So, What is the deal anyway?

[Kate Simmons]

Many will say they don't know why they crossdress and/or don't care. They just like the way it makes them feel, especially when they go out in public and intermingle. Serioulsy though, there must be some kind of big payoff for a man to go to all the trouble of shaving his body, attaining a female wardrobe, spending hours on perfecting makeup techniques (and in some cases practicing how to walk and talk like a woman), wearing wigs and jewelery and perfume and generally presenting himself as a woman. Women are usually perplexed as hell by all of this as are men who are not into "it".

Do some feel that doing all of the above somehow in effect turns them "into" a woman at least temporarily or do they just do it because what they are showing in an external way mirrors the feelings that they have inside that cannot be demonstrated in any other way except crossdressing? This question is for crossdressers and does not pertain to TS folks. I've asked it so that SO's and others who try to understand the behavior may get a better idea of what is going on with their man.

I originally did it because I felt, yes, it did turn me into a "woman" for a time(and kind of an escape) but when I really took ownership of myself and my feelings, I realized that this is who I was as a person and I could be myself with or without all the "glitter". Sometimes we are so busy trying to develop the "woman" that we forget about the "man".It's all part of who we are, however. If we like what we see in both modes we are pretty much there. I would be interested in what you all have to say regarding this.

[TGMarla]

Denise, that pretty much sums it up for me. At times, I'm bowled over at all the trouble we go through just to spend a few hours en femme. It's a very elaborate routine, when you really stop to think about it. And for what? What's the payoff? If it was strictly sexual, I wouldn't have needed to drop all that coin on all the acoutrements, the breasts, the wig, all the dresses and shoes....and for what? I can say that the mental state that it puts me in when I'm completely en femme is like nothing I get when I'm not all dressed up. And when I'm not all dressed up, I often anticipate the time when I will next be en femme. It is a bit all-consuming at times.

But as you mentioned, for those of us who are either straight up crossdressers rather than transexuals, we mustn't forget about our male selves, and must do things to cultivate that part of ourselves as well. As for me, I have undeniable transexual tendencies, but made the decision a while back that transition and a life as a woman would not be a part of my future. I threw in my lot with my wife, and I will live my life as her husband. That leaves me as a crossdresser who at times gets to live the feminine lifestyle vicariously through those times when I get to "put the girl on". So ultimately, I guess what I get out of this is the feminine experience, if only for a few hours at a time.

So I take the opportunities to wear these exquisite clothes, which are an experience unto themselves, when I get the chance. I am amazed that a segment of humanity (women) actually get to wear stuff like this, and live their lives while dressed this way. It makes my head spin, it's so wonderful! As with most things in life that come part and parcel with who we are, women usually take for granted their right and privilege to wear dresses, and most nowadays opt to wear something else. But some of us really love wearing dresses, and for me, it's something I do not take for granted. So I wear one as often as I am able to.

[JenniferR771]

Somehow, someway I was born with the transgender urge. Not powerful enough to cross into transexual territory, but strong enough to be a dedicated crossdresser. With the passage of time, I sought more and more complete feminine experiences, perhaps because the past feminine clothes no longer satisfied my intense feelings.

[KrystalA]

I think I go to all that trouble because when I'm en femme, I feel more natural or normal. Whatever it is, I love it. It just gives me such a sensational feeling to be girly. I've often thought maybe my system produces a bit too much estrogen. But to me, what matters isn't the cause of why I do it, it's the effect of doing it. I can't describe the peaceful, euphoric feeling I get when I'm Krystal. It seems to take over my whole being, and lets me feel as much like a woman as it's possible for me to feel.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm sure there is a payoff that could be measured if I had the right metering tools. It has to be a complex set of physical, social, aesthetic and psychological responses that make this so rewarding to me as an individual. If I went back and re-read all the posts I've made on the "WHY" of my crossdressing I'd have some superficial understanding, but I doubt it goes beyond that. I know I'd have a lot of verbiage that would dance around various parts of the experience. Nothing I say is set in stone because my perceptions change from time to time and occasionally those flashes of light that seem to explain what is going on, fade and die away. So I'm lost somewhere between science, art and the physical experience.

If Edmund Hillary could get by saying he climbed Mt. Everest "because it was there", why can't we get by saying "Because I like to."?

[Kate Simmons]

Well, we can say that we "like to" Sarah, just as we can say "because I said so" when asked why we said something. Unfortunately, neither of those statements attempts to give anyone else, especially loved ones understanding as to why we do what we do. If we in turn say we don't care if they understand or not, then we may just as well be "guilty as charged" when some say that CDing is totally self centered. As I stated the main reason for my posting was to give understanding to others as to why we go to such lengths to present as a woman.

