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Thread: panties

  1. #1
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    panties

    Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?

  2. #2
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    It boils down to a very simple question! Which is more important to you, your crossdressing or your love for your wife? If your crossdressing is more important than go ahead and wear panties! Your marriage probably won't last long, but you will be happy!

    On the other hand, if you really love your wife more than your crossdressing, forget about wearing panties and show her you are the MAN she married! She will love you even more.

    My late wife and I had almost 50 years together before cancer took her, and she knew that I was a CD before we married. As long as I did not dress openly in front of our children she did not care what I wore!! I do wear panties most of the time, because I find them much more comfortable than male underwear! But if she had said no, I would not have worn them! My wife always came first, and so should yours!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

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    Panties always feel good... and my girlfriend and I traded them off... I could never imagine going back...

  4. #4
    Closet cd Sherry Lynn's Avatar
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    Just make sure the crotch is wide enough to accommodate your package. I hate "hanging out."

  5. #5
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    I guess a big dread of some less accepting SOs is that you have an accident and get outed at a hospital. My mother was a stickler for wearing clean underwear "just in case"! Not for CDing, but for personal appearances!

    That being said... I have worn thongs, high risers... hell I've tried the lot.. for years under my day to cday lothes.. at work and at home...

    A few things though... I have never asked her permission and I wash my own (discretely so this is not "in her face" so to speak)... and I make sure there are a reasonable number of male pants (or whatever Americans call them (I am UK)) in the wash basket... when they get scarce I start to get the look! For this reason I started going commando a lot and found that I like this too!

    Sherry Lynn is right though... the "hanging out" scenario is interesting... especialaly when ddoing the grocery shop!
    Kaz xx

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  6. #6
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Even though my wife knew I dressed, she never approved but to compramise my desire to wear panties, she bought me nylon mens bikini briefs. I still wore my panties whenever the opportunity arose but the nylon briefs turned out to be a reasonable substitute.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  7. #7
    Member ziggie's Avatar
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    In response to the original question, no it's not fair. Frequently however, things are not fair which brings back the issue of priorities. If your wife is really adamant and you want to preserve the relationship you will want skivvies with a fly.

  8. #8
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    I am glad at least one member agrees with me on priorities! Which is more important, crossdressing or the wife?
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  9. #9
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    Seems to me the reasonable approach is to discuss this before you are married. If you don't like her answer then don't marry her. Surprising her afterwards and then not liking her answer, well, that is something you need to accommodate for.

  10. #10
    One Perky Goth Gurl Pythos's Avatar
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    Which is more important, Crossdressing or the wife? OH my god?

    How about asking the so, which is more important, the relationship, or what others think of the relationship!!!!

    The only way this could affect the SO in any way is if their love got into a situation where their underwear would be visible. That is it. Nothing more. This SO seems more concerned about what others will think. Not that that is uncommon in life, everyone is concerned of what other will think, which is what holds us back in soo many ways.
    "I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
    Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.

  11. #11
    Golden Girl Gina X's Avatar
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    Do we really need another pantie thread ??
    [SIZE="3"]Lots of love Gina X[/SIZE]

    If you sit near the river for long enough eventually the bodies of your enemies will float by......Chinese Proverb
    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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  12. #12
    Member MrKunk's Avatar
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    It is a fine balance, you must meet your SO in the middle enough to keep her happy, then again she needs to accept who you are as well.
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  13. #13
    Member Crysten's Avatar
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    OMG you should see my panty drawer. Seems I've been keeping Victoria's Secret afloat for the last few years. Seems unreasonable for your wife to deny you that. Just my opinion. I have...two pairs of mens underwear for hospital visits etc (they came in a two-pack or I would just have one pair). When my wife said "but what about if you get in an ACCIDENT or something". My response was...well, if it's serious enough for someone to be looking at my underwear, we have bigger problems. Lol.
    Crysten

    "Addicted to Victoria's Secret".

