CD'ing holding you back?

[AKAMichelle]

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important. I have no idea what that thing is. I have felt for sometime that I have to choose between my marriage and accomplishing my destiny. I have also felt that cd'ing is standing between me and my destiny.

I don't know how to explain it, but these feelings are getting tougher to deal with. I have no idea what to think anymore. I am so confused about what to do next. Does anyone else have this or similar issue? I could really use some assistance finding my way.

[Angiemead12]

are you torn between the real you and the other you? Do you want to just merge both worlds because you don't see anything wrong with it?

The saying we control our own destiny is very difficult and it would be nice and easy if a path was laid out for us. But Im with you, I always wonder what I need to do next...

[LeeAnnRose]

You've been on this forum for quite some time and I see you have posts all over. Any possibility you could expand on your thought? I am assuming your destiny means career or another purpose? It would also seem there are three direct inputs here; marriage, CD'ing, and destiny.

[danielletorresani]

I am definitely in the same boat and know exactly how you feel. There's many things I want to do with my life, as well as things I need to do with my days, such as work and such. CD'ing, for me, has been a pretty intense addiction. I'm not judging anyone else, as not everyone has the same relationship with crossdressing that I do, but for me it's an addiction that for a long time was all I ever did or think about. My work started to suffer for it, I was constantly feeling stress from hiding it from the wife, and it didn't leave enough time for me to do the things that I really want to do with my life, i.e. dreams & destiny type stuff.

For me, I had to quit. Though I enjoyed the hell out of it, it's just a matter of it not being compatible with my life and the dreams I want to pursue. Though someone may say they love and want to support the Israeli's and Palestinians...that person just has to choose. It sucks, but just because you love two things doesn't mean you can have both. Sometimes there's things a person can love, and those things are at cross purposes. At that point, a sacrifice has to be made. It won't feel good, but a wise person will stay more focused on long term goals instead of instant gratification. Though crossdressing feels good to me today, my long term goals are much more important to me, and so I choose the latter.

My two cents.

[darla_g]

I don't know I suppose I could use just about anything for an excuse for not doing something.

[AllieSF]

HI Michelle, I think it may be just a case of a too much at one time sort of thing. You are liberating yourself to be you, a trans woman, TG/TS whatever, you have re-invigorated your business, have found that other women find you attractive, have a wife who still, i think, wants you in some way, are also leading a TG support group in Denver, and who knows what else you are trying to do. All this is a lot for one to handle all at one time. Each one could stop a normal person (not gender orientated, but with a normal plate full of day to day issues) in their tracks and you are doing all of them at once. The only thing I can think of is to reduce the priorities to one or two to concentrate on and move on slowly from there. KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid. It may help you out. Good luck and thanks for asking.

[Fran Moore]

Hi Michelle, I can only speak for myself, but I am a classic "underachiever", choosing instead to do what makes me happy, rather than what I perhaps could accomplish. As I've grown older, it is more important to me to get up each morning, look forward to the day, and end each day knowing that I have done as much as I can (within reason) to maintain my positive outlook and happiness and continue that thought thru to the next day. Life is short, so I would encourage anyone to identify what it is that TRULY makes you happy, and go forward from that point on.

Suzanne

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important. I have no idea what that thing is. I have felt for sometime that I have to choose between my marriage and accomplishing my destiny. I have also felt that cd'ing is standing between me and my destiny.

I don't know how to explain it, but these feelings are getting tougher to deal with. I have no idea what to think anymore. I am so confused about what to do next. Does anyone else have this or similar issue? I could really use some assistance finding my way.

[Eryn]

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important. I have no idea what that thing is.

I think that everyone feels that way to some degree. We all dream of being the one to cure cancer, write the Great American Novel, star on Broadway, design the first mile-high skyscraper, win a great battle or something else equally spectacular.

Unfortunately, Real Life often gets in the way and we find that our situation is much more mundane then our dreams. That does not mean that we are not accomplishing something important. We are part of a continuum of life and the supporting roles are just as important as the starring roles. Curie, Baryshnikov, Meir, Patton, and Chanel were all amazing people who did amazing things, but behind each of these are mothers, fathers, and thousands of other people who gave them the knowledge and support to do the spectacular things for which they are famous.

