A jealousy question for CDers.

[TGMarla]

No. You made an agreement with your wife when you decided to marry. Monogamy. Hanging out with other women is just not right. This other woman may be terrific, but there are a lot of terrific women in the world. You didn't marry any of them. Direct your interests back inward to your own relationship. The results may pleasantly surprise you.

[kimdl93]

it sounds like a really incredibly bad idea to maintain any sort of relationship with this GG over the objections of the wife.

[Chastitycd]

Reine how many times have I told you? You need a REAL man. CDs have an obsession with femininity and want women they can bond with. They want women that see them ONLY as one of the gals. He knows that even when he is dressed, you still see him as your husband and a man. This of course will make him feel less feminine.

There are tons of men out there who do not carry such baggage or complexities and we want to treat you right. Your husband will fall in love with men someday when he looks for his next high to make him feel more feminine. Reine I feel sorry for you.... Straight women and CDs just dont work together

You know Sean, you really need to stop talking for all of us as your thoughts could not be more wrong. Im married to a very supportive and accepting wife and have been for some time now and we have one of the best relationships that ive ever seen.

Chastity

[Tina B.]

Renee, I would never let it go that far to begin with, after the first meet, my wife is not comfortable, it's done for both of us, for forty years we have operated as a single social unit, and that never has exceptions, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Sean, thank you for letting me know I need to find a boyfriend, in 67 years, 60 of which I've been crossdressing, I never thought I wanted one, but if I'm suppose to, oh well.
It's nice to know there is someone out there that knows so much about so many, they have never meet, thanks for straighting me out on this important part of being a transgendered formally straight male.
Tina B.

[BRANDYJ]

My situation. I have a very loving, understanding SO that knows, accepts and even likes my fem side. She trusts me 100%. But I have never given her any reason not to. I have been as open and honest with her as humanly possible. She knows I have some GG friends and has no issue with it. She knows I have a female roommate and has no issue with it. But being REAL MAN (whatever that is), I consider myself honorable and will not lie or cheat on her. It not only would hurt her, but it would hurt me as much or more. Being honorable is very important to me.
When I had to move back in October, I asked her if it would bother her if I had a female roommate since I do not care for men in a living situation since my opinion on how so many treat women and feel they are second rate citizens angers me and goes against my feelings toward the stronger sex...women. I had to be sure she was really OK with it. I kept questioning her about it to be sure she really had no jealous feelings or thoughts that I would take it further then just a good roommate situation. I was very fortunate to find a woman that wanted a male roommate as she feels there would be to much drama with a female roommate. I never asked her why, but she has her own reasons for wanting a male roommate, so it works out for the both of us. I must tell you, she is gorgeous, sexy and very feminine. I admit that thoughts have crossed my male mind. But that is normal for most men that see a beautiful woman. We are cordial, respectful and friendly toward each other and I have never allowed myself to become closer friends with her that would temp my own lusty thoughts. She knows I have an SO out of state that I am deeply in love with, so she knows her boundaries even if the male in me forgot mine. For me to have that much trust from my SO is priceless and I will never do anything to ruin it or lower my sense of being honorable. I do not let my roommate in on the fact that I am a crossdresser or any other intimate details about me. You might say we are friends but keep a respectful distance when it comes to personal things. I know that even IF she threw herself at me, (not likely to happen, she's 20 years younger then me), I could not and will not break the bond of trust, respect and love my SO has for me.
If at any time my SO felt uncomfortable about my roommate or my roommate's motives for having me living in her house, I'd move in a heartbeat before hurting the one I love. nothing or no one is more important then the lady I love, admire, respect and care for. For me to ignore my SO's feelings and do anything that hurts her in the slightest way would be a selfish act that I could not live with myself over. If my sweetheart did not like any of my friends, male or female, then my friendship with that person would have to end for the sake of her happiness. I would not expect her to simply ignore it and live with it if it bothered her in the least.

[Leslie Langford]

Interestingly enough, in today's "Ask Ellie" column, a very similar issue was addressed, except that this time it was a case of a married woman developing a deepening platonic friendship with a gay man, and it was the husband who was getting uncomfortable with this.

http://ellieadvice.com/column.php

The way I read Ellie's response, she wasn't necessarily advocating that the woman stop this relationship with her new-found friend. The answer was more along the lines of strengthening the one between the husband and the wife herself (and still have him feel like No.1), while at the same time having him participate in that relationship with the "other man" to some extent to allay his suspicions of any possible hanky-panky. And as in the OP's case, there did not seem to be any intent/possibility of this developing into a sexual relationship.

