One Thing I Don't Understand. . . . .

[Sarah_Jane]

One thing I don't understand is how people refer to their fem side. People say things like "when I let Sarah out" or "When Sarah comes out", I see this as kind of strange. It's like a good portion of us are schizophrenic or something.

The way I explained it to my friend, when I told her about my CDing, was that I am and always will be the exact same person as you've always known. The fact that I CD does not mean I am a different person, want to talk about different things, or want to be treated any differently. I am the exact same person no matter how I am dressed that day. We can still talk about the dirtbags that live next door, how your day was, and about sports and politics. I don't need to live any differently and I certainly don't have to talk about ponies and flowers when I am dressed.

Am I the only one who thinks this way? Why the insistence that we as CD's are fractured individuals?

[Emily_3]

I understand fully where you are coming from, I used to think of myself as two separate identities, but not anymore.
Why should you be different when dressed, after all you are still the same person underneath the clothes and the make up.

I still feel the same whatever I'm doing or wearing, whether it's changing the oil on the car, or shopping in town, the only thing that changes are my clothes,
Emily is still Emily. Nothing can change that.

[msniki48]

Sarah, this is a tough one for me. Although i have integrated who i am as a person [ i compartmentalized for many years] I still have different filters, that come and go as needed. Niki has the least amount of filters, and vince has the most. i don't speak the same way, i don't walk the same way when im niki or vince. yet i know im being me, it is somewhat unconsious at this point. my therapist watches me change back and forth several times through a session.

When i asked her about it, she said everyone is like that. you call on what you need when you need it. her example was that as a boss speaking to one of her therapists, [ male] her body launguage changes and her thoughts are very direct and to the point, yet if she was in a social setting, her body launguage would be different and so whould her manner of speach...yet she is still Elizabeth through the whole different set of circumstances.

So i think , when i say i had a niki nite or i let niki out for a few hours...i think i mean i dropped a whole lot of filters and enjoyed being myself.

thanks for making me think...this is what i come here for...and who knows.... maybe i get to help someone too

hugs

msniki48

[kimdl93]

I have the same sense that I'm me, no matter how I'm dressed. I don't mean this as criticism of those who prefer to define or carve out an alternate persona...so long as they aren't doing the Sybil thing.

[Rianna Humble]

I think it can partly depend on why you cross-dress. Those who want to emulate a woman when they are dressed will often take on a different personality at the same time. saying something like "when Sarah comes out" can be a kind of short hand to saying "when I was dressed and doing my best to present as a woman".

OTOH if you are like I was just over 12 months ago, in partial denial of my true gender but working towards being able to start my transition, there was a distinct difference between when I was being my true self and when I still had to pretend I was a man. In that period, I often thought and spoke of "when I was being Robert". Yes, the underlying person is still me, but there were differences between when I had to pretend to be a man and when I could just be the real me.

[Kaz]

I am quite clear about this.. I am me. It has taken me a long time to accept the person I am, and of course I am developing all the time.

The thing is... although I am me, when I transform from my male persona to what I see in the mirror as this "almost" female looking person I see someone else... this is Kaz. She is not a schizoid delusion... she is me.. but as what I might look like if I was a woman.

So inside I am me and complete, but when I get made up and put the wig on... I transform! Many here will know what this feels like. It is like opening the door into another universe!

So I talk of Kaz.. and yes she has her world. Am I schizophrenic? Maybe, but I suspect not. I have just found an identity for the ultimate in my CDing. Right now I am in male mode at home but I am wearing a thong and stockings under my jeans and some 4inch heels. Underdressing?

Am I Kaz? You bet I am... But when I do the whole thing... it becomes a different ball game

[MaggieCD]

So what is the matter with multiple personalities?
They provide for great discussions.
The real problem is when I go to the shrink..she charges me for each person!

