Well, crap.

[Abraxas]

There's this guy named Alex, who's in my creative writing class at Uni. I really fancy him.
First off, he's a great match for me: he's in a band, he's a standup comedy junkie (absolutely adores Eddie Izzard), he's a fantastic writer, has an amazing sense of humour (I've never laughed so hard in my life than when I was talking to him). He's nice, intelligent... And he likes to mess with homophobes on trains by wearing nailpolish, so I know he's not a homophobe himself or anything. Oh, and he's British (that's the icing on the cake). And he's REALLY cute, too.
We were talking Thursday after class for about an hour, and getting along great, and he took me to a workshop for the school literary magazine. He's also supposed to be coming to my comedy show tonight (which I'll be leaving for as soon as I post this message).
The problem: as far as I know he's straight (he mentioned ex- girlfriends and such) and I'm pretty sure he's convinced I'm a guy.

So my question is, how should I... like, get him to like me in that particular way? I'm all up for outing myself, since I know he'll be ok with it-- I have no problems with telling people I'm trans-- I just have to find the right time to do it (wouldn't wanna be talking about Indian food or books or something and then say, by the way, I'm actually female. Fancy a shag?). ARGH! I always have such a hellish time meeting people and this guy seems absolutely perfect for me and... I'm frustrated.

Help?

Danka schon!

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Hmm. Maybe you could talk about your mutual idol Eddie Izzard and seque from there?

If you wanted to do the guy-on-guy thing, maybe just plant a kiss on him and see how he reacts? Just remember, no tongue on the first kiss.

[Abraxas]

Could be...
Well, he didn't show tonight (I'm assuming he doesn't have a car and just couldn't get to the club).

Plant a kiss on him, eh? god, I'm SO bad at that. I have never made the first move in my life.

I've considered that he might be bisexual. Cos... Okay we were talking and he said something like "yeah, I hate those homophobic macho fat guys on the tubes. I like to paint my nails so they leave me alone, y'know, 'God, stay away from that fag!'" But the way he said it I actually thought, "oh, so he's gay. That's interesting." But then later on he was talking about ex- girlfriends and saying how if he gets drunk he has a habit of proposing to people, so he's engaged to like 29 girls. I thought that was pretty funny.
But if he were bi then that would be perfect, cos either way he'd be cool with me. But I don't wanna bludgeon him with too many questions too soon, as I've only talked to him once! And the other thing is that he always hangs out with a group of about 4 people after class, so making a move would be a little... erm... weird. lol
However, if he comes to see the show next week (I'll offer him a ride) then perhaps I could get another guy friend of mine to test the waters for me, just see what's up. And then, hey, if I give him a ride home, who knows what could happen? lol
I just have to move pretty quick, cos semesters are shorter than one realises!

Thanks a bunch.

[Clare]

Hi Eddie,

I reckon you should follow your heart. You seem to have a good 'feel' for his attitude towards sexuality.

Perhaps you should ask if he's willing to go out to a known gay/TG place for drinks or a meal with you. His reaction will indicate if he's possibly bi or uncomfortable with the idea. You already know he's had girlfriends, so it's just a matter of discretely finding out how far he's willing to go in an openly gay/TG 'environment'.

If he seems comfortable in those surroundings, GET HIM DRUNK and then ask him if he's interetsed in a relationship! You might end up engaged!

Bear in mind, you'll probably have to reveal your transgenderism, but if you can have a guy-guy relationship with him, that'll be perfect.

Go for it kiddo. Don't let him get away!

Christine

[FionaAlexis]

Hi Eddie...

...so he's busily telling you about his life and loves etc. and what are you saying about yourself. I'd have thought you'd have had an opportunity to talk about your ex [or exs] - and the penny would drop I think. If not a 'you did realise I'm a genetic female - well I'm trans actually' would clear the air or test the reaction.

Is it really important to you he treat you as a guy...or are you to happy to have sex whatever...

I don't think you can judge until you're sure he knows you are phsyically female.

Life is complicated..

Fiona xx

[Abraxas]

Whew. Thanks folks.

