Some people are against - warning! controversial

[ReineD]

STOP!!!!!!!!!! OH PUULLLLEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZ,,, I am so loving dressing and yes I have energy after masturbating. Maybe he is doing it wrong to use up all that energy.

Staci, I'm quoting you, but my remarks are addressed to everyone else in this thread who feels the same as you, which I'm afraid is the majority:

I visited some of the other blogs the original blogger links to. Another blogger, also someone who no longer wishes to CD, identifies as a sex addict. For him, the dressing is a trigger.

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner. I'm also shaking my head over our nay-sayers' unwillingness to even recognize the possibility of an addiction or a compulsion! I mean, there is such a thing as sexual addiction or even shopping compulsions and there are even 12-step groups for it! Is it such a stretch to imagine that some sex addicts might actually be triggered by crossdressing?

I know there is a bias in our society against addicts/compulsives, but I'm shocked that so many other CDers aren't more understanding than they are, given the difficulties they themselves face with people who are biased against the CDing. This is as inane as a person who suffers from racial prejudice, who in turn is racially prejudiced against others.

So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it?

Honestly, I am angered at many of the responses in this thread, and this is because in my past, I have struggled with an addiction. I am NOT tolerant of others who make fun of this or who refuse to admit that it is a serious and sometimes life-threatening issue.


EDIT And I am NOT referring to the TSs who need to give up everything in order to live as the woman they are. This is an entirely different matter.

[Marissa]

THANK YOU!!!! Reine.. so much said in what I was thinking.. only part that I have some deep issues is with the statements posted in a somewhat manner as "come to terms with himself/herself and accept". I have some thinking on this before I respond to it.

Its great to see the notion that we may be the one's biased..becoming the accuser.

[kimdl93]

....So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it?....

I think this is a fair criticism. I know that at times in my own life I've been guilty making or laughing at disparaging gays and trannies even though I knew what I hoped no one else would know. And I know that there are quite a few among us who have had difficulty living what I guess I'd characterize as full and complete lives - ie, maintaining social connections and long term relationships, finding meaningful and fulfilling work, etc.

[LilSissyStevie]

It is interesting that many in this thread say that CDing is not an addiction or a compulsion but they sound *exactly* like a bunch of drunks sitting down at the bar lamenting the loss of a drinking buddy to the evil clutches of AA in order to rationalize their own failures.

"He'll be back, you'll see"
"It doesn't work. I've tried it a dozen times"
"He'll just be miserable until he comes back"

The lack of compassion for this individual is really kind of shameful, but expected.

[JulieK1980]

I understand the frustration Reine feels at some of the responses here. I don't see any form of bigotry or bias, or any other negative reasons to jump down the persons throat about. Nor do I see it as particularly helpful to "demand to see pics" to prove they are a crossdresser. That seems rather trite.

There are a lot similarities between addiction and crossdressing. (I don't personally see it as an addiction in itself) However, much like an addiction to alcohol or other drug, quitting without professional help can be deadly. Withdrawal from alcohol and withdrawal from crossdressing share one very deadly similarity. Both can lead to death. Alcohol through the effects of "DT's" and crossdressing through suicide. One only has to look at the suicide rates at the christian "camps" that attempt to cure homosexuality and transgenderism. This person seems extremely determined when I read through his posts, and seems particularly misinformed with some of his ideas. Something that I find particularly troublesome. Maybe it's just an addiction and this person will successfully beat it. But, maybe this person is actually gender dysphoric and will end up committing suicide from repressing an urge to be who they actually are.

[ReineD]

I do want to add of course the CDing is not an out of control compulsion for perhaps most members of this site (although, since no one adds just below their usernames whether it is fetish for them or not, or how they live, it's hard to come up with even ball park percentages). So for these CDrs, it does have more to do with gender ID. And there are also members here for whom it is strictly a matter of sexual fetish, or perhaps a combination of both, but it hasn't nor will it ever reach the point of compulsion (by this I mean an inability to hold down a job, an inability to have a healthy relationship with a partner, or having to live like a hermit, etc). Or, if it is compulsive for them but they are not bothered by this (i.e. they are independently wealthy and they don't care to be in a relationship with anyone else, nor do they care to have a rich social life), then all the power to them!

