Question for closeted crossdressers

[Gurly]

Despite being in the closet about my dressing, I still have an overwhelming urge to tell someone about it, most likely a close friend. Not really sure as to why I want to do this but I can take a guess.......of the uneducated kind, of course. Maybe I have stifled the urge far too long. I do get chances to dress but have to go through long periods where I don't, which just increases the desire. Is this a search for an understanding friend, or just part of the thrill of crossdressing? Anyone else have this exposure compulsion?

[Dian077]

I know for me, its the desire to find an understanding friend. Someone to share this part of your/our lives that we have kept hidden for so many years. At least thats the way I feel.

[eluuzion]

The last couple of months I have been getting the urge to drive dressed or naked. (so of couse I have been doing both).

But I have never felt a compulsion to "tell someone" about my CDing. My guess is that it is probably because I have never really been a fan of committing "social suicide"...

I am going to make a wild prediction and say I do not expect to get the urge to tell someone anytime soon...but that is just me.

[missyvf]

I have felt that way for most of my dressing years, more so the later years. I express this urge when I shop by chatting about my dressing and my dressing adventures with the sales assistants. It makes for a most enjoyable experience. For the most part, I will never see these ladies again, so what do I have to worry about risking telling a friend and it leaks out.

[kimdl93]

Some folks may perceive a thrill in revealing themselves to others. Still, we are social animals. Hiding a key part of ourselves in a sense isolates us from others. So, it only makes sense that one would wish to share this part of oneself with others. Of course, anyone would fear of rejection by SOs or groups of people, termed the potential for social suicide above.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I first told my secretary. Her brother-in-law it turns out was a dresser too. We all need to be accepted.

Em

[Fuzzlette]

I like totalko othrs whothink the same as me, and no there are others whoare bolder

[adrienner99]

The great value of this site is that, when you are on it, you are not closeted.

Your feelings are just about the basic human need to share, intensified by the secrecy that closeted CDers live under. Open up and tell us more about your favorite girly things. Many of us will be delighted to hear them, and tell you ours.

[RachR]

Hiding a key part of ourselves in a sense isolates us from others. So, it only makes sense that one would wish to share this part of oneself with others.

For me this is exactly what it was like. My therapist (in therapy for other reasons than my dressing) suggested that my dressing can be isolating because I hide if from so many people. I few years back I told a very close friend of mine and she's been the most integral part in my acceptance process; it also brought us closer, and that is something I never expected. I also recently told a friend of mine of 6 years and he told me, "You have to be who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that." While we don't talk about my dressing like I do with my other friend he's accepting and if I have to bring it up it doesn't bother him. Also, the few connections I've made with people through this site have helped allot. It's just good to have someone you can talk to about something very personal and intimate.

Also, like missyvf I've told SA's but that hasn't been in order to make a connection; I just stopped feeling ashamed about shopping for myself. I still see these women on a semi-regular basis as I shop at the same store all the time (going today, actually ), but I don't think twice about them knowing. I've even shown a couple of them pictures of me dressed (unfortunately those two ladies no longer work at the store).

-Rachael

[Julie Denier]

My dressing is entirely private, due to business and family circumstances. I am content with this arrangement, and I enjoy the kinship we all share on this site.

[the_me]

I've been opening the closet door myself and sneaking out on occasion (been out only with other CD's at this point). Before actually having gone out dressed, the urge to tell someone, anyone was great. I mentioned it to a couple online contacts who I have chatted with for 2-5 years first with great results and support, and that gave me the courage I needed to tell my 2 best friends. One who I stay with every weekend, the other living overseas right now. My overseas friend has been super supportive about it, the one I stay with on weekends accepts but doesn't want to see me dressed (could be much worse, I'm content with that much, maybe more supportive in time). Ended up telling another friend, and showing pictures, while drunk and he was absolutely fascinated, that worked out well and taught me to be cautious while drinking, just in case... or maybe it was good to have no inhibitions or regard for how one will react. Guess that's why they call alcohol "Liquid Courage".

There are a lot of people I still want to tell, mainly family, some co-workers too... but I am apprehensive. It really is scary wondering what people will think or do if you tell them. I will admit it feels great telling someone, even better if they will be there to talk with you when you need it. I'm most worried about my family personally. Although they are great and would probably be accepting, I still fear what a negative reaction would be. Especially since I live at home with them right now.

But in short, yeah, you are right about the exposure compulsion, it exists, and obviously to varying degrees with different people.

[docrobbysherry]

Be very careful, Gurley! CDing is like toothpaste. Once it's out, u can NEVER put it back again!

