Sounds like Scott can't relax and be his "fem" self around you without feeling a sense of shame. I kind of feel the same way when my wife sees me dressedGive him time to get used to dressing around you. Talk to him and let him know you still think of him as a man, but your ok with his fem side too. I wish you both the best, and if your both the same size congrats on all your new clothes, LOL.
Aw thank you so much Christina.
You know, I quite like the sound of putting aside a specific time for "girl time". My only worry with that is, upto now it has all seemed so spontaneous. There hasnt been any set time where he has always wanted to dress. it could be anytime or no time at all. Saying that I have this afternoon thought about saying to him something along the lines of "on saturday I want us to stay in and have a talk with no distractions. No TV, nothing but us." and make it clear that what I want to talk about is his crossdressing. That way he can prepare for it and know that I will be asking him lots of questions. Do you think this is a good idea? I thought about buying him a special present today and giving it to him tonight, but maybe I could wait until weekend and give it him after we chat, just so that he knows that I am ok with it all.
Can I just say again, the responses Ive have have completely overwhelmed me. In a good way. I am just so very grateful for you all taking time out to help me with this.
Sandra-Leigh, you said some things that really struck home with me. Your fantasy world and what Scott would do in that world I think is a great way to help me understand this. But more than this, your comment "if he succeeds in driving you away then he would drop back to the state of being mentally alone with his cross-dressing" made me cry. I dont want him to be driven away. And the thought of Scott being mentally alone really makes me understand how hard it must of been for him to tell me. I will never let that happen. Not just for him but for me also. Scott means everything to me and it really hurts me to think that this is something that he has had to deal with all on his own. Thats why I want to tell him that I am here for him and I always will be. Thats why I dont want him to shut down towards me when he dresses. Even saying those words out loud on here "when he dresses" is making me realise just how much I can accept it. No matter what he wears, I want him to understand that the person I see in front of me is the person that I love so much. And I want him to show that to me no matter what. I need to feel loved as well and I do when he isnt dressed. I dont when he is. I want him to understand that. Its not that I dont want him to dress up. Its that I too want to feel loved when he does.
Abigail, I dont think Scott is being selfish. Well maybe not intentionally but it has felt like that. It has felt sometimes that I could just walk out of the room when hes dressed and he wouldnt even notice. But from the replies Ive had today I don't now think that is the case at all. I now just think that it he finds it hard to completely be himself or herself. I want him to overcome that because that will be better for me.
Samantha, I will do just that - give him time to get used to dressing around me. When I wrote my first post I couldn't see that. My first post was all about my issues and me coming to terms with it. in one afternoon I now realise that I need to see it from his point of view also.
Last edited by Sandra; 05-05-2011 at 02:10 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts, please use either multi quote or edit function. Multi posting is not allowed on the forum
I think Scott feels abandoned (even though he's not). He's anticipating a negative reaction from you, because he's had to hide his desire to crossdress from himself. His old memories of being abandoned by his ex's are probably being reactivated every time he dresses in front of you. The old emotionally charged memories of being abandoned by his ex's are releasing the flight or fight syndrome in him while he is dressed in front of you. He's probably so overwhelmed with feelings of desperation and helplessness that he has little to share at that moment with you. That's why he shuts down emotionally. When he is dressed in front of you, he is in touch with his deepest fears and needs, he feels cut off and alone. It's like he's on a journey to the center of himself when he is dressed in front of you. I don't know if he has abandonment issues from childhood, parental figures etc....this is just my 2 pence worth...hope it helps
Hi Sara andto the forum. I really can't add much to what has already been said. If you take nothing else from here, take this; COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP. You are both in uncharted waters... Scott trying to reconcile his feeling toward cross dressing against every reason he has been told it is wrong to do all of his life, and you struggling to find a way to meet your needs and support his at the same time. How about trying this: Set aside and evening for just the two of you at home. Prepare something s/he likes for supper and set a romantic table. Enjoy your meal together and afterward, do the dishes together. When you're all done, sit down with her/him on the couch and share with her/him just how much s/he means to you... all of her/him. Tell her/him that you are committed to making this journey with her/him but it is important to you to do it together. Ask her/him some of the questions you have been asking here. S/he is the only one who can tell you with certainty what s/he is feeling inside. Tell her/him how important it is to you for her/him to respond to you as s/he always has, no matter how dressed... because you are in love with the person in the clothes, not the clothes on the person. See if s/he will share with you some of the things in her/his heart that she would like to do or explore. See if the two of you can map out a plan to do these things together. Some possibilities- shopping, dinner out, a drive, a walk, a weekend away, a movie, experimenting with makeup at home... you get the idea.