I just don't want people in this forum to believe that I'm saying all CDing is compulsive or an addiction. But, it is also true that it is for some people, obviously those who wrote those blogs, and they should be respected for wanting to change their lives if the CDing is a problem for them.


EDIT
Having said this, whether or not these bloggers are Christian and they believe it is morally wrong is entirely different. I also disagree with the Christian groups who try to cure people. Still, it is their choice to find answers for themselves and hopefully if the ONLY issue with the CDing is that it is against their religious beliefs, hopefully they will eventually learn they need to be true to themselves. But, this is a far cry from not being able to live healthy, productive lives while having healthy relationships with others.

[NicoleScott]

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner.

Reine, I too am amazed that some people have been on this forum for years and still think all cd's are identity dressers and on a path to finally unleash that "woman within". There are many of us who are fetish dressers, but not all of us have lost control of it where it affects other aspects of our lives negatively. Sometimes quite the contrary: with a willing partner, a fetish can enhance bedroom activities for both partners. (But unfortunately, not for me). And, crossdressing can become compulsive for identity dressers. We've read their posts.

Crossdressing can be the subject of an addiction, but it could just as well be golf, food, online poker, etc. etc. It's the addiction that's the problem.

[Olivia2]

If one doesn't like the site, one doesn't have to read it. Seems like it is less about promoting an activity or lack thereof than it is about having a forum for those wanting to stop or even for himself to work through it. I'm amazed at all the attention it has received here. As far as I can see nothing there is being said to ward people off from coming to this site should they so desire. Just my 2 cents.

[Taylor186]

<off topic>Gotta say, if Reine ran for President, I'd vote for her. Incredible insight.</off topic>

[Marissa]

I am so enjoying how this thread is going Even though the link was originally the point of the discussion, I am happy to see that it has taken from that to lead us to another path. A path that I have been waiting a long time for but didn't know how to begin it without upsetting some.

Nicole, Reine, and those who share this new view..thank you. Sometimes we need to really look at ourselves as a group and individuals to see what we really are saying or how it is viewed.

I asked myself many times about why I do this..why do I crossdress? Yes, if putting on hose or panties is considered crossdressing, then the desire began halfway thru a 5yr marriage. And honestly, it was a sexual fetish..with intentions for role reverse play.

It would be about two years later that my wife was aware that I wanted to 'try' crossdressing to see how it felt and I looked. Since I was working in another state, she gave me some items to try out this fetish, without exposing her to it (she thought I would make an ugly woman ). Still I did not go all out with it.

After our divorce and I had my home to myself and two daughters, that I decided to take it further in 'passing' within the home. Later, I took those steps out to GLBT clubs. And that is basically how I am today.

It may be a fetish to me still..on another hand, it may be a means to 'hide'. Yes, the divorce knocked me to my knees and seeking a new relationship with a GG is desired but the approach is not. I"m not ready for that..

And yet, I go out dressed..expressing myself freely. Happier outlook when dressed as its easy behind the mask. I crave the responses for my appearance and yes, even hope for a GG to desire me. I have even gone as far as to unknowingly become the male 'pickup artist' and catch myself, laughingly.

I don't want or have the desire to transition (maybe just get some boobs ). Since this is my first time to indulge this deep, I can't, nor can anyone else, say that I can't quit. Its not an addiction...unless I'm addicted to the attention . I still see it as a fetish..sexual at times but more of an acceptance fullfillment. Acceptance by those around me..not acceptance of being 'who I am'.

There has been times that I asked myself 'what would it take to box it all away'.. the answer would be to fill my life back with what is missing... and that may come in time. But I don't kid myself...I would still try to add a part of the fetish into the bedroom.

Agan, thanks for all the discussion on both pros and cons.