I had that urge u r feeling. After years of dressing completely by myself, I came out online here. Then, I REALLY wanted to tell someone who knew me! I picked an old girlfriend who lives far away. At first, she seemed very supportive. Even asking to see pics of Sherry!
Then suddenly, she said, "No more Sherry!" It has perminantly soured our relationship!

Now, when I get that urge? I start an activity until it PASSES!

[Anna B]

I was "discovered" by a neighbour's adult daughter when she came and knocked on the door,but we had a long talk about it and I felt a huge sense of relief that someone else now knew about me.

Anna x

[Indie Femme]

For me it is the desire to be accepted for who I am and expressing myself and appearing as I wish. I have come out to a few people, my wife, a very good friend, my mother, my sister, some random sales clerks, and a few others. Right now I do not really feel like I need to tell everyone, but I do want to be able to let my hair grow out a bit and shave some body hair without having people flip out! Even though I am not announcing it to everyone, I also do not worry too much about someone else finding out. If they can deal with it and stay my friend then great, if they can't then they were just a 'conditional' friend anyway!

[TGMarla]

My advice to you is keep it to yourself, unless you're very sure of the reaction you're going to get. Loose lips sink ships.

[danielletorresani]

For me the compulsion to talk about it and for people to see me (or at least pics of me) is satisfied by this forum. For me, this is enough and I don't know that I'd want any more.

[billie earls]

I have only told one other person and that was over 30 years ago, we were lovers for a time but moving to another state changed that. Since then the only people that know are those I meet through the internet and that has been a great relief and the urge to tell those close to me has ebbed. I still would like to be able to talk face to face with others on how we feel because I can say a lot more then type. I wouldn't tell anyone close to you unless you're sure of their reaction.

[Debra Russell]

I think the reason I would like to tell anyone is that I have found a part of my life that is very dear to me and I want to share it with others -- but, why would they want to know? I have outed myself to a few, many may suspect but I always think twice - choke it down and ask why and if there is an up side to telling before revealing anything to anyone.

[KarenSusan]

I actually told a woman I used to work with a few years ago. She was alright with it and I used to visit her dressed on Halloween. She has since died, so no living person knows about Karen now.

[Crissy Kay]

For me the compulsion to talk about it and for people to see me (or at least pics of me) is satisfied by this forum. For me, this is enough and I don't know that I'd want any more.

I kind of feel the same way.

[CaitlynRenee]

As I've said before, and repeat now, I believe it would be fantastic if we could just have acceptance. No need for 'special' treatment as none would be needed. Think of how great it would be, if we could go out, whenever we wished, dressed as we wish, buy our lingerie when and where we wanted, regardless of who was around (male or female), family, friends, strangers, etc. without any repercussions at all. I'd like to have a friend, CDer or not, male or female, who would be my friend/buddy/pal/lover or whatever who I would not have to feel uncomfortable with. I'd enjoy having someone I could talk to about my most recent shopping trips, or have dinner with while enfemme or drab, or any number of other things. Most of all, is just plain old ordinary acceptance.

I don't know anyone here in San Antonio but I'm sure there are more than just me in town.

We are such a major part of life in the world and have the best country in the world for our lifestyle, right here in America. OK, Great Britain is a close 2nd to the lifestyle.

I will have the chance to meet some of my daughter's L/G/B/TS/TV/CD friends at Vanderbilt U. next week.

[Raynefall]

I understand completely... I have been thinking about telling my gf who is going to be my wife in the next few years. It's just whenever I think a good moment is there it either gets ruined or I chicken out. Because I don't know if she would understand and be okay with it. It's a tricky situation. But I think eventually it will come out and I think you will be the same way too.

[EllieOPKS]

I met another gurl on the internet and we met for drinks. I did share with her my exploration of CDing and she was very understanding. Since then I have looked for someone who could share Cding times with me privately but have not found anyone yet. I have no desire to tell anyone that knows me just because it would be too complicated and risky. However, I have had more and more overwhelming urges to go out in public. If I EVER learn to do makeup, I think I will venture a little further from the closet when I am out of town.

[CaitlynRenee]

I understand completely... I have been thinking about telling my gf who is going to be my wife in the next few years. It's just whenever I think a good moment is there it either gets ruined or I chicken out. Because I don't know if she would understand and be okay with it. It's a tricky situation. But I think eventually it will come out and I think you will be the same way too.

I recall reading of a CDer who had the same concerns and finally decided that he would 'out' himself to his GF after a very heavy night of intimate romance. Yeah, I mean lots of intense sexual activity. Things worked out just fine. Have you read "Alice In Genderland" yet? Covers these topics and more.

[sweetjan]

I will not tell my family members. I think only one may accept my crossdressing. My wifes knows and is SUPER supportive of it and helps me a whole lot. The urge does hit me at times to tell someone, then I realize all of you know!