I hope Scott will consider joining us here. If s/he is as caring and sensitive as you say, I think, in short order, s/he will understand that you came here only to seek help for both of you. Once Scott understands that s/he is not the only one in the world to have these kinds of feelings, it will help her/him to better accept her/himself. And the sooner that happens, the sooner the two of you can get back to what you both love most... each other. My sincerest best wishes to you both.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Being spontaneous right now is the only way Scott and react to all this. Setting aside "girl time or girl talk time" will help him open up and as you said you both can say write down questions and ask each other with out the worrie of saying the or asking the wrong thing that being "spontaneous" might let slip. Now as for a gift that a great idea. You buy "her" something pretty SHE will love and that will help beak the ice and let the chat flow. You could buy an inexpensive wig and some makeup. That is if you think she would like that. He may not want to dress all the way yet or maybe that's what he want to tell you but can't figger out how to tell you. He may think he's put to much of a burden on you and does not want to hurt you any more then he thinks he has. Remember Men have this need to protect the ones they love and he might be thinking that he's put you in harms way be putting this on your shoulders. You still need to take it at the pace you both are comfortable with. It could be fast or slow but thats one thing you need to remember.Originally Posted by Sara99
Now one thing I read after I wrote you was that you would like to tell a girl friend or two so you can "unload" the wight , at least a little. Well if you feel the need then ask Scott if you could but remember that once you tell one person , no matter who is is you need to consider that it's out there for all to know. You friends may be able to keep a sercet but people do slip up and she might just one day let it slip and then it's out of your hands who knows.
CDing is going to be a huge topic in your home and don't be surprised if after he opens up that he'll go through what we call " THE PINK FOG" . That means he will not be able to think it talk about much else. He might as soon as he gets home go dress up and stay that was all the time you two are alone . He may talk about it all the time. Don't be afeard LOL that happens to us all and if you both know to look out for that you can SLOW it down a little so it does not consume you both lol.
I love to talk about my CDing and with tell strangers all about ME when ask . I am usely out dressed when they ask . I love It lol.
Setting aside girl time can mean many things , at first it means sharing your feelings and understanding what you both are going through , or like giving "her" makeup lesson and fashion tips. If you tell some girl friends that he's ok with maybe it could be a sleep over with friends and SHE can be girly all weekend . Now that is something I would love to have with a girl friend bit alas I have had no girl friend for the last 11 years. I'm a trucker and a CDer and that makes it hard to have a girl friend.
Your so lucky to have a very loving BF and he's sooooooooo much more Lucky to have YOU. Just go with in your comfort level and let him do the same and when your both ready push past it a little and have fun with it. You'll love it.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC].....................100% Authentic Canadian Cross-dressing Truckdriver!!!!!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((("I LOVE BEING A CROSSDRESSER")))))))))))))))))))
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Hi Sarah and wow that was some post, I normally skip long posts but yours was so engaging and interesting to see things from the other side of the fence. I have cross dressed for over 40 years now and I have always wanted to share with my wife, but just never found the words, so massive credit to Scott for taking that step and massive credit to you for taking it so well, I would think a small laugh a decent result myself, but we are all different !!
I was so convinced that I was Mr careful, never dressed when my wife was in, or my mother when I lived with her and I had lived the solitary life of dressing so I was good, in fact in my head I was very good at hiding it - but I wasn't and my wife found me out after 20+ years of marriage she caught me getting changed after work and I quickly hid my panties I had been wearing, I again thought I had done well but she had just had her suspicions confirmed apparently
So she went searching and found my things and she confronted me and we chatted calmly, in fact the whole thing was calm and adult and I was ever so pleased that she now knew for certain, that was it, she has only mentioned it once in passing since, she knows I still do it, my things are less well hidden now, but we don't ever talk of it
So actually in my world you and Scott are doing really well, you want to accept it and be part of it and how brilliant of you to be like that, this is a really difficult thing for us to embrace, I mean I came to terms with me some years ago, I am who I am and I enjoy me for it, I never feel bad for it and I never will now
I go shopping on my own for my things and I don't force it on my wife because she is not ready to take it further, we have always got on well since we met and in fact we have not changed one bit since she found out but I would love her to be part of it and maybe one day she will
So long way of saying actually you guys seem to me to be doing well, if I was Scott I would want to know that you are happy with it, rather than just putting up with it for the sake of keeping the peace, if my wife had found out before I was at peace with myself inside over who I was, then it would have been much harder for me I am positive - talk some more, talk some more when you haven't had a drink maybe !!