  14. #14
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    There really is not enough information to answer the question. If this is the extent of the discussion then it's a problem. Clearly there are other issues involved, not the least of which is "why would she say that?"

    tina

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gina X View Post
    Do we really need another pantie thread ??
    This is not about panties, but a relationship issue, try reading the OP again

    Nigella
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  16. #16
    Previously GraceAnne
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    Is it fair that this was brought into her life? My husband would never dream of asking this of me. He knows how difficult it was for us to get to this point and would never ask for more than he has. If I feel like giving more, I give more. But he never asks, nor takes, more than I can give, because he loves me first.

  17. #17
    :) Post-Op Hippie Chick CharleneT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gina X View Post
    Do we really need another pantie thread ??
    No ... but that's never stopped 'em from coming !!

    In answer to the OP's Q, yes, it is fair for your wife to have a strong opinion on such things. It is also fair for her to draw a line about it. It is also fair for you to do the same... it gets complicated indeed ! I will say that if you use terms like "..about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive ..." when talking about this issue, you will get flack here for sure (and deserve it). If you use inflamatory language when talking to your wife about it, you'd be lucky to get any support.
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    And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.

  18. #18
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deebra View Post
    Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?
    I have always had this rose-coloured dream that marriage meant each partner doing their best to make the other happy; counting the other as being more important than themselves. Sadly, this dream rarely becomes reality.

    Deebra, it is clear that your wife has not heard your point of view on this matter, or, if she has, has decided that her point of view is more important than yours.

    1. Before we can go in and bat for you, can you assure us that you, unlike your wife, always put her wants and needs ahead of yours? I am not totally convinced that this is the case. Search your marriage and ask yourself if there isn't some issue where your point of view has held sway over hers.
    2. Marriage is not supposed to be about personal rights, but the mutual rights of the couple (and their children). This often demands that both spouses make compromises.
    3. Unless you and your wife can sit down together and talk through all the issues about which the two of you do not agree right now, the marriage is doomed. I don't know exactly what your second-last sentence means, but I do know that unless each of you is committed to making the other happy, at least one of you will eventually become so unhappy that that person will leave.

  19. #19
    Member pink femme's Avatar
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    I have to disagree, sorry. I wear them and part of me feels terrible for doing it but i can't help it. But if my wife found out and asked me to stop then i would somehow have to find a way, somehow!! eeeekkkkk.......although personnel choice is important, trust and love in marriage is also vital for it to survive and flourish....and this from someone who keeps his secret secret!!

  20. #20
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deebra View Post
    Something as simple and small and discrete as wearing panties, does anyone here think it's fair for a wife to say NO? They are not visible to anyone, shouldn't a person have the right to wear the underwear of their choice. Are wives that say NO going to far like being a "control freak". After all some total stranger designed them and said women should wear these and men wear boxers. What about a persons personal rights. I've posted before about being pussywhipped, spineless, submissive and got a lot of flack from some members. O.K., here we go, what do you say?
    How in the world would a wife's concerns, likes or dislike for what her husband wears ever be considered a question of fairness? It's not. What is important is that your wife for whatever reason does not want you to wear panties (I assume out of the house) So if she is important to you, you will comply with her wishes. It's not even a matter of being pussywhipped, henpecked or submissive. It's about keeping your wife happy. You are supposed to be a partnership. Neither partner should be doing things the other has strong issues with. You should do your best to compromise and discuss the issue until you both can agree on a comfort level For me, my SO comes first. If she did not want me to wear panties, consider it done without making an issue out of it. It seems very selfish and even childish, to even question whether or not it's fair. For this simple request of a wife, I can't even fathom calling her a control freak. I call her concerned for whatever reason she may have.
    You can call me pussywhipped, hen-pecked and submissive if yoiu want to. But I will always comply with the wishes of the Lady I love. Her happiness, wants and needs come first. I happen to liek it that way.