Hmmm...is this perhaps another case of a double standard where GG's are given a bit more latitude than GM's?

[Julogden]

If I were in a reasonably happy, functioning relationship, no, not a chance.

I know first-hand how terrible it feels to have a spouse who isn't faithful, one of the worst things I've ever experienced, and I won't do that to someone that I love, even if we're having problems. If the old relationship was a really bad one, I'd possibly end it and pursue the new one, but I wouldn't pursue a new relationship while in another one.

Carol

[BRANDYJ]

Interestingly enough, in today's "Ask Ellie" column, a very similar issue was addressed, except that this time it was a case of a married woman developing a deepening platonic friendship with a gay man, and it was the husband who was getting uncomfortable with this.

http://ellieadvice.com/column.php

Hmmm...is this perhaps another case of a double standard where GG's are given a bit more latitude than GM's?

I read it Leslie. I think the husband has every reason to worry. Come on...3-4 hour lunches after gym? I don't believe the wife when she told her husband the guy is gay. He was married and had kids. So he may be bisexual and now wants more then friendship with this woman who seems to put this friendship before her relationship with her husband. Ellie's response was perhaps not what she also suspects just as I do. But she did not want to fuel the fire of hurt and mistrust the husband is already feeling.
No, I don't think this is a double standard at all. Play with fire and you are gonna get burned...male or female.

The way I read Ellie's response, she wasn't necessarily advocating that the woman stop this relationship with her new-found friend. The answer was more along the lines of strengthening the one between the husband and the wife herself (and still have him feel like No.1), while at the same time having him participate in that relationship with the "other man" to some extent to allay his suspicions of any possible hanky-panky. And as in the OP's case, there did not seem to be any intent/possibility of this developing into a sexual relationship.

[BRANDYJ]

If I were in a reasonably happy, functioning relationship, no, not a chance.

I know first-hand how terrible it feels to have a spouse who isn't faithful, one of the worst things I've ever experienced, and I won't do that to someone that I love, even if we're having problems. If the old relationship was a really bad one, I'd possibly end it and pursue the new one, but I wouldn't pursue a new relationship while in another one.

Carol

My SO has repeated many times how a man will pursue a new relationship before ending a sure thing at home regardless of how bad it might be. Sadly, I think this is true of many, if not most men. In fact there was a time in my life I was ashamedly guilty of doing just that but did not even realize it. I've learned my lesson from the pain of that era in my past.

I think we can begin what we think is just a platonic friendship, have that friendship attraction allow us top become "to close" then begin being flirtatious and get sucked in without realizing what we are doing...both male and female.

[Adelaide]

Why put at risk a beautiful relationship with someone that accepts you "110%" being a CD, even in bed? You have something special....why risk losing it all? I certainly wished my SO agreed with my CDing.....even a little bit!
A.

[VictoriaP]

Reine, I would never have pursued the 'relationship' to begin with. I can only assume that there was some need that this GG was fulfilling or thought capable of fulfilling. In answer to your question, NO!

[TGMarla]

Your husband will fall in love with men someday when he looks for his next high to make him feel more feminine. .... Straight women and CDs just dont work together

What a load of horse hockey! CDs do not just arbitrarily fall in love with other men just so they can feel more feminine. Most (not all) CDs have little or no interest in other men. Furthermore, my wife is straight. Way straight. And we get along just fine, thank you. So perhaps you should think a little before you make any more ridiculous blanket statements like that one.

[BRANDYJ]

What a load of horse hockey! CDs do not just arbitrarily fall in love with other men just so they can feel more feminine. Most (not all) CDs have little or no interest in other men. Furthermore, my wife is straight. Way straight. And we get along just fine, thank you. So perhaps you should think a little before you make any more ridiculous blanket statements like that one.