Hope this helps in some small way - Rachel
Hi Sara, I'll be honest I didn't read everyones post so I apologize if I repeat anyones point. I (as of 2 nights ago) came out to my wife, and had a lot of built up anguish like your BF. One thing that is repeadedly mentioned with most CD's is for us to be patient and wait for our SO response to the situation. Maybe the drinks led into some confusion as to your exceptance level. Sounds like he's moving faster than you are. I think you have a special man for coming clean before you got more serious. My wife and I have been married for 5 years and she reacted similar to you when I told her...(she even chuckled). You're reaction to the news is Awesome! I just think you need to set some boundries, and ask him to respect them. My wife has not mentioned anything to me since our talk, she may soon, then again she may not. At least my conscience is clear that I am not withholding secrets. Set your boundries and he'll either respect them or you'll have to decide if the other woman is what you want. Personally, I will not dress unless my wife ask me to, and I'll even fight it then. This is terrible of me to make this analogy and some may be upset but its like using the restroom, just cause she knows you go, doesn't mean she wants to watch :-) Good luck, and great job handling the news...remember you hold the cards, he'll respect you for that.
Good Luck,
Mishell
Take Care,
Mishell
Mi~in a~Shell
There is your answer. He is the same guy in a dress as he is in dirty work pants. He doesn't change from what you see in him when he changes.
Society has placed things in our minds that are hard to get out. Most those things are wrong or at least not accurate. Scott is fighting those demons and you are too. But the truth is it is just clothes. Nothing more. Physical things that have come to mean way more than just protection from the elements.
I believe that coming out and being honest early in the relationship is the best thing. Scott did this with you (2 years isn't bad compared to 30+ years that some take here.) If you want this to work, you have to discuss all this with Scott. He has been honest to this point. We know that in his mind he is working through the whole sexual identity thing. The same questions you are asking. It may work better if you both ask those questions together. Don't sweat the initial reactions you had. He was probably confused as to your laughter but explain to him that it was part relief. You didn't laugh at him you laughed because you felt better that it wasn't something more serious. But now you have to do some soul searching. Do you love the person or do you love the presentation? Yes you both will have some moments both private (where he plays the diva...we all do) and public. But if you truly love him, this whole dressing thing is a small or non-issue. No more than drinking milk from the jug or leaving his shoes in the hall (I still do that and I still trip over them and I still tell myself tat I need to do better). It is clothes.
I will concede that at 27 there is a sexual element to it because at 27 breathing has a sexual element in a male. Yes, he likes what he is doing. You can help mold that in a positive direction for both you and him. He most likely feels ashamed and strange. Why does he like this? He was told it was wrong but it feels right. You have those same thoughts admit it. But why do you feel it is wrong? Because someone said it was? What do they have to prove that? A book, a standard that was made years ago and now has no basis?
One of the first thoughts you had was "is he gay." You know he isn't because he with you. Now you are afraid you might be thought of in the same manner. You aren't anymore than he is. You are attracted to a healthy complete male...the clothes don't change that. They are just clothes. Scott is the same guy he was before he told you and you should be proud that he has chosen to share with you so that you both can work towards what I hope will be a life together.
Scott is still Scott, you are still you, and they are just clothes. Love the inside not the packaging.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
You have it right there, so I won't repeat any of the great advice you've already gotten. I just wanted to say how sensitive and intelligent your posts have been, and how confident I am that you and Scott will come through this together. My wife and I are in our 24th year of marriage, so take heart. It can be done.
Yes that true.
I don't quite agree with that. Sure when you brake it down yes it is but , It is also an identity that we share. If we did not wear clothes , how do you think we would express ourselves? If you get rid of the clothes and we behave like the women we are inside we would maybe look like (pardon the example) like a flaming gay man...Not a women. Clothes is in fact the way we can express our inner self's the way we want. So the clothes are important not to be dismissed. It helps us "find" our inner girl!!!
