[SIZE="2"]Just kidding – it’s April 1st, remember?

I was thinking today about my youth, a time when most boys used to congregate in a secret clubhouse, no doubt up a tree, in the woods, or in a hidden space set aside for boy stuff. Years later, as MtF crossdressers, we’re dressing like girls, or women, or females, yet we’re still meeting in our little hidden space set aside for boyish pleasure, discussing things we never would have dreamt of when we were young. I mean, many boys would put a “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” sign on the door, or entrance to the rudimentary man-cave, since girls were a complete mystery at the time...

After reading many recent threads and posts, I’m beginning to think girls are STILL a mystery to many boys, yet they carry on regardless with their own interpretation of crossdressing as if nothing has happened. Reading what GG’s have to say, I get the feeling boys are a mystery that cannot (or will not) be understood, and I can’t make up my mind whether or not females want to understand males, or if they wish to preserve the gender divide at all costs. Judging by some of the discussion I’ve read, it seems as though latent issues are being projected onto these largely innocent proceedings in an effort to reinforce one’s own stance or balance, the key to his or her existence. I see this coming from both sides, because, unfortunately, there are always TWO sides...


In my secret clubhouse, girls ARE allowed, especially if they believe in gender integration as opposed to gender separation. The truth is, I never joined the boys in their clubhouse years ago – they never let me be part of the club, or the gang, or the team, or the male mindset. In my outsider world, girls are allowed; indeed I could not exist without them. I don’t pretend to understand them, and I beg them to please not try to understand me – it’s a pointless exercise, since I don’t understand myself to begin with. The fact that I wear women’s clothing does not imply “oneness” with females, nor does it infer a connection with sensibilities at odds with my own. I merely dress to feel a certain way, and step away from being male from time to time – what male means to you and what male means to me may be two completely different things, but I digress...

I’ve met a lot of women in my life, from the ultra-intellectual college professor to the Western Kansas prairie hick, from the on-the-go realtor to the sedentary TV addict, from the pleasure-seeker who struggles with depression to the opinionated bigot who never got any, not to mention all of the women who have guided, nurtured, and taught me almost everything I know. That is NOT an April Fool’s Day joke – that’s how it is. I apologize for wearing clothes that were never meant for me, but I suppose I’m trying to get closer to something that has touched me deeply and continues to do so. My appearance is always second-hand, but my emotions are not...

At times I feel guilty for this caprice, borne of my own shyness and isolation, since crossdressing, in my case, does not cross the line far enough to justify reactions from females – I would be hurt if it did, since I do not wish to harm those I emulate (or those I base my emulation upon). However, it’s been many years since I began this journey into the interior, and I feel differently about females, girls, ladies, and women these days – it comes with age and experience, yet I feel myself returning to that blessed state before all of this gender separation began. The human qualities I admire are present, or not, in everyone I meet, regardless of whether they are male or female. I admire males (MtF’s) who are absent from controversial discussion about gender issues, meaning they are comfortable with themselves, and I admire GG’s who can give-and-take, yet be gentle with us alternative types. I learn something new here every day – it’s true. I stand corrected often, and I hope you are, too, because we need to get along for the good of the community...

"No girls allowed" -- how ridiculous! [/SIZE]