panties

[deebra]

I stand by everything I said in my thread, AllieSF thanks for the common sence and sissystephanie your belief that cding is in your head and anyone can stop is wrong, wrong, wrong. If anyone can stop 90% of the cders would and this forum would dry up and disappear. You are born a crossdresser and purging, a SO that says no or any other demand for you to stop will not make the need/desire to dress go away. A world renowned psychologist, Dr. Susan Forward often said, "You are the most important person in the world", that means not to be selfish but think highly of yourself and don't always put yourself second or last to please others. To be happy in yourself you have to be first in line just as much as everyone else, this keeps your self worth where it should be so you can present your best self to others. I wrote this thread because I believe in it and I believe it applies to an individuals rights but not taking it so far that it brings embarassment or hurt to your mate, children, etc. As for me, I have probially forty pairs of panties that I wear daily plus bras, slips, shoes, etc. that are in the dresser or hanging in the closet, my SO has no problem with me cding. When I cd in public I do it in such a manner that it does not bring attention to myself or her. For those that disagree with me, why shouldn't the wife want to please the husband and go along with a compulsion/need that means so much to him?

[Jeanna]

I am glad at least one member agrees with me on priorities! Which is more important, crossdressing or the wife?

Well...crossdressing is a never to go away issue, so therefore the woman should put up with it. It's just panties!

[BRANDYJ]

so your wife knows you dress and is OK with it? She even goes out wiht you? You have us confused. Your words....A world renowned psychologist, Dr. Susan Forward often said, "You are the most important person in the world", that means not to be selfish but think highly of yourself and don't always put yourself second or last to please others. To be happy in yourself you have to be first in line just as much as everyone else, That also applies ot your wife. So if it bothers her that you wear panties, she has that right to be bothered just as much as it does not seem to bother you that she does not like it
Your ords again...why shouldn't the wife want to please the husband and go along with a compulsion/need that means so much to him?
Why should'nt a man want to please his wife and go along with a compuilsion/need she has. BTW, that "need" is to have you simply go along wiith her wishes.
In this thread and yyour last on the same topic, you seem to dwell on your rights, your wants, your needs. When is it time to think of your wife's needs?

I think you are taking sissystephanie's comments out of context. We all know that we can't just give up this thing called crossdressing. You are preaching to the chior. What I took he rwords to mean is that a guy can stop wearing panties to please his wife if he wanted to. I think what he meant is the simple wearing of panties out of the house on a daily basis. She never said a guy can quit CDimg. Just stop wearing panties daily as in under-dressed, to please his wife.
I think if your rights are all that important to you, then you need to be single where your actions, kinks, desires, wants and needs will not adversely effect another. I see no compromise in you and all I see is you saying it's your right.

[sissystephanie]

Deebra, I am sorry, but your reply to me is the one that is wrong. I have been a crossdresser, on and off, for over 70 years. Since I am a nut about psychology, I have done a lot of studying over those years. And I have talked to quite few doctors about it! Crossdressing is definitely a mental thing, and the person doing it is the only one who can stop. It is not something you are born with! No one forces you to put on feminine clothing, at least not usually! So you can stop doing so, but there must be a strong desire to do so!! I did stop entirely for a 5 year period early in my marriage. We had 2 children and I decided, totally on my own, that quitting being a CD would be better for my family. My dear wife, who totally accepted my CD'ing, agreed with me. But after 5 years she asked me to start dressing again! She said she missed Stephanie in her life and wanted her back! As I have said many times, my dear wife always came first! She passed on several years ago, but I am still CD'ing often. If my children, or my girlfriend, asked me to stop I would. I know that I can because I have already done it! BTW, I started wearing a bra at age 9 on a doctor's orders, and except for my time in the military during the Korean War have worn one ever since! Even when I quit CD'ing for those years! I had natural 36 B's at age 9 and now have natural 40 B's. No medical problem, I just have breasts!!

I do not believe that 90% of CD's would stop, simply because they, like you, would not want to! As I said earlier, the desire has to be there. I do think your wife should probably go along with you, but as I said earlier you 2 need to talk more about it!!

