so tired

[erica12b]

Have you ever gotten so tired of the rat race that nothing is fun any more ?
Im working two jobs, trying to get out of the debt I let my ex wife put me in , trying to help my kid grow up in as normal a world as I can provide for him , trying to find a gg that will let me (just) have my fem side , and I find im loosing my fun , dressing is not fun now Watching a good movie , is not fun , (found my self thinking it was a waste of time) nothing I liked to do is fun any more, I don’t understand it .
Trying to connect with others at eather of my jobs feels like a waste of time I don’t have time to do anything with them, im disconnected from the things I liked to do , how do I fix my fun, bring it back in to my life ?

[Gillian Gigs]

You know what they say, all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl. You sound like you are so tired that you need a pill to get to sleep. Slow down and smell the roses before you have a break down.

[erica12b]

fifteen yr of working nights and I do need sleeping aids , I tried slowing down but the world caught up with me and now I must pay my dues, I use to get a charge out of my time (dressing) or the other things that made things fun , the extra things I saw as a cd that others missed , or even having a cd sense of hummer that makes us , us , but im just walking thru the motions I don’t think I have had a good laugh in a long time, I know what your saying and I do agree I don’t want a break down but I half to do the jobs or loose it all and drop the juggling balls why would the fun go away ?

[Haley Heather]

Perhaps it's your sleeping pattern that's causing you to feel this way? You might consider talking with your doctor about it.

[giuseppina]

Hello Erica

What you describe sounds unhealthy. It seems you've been feeling off for quite a while. It doesn't have to be this way. There are a number of issues that may be at the root of this.

You've made a very important step in recognising you have a problem. Your family doctor is a good place to start on the road to finding a solution.

Get going and good luck.

[AKAMichelle]

Sounds like you are burning out. You need to take a mini vacation and recharge.

[Marissa]

Hi Erica, sorry you have to endure the burden of debt from an ex..know the feeling..did it twice..and in a way, I have not overcome the last one, its a work in progress. So that alone can be stressful if you have to work another job to keep up.. and its great that you are providing for your son to have things he should. But remember, you can only sacrifice so much..so whatever it is you are doing for your son, beyond the normal necessities of life, maybe they can wait until you get over the debt if the they are knocking on the door.

About dressing..well let it be for now if it just doesn't fulfill you at this time.. you don't have to do it..and why do it if it brings no satisfaction.. how about trading that time for say spending time with your son.. watching a movie.. or just lay there with your eyes closed..now when you close your eyes..don't think!!!! just let your mind go..if you do have to think..think of a happy thought..not the bs of life.

And if you get day off from both jobs on the same day..relax.. breath..

I wish you luck.. take care of you...

Hugs,
Marissa

[ReineD]

Erica, you described the symptoms off depression. Please do see a doctor and describe your feelings. You might just need to take anti-depressants for a while. Don't let it go any longer if you've been feeling like this for awhile. Untreated depression can rewire your brain permanently.

Just please, make an appointment to see a doctor.

[suzy1]

Erica, I just want to back up what Reine has said. Please take here advice!
I have been there myself. I had exactly the same symptoms so I went to my doctor. Now, looking back I can see that it saved my life. I am not exaggerating, it really did.
The new anti-depressants are safe and affective. And they are not addictive.
Please go and see your doctor today.

All the best, SUZY

[Shari]

Sounds like a bad case of cabin fever. Maybe a vitamin D deficiency too.
You are not alone.
This winter has been an especially brutal one here in Pa. I can't imagine how tough it gets in Colorado.
Hang in there. Spring is right around the corner!

[Joanne f]

Erica,
once you get into this feeling of a downward slide it can feel easier to go down with it than to fight it , but fight it you can and will , as some of the others have said maybe you just need a little help to start with from a doctor , it really depends on how bad it is getting to you at the moment or find that extra pit of effort to do something with your friends if only for a short time , sometimes you only need that little spark to set the fire burning again and get some of your fun in life back but i do understand that a lack of time can make this difficult and dampen your spirit to do it .

[Rogina B]

This is a tough world we live in today.Many of us earn enough in theory,but in reality,there is no cushion.It is costly to function as a family.So,many of us are on a treadmill that we can't get off or it all falls apart fast. I work for myself and am busy right now. But,there has to be a next project and one after that,etc..And we can't earn any less. So,the treadmill eventually wears you out and you forget what fun is.Erica isn't alone on this one.