I'm to the point where I'm pretty sure that my name won't be in the history books, but I am satisfied to know that I've very likely allowed someone else to rise to that level. I've certainly pulled my weight for society even if I didn't get much fame and fortune.

I don't know exactly how this applies to you, but it's likely that if marriage and CDing define you then they are part of the benefit that you provide society as a whole.

[busker]

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important. I have no idea what that thing is. I have felt for sometime that I have to choose between my marriage and accomplishing my destiny. I have also felt that cd'ing is standing between me and my destiny.

I don't know how to explain it, but these feelings are getting tougher to deal with. I have no idea what to think anymore. I am so confused about what to do next. Does anyone else have this or similar issue? I could really use some assistance finding my way.

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important. I have no idea what that thing is. I have felt for sometime that I have to choose between my marriage and accomplishing my destiny. I have also felt that cd'ing is standing between me and my destiny.

I don't know how to explain it, but these feelings are getting tougher to deal with. I have no idea what to think anymore. I am so confused about what to do next. Does anyone else have this or similar issue? I could really use some assistance finding my way.

Michelle, it is problem we all face in that we recognize that we have something special to offer but have difficulty in making it fit in the real world. How does one fit their feminine ideals into a masculine world and make it work. Crossdressing doesn't really fit in with the world we have at present, and I suspect even the most passable TS will have a problem ultimately fitting in. But, you will first have to discover where it is that you want to focus your energy and THEN figure out if being a Cd or TG or TS is going to be accomdated in that endeavor, and be in the public view and a regular part of society.
I have a dilemma similar to yours and though I know now what I want to do, I cannot combine it with a relationship because of time. I have spent too many years distracted what from what I wanted to do, so now I have to forego a relationship because I cannot divide my time. I'm 68, life for me is going to be shorter (probably due to my lung cancer), and my needs now have to come first. I too enjoy my CD time but it has taken a great deal of my precious time this past year and will likely get less and less as I move on. I can't combine it in any meaningful way in a regular existence.
Perhaps CDing is a distraction, and you should treat it as such. We can really only be focused on so many things in life before it all becomes meaningless. You have just gotten your marriage re-kindled if I remember correctly. That must have been important to you. In what way? You have a TG group. Perhaps you want to take that a step higher, become political perhaps. how important is dressing to you? Can you incorporate your femme feelings into your masculine life enough to be satisfied with just dressing at home rather that trying to define yourself as a woman living in regular society? Or just skip the dressing entirely. You are still the same person dressed or not. What makes your heart race that can actually be a real goal. At one time I wanted to be a professional musician. I have played in orchestras, played in groups, had my own. Music came easily to me for my entire life but something was missing in my abilities that it would never have happened. There is just that "something" that was lacking. I couldn't bridge the gap. I finally understood that and turned it into a hobby and moved on to other things and had some accomlishments in other areas. It is what you need to do too I think. Find that" meaningful something" that bridges the gap between hobby and success and go for it. But only you know what that is. Best wishes in your journey. You still look young enough to do it, and with your wife at your side.

[Cynthia Anne]

I feel my career and marriage has held back my cross-dressing witch is my true destiny!

[Gina X]

I feel my career and marriage has held back my cross-dressing witch is my true destiny!

I'm with you Cynthia my life has been a lot simpler since I've embraced my feminine side completely I still have a lot to do but it is so good feeling a lot more feminine it almost makes up for the 50 years or so of closeting, I'm a lot happier with myself than I've been for a very long time ...........

[DebsUK]

This really strikews a chord with me. For me this seems to work from the opposite angle, in that often it seems to me that crossdressing makes things a lot more difficult than they need to be and I think I tend to push my drive to dress to the back of my mind when it comes inrto conflict with other things. For example, last year, around this time the possibility of a job overseas appeared. This was in a country which is quite conservative and one where crossdressing may even be illegal, and certainly wouldn't be looked on favourably in an expat. I think was part of the reason I lost my urge to dress, meaaning I'd wasted a lot of money on clothes and makeup. That job didn't happen and I found myself back dressing again by the new year. The same job opportunity reappeared out of the blue again this year, but again it hasn't panned out, though I haven't lost the urge completely this time, but I don't feel it so strongly yet again. I do still want to dress
When I recover the need to dressN theb it does dominate my thinking for most of the waking day and that means I'm not concentrating on what I should be and I believe my work for one thing suffers. I wish it could be there in the background instead of either being ragin in the front of my mind or altogether missing

[suzy1]

I suppose I am in the minority here but I am not “driven” at all? I just breeze through life enjoying myself. I sometimes think this is the best way to be.
This does not mean I am irresponsable. But I don’t want to be driven. I want to do the driving! [Preferably in a dress]

SUZY

[Kitty Sue]

I certainly have the same issue. I think I may have given up a career that I enjoyed overall, due, in part, to my CDing. I have the opportunity for another occupation I have enjoyed in the past. Will I take advantage of it? I do not know. Again my CDing comes into play

Interesting topic. Michelle no matter what, you are not alone.