[kendra_gurl]

I've only been a member here a very short time. I do know some of the other members from other sites. CD's and TS's. As I have said before and always believed we are all at different places on the line between Alpha male at one end............................................... .................................................. .................................................. ..........................................SRS TS on the other end

Logic tells us most here are at least in the middle of that line and some of us over time move farther one way or another. I mention this so everyone might use it as a reference to consider that where you fall on this line COULD determine how you perceive this guys intentions who wants to stop.. Anyone who thinks that masturbation for a very large percentage of CLOSETED CD's is not an important "happy ending" to their dressing is just no accepting reality. Search any XXX rated video site and search crossdress. It will be filled with hundreds of clips of cd's in various forms of masturbation. Even Massage parlors and Hookers all around the world would have a difficult time keeping their doors open without the fetishist who can't satisfy their need to share their fetish with someone sexually in any other venue. The logic ( real or not) that there is less shame in crossdressing if your paying someone to satisfy your desires while dressed is shared by many CLOSETED men. If you are not in this group of crossdressing fetishist please don't feel offended its just that a very large number are. I've found most here on this site to be far more aware and accepting of who they are so perhaps it just the fetishist are a minority here.

As for his comment about fiancial burden. Its difficult to understand if your working for the other guy, but if your self employed, Oh yes. The Need to crossdress ( addiction or not) can take lots of time away from your work thus affecting your income. I know this because I have been there too. After finally getting my wife to the point of accepting that I needed to dress years ago but before she wanted to be a part of it, I would take every oppertunity to close up shop early so I could become Kendra and stay at the office late. Did I need more self control and decipline of course but my urges usually always won out. Times change circumstances change and thankfully I am not at that point anymore but I do see and understand how some could get to the point of finanical ruin from many addictions. Bankruptsy court judges have heard it all.

I posted just this week that I would gladly take a pill if it existed to elimiate my desire to dress. While I have accepted myself and feel comfortable with my dressing I still understand why anyone might want to totally stop. It comes down to the individual, their needs, their relationship, and their ultimate goal or desire.

Never ever would I have thought I'd use Rodney King's famous "Can't we all just get along" line. I'd suggest all of us just accept that ONE troubled CD posted how he was feeling that day and use what ever insight we learn from his pain to our advantage.

Huggs all around

Kendra

[sometimes_miss]

Niya wrote: Personally I think he is looking for some thing he will never find. He wants to know why his life is a failure .He is blaming CD for that.

Maybe it did. We can't know if crossdressing gradually took up so much of his time that he neglected other things.
I think maybe he started the site because there really isn't anything much like it out there; I mean, a crossdresser site aimed at stopping doing it? Now, we all know the sites that support our crossdressing; but how do you find all the people that will really help you stop instead of just saying to us 'just stop'. Where are the groups that get together because they want to stop (like AA)? I don't know of any; the CD support groups I was exposed to when going to a therapist are all for supporting DOING it, not stopping doing it. I wish him the best of luck if that's what he truly wants and can manage to do it.

[kimdl93]

I've only been a member here a very short time. I do know some of the other members from other sites. CD's and TS's. As I have said before and always believed we are all at different places on the line between Alpha male at one end............................................... .................................................. .................................................. ..........................................SRS TS on the other end

Logic tells us most here are at least in the middle of that line and some of us over time move farther one way or another. I mention this so everyone might use it as a reference to consider that where you fall on this line COULD determine how you perceive this guys intentions who wants to stop.. Anyone who thinks that masturbation for a very large percentage of CLOSETED CD's is not an important "happy ending" to their dressing is just no accepting reality. Search any XXX rated video site and search crossdress. It will be filled with hundreds of clips of cd's in various forms of masturbation. Even Massage parlors and Hookers all around the world would have a difficult time keeping their doors open without the fetishist who can't satisfy their need to share their fetish with someone sexually in any other venue. The logic ( real or not) that there is less shame in crossdressing if your paying someone to satisfy your desires while dressed is shared by many CLOSETED men. If you are not in this group of crossdressing fetishist please don't feel offended its just that a very large number are. I've found most here on this site to be far more aware and accepting of who they are so perhaps it just the fetishist are a minority here.