[auto andrea]

I'm fine straight up admitting that for me it is almost entirely sexual. Arousal for me other than the idea of general intercourse, is a masochistic feminization narrative. The more elaborate it is, and especially the more passable I feel, the more I am aroused. I am always dreaming about the most elaborate scenarios and have spend quite a lot of money on makeup, clothes, shoes etc and thanks to another thread here I am certain to buy an epilator! After I have climaxed, or if I am not thinking about the narrative, I find myself often indifferent to the feminine articles. Then again it sometimes is nice to dip into femininity, everyone has masculine and feminine qualities in them as they are codependent. As a child I secretly envied my sister for getting to wear the girls school uniform and now it would be great to wear a skirt suit to work!

[Lexine]

My answer has changed over the course of the past year or so, so it's been a complicated, wild, yet fun (and responsible!) ride. At first, I started doing this because I wanted to rebuild my self-confidence back from a relationship tragedy that tore me in half (literally? LOL). When that happened, I saw that this side of me became even more prevalent and, surprisingly, accepted. A lot of people encouraged me to be this way as much as I was a boy so I attempted to blend qualities I have for each. Later, they found that my girl side developed a different personality than my boy side for better or for worse.

I've gotten to a point where, despite my best efforts, I will never be able to abandon my girl self. She's already developed her own set of friends, who are slowly learning about her boy mode. There are some people who only know Lexi and not my boy mode, and to be honest, a lot of them are surprised that I'm a boy (too). So as of this point, I'm being my girl side because I have friends who I value that I've met as Lexine and that being a girl is something to me like changing clothes: it's another way to express myself in a way that no other person can. And the best part of it all is that no one questions it.

[Frédérique]

Do some feel that doing all of the above somehow in effect turns them "into" a woman at least temporarily or do they just do it because what they are showing in an external way mirrors the feelings that they have inside that cannot be demonstrated in any other way except crossdressing?

[SIZE="2"]Yes, I feel like I temporarily “become” a woman when I dress, even though it is a woman of my own design, meaning the best I can do. However, the dressing is just the frosting on the cake, since I am effeminate by nature – crossdressing was inevitable, and it helps to bring everything together somehow. I can more efficiently manifest how I am, rather that hide it under my drab male garb. It’s rather difficult to be effeminate while dressed in a male “uniform,” in fact it hurts! Often I can’t wait to shed that skin and get into my other, more comfortable presentation, with its attendant feelings of peacefulness and well-being – its worth the effort to become a woman, even if it’s only for a short time. Ah, bliss!
[/SIZE]

[Cynthia Anne]

My doctor told me that a woman use to have my soul and she wants it back! When she tries real hard she forces me to be her! I wish she could win the battle!

[Pythos]

Because I like the looks, and the feel of the clothing. That's really it. I also like how makeup can bring out my eyes and accentuate some features. I like skirts and always have. I also like tights, or leggings. Pantyhose just go hand in hand with a polished skirted look.

[abbykins]

The joy described in this thread is reserved for very special people, like all of you

[Debb]

I think, for me, there was very little make-believe time. Now, when I can make-believe that I'm a woman, that's the payoff ... it's not really satisfactory, but it's getting me closer to my goal of complete integration.

[NathalieX66]

My story for today:
Today was Easter, and one of my neighbors across the street invited a bunch of guests. One of them was this big burly guy and his two sons who stepped out of his full size Chevy Silverado pickup truck. He approached the front door with a case of Bud Light....gee, how original. He looks like every other lunk I've seen. It's like the middle-aged Harley Davidson owner, they all seem the same to me.

I'm reminded by the fact that I spend a rediculous time trying to look feminine, and look like a woman, and someone who is brave enough to go en femme to the most public places imaginable.
I'm just glad I'm not like my neighbors and their friends.

[ReineD]

I originally did it because I felt, yes, it did turn me into a "woman" for a time(and kind of an escape) but when I really took ownership of myself and my feelings, I realized that this is who I was as a person and I could be myself with or without all the "glitter".

But that's just it! If it was simply a matter of taking ownership of one's feelings, would there ever be a desire to dress again? I don't think so, since there are many cismen who are kind, nurturing, compassionate, and who don't experience any desire to dress in order to express their softer selves.

It's just all so complex and influenced by so many different factors (the physical, emotional, and historical), that no one seems to have a definitive answer.

After all this time, reading all the threads I've read, asking all the questions I've asked, and speaking to everyone I've spoken to, I'm still perplexed. In fact, the more I go along, the less I feel I understand.

The most simple answer for me, unless someone is definitely transsexual (in which case they are either male or female just like cisgenders) is, there is such a thing as a third gender. A state of being that is not binary and that encompasses both the feminine and masculine to varying degrees and with varying fluctuation depending on mood.

Or like my SO, I can just take the zen-like approach and say that it simply is what it is.

[Patty B.]

I'll try this one, when dressed I do feel completely normal, it is what I am, probably a third gender and I still don't know why. Some day I may have the answer, don't know. Reine once again has it as well as any.

