A Kathi shopping thread - or is it?

[Kathi Lake]

It's amazing how a day can be so 'blah' in the shopping department, and yet so nice and normal and fun.

My day started out by dropping my daughter off at school, and then returning home (after a quick Egg McMuffin and a large Coke, of course) to finally get my girl on. I had been looking forward to it since my last aborted outing a few months ago, but just hadn't had the time!

After doing my makeup and getting dressed (in the outfit my daughter chose for me. Awwwwwwww. ), it was off to the bank and to Ulta. I just love how normal everyone seems at the bank. Never a hint of "What's wrong with him?!" or anything like that. Instead, it's just, "Hey, how's the new house?" "Doing anything fun today?" "I love your top! You always have such cute clothes." Sure, they probably have a lot to talk about after I'm gone, but who cares? I'm gone.

I was chatting with one of my Ulta friends, asking about people, pregnancies - you know, stuff - and one of them came back from the salon. When I turned around to face her, her eyes got real big, and she said, "Oh my God! Wowwww." I asked if she had never seen me dressed, and she said no. She had seen pictures, and heard the other girls talk about me, but never in person. She said, "As I was coming up I thought, "Wow, who is that woman. She's tall and what a great body." I said, "Well, I'll give you tall, but 'great body' Seriously?" She said, "Well, . . . from behind you looked gorgeous!" I said, "Yeah, then I turned around and ruined it." She said, "That's not what I meant! You're pretty!"

After a bit more chatting with the girls, I headed out. Destination: Somewhere. I really had no destination/item of clothing in mind. This trip was just for fun. I drove to Salt Lake to the Fashion Place Mall. My first stop was Nordstrom. I found the perfect pair of shoes! Unfortunately, they were a pair of Jimmy Choos. $695.00 (on sale! ). Sigh. I wandered in the mall proper. There I encountered probably the worst case of "Hey, it's a tranny!" I've had. As I passed a kiosk selling something (I never pay attention), the guy said, "Ma'am, would you like to try a free sample?" I said no thanks. He looked at me closer as I passed. I then heard him yell, "Hey, Andy!" and knew he was letting someone know to look at me. Sure enough, as I passed the next kiosk, I saw 'Andy' turn to look at me. I smiled at him, he smiled at me and I went on my way. Sure, it's not the most severe reaction out there, but I usually fly pretty much under the radar, so it was kind of weird.

I stopped off in bebe, a few boutiques, Dillard's, and more, making my way through the mall. For the most part, no one else looked at me funny, my interactions with the other shoppers and the SAs were normal (i.e. everyone interacted with me as if I were a normal person), and it was just a normal shopping day - with one difference I'll get into later.

I then went to Talbots as everything was on sale for 30% off. I circled the store a few times, but nothing leapt to "Gotta-have-it" levels. Leaving Talbots, I drove on to White House Black Market. Most of my favorite people were there (OK, they're all my favorites ) - the manager, an older SA who always makes it a point to give me hugs and talk about my family, the new gorgeous young blonde SA who is moving to California soon (I told her she'd fit in just fine!) - but no Michelle. Apparently, her first day back from her baby will be this Monday. So I missed her by three days. Sigh. Oh well, it's not like I'm not going to be stopping in soon.

They asked me what I was looking for. I answered, "Nothing, really. But you know how all this works, you fill my room with pretty stuff, and I try it on and see what 'sticks.' They took me around, but nothing seemed even tryon-worthy. Crap!

And that brings me to the 'blah' day comment above. At the end of the day, I realized that I literally tried on nothing!! Nothing made me go oooh or ahhh. (I must be coming down with something! Either that or I was more tired than I thought as I woke up my daughter at 3:30 in the morning to watch the Royal wedding with me). I chatted a bit about this with the younger SA (whose outfit was incredible, but the way; black tights, knee-length boots, ribbed low-cut top, tiered taffeta miniskirt in a gorgeous pattern, and a ruffled crop cardigan - and a body to pull it all off. Jealous!!). I told her that when I received the latest catalog, for the first time nothing screamed out at me "You'll look incredible in this . You gotta buy me!" She agreed and said that sure, there was a lot of cute stuff, but nothing worth using even her employee discount for. I agreed and said it was even a bigger issue for me as I don't wear these clothes for work, but more for fun, and when I bought something, I had to - had to - love it. She said, "Well, I've never seen you in anything that you didn't look amazing in. We love to see you come out of the dressing room in the next outfit. It always blows our minds!"