You know I am making lite of the situtation but by all means I don't take it lightly! :>)

[Marissa]

Sarah, this topic has been approached before and I'm sure as time goes by, it will again. Its a valid question..but in the end, most that 'don't understand', may still continue to not understand. For SOME that view crossdressing in the same manner as a hobby or fetish may use this type of reference to ensure that its viewed as two seperate entities.. LOL..Sybil like..okay..maybe

I have been known to reference things about Marissa to save my being outed in public in drab. Its safer for me to say "Marissa would love this skirt" if shopping in Wally World with my daughter and strangers are nearby.. yes, maybe not completly sane, but hey, its my life

I like the term 'compartmentalized'..I'm sure that if I was choosing to allow both worlds to integrate, then maybe I would do this type of reference. Who knows...

[Leyna]

Hmm. I don't really relate to what you are saying. I have several different personalities (not in a disorder sort of way, I am general aware when I'm doing it) that adjust according to who I'm with or what I'm doing. Leyna is me, but she is only part of me. (A part that was ignored for a very long time, btw.) But religious me is different than sports fan me or work me or husband me. It's very compartmentalized. I wish I could integrate it all into one "me," but I don't know how. They are all different aspects of me.

[suzy1]

For me it’s a sort of split personality. Me the man and me as Suzy.
But the two blur into each other as a man as I am still part Suzy. But when I am Suzy I am all Suzy.
As I type this I realize I am a bit weird. But its fun to be this way.

SUZY

[Lorileah]

I think when we talk about ourselves in a third person sense it is mostly for clarification especially here. As we present the majority of time as our male selves, when we discuss or feminine side it is difficult to communicate that as just saying "I". When we are in real life I don't think many here go around saying "Susie wants a drink" or "Sally is going home goodbye." But on his type of forum when a person does say "Betty went out last night" they are just telling you that their female self did something.

It is just a written way of separating one part from another. If you read the posts just as many use the words "I" and "me" especially after establishing that they were dressed at the time. Hunting snipes and even intimating that there is a psychological problem (like multiple personalities) is an issue is more over thinking this.

[susand262]

Interesting question. I have just recently ventured out as Susan. Where as my female personna is different than my male personna, being Susan allows me to be and feel different. It is hard to explain and I envy those who can feel as one, but when I am Susan I do feel different and I like it that way.

[Carroll]

It's not so much a split personality, but a blended one for me. When dressed, it's 60% Carroll and 40% Chris, when in drab it's the opposite. People that have seen me dressed have noted this

[Fractured]

Am I the only one who thinks this way? Why the insistence that we as CD's are fractured individuals?

I have not created an alter ego, but then I have never left the house dressed either. It may be a bit odd for someone in a dress to be called "Bob" or "Dave" in public - it points out the fact that something is not per usual.

And fractured can really describe some feelings.

[Barbra P]

For me it’s a sort of split personality. Me the man and me as Suzy.
But the two blur into each other as a man as I am still part Suzy. But when I am Suzy I am all Suzy.
As I type this I realize I am a bit weird. But its fun to be this way.

SUZY

Suzy

Of course your weird your from the U.K. … wait a minute, what am I saying? My ancestors came from the U.K. too … never mind.

[Eryn]

For some it is simply an convenient way to refer to one's status. I spend the great majority of my time en drab, but when I do get a rare chance to exhibit my female side, even partially I say "Eryn comes out" or "I get to be Eryn." It doesn't imply a completely different personality although that is certainly a possibility with many CDers.

[PretzelGirl]

I'm with Lori and Eryn. If we were to write out how we were dressed all the time, there would be a lot of extra typing going on. Saying I went to the movies as Sue makes for a quicker reference in my writing (and a whole lot more fun than saying "I went as him").

But there are some people who feel like there are two distinct personalities inside of them. And they need to express which one they are talking about. The rest are just exercising a writing style.

[docrobbysherry]

One thing I don't understand is how people refer to their fem side. People say things like "when I let Sarah out" or "When Sarah comes out", I see this as kind of strange. It's like a good portion of us are schizophrenic or something.