[AKAMichelle]

I guess that I should elaborate a little.

The marriage part is simple. There are things that I want to do with my life and they never seem to happen. I want to travel and see the world and my wife is more of a homebody. When I do try to mix business with pleasure, I get her complaining that I don't want to be with her. Well that is partly right since she won't do many of the things that I do. She has talked about going to Italy and got me all interested only to be so scared to fly that she won't go. So I am left in a very uncomfortable place that if I ever go it will be without her. That isn't the type of marriage that I want, but I can't seem to move forward with my life. There are many other issues but that is the one I am talking about in the post.

The cd'ing thing is much more difficult. Sometimes I feel that I was meant to travel and speak to people. Those speeches are to be connected with a book. In other words I feel that I was meant to be a motivational speaker. To go down that path means possibly giving up my cd'ing if my wife remains in my life. Without her then I could do whatever I want. It causes a lot of uncertainity to my life, but I have done a lot more than that before. I am facing a lot of decisions to make which I am struggling with. These all seem to be some type of obstacle that I must overcome, but I don't like the solutions. As a result I have a difficult time making the decision.

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[Ericka2]

Actually in a lot of ways cross dressing does interfere with our goals and our careers, now do we accept that logic? Obviously some of us do some of us don't, me for instance, I have a lot of knowledge in politics, specially from the country I come from, since I can remember I wanted to become a leader in my country and make life a better place for my people since they been exploit and all our natural resources used for personal gain by the wealthy, but guesss what....my female side holds me back and wants to enjoy the life, the easy life, do I need to step it up and ignore my female side?

Ericka.

[sissystephanie]

Michelle, the major question in your life is........How much do you love your wife? If you truly love her, she comes before anything else!! If you cannot accept that, you will have problems with a lot of other things in your life!! I do not know how long you have been married, but my late wife and I were married for almost 50 years. She knew before we married that I was a CD'er and accepted that. But there were things in my life that she did no accept, some of which did involve travel. Because I truly did, and still do, love her, I gave up those things! Of course it hurt, but my marriage was always the most important thing to me!!

[AKAMichelle]

I feel resentful of her because she isn't being a co-partner, but a person standing as a roadblock to me. I feel so guilty at times for feeling that way. I love her but I can't stop the other feelings.

[Anne Elizabeth]

For me I believe keeping my crossdressing/transexualness secret for so long (almost 50 years) affected that way I delt with my wife, children, family, friends, coworkers and my career goals. I always thought that this hidden part made me think that I wasn't worthy of attaining certain goals. Now that my wonderful wife and I have dealing with this openly I realize that it did. I am now seeing the struggles of the glbt movement and how closed minded others are and how close minded I was. I feel so relieved now that I am open about it and the key is ( my own acceptness of who I really and truly am) it feels great. I made a comment to my wife apoligizing to her that I haven't been showing my other the male self to her much and felt bad about it. Bless her her remark was "You are just being your true self who your really are". It about made me cry. It is sometimes that I need to be bopped over the head with a ball bat to really understand. So long story short I feel that I have been somehow drawn to a new understanding of the glbt and a need to do more somehow. Maybe all in all I have had to struggle all these years to really find my calling.

[sometimes_miss]

I am a very driven person. For many years I have had a strong feeling that I was put here to accomplish something important.

Must be nice to feel important. I've never felt that way. I guess it comes from believing in god or something. But I never felt that I was more important than anyone else on earth, or that I was created for some special purpose.