[Maria in heels]

You definitely are in the "burn out' stage and need to get some help. Yes, you can visit your doctor to see if you can get some "aid" to help you sleep a little bit more, but you do need a day or two to yourself to just unwind before you crash.

[Paula Siemen]

I can relate;
although my circumstances are somewhat different. I still enjoy dressing, but find I don't really get the time to make going out worth the effort. I've been unemployed for two years now and between beomming the house bitch, looking for work, dealing with the unemployment commission and trying to accomplish some free lance work, I do feel really stressed out. When will this economic nightmare end???
When I was laid off from my professional job of 30 plus years (with various employers), my income dropped by 80% until my unemployment is totally consumed when the reduction will be 100%. At 60 years old, emloyers are not willing to hire you, even with my considerable experience, even at entry level wages. The young have stollen the earth. The *******s can't wait to inherit it. My wife and I have no health insurance and she is due for yearly check ups which we post pone for fear the doctor may find "anything" which then would then besome a pre-existing condition.
I find my wife and I gradually decending into more and more debt. The Hogs are at bay for now, but for how long, we don't know. Our finaces are like "fishes and loafs" ( Biblical reference; sorry...but it gives me strength).
I find that there are very few movies that interest me, only a few TV shows and the popular music is a total wasteland. I've fallen back to listening to my favorite classics in the car, mostly Bethoven, over and over. I think I'm ready for some Vivaldi and Handel. This seems to be the only thing that lets my mind "fly" (I just don't do recreational drugs...a fair amount of alcohol though).
I don't know; the future seems so bleak, like its Ground Hog Day. KWIM! (know what I mean).
Somebody through me a lifesaver, a job, or a gun!
I did get fully femmed yesterday and when to the grocery store. It was fun, I didn't seem to notice any second looks; only some big smiles from other GG's. It didn't get to last long enough.

[MarcyRex]

Yes Ma'm. A lot of us have been there, done that, got the ragged ol' Tshirt and are still wearing it. Communication with a BFF or objective observer (Dr/Religion figure/Life Coach) will help with getting a roadmap outa the land of despair. It could involve anti-depressants, sleeping aids or a gym membership. I've had to re-invent myself and hobbies that were merely a recreational distraction back when I didn't have time are now helping to put food on table and distract me from my day2day travails. It ain't pretty but it is survival. My timeline is to be free and clear in about 5 years. In the words of Dory in Finding Nemo, "Just keep Swimming" and allow only the occasional splurge on yourself for sanity's sake.

[gwenbeth]

I am going to agree with renee and suzy and that it sounds like depression. The one thing to know about anti-depression medications is that it will probably take several tries before you find one that works good. I had to try 4 different medications before I found one that worked well (and even then we had to increase the dosage). It has taken months of medication and therapy to finally come out of years of depression. And while I am going through one of the hardest parts of my life right now, I have hope for a better future.

[Cynthia Anne]

Take a long bubble bath and get rid of all body hair! Enjoy it! That will help reduce some stress! Slow down! Take time to smell the roses! And most important, take Reine's and Suzy's advice!

[LeannL]

Erica,
ReineD has some good advise. I was in a similar situation about a year ago. I was struggling to just go through the motions. Nothing brought me joy. I went to see a doctor and went on medication for a short period of time. It helped me get through the rough time. It was a miracle. I am now off of the medication after having gotten my act together and am enjoying life as I haven't for many years.

Leann

[erica12b]

thank you all i will talk to the doc, im more scared that it its something there is no cure for , i keep hearing the line (in my head ) from some old movie or something my dad said a long time ago " its time to put away childish things and grow up, be an adult and sholder your responsibilitys

i have been just telling myself its time to suck it up and get on with it , (go to work ) and deal with it

deep thoughts suck thanks for all your reply's erica

[ReineD]

thank you all i will talk to the doc, im more scared that it its something there is no cure for ,

Aww, Erica, don't be worried it is something there is no cure for. Maybe you don't realize this, but your heart and spirit shine through in every post you make! All you need is a little help right now.

[erica12b]

i half to tell this , i was in deep thought about this and my mom called i told her i was thinking about how nothing was fun any more (i had stopped gaming , "vidio gameing and watching any cartoons that my son likes to talk about , she sayed that her and my father (there in there late 70's) where just talking about this and they both thought i was doing so good and finaly showing responsibility and getting out of the funk i had been in , is that messed up or what , am i really hearing this right wow messed up world


( thanks reine )

[ReineD]

is that messed up or what , am i really hearing this right wow messed up world

OK. Your parents are in their 70's. Take what they say with a grain of salt. Having fun is not the exclusive privilege of the young and irresponsible.