[Taylor186]

why shouldn't the wife want to please the husband and go along with a compulsion/need that means so much to him?

Unbelievable.

I ask you, why should she have to? Why didn't she know before making a committment? A large percentage of women run from tying the knot with a crossdresser, and rightly so, given some of the self-rightous additudes expressed here.

[NicoleScott]

It boils down to a very simple question! Which is more important to you, your crossdressing or your love for your wife? If your crossdressing is more important than go ahead and wear panties! Your marriage probably won't last long, but you will be happy!

On the other hand, if you really love your wife more than your crossdressing, forget about wearing panties and show her you are the MAN she married! She will love you even more.

SissyStephanie, it's easy to take that position when you have an accepting wife. Where your argument breaks down, however, is when the wife totally rejects and forbids any and all crossdressing behaviors. What now? Quit being a crossdresser because you love your wife? Let's turn it around. If the wife really loves me, she will accept me as I am. All I'm asking is to wear panties, and no one else can see them.

[deebra]

BRANDYJ and sissystephanie and everyone else, let me clarify; I wrote this thread as a subject for general discussion among our members knowing their would be yeas and nays, it doesn't directly apply to me in the sense that my SO objects. She saw me dressed one week after we met and it has never ever been a problem. We shop together and I buy a lot of her clothing when she is not with me including her underwear. She is not closed minded as some wives/SOers are, what I like to wear wheather it be male or female clothing or a combination of both is O.K. with her. Nylon briefs as a compromise donot do it for me, I enjoy the mental state and feel of nylon panties and thongs. When the desire hits I add a lot more. In public I never dress where I am outed or would embarass or bring gaukky attention to myself or us. By the way, she is very, very attractive and we have an exceptionally good relationship.

[joan658]

I think in most cases women feel threatened when the discover their men cross dress. My wife was afraid (at first) that I was gay (like most CDers, I'm not). This of course would have threatened our marriage. I've read that some women react as if their men, by cross dressing, are trying to compete and thus their own femininity is threatened. So, I've concluded that the biggest problem is ignorance about CDing. Once my wife researched and learned more about cross dressing she became more comfortable with it - after 15 years she even complements me on how nice a new dress looks on me. If a wife or GF is being controlling about cross dressing, my guess is she is controlling in the relationship in general, not just as it regards cross dressing.

[Gillian Gigs]

I feel that in any marriage compromise is a key to success. The second thing is open communication. Fear is a strong factor in how people react to situations, so if your SO doesn't want you to wear panties, you need to get to the bottom of the issue by talking about it. Compromise can only happen after true feelings are in the open. I have tryed the nylon boxers and mens briefs, and they didn't cut it for me. I wear nylon hi-cuts and my SO thinks that it is no big deal, its only underwear to her. Yet she has trouble dealing with me wearing a bra, that is to feminine to her, she says that she doesn't want to see it or know when I am wearing it. Slips, camis, nylons, pantyhose, garters, and panties are ok, even during sex, but no bras. I don't try to understand the logic, I have just compromised with it to live with and love my SO. She said to me one day not to long ago, that I have a fetish, and that we all have our short comings and that is just the way that it is. I think that we need to stop obsessing over some of our behaviors and start showing more love and affection toward our SO's, so that they know that we love and accept them. Then maybe they will love and accept us more also.

[Elle1946]

Does she know about your CDing? In not, then that is why, but if she is OK with CDing I don't know why she is upset with panties.

[Julogden]

Even though my wife knew I dressed, she never approved but to compramise my desire to wear panties, she bought me nylon mens bikini briefs. I still wore my panties whenever the opportunity arose but the nylon briefs turned out to be a reasonable substitute.

Back when I was married, my wife did that too. She bought several pairs of men's nylon satin briefs and bikini briefs for me too, which was a nice gesture. Interestingly, she bought some women's briefs and bikini briefs that were from the same company that looked exactly like mine, the only difference was hers had a women's size number on the label, that's how we told them apart. And, annoyingly, she sometimes wore mine if she was out of clean underwear, but wouldn't dream of letting me borrow a pair of hers if I was out.

Carol