When its more then just that it becomes part of your personality not "just protection from the elements"!
So as you can see we all will not be able to agree with each others so every thing that you've read here will have to be your chose what advice to take and what to not......But I think you should take all my advice cuz I'm always right.....LOL.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC].....................100% Authentic Canadian Cross-dressing Truckdriver!!!!!!!!!
Link to My 20th high school reunion http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=112976
If you don't like my (honesty) well TFB.
Men are just a single celled orgasm , In a petri dish held by a woman. (Gene Simmons)
Sara
Bless you Sweetheart
You have received so much information to process in such a short time I know it has to be overwhelming. The extent of ones desire to crossdress can be totally different for each of us. It also changes drastically over time. Think of it like looking at a clock.
If 12.00 is a total macho male,
3:00 a parttime closeted crossdresser,
6:00 A very comfortable out going crossdresser enjoying being seen by strangers
9:00 A daily crossdresser wishing to spend more time developing femininity
11:59 A total transexual well on her way to Sexual Reassignment
Untill recently you only knew Scott as perhaps at 2:00 A man who was caring and nice without being too macho Now you know he at least at 3:00 and probably more.
Not only do you need to take some time to find out where he really is at this time but also determine where you feel comfortable in him being.
My wife and I have been married 42 years. she's known for 30 and has helped for at least the last 15. So you'd think that me as Kendra would be close to 9:00 but I am not and really never want to be. We just spend the entire weekend shopping, going to the movie and to several casinos as girlfriends but I consider myself at best to be around 5:00 on the clock.
It was a lot of fun and very exciting while anticlimatic at the same time. A mix of expressing my feminity while all the time knowing I am not a female. Its difficult to explain.
Scott I am sure is thankful he has told you and that you have accepted him but sharing the actual experience of dressing with you may not be what he expected. For me personally unless we have (like last weekend) special plans or a special evening in mind I do not feel comfortable dressed around my wife just doing the normal evening routine of eating dinner then watching out favorite TV programs with limited conversation. I would feel like Why am I doing this and why would my wife be tollorating it.
Some of us, myself included, still secretly enjoy our time alone dressed while experimenting with different looks and just primping in the mirror. God knows we all love to dress for the mirror. I missed not being able to see my own reflection much while out last weekend.
I don't want to advise you since not know anything about Scott. I do hope with just a little insight about myself and what makes just one of thousands of crossdressers tick helps you think of the right questions to pursue with Scott.
Best of luck Sweetheart
Sara ....tis a real new time for you both . It's so refreshing to read comittment so strong ..... it's no wonder in this new phase you both feel a little uneasy and challenged .
Both my wife and I know exactly where you are right now .... and theres loads of us on here who've been in the same situation too.
One piece of advice I'll pass on - in this delicate time (as it worked for both my wife and myself , made it slightly easier to approach each other ) whilst you share moments dressed , try to make it fun . Innocent fun , like watching a humerous movie , board games , card games - anything but to break the moment TOGETHER . Be kind to yourself ..and each other . Take the stress and intensity out of the situation you just don't need it . Hopefully it'll allow the communication to flow ..........
Good luck to you both ....
Last edited by Shelly67; 05-05-2011 at 05:38 PM.
Sara, You've received an enormous number of detailed and helpful responses. Can I just add one point that you should keep to the forefront ...... YOU are an amazing woman!
Seriously. Print it off so that when you hit any bumps in the road you can remind yourself that you can do anything.
Your obvious love for your husband is evident, equally that love is clearly reciprocated else you wouldn't make the efforts you have already done to come to terms with his (probably) startling confession. I would imagine that many on this board would have wished for such an un understanding spouse. (Yes. Me included, but I won't bore you with the details!)
Sift through the many excellent pieces of advice offered and decide what you think would work best for the two of you. If I can add only one piece of advice is would be to try to be able to speak freely. My wife is a wonderful woman but will not initiate any discussions (Hoping it will go away) which leaves me feeling that I've shared my biggest secret - but instead of dresssing in secret she now knows I'm dressing in secret
Discuss boundaries. Such as: Perhaps offer him 'alone' time at home if he'd rather not have you see him dressed initially. Specify that you always want a man in bed or no fondling whilst dressed. Whatever works for you pair of you. But encourage him to share his feelings as you share yours.