The way I explained it to my friend, when I told her about my CDing, was that I am and always will be the exact same person as you've always known. The fact that I CD does not mean I am a different person, want to talk about different things, or want to be treated any differently. I am the exact same person no matter how I am dressed that day. We can still talk about the dirtbags that live next door, how your day was, and about sports and politics. I don't need to live any differently and I certainly don't have to talk about ponies and flowers when I am dressed.

Am I the only one who thinks this way? Why the insistence that we as CD's are fractured individuals?

I'm always the same person. And, that's NOT a female, unfortunately!

I can SEE ONE in the mirror when I dress, but I don't think of her as me. I'm OK with that. I've pretty much given up trying to find my "fem side".

Maybe that's just as well! Sometimes I get lightening bolt feelings from that "girl in the mirror" that scare the HOLY CRAP OUT OF ME!

[Kathryn Philips]

If I get to ever leave my house with a female appearance, I will definitely want to leave all aspects of my male personality at home.

[RenneB]

I agree with the compartmentalized comment below. I have, over the years, had to compartmentalize many of my life things. When I went to work, I had work friends. When I went home to the apartment, I had apartment friends. I did things with my apartment friends that I would never do with work friends. And so the compartments had to have walls built up. If any of my work friends knew of my home friends, I would probably loose my job. Didn't want that to happen so the walls got stronger. Then I had my side as Renne. Neither my home friends, nor work friends knew of her. And the walls got stronger.

From the side of Renne down the home friends down to work friends, I would say that Renne (and now new friends) would be accepting of home friends as well as work friends. However, it doesn't work the other way. The work friends would never accept the home friends and neither would accept the side of Renne.

So that's how it is with me. I jump from one compartment to another. Trying to keep the persona's in line so that I can maintain some sort of "normal" life. Some day the walls of this closet will come down and all will see what was there from the begining..... just not yet...

Renne....

[Michaela42]

So what is the matter with multiple personalities?
They provide for great discussions.
The real problem is when I go to the shrink..she charges me for each person!

You know I am making lite of the situtation but by all means I don't take it lightly! :>)

Along those same lines:
I am not schizophrenic . . . and neither am I!

<budum . .. ching>

No, but seriously; I think it is like Rianna said, just an expression for some people.

[t-girlxsophie]

I dont worry about stuff like this.Im a happy and content human being who happens to dress up as a girl,am still the same person I just may express myself one way one day and another way the next day,I dont feel the need to analyse myself at every turn,I just enjoy my life .

[NathalieX66]

When I'm out in public, I am always the same person as a guy or en femme. The only thing I change is the way I move....and I'll act more girly. Sometimes I'll change my voice pitch.

Acting agressively and manly blows the whole thing up. I want to be a woman when I'm out & about.

Confused?.....yeah, so am I.

[Vale]

For me, part of the fun is playing with another side of my personality. The other sides of my personality are still me, and all live by the same fundamental moral compass, but can have different viewpoints. I enjoy exploring and exercising those different viewpoints.

Vale

[Lizeth]

I think we may find ourselves acting differently because people approach us differently. I have a number of friends who have seen me Girl'd, (But only a handful know it runs deeper than a halloween costume or a party gag). I've noticed that when en femme, and attempting to present as such, a lot of people approach you from a different angle, usually females. I was at a party, Girl'd and sat down next to my friend who had known me for a while in boy mod. Now Girl'd, she suddenly whips out her smart phone and shows me her wedding pictures. When I'm sitting at the bar (The one LGBT friendly one in town) in boy mode, you might get the odd conversation or something, when Girl'd, there is way more conversation. My other friend, when I go over to her house Boy'd, she'd like ask me to look at her computer. Girl'd, she show me what she bought and talk about her kids. Yes, my opinions, desires, beliefs and general personality may be the same, but I get to explore aspects of it through situations I would never have if I wasn't Liz.