[Charise52]

For me, I like the look fit and feel of the clothes... yet dresing brings a female presence into my life, which brings me closer to women, who I Love dearly

[erickka]

I'm with you Denise. After a whole lot of soul searching for many years, I have come to accept the fact that this is who I am. I am me with or without all the heels, glitter, makeup, etc. Albeit, it does feel great to wear all the nice things, I have come to strike a good balance between my male and female personna. I guess you could say I have developed an understanding of the whole me.

[NicoleScott]

Some of us continue to go to a lot of trouble of transforming because, as you said Denise, there is a payoff. A Sarah said (post #5) it's a complex mix of different responses. But it's not because we have yet to take ownership of our feelings. Those of us who dress mainly for pleasure, excitement, or arousal know quite well who we are. We are part-time dressers who love to go to the trouble (as you put it, but part of the pleasure for us) of makeup, wig, shapewear, pantyhose, dress, jewelry, perfume, fale nails and lashes, high heels, etc. because we like it.
If you don't need the clothes (and all the other) to feel feminine, that's fine. I think this underscores the fundamental differences between what drives crossdressers. For those who crossdress because they have a feminine identity, maybe the clothes are less important. But for pleasure dressers, it is about the clothes. Yes, there are different degrees of how feminine a person identifies, as there are different degrees as to what extent clothes excite. But they aren't on the same scale, with identity dressers on one end and pleasure dressers on the other. They are two different things; the combinations are unlimited.
I'm still surprised that some people think we're all on the same path, but some of us haven't arrived yet.
So What's The Deal Anyway? as the title of your OP asks. We're different. That's the deal.

[Loni]

I do not know why I cross dress, to me it just feels right, no I do not need a wig or make up on, and it is not for a sexual release.
I can not put my finger on it, I would love to try to be "the" woman for a year or two. but not to be.
as to what gain I get, I relax a bit, but in general it just feels like it should be.
if I was a real woman I would be a "big" girl. but in all the frills, ribbons, and lace I could find.
maybe I am a lantent ts?..maybe just a escape from my factory instaled life?
a misstake.. could be.

.

[Julogden]

Hello Denise,

I doubt that any two of us have exactly the same reasons for dressing. While it's great that you've come to understand yourself and be comfortable with who you are, don't make the mistake of thinking that everyone should do exactly as you've done. While you may think that that you've found THE answer and that others aren't getting what you're doing, keep in mind that you're not getting what others are doing, as evidenced by your posting. We all do what we need to do to be happy. No one else is you, and we all have to find our own peace.

And in the end, the "why" genuinely doesn't matter.

Carol

[suchacutie]

Denise, it really is an incredible thing that we spend so much time, effort, and money; and then have the possibility of ridicule or even physical violence! Maybe it's just that we are collectively insane!

The reward, for me, is one of discovery. Tina exists! To deny her is to deny a part of myself. If she exists, then she needs some time to realize that existence. The more time she has, the more understanding there is, the more she gets to BE herself, the better "we" become as a complete person. Tremendously satisfying, and worth all the effort!

tina

[docrobbysherry]

Some of us continue to go to a lot of trouble of transforming because, as you said Denise, there is a payoff. A Sarah said (post #5) it's a complex mix of different responses. But it's not because we have yet to take ownership of our feelings. Those of us who dress mainly for pleasure, excitement, or arousal know quite well who we are. We are part-time dressers who love to go to the trouble (as you put it, but part of the pleasure for us) of makeup, wig, shapewear, pantyhose, dress, jewelry, perfume, fale nails and lashes, high heels, etc. because we like it.
If you don't need the clothes (and all the other) to feel feminine, that's fine. I think this underscores the fundamental differences between what drives crossdressers. For those who crossdress because they have a feminine identity, maybe the clothes are less important. But for pleasure dressers, it is about the clothes. Yes, there are different degrees of how feminine a person identifies, as there are different degrees as to what extent clothes excite. But they aren't on the same scale, with identity dressers on one end and pleasure dressers on the other. They are two different things; the combinations are unlimited.
I'm still surprised that some people think we're all on the same path, but some of us haven't arrived yet.
So What's The Deal Anyway? as the title of your OP asks. We're different. That's the deal.

When I BEGAN dressing, I believe it was because I WANTED to feel what a woman feels!
Then, I began to become attracted to the females I was portraying!

After all these years of dressing, I've pretty much given up trying to feel like a woman and finding my "woman within"! I'm pretty sure there ISN'T ONE!

At present, I seem to be QUITE SATISFIED with simply appearing to be a female!
I just need to reconcile that with the fact that I'm NOT ONE. Not even a little bit! So, why do I have such a strong compulsion to do this?

[Kate Simmons]

I thank everyone for their heart felt responses. We are all unique and different and that's what I was basically getting at to help others (non CD's) to understand. We all have our own path and goals. It would be a pretty dull world indeed if we were all the same my friends.

[Barbra_5]

I dress because it makes me feel sexy and hot . I have always loved to dress in female clothes I get so excited when dressed , I just love it
Hugs Barbra