As for a "known" trans/ gay friendly place, that's a fantastic idea but I'm not sure it'd work, as he's brand new to Utah (just moved here 3 days before school started, which was at the beginning of this month), and also I think the only trans place is a 21+ bar and I'm not 21 (I don't know if he is either lol)... I could maybe take him to Area 51 (an 18+ club) on Fetish night, where there are a lot of crossdressing guys and stuff... Could work.
Orrrr... How about this idea I just had about doing some trans material when I do my standup, when he comes. That could make it obvious. Do you think that it'd be better to do that and let him guess, or tell him outright?
I don't think he's uncomfortable with the idea of trans people in general, as he's obsessed with Izzard, who's trans, and professed to have worn nail varnish. So, yeah.

As for me not mentioning exes... He kind of mentioned them in passing, like "yeah, one of my ex- girlfriends took me to this Indian restaurant once and I liked the food" kind of thing. But I'm sure it'll come up again, being as we're in college and that's a big college issue lol

It's fairly important he treats me as a guy-- at least in public. As much as any of my other friends do, anyway. Which is, they generally realise I'm female but have no problem calling me by my male name or using male pronouns (and they don't freak out when they see me walking out of the gent's!).

Phhh. This shit is complicated! Well... Honestly I'd be quite happy to just be good friends with him at first and see how that goes. I've heard that the best romantic relationships start out as friendships (not that I've had a whole lot of experience in either field, really!)

My mum seems to think it's a great idea for me to get him drunk and see if he proposes. I'm sure she'd love to have a cute, funny, British son in law.

P.S. anyone want to help me with my Algebra homework? It took me 3 hours to do 1 section, and I have 2 more that are due in about 8 hours. I hate math...

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya Eddie

I just wanna be nosey really and ask, do you actually go to college as a guy and the teachers are ok with this???

Oh and.... good luck with this guy... sounds like your smitten

[Abraxas]

Well... talk about a loaded question!

I go by Benny at school. I've come out to 3 of my teachers (2 of whom aren't my teachers anymore).

The 2 who aren't my teachers anymore were really cool with it. The third, with whom I'm taking a 2nd class with this semester (acting) seems less ok with it. She called me Eddie last semester but now insists on calling me Courtney. She also keeps casting me in female parts (annoying as hell, lemme tell you). But I can choose my own scenes to a certain degree so I'm trying to work on that.

My German teacher... Well, I'm not sure about that lol She's never called me one or the other (but I'm sure it'll eventually come up, as the German language has that damned feminine/ masculine suffix thing).

And my in my writing class, the first day we had this thing where we got in groups and talked about ourselves, then the person to our right would describe us to the rest of the class. The girl who gave my bio called me "a very talented gentleman." So I'm not sure what the teacher thinks, as I think on the roll it probably says F (and my real name is on there, of course).

Surprisingly, it doesn't come up very often. I don't even know the answer to your question!

I go by Benny at school, BTW.

[Tamara Croft]

given you something to think about then hey I think your teachers should accept what you want to be called, I mean if you started calling them Mr. X and they were female... I doubt they'd like it.... good luck with the maths... I never did understand algebra

[FionaAlexis]

Gosh this is hard -

You gotta let him know three things about yourself....

you're physically female.
you're an F2M tranny.
and you're into guys.

and see what happens with your friendship before you get to the 'and I like you' bit. I think even if he is into Eddie Izzard he's still going to take time to get used to the idea.

Like some of us M2F's you may have to compromise on some of your needs to get the relationship result you want.

Fiona xx

[Abraxas]

Yeah... The acting teacher is a bit... well, she's nuts anyway. Hell of a character, but she's fun. I mean, if it was just for this semester I wouldn't care, but I plan on taking more acting classes so I'm just gonna have to press it. I'm gonna keep giving her scenes to approve where I'll play a male character. One I really want to do is from the Cat's Meow. I want to play Charlie Chaplin. So hopefully she'll let me. The scene I currently have (I'm filming it Tuesday) is from Fargo and I play "customer" so that could go either way. I'm buying a car in the scene. But the last scene I had, I was a high school girl at a dance with a guy. So that was crap. I mean, I certainly don't look like some little cheerleader type!

[Abraxas]

Gosh this is hard -

You gotta let him know three things about yourself....

you're physically female.
you're an F2M tranny.
and you're into guys.

and see what happens with your friendship before you get to the 'and I like you' bit. I think even if he is into Eddie Izzard he's still going to take time to get used to the idea.

Like some of us M2F's you may have to compromise on some of your needs to get the relationship result you want.

