Can't answer the "why" question

[NyssaF]

This is just off the top of my head: I am getting more and more frustrated with not being able to answer a simple question: "why?"

Why do I like to wear women's clothes?
Why do I feel that urge?
Why does that urge ebb and flow?
Why can sometimes years go by without wanting to dress, then all of a sudden I *have* to do it?
Why am I stuck in limbo with it? I don't want to do makeup and a wig, but I do want to dress completely otherwise.

Why?

[sigh] I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...

Why?

I don't know.

[christinac]

I'm very sorry to say that neither me or anyone else can answer that question for you. I honestly wish I could, but only you can answer that question. You are on the right track by seeing a Therapist and I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Stacye Rose]

I struggled with this question for a long time. I think many of us do. Like you I was confused, anxious, and worried about the why.
After several (costly) purges, and several attepts at stopping, I was standing in front of my mirror during another "relapse" when it occured to me that not only did I look pretty but I was having FUN. I was happier, less stressed, and smiling for the first time in weeks. I was actually hurting myself by staying stressed and unhappy not crossdressing. Life is too short to make yourself unhappy

Long story short; I decided I'm not hurting anyone so why not make myself happy?

[Marcie R.]

Hi Just Me,
I think those question have gone through the minds of most of us throughout our lives. There is not a specific answer, however over the years we learn to accept ourselve for what we are. We are generally more sensitive than other men . We love the feel of all the nice materials in womens clothing and love to have it next to our skin. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Enjoy what you are, it is a wonderful world out there especially wearing and dressing as a woman.

[Nicole L.]

Been in therapy, and IMO, it was good to be able to talk about it. But, that decision is up to you.

As far as questioning, why? I'm not sure I'll ever know. Or, if it even matter's.

Just remember that you're not alone. This place is very good for advice.

Nicole

[KrystalA]

I used to ask myself that same question over and over and over. I finally realized that I dress this way because I like to, and because it feels so good, and that's answer enough for me.

[Rachel05]

I have thought about this for years, well I used to think about it and now I no longer give it brain space, why do I wear womens clothes?? I just do and what is more I really enjoy doing it, so I do !! took me a while to get there but once I did, it was liberating

[J-Chattanooga]

My wife said the other day that she finds my taste in music harder to understand than my want/need to wear women's clothes. I finally got over the "why" and think of it like everything else.
I am a big fan of many types of music, but not always in the mood for one type or the other. I like to watch tv and movies, but again, not always in the mood for a particular genre at a particular time.

But when it really comes down to it, put a pair of boxers or mens' briefs next to a pair of panties with ruffles and bows, there's no comparison.

Just find the right balance for your life and everything will work out.

J

[Cynthia Anne]

I've asked my self that so many times that I accuse myself of talking to myself! The only answer I can come up with is, I'm just being the true me! If you can't be true to yourself, then who can you be true to!

[Casey]

"Why" is a huige three letter word that in a lot of cases does not have an answer. I still find myself lost in the "why" of what I am doing nad often find that by replacing the "Why" with a "How" i get much more satisfaction.

How am i goiung to make wearing women's clothes work?
How am I going to deal with the urge when it gets too strong to ignore?

These are questions I can answer and are a lot less stressfull than worrying about "why" I am the way I am.

Having said that, I think talkiong to your counselor is a great idea and he/she might even be able to help you with turning your why's into how's.

Casey

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Why?

I don't know.

Does the why truly matter? Would knowing the why make your life easier?

"This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" is what it is for each individual one of us.

Veronica

[Julogden]

I can't answer that, but I've come to the conclusion that the "why" doesn't matter in the least. "Why" is totally irrelevant. I urge you to not worry about figuring out "why" for another second, just accept that you are who you are.

Your best course of action is to embrace who you are and celebrate that to the greatest extent that is possible in your situation.

Carol

[helena.gcd]

you remember me a couple of years back, those same questions where on my head and i couldn't find an answer

but there was one thing that helped me a lot. Instead of answering those questions i started to ask my inner-self some new ones:

- why not enjoy it?

- why not follow this path and see where it goes?

- why should i be ashamed?

it helped me. Now i'm a happier person and i have made lots of new friends and i understand GG better.

i still don't know the answer to the first questions, but the difference is that now i don't care.