Marla, this is an example of the mindset of most bisexual men that have no clue as to what a TG person is or isn't. They think all CD's are into men and are gay or bi simply because we like to dress and even act like women. Over the years I've been hit on by more morons looking for a fling then I can count. Most of them were cheating on a wife and are bisexual looking for anyone and anything to fill their perverse sexual needs. It made me think of all the GG's that have to put up with explicit messages on a message system like Yahoo or MSN messenger where these idiots prowl looking for anything good looking in a skirt to send their crotch shots to and insult with sexual gutter talk. Is it any wonder why I don't like the average male when they are tactless, clueless, insulting and rude in trying to interest a GG's and even CD's into a one night stand?

[JulieC]

Do you go ahead and rekindle the relationship with this GG anyway?

I understand this is precisely the sort of situation (or very like) that people frequently find themselves in. To me, it's sheer idiocy in action.

So, the wife doesn't trust him. Well DUH no wonder! He's withholding information from her about his contacts with this woman. Further, he's attempted to maintain contact even though his wife doesn't like her and doesn't trust her. Bald faced stupidity.

It comes to the question; whose team are you on? You and your wife's team? Your team alone? Your team with this other GG? Any but the first and you're in tatoo-stupid-on-my-forehead territory. If you're not comfortable with the idea of being only on the team with your wife, then you've got serious issues in your relationship that need to be addressed, and the thought of having a platonic GG friend is just absurd in that context.

I withhold nothing from my wife. Anything that crosses my mind of any significance she is told about. We talk every day, across many subjects. It's not that she expects and demands that I tell her everything. It's that I want to, loving her so much that I want to be absolutely open to her. Our trust is complete. She never has to question, and I never have to question her.

I have GG friends. Even one whom is an ex-fiance. My wife is utterly comfortable with this. If she wasn't, I wouldn't. Now, if she was an ogre and refused me having any friends, that would be a very different and very serious issue. Similarly, she has GM friends, one of whom she is very, very attracted to. She's even had the occasional fantasy about him. But, I feel no qualms about it because I know she would never cheat on me, and she tells me everything too...including the fantasies. Am I threatened by this? Nope. In fact, it's rather fun.

Short answer; hell no. Any further contact with that GG is out of the question.

I've read the first page of responses on this thread and want to add one other thing; whether my SO was my girlfriend or wife, my answer would be the same. If I was willing to risk my relationship with my girlfriend to see this other girl, I should be mature enough to break up with my girlfriend first. To me, this is all such an easy call.

The boyfriend in the middle of this pickle is in the middle by his own actions. It's time for him to decide one way or another, and stick with it. If he truly loves his girlfriend, and thinks of her as a wife anyways, there's not really any wiggle room on this.


And one additional note; I understand crossdressing was involved in this to some degree, but I don't see that it's anything but happenstance. This is just run of the mill relationship stuff, and the CDing is just tangential to it.

[Violetgray]

I can be coldly objective when called for, just a warning..

To mistrust someone from a photograph rings of insecurity. It means she sees her as a threat, with no info other than her looks. This is going to taint all her-related thoughts from then on. Not only won't you believe she's trustworthy, but you won't want to.

"You are free to do as you please, but if you do you'll hurt me" is a contradiction. She already know that he doesn't want to hurt her, and she's making him aware of the consequences to influence his decision.

"You're free to come along as long as you're not doing it to spy on me" is the dumbest thing he could have possibly said. First, if she was going to spy he would'nt even know it, because spying is by definition a non-censenting act. Second, how exactly does he determine what her intentions are? What difference does it make if the action is the same?

Still, my answer is NO. Even though she's being insecure and selfish. He's not with her because she's perfect, but because overall she's an awesome woman whose pros far outweights her cons.

...though I'll add there might also be a bit of resentment on his part for causing him to lose an excepting friend.


And oh yeah, Seanmuscle, how is it that you are 80 posts deep into this board and STILL you can come up with ignorant, stereotypical crap like that?

[seanmuscle]

NO. Go look at the crossdressers dating men thread. It is huge. Many CDs love a MAN to sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset. As I repeated over 1000X. Crossdressers take time to come to terms with these feelings because it is not something they ever expected. As the female personal develops it will grow and grow and grow till she is a complete woman.

[Chastitycd]

NO. Go look at the crossdressers dating men thread. It is huge. Many CDs love a MAN to sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset. As I repeated over 1000X. Crossdressers take time to come to terms with these feelings because it is not something they ever expected. As the female personal develops it will grow and grow and grow till she is a complete woman.