Fiona xx

Thanks. That's what I was thinking-- friendship first, test the waters. I don't mind compromising a bit. I just hope something happens before he has to leave to go back to England (he's on a study abroad program)!

[Tamara Croft]

I certainly don't look like some little cheerleader type!

LOL... I bloody hate cheerleaders.... Charlie Chaplin sounds kewl, you should get that part, I mean I've seen men and women play that character... so I'll cross everything for ya

[Abraxas]

Thanks!

[sportschick]

Eddie, the title of your post caught my eye so I had to read it..not an easy situation you have here. Unless he's been looking for a straight FTM crossdresser and is hoping you are one, he'll run the other way if you come on too strong too soon. I guess you're in the exact opposite situation from a full-time MTF who's still hetero, BUT I think more guys are likely to be accepting of your situation than the other way around, so have courage here!

If you're both musicians, I would definitely explore that area, you could bond pretty tight around music.(I'm in a band also) It sounds like you're quite talented, and I'm sure he'd think your recording stuff was cool and would be happy to give you some feedback. If he writes music, or just does covers, I'm sure he'd like to share his stuff with you. If you guys click, you'll find out soon enough if,a) if he's already figured out you're a genetic female, and b) if he's cool with that. Plus, if you click and sex eventually happens, it'll be a hundred times better if you're good friends before the sparks fly. It might last too. Good luck!

[Clare]

Orrrr... How about this idea I just had about doing some trans material when I do my standup, when he comes. That could make it obvious. Do you think that it'd be better to do that and let him guess, or tell him outright?

Doing some trans stuff in your stand up routine may be the catalyst you need. By the time you get to be with him afterwards, he'd have had time to absorb it all so to speak.

Otherwise, develope the friendship and see where it heads.

Wish ya luck!

Christine

[Clare]

Hey, all these male names you refer too!

Do we still call you Eddie?

Just making sure!

Christine

[Abraxas]

Music, yes. I was thinking of inviting him to my house to jam, since he probably didn't bring an instrument with him (I don't know what he plays). I've got a drumkit, bass guitar, piano, and a whole bunch of guitars he could mess around on. So that could be quite fun. Bonding over a jam session kind of thing.

It's been suggested to me by fellow comedians that I should do some trans material anyway, just to explain myself to the audience (Sina says some people have been confused by me to the point where they are too wrapped up in what the hell I am to listen to my jokes). So that could well work. I did a smidge last week without making any revelations (I said something like, "If you can't figure out what I am... I'm not gonna tell you! Because, well... I'm not so sure anymore myself!"). But if I chicken out, I'm sure Sina would be more than happy to help me test the waters and offer some support. He's a sweetie. I'm so glad I have at least one person on my side who'll help me out and stuff like that.

And, yes, Eddie is fine. I've been called so many names in my life that I'll answer to anything. And my full male name is Benjamin Edward Durante, so Eddie is my middle name, technically, so it all comes out in the wash.

[Terri Li]

abraxas, hows this for a sedgeway, i could help you with your algebra but you re probably too far away i live in kokomo indiana...i love when you write i wish i knew you. i am a gay guy cd who finds you attractive no matter what skin youre in...well anyrate im a math teacher specializing in helping those on one to one basis, troubleshooting learning style needs etc. love byron ps wish someone would get me a guy...oh well

[Abraxas]

Wow, you're a math teacher? That's awesome!

I took algebra 3 times in high school, and now I'm taking it again in college! I just can't bloody get the stuff! I mean, I can, but I'm a bit dyslexic so I have trouble being linear and stuff... I am always getting the numbers mixed up and the formulas and stuff...
I do wonder if there's any way to do math tutoring over the internet?

[DonnaT]

Have you considered he might be trans too? The real reason for the nail polish?

[Abraxas]

I thought about that, but I kind of doubt it. He might be CD (he's kinda pretty, so that would be cool with me) but I doubt if he's full- blown trans. Usually my Queer-dar is pretty good and it didn't ping for him, so...
But, hey, ya never know!

[Terri Li]

yes there is a way to tutor but it doent work as well as face to face (in my experience any hoo) I don't have the money for the software license, either...
love byron

[Abraxas]

Ahh, well. I'll just have to ask my dad. He's a civil engineer so he knows his math-- he just doesn't know how to explain it properly!

[Clare]

Hi Eddie.

Just curious - how goes it with Alex?

I hope it all turns out well for you.

Christine