I have to go with no as well.
I have to go with no as well.
No I am not a troll. I just happen to have a different opinion. I am a heterosexual male that loves the feminine woman. No matter what I said to you in the past, my concern for your situation is legit Reine. You are one of the very few gg who does not let your emotions get in the way of truth. Anyways my answer is yes it is cheating and yes the you should leave him and find a traditional male. When a traditional man is treated like a king by his woman he will treat her like a queen. A CD however is interested in being one of the girls so they have extra social needs that a normal man does not. Its the same as guys having guy friends except in reverse because CDs primarily only relate to women and seek female companionship. This makes the gg wife insecure and rightfully so. Because she should be his focus, not the other woman,Originally Posted by ReineD
I read this and couldn't believe it. Let that go! Even if my wife was an unaccepting wife, I would not leave her because I love her. I know she is there for me. Your wife is accepting, so the least you could do is budge a bit on your end too.
"If you think you can or can't, you're right" -Henry Ford
seanmuscle...my God, you are absolutely 1000 steps backwards for men in general. You are a grand example of the kind of guy I WOULD NOT want to be friends with. "Treated like a King by HIS woman." His? Really? Possessive are we?
Traditional male? And what the hell is that?
I don't speak for all CDs, but in my case, when I am full enfem I am MORE ATTRACTED to women, and have NO attraction to men.
I just like women...just like you. I want to attract an open minded and beautiful both inside and out women that will SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET!!! LOL
Though I have picked the GG up off her feet, and she was stunned. I had fun when I did it cause I was looking like my more favored look...long black and blue half dress, crazy spiked hair, and very well done makeup.
Stop making assumptions based of ONE fantasy thread. You may also notice that those in that thread make multiple responses.
Last edited by Pythos; 03-30-2011 at 02:51 AM.
"I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.
Male lesbians ftw.
Btw, people define themselves, they don't allow others to define them
Last edited by SarahMarie42; 03-30-2011 at 03:07 AM. Reason: Realized that the earlier poster was NOT a traditional male.
"None is more cruel and violent than the coward"
-Italian economist and sociologist Vilfredo Pareto-
never say never, never say always. In my life I have learned that people that spout off their opinion as fact are usually full of #hit. "you should leave him and find a traditional male." WTF? who are you to give advice like that? "When a traditional man is treated like a king by his (ownership implied?) woman he will treat her like a queen" What a crock that is... in my opinion of course.
My advice to you Mr. muscle is to go stand in front of a full length mirror, Flex your traditional muscles and practice your Dr. Phil routine.
May the stars carry your sadness away,
May the flowers fill your heart with beauty,
May hope forever wipe away your tears,
And, above all, may silence make you strong.
Chief Dan George
The way I see it....the husband is looking at it as ....I feel like one of the girls.....chatting with girlfriends.
BUT the wife had this gut feeling..... intuition ....not to be dismissed and let it be rationlized away. I would be upset if my partner dismissed it as jealousy because bottom line it is not.
Last edited by Di; 03-30-2011 at 05:54 PM.
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You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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to sean muscle?....let me throw my hat in the ring also,a 59 yo ,wondering when my life will turn and i will suddenly find myself attracted to men...your not only uninformed,but frankly, a perfect example of a shallow,backwards thinking,type that gives ...yes "reaL MEN" a bad reputation. i.m also curious as to why you are here? enlighten us will you?sean muscle.....???yep says it all......on a better note.....being new here, i am always amazed at the insight and genuine interest that is shown ....it's wonderful....oh and my answer...no...so is always first,kim said it best
Sean was added to my ignore list a couple of days ago. Staying there pemanently so far as I'm concerned.
I disagree with this. Allow me to explain...(and not saying you hold to ANY of this)
Among many people, there's a belief that your spouse is the end-all-be-all person for you. Anything you should ever have need of, they should be able to provide in one form or another. If they can't, then so be it, it is the life you chose and accept it for what it is. Happiness is somehow found by finding everything in your spouse, and what is missing is unimportant.