[LeannL]

she sayed that her and my father (there in there late 70's) where just talking about this and they both thought i was doing so good and finaly showing responsibility and getting out of the funk i had been in , is that messed up or what , am i really hearing this right wow messed up world


( thanks reine )

Erica,
To add to Reine's comment, your parents are still being parents. They are trying to boost your confidence which is what parents do until the day they die when they see their children in need. Be thankful they care and then do what I think you are realizing you need to do. Seek your doctor's help. After that, your parents will see that their advise helped you , they will be happy and you will feel better. At that point you will enjoy video gaming, cartoons and anything else you once enjoyed.

Good luck.

Leann

[Marissa]

Actually I'm not surprised on what your parents said, as I was reading your posts and the talk of 'growing up and being responsible'..you are doing just that..what child takes on two jobs to pay off debt or give a child a better life????? Maybe that is what they are seeing..so even if you dabble in gaming on spare time..or laugh at watch spongebob, its okay.. as long as you are doing the best you can of dealing with the real world.

Now with that said, yes, please see a doc. About 20yrs ago, I had the foolish thoughts of suicide after my first marriage was ending. That was my first visit to that type of doc..and all of it was about the overwhelming changes and frustrations of life. I learned alot from that, especially to not hesitate about seeing a doc when life began to feel that way again. So 3yrs ago, I went to see therapist to deal with another ending marriage and ready myself for going overseas to Iraq since I had over 100 personnel who depended on my guidance.

So please try to relax and get the help you may need... take care.

Marissa

[eluuzion]

“First rule of getting out of a Hole...QUIT Digging”

Have you tried rearranging all of the furniture in your place? Don’t laugh until you’ve tried it...and don’t forget the pictures on the wall. (oh, and don’t move your kid’s stuff around without his/her helping or you will freak them out). If you make it a joint “game” with your kid one day...it is pretty entertaining for both of you. It also does wonders for your attitude!

When I first transitioned from Mr. Stability to the exciting world of instant poverty and penniless parenting...I built a wall in the middle of the living room of my one bedroom apartment and created a bedroom for my 4 year old daughter. Then I invited 2 of her playmates over, gave them a box of colored magic markers and let them “decorate” the walls of her new room. (only her walls, btw...lol). I tore it down when the lease was up. Nobody knew about it...it was fun and only cost about $30 bucks for drywall & studs.

Hey, when you sprain your leg and can’t walk...you don’t keep running on it do you? Of course not. You go find a doctor to get some help making it “well” again. Same with your brain. It’s just another organ. When it is worn out or is not working properly...you go need to go get some help to make it well again. It always seems catastrophic when we think we have “mental” problems... because it affects everything we do, instead of just part of our body (like an arm/leg).

You are not going nuts...you are just run down. Welcome to divorced parenting. Nobody “wins”. The objective is to “survive”, period. It becomes a game with yourself. One of the rules you find out is that if you keep pushing too hard, you will burn yourself out. You burn yourself out and you can get depressed. When you get depressed, you can’t “fix yourself” any more. It requires outside help. The sooner you seek out help, the sooner you get yourself back to fighting condition again. Remember, things can always get worse! (btw...that is the first rule of shared custody, lol). Your job is to make sure you don’t let that happen to the point where your kid notices a difference in your behavior.

You are still Superman to your kid even though inside you feel like Casper Milktoast. Nobody needs to know you are “fixing yourself” while you are getting help, but you. (ex’s and others in divorce scenarios love to exploit weaknesses in the “opposition”, lol). Just “fire-up” for the critical “acting” calls...and spend the “alone time” getting help and resting up.

If you are broke (that was a dumb question...you are divorced...of course you are broke, lol)...there are low cost or “free” resources close by. Here is a start...

http://local.psychcentral.com/Grand_...nction+CO.html

http://www.therapist-psychologist.co...chologist.html

Online psych and depression forums help too...(free). So does exercise.

You are “fixable”. Just do something about it...now. You will be back bitching about paying for all the assets you lost but are still paying for your ex to enjoy...before you know it....

Have you moved the sofa yet?

Never give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think ...

Don’t make me drive up there and drag your ass off that sofa and out into the sun...the peaches are not even ripe up there yet...

oh yea, and remember...do what I “say”...not what I “do”....