  21. #21
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pink femme View Post
    I have to disagree, sorry. I wear them and part of me feels terrible for doing it but i can't help it. But if my wife found out and asked me to stop then i would somehow have to find a way, somehow!! eeeekkkkk.......although personnel choice is important, trust and love in marriage is also vital for it to survive and flourish....and this from someone who keeps his secret secret!!
    Personal choice is important, but Trust and Love are very, very important in a marriage! But if you, Pink Femme, are keeping your crossdressing a secret from your wife than you don't really have trust and love in your marriage! Secrets like that are what destroys a lot of marriages! You say you can't stop wearing panties! I say, YES YOU CAN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO!!! The idea of wearing panties is in your head and you are letting it rule you!! Take charge of your own life, and don't let your inner desires rule!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  22. #22
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I believe in loving your partner and making compromises for the sake of that love and to make the relationship work. There is not enough information in this post to determine how this specific relationship works except for the poster's second from last sentence. So my recommendation is when that request (do not wear female underwear) is made, if it hasn't already been made, is to ask why and based on her reply, agree or stand your ground if it is important to you.

    I definitely do not believe what a few have said here, that one partner should be jumping through hoops to acquiesce and to please each and every request and demand, and yes some of these requests by the SO are demands. Giving in all the time does not help the relationship either. Turn the tables on those statements. If you request something to your wife like wear more skirts or dresses once in a awhile, then you have every right to expect that she should always agree with you, out of love and respect, of course. But life isn't always ideal, people are not perfect and all of us sometimes make unreasonable requests. Therefore, when in doubt always ask for clarification and then decide. A relationship is a two way street and no one in that relationship should be put higher on a pedestal if one is giving up important rights.

    I read here all the time that the female side of the relationship wants her SO to be the man in the family. Part of that to me means that he should have enough of a backbone/courage/character to question when necessary unrealistic requests/demands by the SO to fully understand them in order to make a good decision about what is right for him, her and the relationship. A demand by one party does not mean that it is correct. If it is a true request, then one party should accept that the other party may not agree. And to stop all the bulls**t comments that men should understand when a request is a demand, the SO/woman side has every obligation to make her request clear and whether it is a demand (stop or else it will seriously affect the relationship). Actually, both sides have that obligation. No reading between the lines should be necessary for important issues, like being able to be yourself.

    I agree that there are on the market nylon underwear, briefs and boxer shorts that could maybe fulfill the need to wear womens panties. Starting with them first may even help ease the way to eventually switching to panties later on by giving your wife a chance to adapt to your interest in nice feeling and tighter underwear. However, it is such a small thing in the overall relationship, I do believe that the wife/SO should not even be asking her partner not to wear them.

  23. #23
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    Panties are such a small package you wouldn't think they could carry much of a punch! But! THEY can disstroy your whole world! Weather they be found in your car or on you! I chose to keep the panties!

  24. #24
    Previously GraceAnne
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    This is my pet peeve. Just because YOU think it is a SMALL THING, does not mean it is a small thing to your wife. She may not even know why it bothers her, it just does. From experience, you can turn a cautiously accepting wife into one who is completely against it if you take things too fast or disregard any 'unreasonable requests'.

  25. #25
    Genderfluid Swiftie DanielleLee's Avatar
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    Simply put... Of course she is. She is entitled to her opinion and can say "Don't do that." Whether or not you do it... that's totally up to you...

    Personally, I stopped wearing panties and CDing altogether. As Stephanie said above... I love my wife more than crossdressing, I care more about our relationship than crossdressing. She didn't ask me to stop, although I would have if she had asked me too. I knew she was in pain and that my crossdressing was the culprit or the cause, so I quit for US. If you are in a truly committed and loving relationship then you should know what your partner wants emotionally. (Maybe not for Christmas, anniversaries or birthdays... but emotionally... you should)

    The flip side or why I might agree it's unfair is... Hypothetically, your wife or SO knew about your CDing before or when the relationship turned serious. Everything was fine and she was fully accepting of your CDing activities and wearing panties to be more specific. A few years pass and lo & behold... the wife changes her mind and now her panties get in a wad whenever you wear yours... I have to agree with others on here and say that's not right. Because then, it's not a case of "You aren't the man I married", but rather "You aren't the woman I married."

    People will always change and grow over time. The attitudes towards a partner's crossdressing usually change too. The obvious key is respect, trust and communication. Ultimatums and secrets are just going to doom any relationship eventually.

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