I'm NOT suggesting infidelity is a pathway to happiness. Rather...
We exist in society. Our sole human contact is not our spouse. We have friends, family, and coworkers. We derive many pleasures from all of these people. It isn't "cheating" to share laughter with your sister, your friend from high school, a co-worker on a project. Further, it isn't cheating to actively seek fulfillment of various interests and desires outside of your marriage, assuming your spouse is in the know and approving. Your wife might not like fishing, yet you fish every other weekend. Your wife might not like tinkering with cars, yet you've got a couple of project cars. Your wife might rather stay at home than share an evening with you and your best bud from high school. All of these activities can bring fulfillment to a person, without directly involving one's spouse.
My wife is involved in several activities/hobbies. I'm involved in several as well. Most of these do not share an overlap. With all of these, we make time for the other to be able to pursue those interests.
I think a pathway to disaster is presuming that a spouse should be the end-all-be-all for you, and if (s)he doesn't feel the same there's a serious problem.
Last edited by JulieC; 03-30-2011 at 12:03 PM.
I want to add a resounding no as well. More importantly, my answer would be the same if it were a cd/gg couple or any type of couple. If one SO is uncomfortable with the others friends then I would think he/she would do everything to avoid hurting the SO who feels uncomfortable.
I agree with you entirely there!It's crucial for both parties to have solid inner cores, and not place the sole responsibility for their inner states of happiness on their partners. One of my favorite pieces describing love and commitment is by Kahlil Gibran
Reine
Actually, you are and the majority of people that are posting in this thread will agree.
You have an opinion of a cave man
And? you could be a fresh water gay dolphin and still love feminine women... what exactly is your point?
Why are you assuming (again), that Reine is posting about herself? you assume wrong (again) and it's getting old real fast. You actually come across as rather stalkerish
LOL... traditional male? wow, wtf century do you live in? just what is a traditional male? how does one differ from one that likes to dress up?
Aha! so this is what a traditional male is? a woman has to treat him like a king in order to be treated the same, so what you're saying is then, if a traditional male wasn't treated like a king, he'd treat his woman like crap? traditional twat then no?
Oh wow, you really have no clue do you? is this why you joined the board? so now you're saying CD's cannot be normal men? wow... I have a few choice words right that I'm thinking, but I'd have to ban myself for saying them...
Ok then...
You know what bothers me about this? You joined this board to 'supposedly' get advice about your 'friend'... but here you are now giving us advice about CD's, when you knew nothing... I mean, why join a board to ask us advice if you bloody know everything? seriously... why are you here? apart from being annoying as hell...
And I agree (this might come as a shock, please put coffee/tea cups down)... with what Pythos said
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Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Recently in several threads I saw complete confusion among (some) of the Crossdressers as to why GG's were upset with being stereotyped. I witnessed honest confusion as to why they were offended.
Perhaps some of the Crossdressers here would do well to read Sean's posts, and hopefully make the connection that it's the same thing they themselves were doing. An overly obnoxious generalization that puts all of us Crossdressers into one little narrow definition. Maybe then, there would be a little more empathy for the GG's here that were offended.
To Sean, as a Crossdresser that DOES in fact like men as well as women, I have to say, you are SO far off it's not even funny. It's okay though, I understand you are just projecting. I have a sneaking suspicion your being here has less to do with your friend, and much more to do with YOU. I hope someday you have the courage to step forward out of the closet and admit who you really are.