[Anne2345]

I echo many of the replies submitted. I used to wonder why, as well. I never figured it out, and I no longer care why. In the absence of an answer, learning to accept myself became the priority of learning why. Upon successful achievement of acceptance, "why" lost its relevance. If anyone figures it out, although I would certainly be curious to read the thread, it's just not that big a deal to me. I am happy with who I am, and have moved on.

[CarlaWestin]

Why?

I have an appt with my therapist this week to discuss a lot of these questions. I am amazingly anxious about this. I don't want to admit to him that I cross-dress. The one person that has to talk about this with me, and I am scared to reveal that about me. I dunno...

Why?

As many on this site will agree, the-rapist will listen to you for endless billable hours and possibly conclude that according to his fabulous educational prowess you have some serious emotional baggage burdening you. Of course, this will require much more the-rape-y to straighten out so you can be normal.

Bull$hit

I've soooo been through this.

The reason you have desires for things feminine is because it makes you happy. That's really all there is to it.

I occasionally wear ladies generic Wrangler jeans, a silk Hawaiian shirt with classic cars all over it (buttons on the left), Nike running shoes, cotton socks, nylon panties and a pink bra. All female clothing. And other times I go the whole route sans make-up (I just don't have the time) The world doesn't stop turning. I've kept a comfortable income flow my whole life, put a kid through college without incurring debt, quit smoking, quit drinking, crushed anxiety and depression, overcome stuttering and, believe it or not, enjoyed a lot of cross-dressing.

In my opinion, therapy and social prejudices are baggage.

[Stephenie S]

Let me echo some of the posts so far.

The reason it's hard to find a "why" is that there IS no why. Why do you want to dress in women's clothes? You know, it just don't matter.

All you really need to do is accept it.

You can spend hours, days, months, and hundreds in therapy sessions. Not one thing will come of it unless you learn to accept. You might as well try to figure out why you like the color red, or why you pick your nose with your little finger. You don't need to figure out why. Just accept yourself and enjoy.

S

[Maria in heels]

If you are not going to tell your therapist that you dress, then ere is always going to be an issue with the WHY part as you started to post. We all do for different reasons, some want to transition, others do not....you and only you yourself can answer this question. When you are comfortable with yourelf, you will...until then, just take it a little easier on yourself...

[kristinacd55]

Sounds like a lot of my urges......i sigh and say....aww just do it!

[Traci]

I have to tell you I struggled with the WHY for a long time. Then for some reason on night it really sank in to me. I don't control whether I'm a crossdresser (transgendered) or not. I am! What I do control is how I deal with it and how I feel about it. It was like a weight being lifted off of me.

It doesn't mean all the anxiousness is gone about it but coming at it from that point of view has been refreshing to me!

[docrobbysherry]

Remember, NO ONE here, or ANYWHERE has all the answers, Just!

And, neither will a good therapist! After all, their job is to help U find them for yourself!

[Teri Ray]

Ok this is only my second attempt at posting in this thead so I feel pretty good about myself. (first try I pressed reply to thread again vice post a quick reply) so now that I am on a hot streak I will provide the answer all of those in this forum have been looking for. I, like most of the others who share the passion for dressing enfemme, have been frustrated by this question. For years I worked this question over and over in my mind. Then one day while sitting home alone daydreaming of new shoes, wigs, bras, panties and hose the answer came to me. The answer came so clear and concise I just could not believe I had not realized it before. It was as though the clear answer had always been right there and I just failed to understand it. The answer to the question is simply...........uh......err..............mmmmmmmm ...What is the question again? I forgot. Oh well have a lovely day.

[Gillian Gigs]

When you figure this one out, you should write a book. Every CD'er would buy it just to see your answers. This is a question that only you can answer for yourself. I found my particular answers, but they are probably meaningless to others. We all have common themes to why we dress, yet there too many differences to be able to get a generic answer. Good luck finding your answers.

[Julie Gaum]

Do not waste your money going to a therapist IF 1) You don't wish to be completely honest and provide ALL the details of your crossdressing and
2) Before going you call and ask whether he or she has studied the subject of CDing and for how long.
If therapist has little experience with the subject then find another one or better yet:
Save your money and listen to the advice given above ---- therapist can't do better!
Julie

[Sharon B.]

I used to ask myself that same question, its not so much as "why" but more that I enjoy wearing all feminine attire and it feels so much better than male clothes. Plus it feel right that I am wearing feminine attire, like this is what I should be wearing.

[diannecourtney]

Hi: I have never asked these question, I juat love to do it and regret iit took me so long.