So, after a round of goodbyes (and a hug ), I was off to home. After taking a few quick pics (below), I washed off the girl, and picked my daughter up. As soon as she got in the car, she asked me what I bought. I told her nothing. She said, "Oh, too bad." I thought about it, and said, "Well, there's always next time." I was thinking, though. Was it really too bad that I didn't buy anything? If so, why was I smiling like a goon? I came to the realization that it wasn't about the buying. It wasn't about the shopping. It was about the 'being.' For a few short hours, I got to be Kathi. Sure, I'm a guy in a dress. Sure, I'm not fooling anyone. You know what? I'm good with that. I got to do what I wanted to do with no fear. The lady at Ulta who had never seen me dressed asked me, "So, when did you finally have the confidence to go out fully dressed?" I told her once I realized that the only thing holding me back was not others, but me, that I swallowed my fear and boldly went out and did what I wanted to do - not what others wanted me to do. I haven't looked back since.

So, I'll close this thread out now (Yes!! I actually did it in one post! I wasn't sure I could. ). Again, the main points I want to hammer home are this;

• Fear keeps us from who we are and what we want to do. It doesn't have to be that way
• It's not about the buying. It's about the being.

And now for the pictures, if you like. Since I didn't buy anything new, you'll just have to be content with my shopping outfit:

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[Jason+]

She said, "Well, I've never seen you in anything that you didn't look amazing in. We love to see you come out of the dressing room in the next outfit. It always blows our minds!"

Kathi I think the SA nailed it! It sounds like you had an amazing day and congrats for being you on your terms as well.

[PretzelGirl]

• Fear keeps us from who we are and what we want to do. It doesn't have to be that way
• It's not about the buying. It's about the being.

I have to agree with some of these feelings. I have been going shopping lately without buying. I think it is one of those steps where we don't have to feel like we have to leave with something to make it a worthwhile day. I will be surprised if you have many trips to WHBM without trying something on though. But the key is letting the girl out and having a ball!

When I first saw you go through Ulta and the bank, my thoughts were that you picked friendly places and broke the barriers. A year and change later I am realizing that a lot of places are quite friendly. We just have to break our own barriers.

[Persephone]

You look really great in your "shopping outfit"! Love the blouse! And your necklace works perfectly!

[*]It's not about the buying. It's about the being.

Uh oh, girl! You may not realize it yet, but you just made the next step! You threw old Mister Geppetto* a curve, a cute feminine curve. Yep, you just stepped over the line and landed in the world of "real"! Oooops! Now what are you gonna do?

Hugs,
Persephone.

*Pinocchio's dad, the woodcarver, for those who may have forgotten.

[Sarah_Jane]

"So, when did you finally have the confidence to go out fully dressed?" I told her once I realized that the only thing holding me back was not others, but me, that I swallowed my fear and boldly went out and did what I wanted to do - not what others wanted me to do. I haven't looked back since.

The stone cold truth, very well put!!

[Nikki A.]

I have to agree, we are usually our biggest obstacle.

[t-girlxsophie]

Why do ppl do that "Oi mate look theres a tranny" as if finding that out is going to be some major revelation in their life,I have decided if thats the mentality of those that try and show us up,then we have nothing to fear,Just get out there and be yourself in a world in which we belong to as much as anyone,and there is more decent folk about these days who will have a smile or a kind word for us

Sophie

[Sara Jessica]

Look at you, gorgeous....smile, outfit, and look at those curves!!!

Sounds like a perfect day despite the "a-ha" moment, even though you didn't buy anything. Sometimes "being" is plenty.

[sissystephanie]

Kathi, you are a gorgeous "lady"!! Maybe a CD lady, but you sure do look feminine!!

What you said about fearing going out in public is what I have been telling people, not just CD's, for years. Most of our fears are inside ourselves! When we recognise that, we are on our way to conquering them!! As I have said before , my late wife always did my makeup nd my wig before I went out as Stephanie! When she passed away I wondered what I was going to do, since I am very bad with wigs and makeup! I decided to try going out as a man, but dressed enfemme!! Been doing it for 6 years now, and I am having a "ball!" People just don't care!!

BTW, sorry you couldn't find anything to buy, but there is always tomorrow!!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I found the perfect pair of shoes! Unfortunately, they were a pair of Jimmy Choos. $695.00 (on sale! ). Sigh.

$695 for Choos? I thought Choo's were $495 shoes. Which ones we're they?

After taking a few quick pics (below), I washed off the girl, and picked my daughter up. As soon as she got in the car, she asked me what I bought.

