panties

[deebra]

Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?

[sissystephanie]

It boils down to a very simple question! Which is more important to you, your crossdressing or your love for your wife? If your crossdressing is more important than go ahead and wear panties! Your marriage probably won't last long, but you will be happy!

On the other hand, if you really love your wife more than your crossdressing, forget about wearing panties and show her you are the MAN she married! She will love you even more.

My late wife and I had almost 50 years together before cancer took her, and she knew that I was a CD before we married. As long as I did not dress openly in front of our children she did not care what I wore!! I do wear panties most of the time, because I find them much more comfortable than male underwear! But if she had said no, I would not have worn them! My wife always came first, and so should yours!

[Charise52]

Panties always feel good... and my girlfriend and I traded them off... I could never imagine going back...

[Sherry Lynn]

Just make sure the crotch is wide enough to accommodate your package. I hate "hanging out."

[Kaz]

I guess a big dread of some less accepting SOs is that you have an accident and get outed at a hospital. My mother was a stickler for wearing clean underwear "just in case"! Not for CDing, but for personal appearances!

That being said... I have worn thongs, high risers... hell I've tried the lot.. for years under my day to cday lothes.. at work and at home...

A few things though... I have never asked her permission and I wash my own (discretely so this is not "in her face" so to speak)... and I make sure there are a reasonable number of male pants (or whatever Americans call them (I am UK)) in the wash basket... when they get scarce I start to get the look! For this reason I started going commando a lot and found that I like this too!

Sherry Lynn is right though... the "hanging out" scenario is interesting... especialaly when ddoing the grocery shop!

[Jilmac]

Even though my wife knew I dressed, she never approved but to compramise my desire to wear panties, she bought me nylon mens bikini briefs. I still wore my panties whenever the opportunity arose but the nylon briefs turned out to be a reasonable substitute.

[ziggie]

In response to the original question, no it's not fair. Frequently however, things are not fair which brings back the issue of priorities. If your wife is really adamant and you want to preserve the relationship you will want skivvies with a fly.

[NicoleScott]

It boils down to a very simple question! Which is more important to you, your crossdressing or your love for your wife? If your crossdressing is more important than go ahead and wear panties! Your marriage probably won't last long, but you will be happy!

On the other hand, if you really love your wife more than your crossdressing, forget about wearing panties and show her you are the MAN she married! She will love you even more.

SissyStephanie, it's easy to take that position when you have an accepting wife. Where your argument breaks down, however, is when the wife totally rejects and forbids any and all crossdressing behaviors. What now? Quit being a crossdresser because you love your wife? Let's turn it around. If the wife really loves me, she will accept me as I am. All I'm asking is to wear panties, and no one else can see them.

[deebra]

BRANDYJ and sissystephanie and everyone else, let me clarify; I wrote this thread as a subject for general discussion among our members knowing their would be yeas and nays, it doesn't directly apply to me in the sense that my SO objects. She saw me dressed one week after we met and it has never ever been a problem. We shop together and I buy a lot of her clothing when she is not with me including her underwear. She is not closed minded as some wives/SOers are, what I like to wear wheather it be male or female clothing or a combination of both is O.K. with her. Nylon briefs as a compromise donot do it for me, I enjoy the mental state and feel of nylon panties and thongs. When the desire hits I add a lot more. In public I never dress where I am outed or would embarass or bring gaukky attention to myself or us. By the way, she is very, very attractive and we have an exceptionally good relationship.

[Crysten]

OMG you should see my panty drawer. Seems I've been keeping Victoria's Secret afloat for the last few years. Seems unreasonable for your wife to deny you that. Just my opinion. I have...two pairs of mens underwear for hospital visits etc (they came in a two-pack or I would just have one pair). When my wife said "but what about if you get in an ACCIDENT or something". My response was...well, if it's serious enough for someone to be looking at my underwear, we have bigger problems. Lol.

[suchacutie]

There really is not enough information to answer the question. If this is the extent of the discussion then it's a problem. Clearly there are other issues involved, not the least of which is "why would she say that?"

tina

[J'lyn GG]

Is it fair that this was brought into her life? My husband would never dream of asking this of me. He knows how difficult it was for us to get to this point and would never ask for more than he has. If I feel like giving more, I give more. But he never asks, nor takes, more than I can give, because he loves me first.

