and see if I can't discover a more "original" sense or urge or reason for desiring womanhood other than the fact that I already kinda feel like part woman (I know some feel this in totality, but I don't) in bare fact (not just in role or temperment)... Thanks everyone for so many keen introspective insights!
That and when I'm enfemme I feel more emotion and alive. But I like yo be a guy also. Billie JeanI used to think I wanted to be a woman but then I realized what I really wanted was to be myself. There is a difference.
That speaks volumes to me! I am on a quest to try and recapture the feelings and reasons why I started crossdressing in the first place. I have come to realize my behavior has morphed over time into something that is completely different from my starting point. When I started dressing, the idea that I would ever be attracted to the idea of wanting to become a girl was defininitely not on the cards. Like most young boys I thought girls were irrelevant and stupid and not worth my time. I did not connect with them at all.
For me, my crossdressing origins addressed internal feelings related to growing up. I wanted to remain a mommy's boy, I liked things which were sweet and soft, I wanted to cry and wanted to show kindness to others. I did not like the competition or brutality of manhood. This is about being true to myself, hanging on to things which I liked and enjoyed yet I was being told I had to give them up in order to become a man. It marks a struggle within me over gender roles, not gender identity. I never had an problem about who I was, the problem was how would I fit into a world that did not want me to be me.
I want to be judged for who I am not what I am. Thank you for listening.
There are many reasons why I feel the desire to be female. I won't go into it all here; if you're interested in the psychological mechanisms at work, you can read my bio. See the link in my sig below.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I get myself to sleep with the wish that I'll wake up as a woman and I think of what I'd do if this wish came true. I don't think I'd be as composed as I am in my fantasy though
Why do I want to be a woman? I love the fashion, the feel of the clothes. More than that, I like feeling 'feminine' - difficult feeling to describe; we all have our own definitions, I think. I love spending time on my appearance - applying make-up, doing my nails, luxuriating in the bathroom with some good products. I'd really like, when I'm out to be 'checked out' - catching someone getting a good look at my rack or legs...
However, as I think about it I'm not sure if I want to give myself totally over to being a woman. I really like the physicality and brutality of sports and as much as I enjoy indulging myself when it comes to getting pretty, I do appreciate being able to just get up and go when I have to.
I read about a Japanese cartoon from a few years ago where the hero was able to change from boy to girl if he got wet (not sure about this detail though). I think that'd be the life for me
Why do I want to be a girl?
Doesn't everybody?
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