[EllieOPKS]

I thought you and your wife were splitting because of incompatibility. Regardless, If I were you I wouldn't limit things that I like simply because she is not interested. My wife and I have taken many trips separately with no hard feelings. Some things she enjoys that I don't and vice versa. I think cruise ships are the biggest waste of money and will not go on another. She enjoys them and has gone several times with her girlfriends. I go on hunting and fishing trips that she has no interest in. We wish each other well and look forward to seeing each other upon return. It works for us, hopefully it will work for you as well. I would at least have a conversation about it.

[kimdl93]

First a disclaimer - I do not believe in predestiny. I do believe that family circumstances, intelligence, motivation, hard work and luck may lead to important acheivements.

I think its a mistake is to presume that there's something great out there waiting to be accomplished "if only"...something a marriage or CDing or some other thing wasn't in the way. The reality is that you have to define what you want to do, not in terms of some lofty acheivement, but rather in terms of what you WANT to do on a daily basis. If you're good at whatever it is, and if you work hard....and if you're lucky, then maybe, maybe, something great will result. But don't count on it and don't judge your life based on what you feel is a destiny achieved or failed.

Remember Quantum Leap, where the guy leapfrogged through time, and at each stopping point had to accomplish something. One episode really resonated with me. Scott Bakula's character appears as a small town veterinarian in north Texas, does some good dead and waits for the next "leap". He's puzzled. Then he hear's a gawky teenager banging a guitar and singing about Piggy Sue. He stops and says, try "Peggy Sue" and next thing you know, he leaps. Seems all the other good deeds weren't the reason he was there - it was just to help Buddy Holly get his start.

[AKAMichelle]

First a disclaimer - I do not believe in predestiny. I do believe that family circumstances, intelligence, motivation, hard work and luck may lead to important acheivements.

I think its a mistake is to presume that there's something great out there waiting to be accomplished "if only"...something a marriage or CDing or some other thing wasn't in the way. The reality is that you have to define what you want to do, not in terms of some lofty acheivement, but rather in terms of what you WANT to do on a daily basis. If you're good at whatever it is, and if you work hard....and if you're lucky, then maybe, maybe, something great will result. But don't count on it and don't judge your life based on what you feel is a destiny achieved or failed.

Remember Quantum Leap, where the guy leapfrogged through time, and at each stopping point had to accomplish something. One episode really resonated with me. Scott Bakula's character appears as a small town veterinarian in north Texas, does some good dead and waits for the next "leap". He's puzzled. Then he hear's a gawky teenager banging a guitar and singing about Piggy Sue. He stops and says, try "Peggy Sue" and next thing you know, he leaps. Seems all the other good deeds weren't the reason he was there - it was just to help Buddy Holly get his start.

Destiny is a funny thing because we don't know what it is. We probably wouldn't recognize it if it hit across the head. I guess that is the problem. Do you reach your main task by going down road A or B? You never know and you can't change the outcome once you make your choice. Living your life based upon destiny is futile because we have no way of knowing what it is.

That's why I only talk about a nagging feeling.

[AllieSF]

I am a believer that all of us are put on this earth for some (note plural) purposes. Some may be lofty and very notable and others maybe hidden deep down with ordinary things that we do everyday. When I read and understood what Michelle wrote regarding doing something big in life, I had, and still have no problem, with that. I get into discussions with friends and strangers about that very topic. I also believe that if we feel that we have a special destiny, God, or that higher being, wants us to do that. If that means sacrificing one thing for another, so be it. If we all just let those feelings and/or dreams fade, what a dull and non-progressive world we would live in as everyone would just accept the status quo and not really try to find a way to make it all happen. Maybe part of God's desire for us is too overcome the challenges put in front of us without sacrificing those around us. I read Michelle's words as saying. "I feel that I have this destiny and task to accomplish, but I am in a quandary as to how to accomplish that with some of the personal obstacles I now see. Are they show stoppers, or just obstacles for me to find a workable solution to?" I say," Michelle, do not give up those goals and try to reach them as best you can".

[kimdl93]

Destiny is a funny thing ... Living your life based upon destiny is futile because we have no way of knowing what it is.

That's why I only talk about a nagging feeling.

You're right - living life based on destiny is futile. Humans, since most of us remember the past and anticipate the future, inherently trying to explain "why" things happen. In the abscence of observable and measurable factors, humans make up thier own explanations.

My ex wife, for example, was certain that "bad things happen in threes". And you know, if a bad thing happened she could either be counted on to live in fear of #2 and #3, or think back and find #1 and #2 in her memory.