[GaleWarning]

Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?

I have always had this rose-coloured dream that marriage meant each partner doing their best to make the other happy; counting the other as being more important than themselves. Sadly, this dream rarely becomes reality.

Deebra, it is clear that your wife has not heard your point of view on this matter, or, if she has, has decided that her point of view is more important than yours.

1. Before we can go in and bat for you, can you assure us that you, unlike your wife, always put her wants and needs ahead of yours? I am not totally convinced that this is the case. Search your marriage and ask yourself if there isn't some issue where your point of view has held sway over hers.
2. Marriage is not supposed to be about personal rights, but the mutual rights of the couple (and their children). This often demands that both spouses make compromises.
3. Unless you and your wife can sit down together and talk through all the issues about which the two of you do not agree right now, the marriage is doomed. I don't know exactly what your second-last sentence means, but I do know that unless each of you is committed to making the other happy, at least one of you will eventually become so unhappy that that person will leave.

[pink femme]

I have to disagree, sorry. I wear them and part of me feels terrible for doing it but i can't help it. But if my wife found out and asked me to stop then i would somehow have to find a way, somehow!! eeeekkkkk.......although personnel choice is important, trust and love in marriage is also vital for it to survive and flourish....and this from someone who keeps his secret secret!!

[sissystephanie]

I have to disagree, sorry. I wear them and part of me feels terrible for doing it but i can't help it. But if my wife found out and asked me to stop then i would somehow have to find a way, somehow!! eeeekkkkk.......although personnel choice is important, trust and love in marriage is also vital for it to survive and flourish....and this from someone who keeps his secret secret!!

Personal choice is important, but Trust and Love are very, very important in a marriage! But if you, Pink Femme, are keeping your crossdressing a secret from your wife than you don't really have trust and love in your marriage! Secrets like that are what destroys a lot of marriages! You say you can't stop wearing panties! I say, YES YOU CAN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO!!! The idea of wearing panties is in your head and you are letting it rule you!! Take charge of your own life, and don't let your inner desires rule!

[Cynthia Anne]

Panties are such a small package you wouldn't think they could carry much of a punch! But! THEY can disstroy your whole world! Weather they be found in your car or on you! I chose to keep the panties!

[DanielleLee]

Simply put... Of course she is. She is entitled to her opinion and can say "Don't do that." Whether or not you do it... that's totally up to you...

Personally, I stopped wearing panties and CDing altogether. As Stephanie said above... I love my wife more than crossdressing, I care more about our relationship than crossdressing. She didn't ask me to stop, although I would have if she had asked me too. I knew she was in pain and that my crossdressing was the culprit or the cause, so I quit for US. If you are in a truly committed and loving relationship then you should know what your partner wants emotionally. (Maybe not for Christmas, anniversaries or birthdays... but emotionally... you should)

The flip side or why I might agree it's unfair is... Hypothetically, your wife or SO knew about your CDing before or when the relationship turned serious. Everything was fine and she was fully accepting of your CDing activities and wearing panties to be more specific. A few years pass and lo & behold... the wife changes her mind and now her panties get in a wad whenever you wear yours... I have to agree with others on here and say that's not right. Because then, it's not a case of "You aren't the man I married", but rather "You aren't the woman I married."

People will always change and grow over time. The attitudes towards a partner's crossdressing usually change too. The obvious key is respect, trust and communication. Ultimatums and secrets are just going to doom any relationship eventually.

[deebra]

I stand by everything I said in my thread, AllieSF thanks for the common sence and sissystephanie your belief that cding is in your head and anyone can stop is wrong, wrong, wrong. If anyone can stop 90% of the cders would and this forum would dry up and disappear. You are born a crossdresser and purging, a SO that says no or any other demand for you to stop will not make the need/desire to dress go away. A world renowned psychologist, Dr. Susan Forward often said, "You are the most important person in the world", that means not to be selfish but think highly of yourself and don't always put yourself second or last to please others. To be happy in yourself you have to be first in line just as much as everyone else, this keeps your self worth where it should be so you can present your best self to others. I wrote this thread because I believe in it and I believe it applies to an individuals rights but not taking it so far that it brings embarassment or hurt to your mate, children, etc. As for me, I have probially forty pairs of panties that I wear daily plus bras, slips, shoes, etc. that are in the dresser or hanging in the closet, my SO has no problem with me cding. When I cd in public I do it in such a manner that it does not bring attention to myself or her. For those that disagree with me, why shouldn't the wife want to please the husband and go along with a compulsion/need that means so much to him?