Good luck to the both of you,
Zoe
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Hi Sara and let me add my welcome to the forum.
And a slightly different perspective on life with a supportive wife!
Most here know my story: I was 55 when I first dressed, and it was with my wife, and the bit of a joke turned into her saying, "We HAVE to buy you a dress". Well, that started a very intense and fast discussion about who this feminine person was that was inside me. We quickly decided that she (Tina) needed a life to herself and so we on purpose created a separation. My masculine and feminine selves were given their separate times and my wife treated them separately...still does! She is married to my masculine side (with all the intimacy that goes with it), and she is Tina's best girlfriend, platonic girlfriend! We have discovered that Tina has different likes and dislikes from the male me, certainly different interests, and very often different opinions! My wife explains it as, "a common data base (brain) but a different execution and use of that data." Two of us often talk about the third (me and my wife speaking of Tina, and she and my wife speaking of me!). My wife named Tina from a short list of names I might be happy with.
Since we started together, and since Tina is a joint project between the two of us, I've never experienced any of the anxiety that is often a part of this lifestyle. My wife is very protective of Tina, and enjoys her time with Tina as well. Tina enjoys many of the things my wife also enjoys that I, as a male, really have no interest in at all! For example, Tina and my wife will get together for a night of chick flicks. Heavens, my male side just can't stand them!
As you can see from my post and the many others in this thread, the coexistance of a masculine and feminine side in one body/mind is a complicated and individualistic thing. At this point he seems as confused about his feelings as anyone, and the fact that he has someone to talk to about it could very well be a completely new experience, requiring time to understand. The talking and research you are doing can only help. He needs, eventually, to be able to vocalize his feelings to you, but it will take a while for him to understand those feelings. The openness will always help to move that process along.
We're all here for both of you!
tina
Let's use some caution here, and quit assuming that Scott's crossdressing is based on his inner feminine identity, or as Christine put it "like the women we are inside" and "inner girl". This could be true, and may not be, but there is nothing from Sara's many posts to give us a clue as to what drives Scott's crossdressing. It may be just about the clothes, as it is for so many of us who dress because we get pleasure from it. We do not identify as women, but are quite secure in our maleness and just like to dress up occasionally. Sara posted that she didn't want Scott to become a women, but some folks here are giving the idea that Scott's crossdressing is a step on the path of full-time crossdressing or even transitioning. This isn't reality, and isn't fair to Sara or Scott to make such an assumption. This is presenting just one view of crossdressing and some of you ought to know better.
Sara, yes, there are some crossdressers who have an inner feminine identity and desire to be in femme mode as much as possible. This is something you may want to discuss with Scott. But there are others, like me and many others, who just like to make up and dress up because we derive pleasure from it. For us, it is about the clothes. Scott may have a fetish for something, and there's nothing wrong with that. Knowing what is driving Scott's crossdressing desires might help you to understand and deal with the apprehension and uncertainty that both of you seem to be experiencing. So keep talking. Maybe it is just about the clothes, but you should know if you are to understand.
i told my girl a while ago.. but i dont feel like doing it in front of her.. she wonders about it.. but me personally,, its totally harmless and fun... but. to save her the trouble of the confusion i dont do it.. maybe someday if she sees it the way i do , ,and i know how to present it... the thing is.. for me.. i love the chaos of illusion.. unfortunatly that can be super confusing.. i think the confusion is what makes is addictive... illusion.. reality... i dont know.. its an escape.... its also crazy and psychological.... he may not know what the heck he thinks.. or what to do... i imagine its hard for you... i dont know what to tell you, other than.. laughing is ok.. and aware that its hard for him...
we are just people..
it feels like three people.. but there really is two.. the idea that fabric changes that is the confusion... that intellectual problem is interesting somehow... but really.. THERE ARE JUST TWO PEOPLE! haha
Sounds like he hasn't accepted himself, so that becomes an issue between you. If you could get him to see a couples therapist, it could really help him- but be sure to tell him it's for both communication issues and for him to accept himself, NOT to try to "cure" him. And you'll need to search for a decent therapist that doesn't think it's a disorder that needs "curing."