Still haven't told us the story of the daughter telling. :-)

I came to the realization that it wasn't about the buying. It wasn't about the shopping. It was about the 'being.'

:-)

Sure, I'm a guy in a dress.

Ahem! No, you're not.

The lady at Ulta who had never seen me dressed asked me, "So, when did you finally have the confidence to go out fully dressed?" I told her once I realized that the only thing holding me back was not others, but me, that I swallowed my fear and boldly went out and did what I wanted to do - not what others wanted me to do. I haven't looked back since.

So, I'll close this thread out now (Yes!! I actually did it in one post! I wasn't sure I could. ). Again, the main points I want to hammer home are this;

• Fear keeps us from who we are and what we want to do. It doesn't have to be that way
• It's not about the buying. It's about the being.

Every transperson should print that out and put it on their closet door, both literally and figuratively.

And now for the pictures, if you like. Since I didn't buy anything new, you'll just have to be content with my shopping outfit:

Ooh nice shopping outfit....what shoes did you wear with it?

Veronica

[Sarah Doepner]

I gave up "fishing" once because I confused it with "catching". Sometimes you have to figure out what the rational behind your choices really is.

[Kathi Lake]

When I first saw you go through Ulta and the bank, my thoughts were that you picked friendly places and broke the barriers. A year and change later I am realizing that a lot of places are quite friendly. We just have to break our own barriers.

Exactly! (which sounds so much better than "I told you so!")

Uh oh, girl! You may not realize it yet, but you just made the next step! Persephone.

Wait, there was another step? How did I miss it?

Look at you, gorgeous....smile, outfit, and look at those curves!!!

Smile I'll give you as I do have a lot to smile about, but curves?! Suuuuuure! We'll go with that.

Sounds like a perfect day despite the "a-ha" moment, even though you didn't buy anything. Sometimes "being" is plenty.

Oh, it is. It certainly is. (contented sigh!)

People just don't care!!

No, they don't. That's one of the hardest lessons, it seems. To let go of our preconceived notions of what society will view as normal, to ignore countless years of learned behavior that "we mustn't upset strangers" and to realize that we are - or at least should be - living for ourselves and not others. Sure, serving others is great! Holding their opinions over our own? Not so much.

$695 for Choos? I thought Choo's were $495 shoes. Which ones we're they?

These (sigh!):

Still haven't told us the story of the daughter telling. :-)

Why, sure I have. Wait, I didn't? Hmmm. Odd. I thought I did. Well then, I shall. Soon.

Ooh nice shopping outfit....what shoes did you wear with it?

My Jessica Simpson flats. The best picture of them is here (ignore the icky man-arms!):

[Diane Smith]

Kathi, you know I'm almost as big a WHBM fan as you are, and we've had very similar experiences with the SAs in their stores. I looked at the latest catalog and had almost exactly the same reaction as you -- nothing that called to me and said, "take me home!" There was one dress I thought might be halfway interesting, so I stopped at the Peoria, Illinois store today to check it out. They had the dress, but the largest one in stock was at least a couple of sizes too small for me. (I am not blessed with your stick-like figure, but usually wear a 10 or 12.) Like you, I did a whirl around the store guided by one of the SAs, and really, truly, honestly didn't see anything I had to have. For, I think, literally the first time ever, I walked out without trying on or buying anything.

It just struck me odd that both of us had this same experience just a day apart. I hope their next collection looks a little better -- more often for me the problem is that as I look through the catalog, there's way more I want than I can possibly afford, and I find myself making a prioritized list of my choices. Then the SAs find things that go with the other things I've bought, and I still always wind up spending a lot more than I intended. And they plan it that way, and can even make us feel good about it! Diabolical ...

- Diane

[steftoday]

a great story/post Kathi! thanks for sharing it, and btw, the shopping outfit was very cute!! I love that blouse on you! (actually, I'd love it on me, too...where'd you get it?)

[SuzanneBender]

It's amazing how a day can be so 'blah' in the shopping department, and yet so nice and normal and fun...I came to the realization that it wasn't about the buying. It wasn't about the shopping. It was about the 'being.' For a few short hours, I got to be Kathi. Sure, I'm a guy in a dress...

Let me point our some facts:

1. You could never smile like a goon, Your smile is beautiful

2. I love your shopping outfit and Jessica Simpson flats are the ultimate shopping shoes. C2 = Classy and Comfy.

3. You are oh so correct dear. Its all about "being". Those few sweet moments of being are more precious than the greatest deal you will ever find on a pair of Jimmy Choos. Its not about being a gender in a dress. Its about being a person comfortable in her role in the world and you are a perfect example of that dear.