[joan658]

I think in most cases women feel threatened when the discover their men cross dress. My wife was afraid (at first) that I was gay (like most CDers, I'm not). This of course would have threatened our marriage. I've read that some women react as if their men, by cross dressing, are trying to compete and thus their own femininity is threatened. So, I've concluded that the biggest problem is ignorance about CDing. Once my wife researched and learned more about cross dressing she became more comfortable with it - after 15 years she even complements me on how nice a new dress looks on me. If a wife or GF is being controlling about cross dressing, my guess is she is controlling in the relationship in general, not just as it regards cross dressing.

[Elle1946]

Does she know about your CDing? In not, then that is why, but if she is OK with CDing I don't know why she is upset with panties.

[AllieSF]

I believe in loving your partner and making compromises for the sake of that love and to make the relationship work. There is not enough information in this post to determine how this specific relationship works except for the poster's second from last sentence. So my recommendation is when that request (do not wear female underwear) is made, if it hasn't already been made, is to ask why and based on her reply, agree or stand your ground if it is important to you.

I definitely do not believe what a few have said here, that one partner should be jumping through hoops to acquiesce and to please each and every request and demand, and yes some of these requests by the SO are demands. Giving in all the time does not help the relationship either. Turn the tables on those statements. If you request something to your wife like wear more skirts or dresses once in a awhile, then you have every right to expect that she should always agree with you, out of love and respect, of course. But life isn't always ideal, people are not perfect and all of us sometimes make unreasonable requests. Therefore, when in doubt always ask for clarification and then decide. A relationship is a two way street and no one in that relationship should be put higher on a pedestal if one is giving up important rights.

I read here all the time that the female side of the relationship wants her SO to be the man in the family. Part of that to me means that he should have enough of a backbone/courage/character to question when necessary unrealistic requests/demands by the SO to fully understand them in order to make a good decision about what is right for him, her and the relationship. A demand by one party does not mean that it is correct. If it is a true request, then one party should accept that the other party may not agree. And to stop all the bulls**t comments that men should understand when a request is a demand, the SO/woman side has every obligation to make her request clear and whether it is a demand (stop or else it will seriously affect the relationship). Actually, both sides have that obligation. No reading between the lines should be necessary for important issues, like being able to be yourself.

I agree that there are on the market nylon underwear, briefs and boxer shorts that could maybe fulfill the need to wear womens panties. Starting with them first may even help ease the way to eventually switching to panties later on by giving your wife a chance to adapt to your interest in nice feeling and tighter underwear. However, it is such a small thing in the overall relationship, I do believe that the wife/SO should not even be asking her partner not to wear them.

[BRANDYJ]

Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?

How in the world would a wife's concerns, likes or dislike for what her husband wears ever be considered a question of fairness? It's not. What is important is that your wife for whatever reason does not want you to wear panties (I assume out of the house) So if she is important to you, you will comply with her wishes. It's not even a matter of being pussywhipped, henpecked or submissive. It's about keeping your wife happy. You are supposed to be a partnership. Neither partner should be doing things the other has strong issues with. You should do your best to compromise and discuss the issue until you both can agree on a comfort level For me, my SO comes first. If she did not want me to wear panties, consider it done without making an issue out of it. It seems very selfish and even childish, to even question whether or not it's fair. For this simple request of a wife, I can't even fathom calling her a control freak. I call her concerned for whatever reason she may have.
You can call me pussywhipped, hen-pecked and submissive if yoiu want to. But I will always comply with the wishes of the Lady I love. Her happiness, wants and needs come first. I happen to liek it that way.

[J'lyn GG]

This is my pet peeve. Just because YOU think it is a SMALL THING, does not mean it is a small thing to your wife. She may not even know why it bothers her, it just does. From experience, you can turn a cautiously accepting wife into one who is completely against it if you take things too fast or disregard any 'unreasonable requests'.