Originally Posted by seanmuscle
No I am not a troll. I just happen to have a different opinion. I am a heterosexual male that loves the feminine woman. No matter what I said to you in the past, my concern for your situation is legit Reine. You are one of the very few gg who does not let your emotions get in the way of truth. Anyways my answer is yes it is cheating and yes the you should leave him and find a] traditional male. When a traditional man is treated like a king by his woman he will treat her like a queen. A CD however is interested in being one of the girls so they have extra social needs that a normal man What the hell is a NORMAL male??? does not. Its the same as guys having guy friends except in reverse because CDs primarily only relate to women and seek female companionship. This makes the gg wife insecure and rightfully so. Because she should be his focus, not the other woman,
Yeah, a heterosexual man that loves the feminine woman. One that came here supposedly ONLY to ask questions for his small sized friend???? Yeah, I'm buyin' it. Right after I complete the transaction on my new ocean front condo in Iowa!
What we most likely have is a not so REAL MAN that happens to be bisexual and is here trolling for a CD that finally realized his place in a REAL MAN"S arms. (YUKE! PUKE and laugh my head off all in the space of a moment!)
See, a real man would admit he is bisexual and is looking for a hookup or fling (s) with sexy crossdressed males that finally accepted their place in desiring men... (LMAO) or maybe even some misguided GG that has been hurt by a CD and may fall for the BS flung by this troll. I mean he is the great SEANMUSCLE (the name still says it all) here to pick up the pieces... a legend in his own mind that knows all, and can cure all ills brought on by us poor misguided crossdressers that long to be a Queen for a King like seanmuscle (sic)
I wonder how he finds the time to grace us with his wisdom. I mean it takes him away from the porn sites and personal section of Craig's list.
Like Tamara said, I too agree with what pythos said. Good job pythos!
Tamara, I would bet my last pair of panties that I'm on the mark above as to why he is here. lol Oh, and if you ban yourself, I guess you have to ban me too.You know what bothers me about this? You joined this board to 'supposedly' get advice about your 'friend'... but here you are now giving us advice about CD's, when you knew nothing... I mean, why join a board to ask us advice if you bloody know everything? seriously... why are you here? apart from being annoying as hell...
@ seanmuscle.....please define "real or traditional man". I am retired from the fire service, worked in helicopter logging and deep sea fishing and currently work in construction. Since it is often said clothes don't make the man what makes you better than me?
Apologies to Reine for going off topic.
You don't have to have been born female to enjoy being a girl
A few things...
1) It's not about really a crossdresser needing extra feminine companionship or not. The POINT is that the wife found her husband's relationship with this woman sketchy and asked him to respectfully keep a distance. Instead, he went behind her back. The going behind the back thing is the REAL injustice. All people enjoy companionship of the opposite sex. CDs aren't these special little creatures that have some weird free access card that you have to bow down to because they need feminine companionship. You're not special. (Shannon's tough love). Everyone enjoys diverse company and having friends of the opposite sex is important. But, the point is that if your spouse feels a relationship with a complete stranger is weird and wants you to effectively let the friendship go separate ways, you should do so out of respect for your wife. If you choose NOT to do as your wife wishes, you should tell her so and be ready to "fight the big fight" for whatever you believe in. But, if you choose to ignore your wife and go behind her back, then you are just spineless and not to be trusted. The real issue at hand has very little to do with CDing, when you think about it.
This next statement is off the track of the OP's posting but there seemed to be undertones of homoerotic tendencies and I don't know where they came from....so, I thought I would post this...
2. I saw in one post by Sean an allusion towards homosexual fantasies of CDs. (Maybe not his own because his next post contradicts that). I must say that I think most people have entertained homoerotic fantasies. I have met very few people that were straight as an arrow. But, I don't really think it has a lot to do with CDing. If you're gay, you're gay. If you're bi, you're bi. You don't need a reason to legitimize your sexuality lol. "I'm gay because I'm a CD." No...lol...you're just gay. And, it's okay. Let your gay flag fly. If you are a MTF CD and you have relationships with women and have sexually satisfying relationships with them, but then you go home and masturbate to gay CD porn...you're probably bicurious. You may not be bisexual. It's a lot different when it's a real person and not the person in your fantasies or on the computer. But, just go on and call yourself bicurious and let the day be done. In other words, don't blame your sexuality on the CDing because it makes non-CDing homosexuals pretty angry. For example, if FTM CDs were saying that they were bisexual or homosexual (I say homosexual meaning they are identifying as a male and are dating males...did I blow your mind?...Read carefully) because they were CDing, I would be very irritated. Why? Because I think my sexual orientation (bisexual) has nothing to do with my gender orientation. But, when you start associating being homosexual or bi with the gender orientation or CDing, you are lumping a HUGE group of people in that lump with you. And, I'm just not one of them (a TG/CD). This is why some gay clubs get pretty hostile about TS and CDs and don't want to be associated with them. (A different can of worms for a different day). So, just be careful when you say things like X causes Y and so therefore it is. Side note rant ended.
