I do not pass as a female and will probably never do (although I am working to atain this image), I spotted a guy today who was dressed in female clothes very inappropriately for his age and could not walk at all in the high heels he was wearing. The make up was very amateurish and he was not at all feminine in his demeanure. He made me feel somewhat ashamed to be a crossdresser but then I realised that he was obviously not. What do others think on this matter?
Happiness is not doing the things one likes to do, but liking the things one has to do.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones !!
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
I have to say "to each thier own". I probably will never pass...but hope to blend in sufficiently to not draw unwanted attention to myself. But that's just me. Some folks are more inclined to be out there in their own individual style. Its not me, but that's ok. I don't think one needs to agree with the way others present themselves, but we can endorse each individual's right to do as they wish, (so long as no small children or pets are involved and no one receives permanent wounds!)
I say it's important for those of us who don't pass to go out in public if at all possible. We are the ones who let the general public know that we are among them. It takes guts, and I'm not there yet regarding full-time, but I admire those who have taken the step.
I used to go out a lot, but mainly to t-friendly spots. I did occasionally go out among the muggles, but I'm currently out of action. I've educated a few folks in my time, and I think I need to get back into action.
Christine, I'd say that the shame you felt was completely yours. Why do you think she (not he) should be ashamed?
Carol
Last edited by Julogden; 03-22-2011 at 07:36 PM.
My name is Carol.
Dont feal bad im a TS and im ashamed to be one around others in here cuz they are sooooo mean.
Breena.
What else are you going to pick on cause for me it just ain't worth it, so I just look away and keep moving forward.
Breena.
You should do what you desire and are comfortable with. It is not your problem if others can't accept what they are seeing. They are free to look away at any time!
The most important part of the equation is that you are comfortable with yourself. I certainly don't pass all the time but that doesn't stop me from going out. And remember, practice, practice, practice!
The person you saw has more guts than myself.
I will never pass, even if all where blind. So if he dressed up and went out,
as long as she is not bothering anyone, let her have her moment in the sun.
Rader
I think there's quite a bit of middle ground between people who don't pass and a specific person who doesn't put any effort into what he's wearing. After all, there's plenty of guys who dress inappropriately while in pants and shirts. Just because a lot of of young guys wear their jeans hanging below their hips doesn't mean I don't like to wear some firmly at the waist.
I don't pass, and I stopped trying to years ago. Doesn't mean I don't make every effort to look my best though. I know I'm dressed unusually when I go out as a guy in a skirt, so I try to look good at least.
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~Riley
Check out my trans themed standup on YouTube!
My Tumblr Blog
I am working of trying to look as feminine as possible within the constrainsts set by my personal family circumstances. I have very few opportunities to dress and cannot shave any part other than my face. I think that I almost passable when seen "face on". Seen in profile I don't look very female so I dont think I would ever be passable. I am also working on the way I move (specialy my facial expressions) and on my voice. When I look in the mirror I want to see and hear a woman. BUT, I have no specific desire to go out in public and to pass, altough I would love BE passble. However, I would like to be able to attent a CD/TV event one day and meet real people as Kattie.
xxx
Kathryn
Waiting for my upgrade to Female
First, very very few will ever "pass" on a daily basis. I dislike the word "Pass". No single woman fits an exact image and no CD will ever fit that without tons of surgery and make-up. If you are waiting until you can "pass" you will have to wait for a long time. You will be spotted somewhere along the line. I see this mentioned over and over again that "I will never pass." Then don't worry about it...you won't ever pass then. Most the pictures you see where someone looks close to being a GG have perspective errors.
Second, I believe that in this forum we should be a little more lenient with everyone. In today's media world what you see is not what you get usually. Those "perfect" people you see in ads and elsewhere are not perfect. Here especially I think too many put unneeded pressure on themselves and then on others to fit an image. An image perpetuated by marketing and commercial endeavors to sell more product. The female side has been working now to convince teen girls they don't have to be stick thin and look like "Barbie" which is an unnatural appearance. We are told what to look like and what to think. Who made these rules? Why is the person you saw "wrong" in appearance and why should that make you ashamed? You have to lose that "this is how it should be" attitude and start thinking "this is how it is." We are not little pink boxes on a hillside.
You are who you are. You are not a bad person in any manner because you have certain feelings about how you could dress or how you wish to be. The same is true for everyone out there. Everyone is so concerned about how they think a woman SHOULD look that they don't see that women look different from each other. There is no "walk" There is no "Hand movement" or inflection or wiggle or head tilt that is specific to the female gender. We are not clones, nor should we be.
You can work on fitting a mold you have in your mind about how you should look. You will be wasting a lot of time you could be using enjoying what you have. You will become disenchanted, you will be frustrated. You will sit in the house and wish that you had done more when you get old. Get over the "his is how I was told I should be or look." Take charge of what you are and hang on for the ride.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Just my 2 cents here, but if I hadn't finally stopped giving a d*mn about whether or not I 'passed', then I would have never mustered the courage to go out into Mainstream society.
It was always easy for me to go to the GLBT clubs and CD/TG meetings, because I knew I'd be accepted there, but that's not how I wanted to live the rest of my life, just limiting myself to those venues. I needed and wanted to present as a woman anywhere I felt like going, and with the encouragement and support of some good friends finally came to realize that I did not care anymore if I got 'read' or not.