First to my knowledge this website has no "crossdressers dating men" section. And SOME CD's do like men, but you labeled all CD'ers as leaving their women for men in your first reply and even said many CD's love a man to sweep them off their feet when in fact the number of gay Crossdressers are very few. Again, please get your facts straight and watch how you word your thoughts before you go throwing this "all CD'ers are gay and horrible husbands" blanket over all of us....

Chastity

[kristinacd55]

Thanks everyone, so very much for all your responses!

To Sean ... I appreciate your comments as well, but you do seem to lump CDers in the same category, and I believe you are mistaken to do so. Also, I never did say I was talking about myself.

OK Reine.....so are you the wife or the girlfriend in this? Just kidding

[BRANDYJ]

NO. Go look at the crossdressers dating men thread. It is huge. Many CDs love a MAN to sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset. As I repeated over 1000X. Crossdressers take time to come to terms with these feelings because it is not something they ever expected. As the female personal develops it will grow and grow and grow till she is a complete woman.

You can say it a million times and you are as wrong as the first time you said it. You are clueless to what they majority of us CD's want and need. I'm just glad most of our loving supportive GG's can laugh at statements like this. I'm only saddened that the GG's that came here to learn and support their CD husband may believe you. That is until the smarter GG's educate her to the facts.

You make foolish assumptions. So can I do the same thing? Your screen name says it all....seanmuscle. Sounds like a guy trying to build his ego and make up for his short comings as a REAL MAN. Screen names speak volumes. You are a bi guy that likes sex with both women and CD's. Ok, we get that.
By the sound of your screen name, you think you are the answer for both GG's and CD's. GAG!
You insinuate that you are a REAL MAN in reference to your response to one fine lady (ReineD), and that none of us CD's are REAL MEN. How laughable can you be!
Please do us a favor and go back to that thread about CD's dating men and maybe you'll get lucky for the minority that are into it. Better yet, go to Craig's list where your kind is a dime a dozen. I find your posts very disrespectful to not only most CD's, but to GG's as well.

Of course you ignore the post from a 60 plus CD'er that is wondering when he is supposed to fall for men. Add me to the list of those mature CD'ers that after 62 years of desiring only women is also wondering when I'm supposed to come to terms with these feelings of wanting a man. Is this some line you use on unsuspecting young CD's that you want to use in bed to fill your macho ego needs? Get real!

I apologize to the moderators for my display of anger over this person's ignorant posts. Especially ReineD that I have the utmost respect for. Back on topic...again, sorry for my rant.

[seanmuscle]

Nope. You are wrong again. I said THREAD. Do you know what that means? There are 2 prominent threads talking about dating men and gay CDs in this section. Even the GG Reine was surprised all the fantasies and responses.

[BRANDYJ]

OK Reine.....so are you the wife or the girlfriend in this? Just kidding

I admit, Reine has us wondering and worrying if this is about her relationship. I sure hope not! And trust she cleared this up and is simply making a fictional couple to provoke thought and sincere meaningful opinions.

[Tamara Croft]

NO. Go look at the crossdressers dating men thread. It is huge. Many CDs love a MAN to sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset.

One thread is not as big as this forum and the majority of posts in it are pure fantasy.... as for the rest of your comments in this thread, you really do spout some don't you

So, are you a 'real man' for Reine then? even though this was a hyperthetical question... which you chose to ignore, instead, just insult Reines partner by accusing him of not being a real man because he's a CD... I mean, that's just rude...

[BRANDYJ]

Nope. You are wrong again. I said THREAD. Do you know what that means? There are 2 prominent threads talking about dating men and gay CDs in this section. Even the GG Reine was surprised all the fantasies and responses.

It's hard, but I vow to ignore ignorance and refuse to debate with someone less equipped.

[Tamara Croft]

I admit, Reine has us wondering and worrying if this is about her relationship. I sure hope not! And trust she cleared this up and is simply making a fictional couple to provoke thought and sincere meaningful opinions.

Read post #41 Reine clearly stated she was not talking about herself

[Jenny Beth]

I have way too much to loose to get involved with someone else however innocently when I've had a fabulous relationship for the past 30 years.