Last edited by Shananigans; 03-30-2011 at 06:11 PM.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I'm so sorry, Reine! Your once promising thread is GONE!!!!!!!!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Oh that's OK Doc, sometimes threads develop a life of their own. I don't get bent out of shape about it. But I do hope that Sean will get tired of getting told off and he will stop spouting his views.
Reine
Clue #1: Wife is nuts. And extremely jealous.
This... is where I'm going to open up a whole new world for likely most of you.
You see, I have a wonderful girlfriend, going back years. I've never had such a wonderful woman in my life... she loves me all sweaty, wrenching cars, building stuff... and loves me when I'm late for a date because I take so long to put on makeup. She's a doll. Here's the kicker:
She's married.
To someone else.
But it gets better. Her husband is my friend. We hang out, we go hiking, we build things. You see, my girlfriend and her husband have what you would call a "polyamorous" or "open" relationship. He has girlfriends too. And when I wish to date a new girl, I say "hey, I met this gal, gonna see how she works out."
I wanted to point this out because not all marriages are stuck in the monogamy paradigm. There's always a factor in monogamy -- jealousy. In non-monogamous relationships, that's not a problem. Openness and honesty replace the need for ownership and jealousy.
So... in this type of relationship, the answer to the OP is very different. In that case, the wife says, "Honey, you go have fun with your friend... I'll go hang with my boyfriend/girlfriend," or, "Honey, go have fun... just set a date so I can meet her before you do anything, okay? Muah! P.S. I'll be naked when you get home!"
Each couple sets their ground rules, but I obviously take exception to the notion that monogamy is a given.
The one and only sensible response in this thread.
Yes, indeed, people have interests that their spouses do not share. It makes me sad when friends of mine have gotten so sucked in to monogamous relationships that they're not even allowed to hang out with their friends, sharing interests that their wives do not care for. To me, this smacks of possessiveness, and a lack of love for a partner.
I can give one stellar example of marital caring: A couple I know... the husband likes the bondage scene, his wife does not. The wife simply lets him have a mistress he can see, and tie up, once a week. It makes them both happy.
Apologies for this post running so long... the gist is simple: jealousy is stupid. It does not solidify relationships; it destroys them. It's a flawed human emotion. And thus far, only the philosophers have gotten past it.
To each their own 2speedTrannny. But your point of view is not very popular. What angers me is when I see someone call a GG nuts or other offending assumptions simply because they don't match your opinion. Then you say she is extremely jealous. Nonsense! She is smart to see dangerous relationship issues ahead. The red flags were clearly pointed out by the OP. Personally, I see jealousy as a very healthy human emotion for those of us that can and do truly love someone. No, I don't mean extreme jealousy, but simple jealousy is one way we react to keeping our relationships alive and well. The wife is not necessarily jealous, let alone extremely jealous. She wants to keep her relationship in tact and has concerns that her husband might be entering into a friendship that could put a wedge between them and ultimately end the relationship. That's not jealousy...that's being aware and smart!
Unlike you, most of us want a sexually exclusive relationship with someone that we bond with and love. In most relationships it's an agreed desire and unmentioned boundary.
As for jealousy being a flawed human emotion, in my opinion you are very wrong. For those of us that are in love and cherish something exclusive (like sex and/or intimacy) It can be very healthy if kept in tact and perhaps even liven that intimacy.