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You have very good points. I just wanted to make sure she has all the info that it "could" be for Scott ! For armed is for warned EH?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC].....................100% Authentic Canadian Cross-dressing Truckdriver!!!!!!!!!
Link to My 20th high school reunion http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=112976
If you don't like my (honesty) well TFB.
Men are just a single celled orgasm , In a petri dish held by a woman. (Gene Simmons)
Sometimes it can also boil down to this:
Are you willing to reverse roles?
Are you willing to reverse roles in the bedroom?
Are you willing to.....do things that go against YOUR nature?
I found out much much much later in the relationship, he was pretending to be a woman when we made love.
That broke my heart. I felt like nothing then.
I always felt there was something wrong with me......and he let me believe that.
[SIZE="4"]Momarie[/SIZE]
Sara,
I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her! She accepted me, with the only provision being that I was her man no matter what kind of clothing I was wearing!! since I have never had any desire to become a woman that was no problem! We enjoyed almost 50 years together before cancer took her!!
One of the best things we did was to communicate!! By that, I mean we had sitdown conversations about almost everthing, including of course my crossdressing! She did set some boundaries about where I could go dressed and how I could dress!! Because I loved her (Still do!!) I accepted most of her boundaries, some with minor changes! Open and honest communication is the best way to really get along!! BTW, she and I often went out to eat and shop as 2 girls!!
I hope everything works out between you and Scott!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
Hi Sara
Theres not much more I can add without repeating points already made,I can only say theres not an Instruction manual for Loved ones about how to deal with finding out the one you love Crossdresses.lthough my wife knew from the start about Sophie,there was still some misunderstandings because she understandably didn't know the full facts of how being in love with a crossdresser was going to go,The first time she "met" Sophie was such a nerve wracking ocassion for us both,But after that and the discussions that followed we both vowed to communicate if either of us had any worries,6 years later 3 as a married cpl we are happy together and even now communication is still the key.
I truly hope that you and Scott come through this period of discovery (for the both of you)all the stronger as a couple.Everyone here is behind you all the way
Sophie
We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire
========================================
A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
He's not being selfish; he's afraid of losing you. And judging by your command of language, with good reason. Fear is the most powerful of human emotions. Sometimes it can save your life; at other times it can be devastating.
A man has to know that his woman has his back.
Get him a beer, give him a back rub, and be patient. Repeat. It'll be fine.
Wow, already so much advice and thoughts. I couldn't help but notice the similarities in your story compared to me and my wife when I told her. I agree with SamanthaS that it is probably just going to take some time to get relaxed about it all. It is a very emotional process that my wife and I went through. She was very similar to you in that she was very understanding, loving and encouraging. But it took us a solid 2 weeks of talking every night about all of our feelings about it. So if you two are not talking that much about your feelings then I would recommend doing so.
After we got through the tough times and got to understand one another's needs and concerns, it has been really, really, really nice! We do shop together and sometimes dress together at night when the kids are asleep. She always has constructive advice for me. Basically we have been able to find a good BALANCE. And that is the key.
Scott needs to find some balance. You still need him to be the man that you love and know. But your willingness to allow him to be himself and cd is obviously difficult for him to balance. I am sure that you have talked to him about this. I try to be careful not to let my cd time whether it is shopping online or dressing up, take up too much time from my family. I know that I have it good and I do not want to take advantage of that. So I think it will just take a lot of COMMUNICATION and TIME to sort through you and Scott's needs and concerns.
I actually learned a lot from this forum when I first came out to my wife. I am happy to see that you are trying to make it work. Good luck to you both. I have a good feeling that you two will find balance and have a long happy life together.
STOP. PLEASE.
Sara's situation could easily be 180 degrees apart from yours. But what you may succeed in is to project your problems onto her. She has enough to deal with.
Sara: you sound like a wonderful soul and the world needs more people like you!
My advice is simple: other people's situations is not a predictor of your future. Your situation is personal and unique. Deal with it a step at a time without any generalizations. Take advice here but don't take it to heart either. Someone in this thread used a brilliant analogy of a clock: well just because someone else's clock says 11pm doesn't mean you are late. LOL. You guys could live happily between 3pm and 5pm for life. You never know. But time tells all.
Sara,
I think the best thing you could do is allow Scott to see you posts and all the following posts. This forum is an excellent place to get the topic out in the open so couples can actually be truthful with each other. (certainly important for a couple about to marry).
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