Once I made that mental switch it changed my whole outlook, and my day to day existence. I still have a long way to go as far as feeling I can be full time, or anything approaching the impossible standard that many call 'passable', but at least I try, and at least I'm getting my butt out the door in a dress on a regular basis now. This CD you saw is apparently doing the same thing, no longer living life according to the unrealistic standards of others, but rather going out and enjoying the world while wearing the clothes that feel right inside.
Trying to hold every CD/TG/TS to a picture perfect ideal is not only unrealistic, but unfair as well. Just look around you, how many cis people do you see that look like crap on a daily basis... go ahead and look, the answer is a majority of them are sub standard compared against the artificial ideal many are trying to hold the rest of our community to.
OK, my rant is over now, but to summarize; this person you saw should be Celebrated, and consider that perhaps you might have had a different reaction if you yourself had been dressed at the time...
[SIZE="3"]The Universe Is Love, Enjoy Your Time In It!!![/SIZE][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Mahoro, you're my new heroine! You go!!
Carol
I went out to the garage and dug up my old "Handbook For Proper Crossdressing" to see what it said about this. Low and behold, there it was in Chapter 2365 (on Tolerance), paragraph 2 :
What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature.
But in the footnotes I also saw...
“A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded”
Ha! I saw a crossdresser riding a bike recently. I laughed my head off. The reason it was funny is because it would be funny to see a GG in full makeup, pointy high heels, nylons, and a skirt riding a bicycle on a busy road. That is just NOT normal behavior for a GG in my town, so it would be funny to see a GG doing that. Seeing a crossdresser do that makes it all the more humorous!
Been around for a while, been away for a while. On the verge of coming back...Help me!
"If you dont pass as female should you go out in public?" ... IMO, absolutely you should ... and not just to "further the cause" and get people to realize that we exist but because you shouldn't feel like you can't just because you don't pass.
However, that said, if I was brutally honest, I do understand your sentiment when you say you felt ashamed. Presumably because you though this person was putting up a bad example to the public of what you want the general public to think a crossdresser is supposed to be like. I do get that concept as this person (who was presumably a rookie) is probably going to look and act a whole lot better with a little experience. You should see my early pics - horrendous! ... the difference is I didn't have the courage to go out. Now this person you saw, should she have gotten to a "minimum standard" before venturing out to save you from being feeling ashamed? .... ooh, now we're into a dangerous area ... by who's and what standards should she have reached before being "allowed" out? See, once you get into this area it's fraught with danger.
Last edited by Rachel Morley; 03-22-2011 at 07:34 PM.
.
The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
Dana, you didn't offer her a lift? I would have, if for no other reason to hear the story behind why she was riding a bicycle.
You could have had a new crossdressing pal too!
Yeah, that's a very sticky subject. I can see valid points on both sides of the discussion, but I've come to realize that we have no business telling anyone what they can or can't wear as long as all the naughty bits are sufficiently covered.Originally Posted by Rachel Morley
Carol
Last edited by Julogden; 03-22-2011 at 07:51 PM.
A page taken from my book. If anyone hasn't gottten herself to this place, let me say it's the place to be.
I expect to be read. I really don't care so much. Life is much easier when your head isn't on a swivel trying to see everyone you leave in your wake to determine if you're good enough.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. I think there are many that think dressing is pointless if you don't go anywhere or do anything, but I think its up to you.
I am a male and therefore cannot pass as a woman, unless I am wearing a properly fixed wig and properly applied makeup along with the proper clothing!! When my wife passed away, I decided to forget about "passing," and just go out dressed enfemme with no wig and no makeup. Been doing it for 6 years now and have never had a problem!! Of course, since I am obviously a male I always use the mens restroom if I need to even though I am dressed enfemme!! My clothing choice is for me to pick, not anyone else!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
I love it...I lost my copy
What is passing? If it isn't being ourselves then none of us will pass fully. Most of us still have the dangly bits and those that don't still has the memories. For those of us that are not GG we can never rid ourselves of our chromosomes...Don't hate on people because of the way the express themselves. It is neither polite nor is it something we want others to do to us.
Lorileah, Thanks for your post. That mad a lot of sense. Good point. Each gg moves differently.
The way I think of passing is that I pass at 100 yards. Any closer and I am discovered. Do you think I let that prevent me from going out. NO! In fact tonight I was suppose to an Avs game with 8000 people but I had so many issues that I couldn't go. Now on friday I am flying dressed to Chicago. Not because I pass but because I want to enjoy me. On Saturday I am going to see Merchant of Venice at the Bank of America theatre in Chicago by myself. Now I will be wearing a very pretty dress but I won't pass. On April 8th I will finally go to the Avs game dressed.
The point is this. You can find excuses why not to go out all day long. If you don't want to go out, then don't. But if you want to go out then stop with the excuses and just do it.
As for the person's appearance, I can tell you that everyone improves with practice. We can't be expected to go out and pull off the look everytime or even once. We may get close, but life is too short to judge yourself that way. Work on your appearance one day at a time and you will see a lot of differences over time. In fact one day you might even pass by your definition 10% of the time. It is a process. Never let fear keep you in the closet.
You have a life to live. So start living!
Michelle
Well, I have in the past made commentary about my ability to pass at times, in reality I probably do not pass for a gg, ever.
I don't care if I'm "made" as a CD, I do care "Where" I'm made as a CD, for saftey only though.
Well, well, well! what do I say about that! Guess what! I don't pass so I would say come over to my house and we will practice our make-up and our walk together! SISTER! hugs!!!! If you don't like the way I'm liven', you just leave this long haired country girl alone!
Last edited by Cynthia Anne; 03-22-2011 at 11:23 PM.
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