Your choice to most of us (again, my opinion and observation), is more likely to end with someone getting hurt then to end up being a life-long relationship. I hardly call it a relationship.
In most poly amorous so called "relationships" I've seen, it's sadly the wife giving in to the sexual wants and needs of the husband simply to hold on to the shred of marriage she has with a macho womanizing, selfish guy she unfortunately fell in love with. Yes, in some cases it's the husband that gives in to his wife's sexual cravings and wander lust that he can't fill. He unwillingly becomes a cuckold to his wife. Some things like intimacy, are sacred to the vast majority of us. So in the OP's original post, the wife is anything but stupid, she is aware and very wise to see a problem. If the husband is not selfish, insensitive, and really cares for his wife, her feelings and her happiness, he would back out before someone gets hurt. That includes himself.
Your calling the wife stupid is a very harsh, insensitive assumption on your part.
You didn't read all of my posts.Clue #1: Wife is nuts. And extremely jealous.
As to having an open relationship, I can picture myself in one if I loved someone casually enough. Or if my sexual desire for someone wasn't sourced from the way I feel about them emotionally. Or if I was in a marriage of convenience. Or even if at some deep level I was keeping my options open. Or, as you say, if I wasn't that into sex and my husband was, or vice versa. Or perhaps for dozens of other reasons. So yes, open relationships can work very well, as long as both partners are on the same page. Difficulties arise if they each want a different level of intimacy, connectedness, exclusivity, or whatever you want to call it from one another.
But, there are relationships where the love/emotional/physical/intellectual connection is so strong that partners can't imagine themselves with anyone else. You know ... like when you've filled yourself at table enough (no matter what kind of meal), there isn't any room for even one more bite? I guess it's hard to imagine for people who've never felt that way.
Last edited by ReineD; 03-31-2011 at 02:10 PM.
Reine
If a relationship must be jealously guarded with suspicion and mistrust, then you don't have a relationship. You have a connection based on fear... and fear leads to the dark side.
Fear is the most powerful of human emotions. It's crippling. It's why Skywalker became Vader. It's why dictators shoot protesters. It's why members here hide in the closet. It's fear of losing something you have, whether it's power, possessions, or people... and that's what jealousy is.
If you think it's healthy to suspect your partner of infidelity, or be suspected, at every turn, then I don't know what to say. I can't imagine living that way, on either side of that equation.
I'm with an SO because I want to be, not because she hacks my email or demands to know where I'm going and who with. And yes, I'll stand by my statement -- that sort of thing is flat nuts. (I'll stick by the "nuts" part too, because that's my opinion. I'm entitled to it; you don't have to agree. And if you get angry at other peoples' opinions, you must be a very angry man.) I won't live that way.
If you want to, fine. I have no interest in stopping you.
I only posted on this thread because I had a different perspective to share. It's MY perspective. I don't believe in trying to hold too tightly to possessions or people. I liken it to holding water in my hand... I can only do it with an upturned and open hand. If I try to grip it tightly, it all runs out.
2SpeedTranny, no one is saying that it is healthy or even desirable to be with partner who is so mistrustful, he or she always suspects the worst, spies, and demands to know about every contact with another human being. That would be more than excruciatingly stifling.
This isn't the situation in this thread though, and you will see this if you read carefully my several posts describing it.
And the question about having sexually open relationships is an entirely different matter. Some people are OK with this, and no one is saying they shouldn't, as long as they are both on the same page. But again, an openness with having sex with 3rd parties isn't for everyone.
And yes, you are entitled to your opinions.
Reine
the woman in question here hasn't even said she suspects him of infidelity.I think it comes down tho the fact that she's been open with her feelings and he hasn't shown a shred of respect for those feelings.like I said before in this thread,I would be stressed and hurt thinking I'd upset my partner like that :/
I know... I wasn't directly responding to your posts, but to some of the responses.