[Kathi Lake]

Sometimes you have to figure out what the rationale behind your choices really is.

True. For me it's not an escape. It's not a costume. It's just a little respite from being who the world wants me to be, and allowing me to be who I truly am for a time - not necessarily a man, not necessarily a woman. Me.

It just struck me odd that both of us had this same experience just a day apart.

Phew! Thanks, Diane. I thought it might just be me. Yes, I'm sure their new stuff (due in a few weeks) will again wow us.

I love that blouse on you! (actually, I'd love it on me, too...where'd you get it?)

Thank you, Stef! I think it strikes the right balance between too much fluff/cute and too boring. I like little details like that, whether it be ruffles, a cute print, a nice texture to the weave or whatever. As for this particular blouse, I got it at White House Black Market about 9 months ago.

You could never smile like a goon, Your smile is beautiful.

Awww, thanks, sis! Ever since my braces came off, I have been smiling a bit more.

Its not about being a gender in a dress. Its about being a person comfortable in her role in the world, and you are a perfect example of that dear.

You always say the nicest things! Thank you so much! You are, of course, correct. I am not a guy in a dress (you can stop grumbling now, Veronica ). I am me in a dress. I like it that way. I am comfortable this way - sometimes bafflingly so. In a way, I miss the thrill and 'rush' I used to get from going out. Now, it's just doing my makeup and heading out. Nice. Normal. Me.



Kathi

[VeronicaMoonlit]

These (sigh!):

Sigh!

Why, sure I have. Wait, I didn't? Hmmm. Odd. I thought I did. Well then, I shall. Soon.

Yes Very Soon.

My Jessica Simpson flats.

I remember those.

The best picture of them is here (ignore the icky man-arms!):

Ahem, as I've said before, those aren't man-arms. Those are aerboicized/tennis-ized/pilates-ized cougarized gorgeous gossip patrol style arms. MINE are man-arms.

so I stopped at the Peoria, Illinois store today to check it out.

There's a WHBM in Peoria? I didn't know that, or forgot it was there.

3. You are oh so correct dear. Its all about "being". Those few sweet moments of being are more precious than the greatest deal you will ever find on a pair of Jimmy Choos. Its not about being a gender in a dress. Its about being a person comfortable in her role in the world and you are a perfect example of that dear.

Note that she said "her", Kathi. :-)

True. For me it's not an escape. It's not a costume. It's just a little respite from being who the world wants me to be, and allowing me to be who I truly am for a time - not necessarily a man, not necessarily a woman. Me.

Sigh...the inside is what matters, lady.

You are, of course, correct. I am not a guy in a dress (you can stop grumbling now, Veronica ). I am me in a dress.

That's better.

Veronica

[insearchofme]

Great story, great comments and a very pretty lady!

[Kathi Lake]

Note that she said "her", Kathi. :-)

Noted! Thanks.

Great story, great comments and a very pretty lady!

Yes, the girls at Ulta are gorgeous!!



Kathi

[AKAMichelle]

Fear is truly our own worst enemy. You and I are at about the same level of just going out and being ourselves except that you are the skinny B***H that everyone hates. <LOL>

[Kathi Lake]

Fear is truly our own worst enemy. You and I are at about the same level of just going out and being ourselves except that you are the skinny B***H that everyone hates. <LOL>

Seriously? You have been to ball games and everywhere else! Believe me, you have been much more adventurous than me!

And what do you mean everyone hates me? I'm not that skinny, am I?



Kathi

[notquitegirl]

Seriously? You have been to ball games and everywhere else! Believe me, you have been much more adventurous than me!

And what do you mean everyone hates me? I'm not that skinny, am I?



Kathi

Yes, you are! I'm also 5'10" and hope someday to get down to 160 from my current 200+. Mostly I just want to be a size 6 for options. That and being able to buy tops at White House Black Market (I'm a little too big for most of them).

[AKAMichelle]

Seriously? You have been to ball games and everywhere else! Believe me, you have been much more adventurous than me!

And what do you mean everyone hates me? I'm not that skinny, am I?



Kathi

I am not the one who fits their entire body into a size 2. My big toe is the only thing that would fit in that size. We don't hate you just your size. <LOL>

As for adventuresome, I have been to a ballet / broadway play / museum / flown / 2 sporting events / mainstream sports bar to watch an all girl band perform in front of a bunch of drunk guys. Bring yourself over to Denver and we will get you on TV at one of the Rockies game. Then you will be notorious.