As for his comment about fiancial burden. Its difficult to understand if your working for the other guy, but if your self employed, Oh yes. The Need to crossdress ( addiction or not) can take lots of time away from your work thus affecting your income. I know this because I have been there too. After finally getting my wife to the point of accepting that I needed to dress years ago but before she wanted to be a part of it, I would take every oppertunity to close up shop early so I could become Kendra and stay at the office late. Did I need more self control and decipline of course but my urges usually always won out. Times change circumstances change and thankfully I am not at that point anymore but I do see and understand how some could get to the point of finanical ruin from many addictions. Bankruptsy court judges have heard it all.

I posted just this week that I would gladly take a pill if it existed to elimiate my desire to dress. While I have accepted myself and feel comfortable with my dressing I still understand why anyone might want to totally stop. It comes down to the individual, their needs, their relationship, and their ultimate goal or desire.

Never ever would I have thought I'd use Rodney King's famous "Can't we all just get along" line. I'd suggest all of us just accept that ONE troubled CD posted how he was feeling that day and use what ever insight we learn from his pain to our advantage.

Huggs all around

Kendra

I agree with most everything Kendra said! My experience has included episodes when I denied who I was, hid my desires, framed them as a sexual fetish that I shared with my ex, and finally reached a level of peace and self acceptance. Since then, I haven't remained the same place for all that long...its certainly been a progression. And I don't know if I'm just raising the bar or if over time I just gain a greater realization of who I am.

So how dare I judge another's choices, or their personal journey of discovery.

[AKAMichelle]

Most of the posts which I read related to crossdressing = sexual release. In those cases I see where people would want to quit cd'ing. That is a part of cd'ing which many of us began with but didn't end with. I have no problem with the site and if it helps somebody then good. I guess is that most of the people who think they will quit don't.

I think the biggest issue with cd'ing is not accepting yourself. That causes a huge problem and will weigh you down.

[christinac]

http://stopcrossdressing.com/

what do YOU think?

What the H-double tooth picks?

Where the H-double do they find these dip sticks?

[ReineD]

Kendra, I agree with the sheer volume of CD fetish sites out there. It's enough to boggle your mind. But, in your case it might have been just having a difficult time trying to find the time to express yourself? Were you able to dress and do other things, like write a business letter or do your books for example?

I was thinking the blogger just couldn't focus on anything other than fetish CD porn and masturbation, not only to the point where he couldn't work effectively, but also to the point of being incapable of having a satisfying sex life with his wife, or being incapable of happily spending time with his kids or even his other activities since all he might want to do is to get back to his clothes and the computer. Or the TG nightclubs for that matter.

I know what it's like to be in the grips of something so powerful that it is impossible to be fully emotionally present in the rest of my life. This is not pretty and our loved ones do suffer. And it just leads to a very empty life, except those who are in the grips of their addictions/compulsions have no way of being able to see this until they are free.

Edit

Where the H-double do they find these dip sticks?

ChristinaC, did you even bother reading the other posts here?

[kendra_gurl]

.

Reine That is eactly the way I interpreted what I read. As for myself, Dressing has also been an escape for the pressures of business so I never wanted to do business activities while staying late to dress up. Sad to say that in years past that is how I learned of all those sites I mentioned.

Best to just say Been there done that and so thankful I'm past it now

[ReineD]

Kendra, I'm glad you were able to reach a point of balance without having to stop dressing entirely.

Sadly, that's not the case for many compulsives, like the gambling or shopping addicts, or the alcohol/drug addicts. Except the overeaters. I know several people who go to OA and it is excruciatingly difficult to keep the food intake balanced, since you can't stop eating entirely. Most just simply have to do away with certain triggers permanently, like sugar and chocolate.

[Alice Torn]

I read that he has no girlfriend, or wife. For some men, the clothes, and
"lady in the mirror" are a substitute. CDing can take over the cder's life. Any obsession can. There are 12 step groups for "Sexaholics Anonymous". "sex and love addicts anonymous","Sex addicts anonymous." I have been to a few, and mentioned dressing up. At the time, I was pathologically obsessed with a woman who died, and was putting her clothes on.

[Marissa]

**Both Quotes modified**

I think the biggest issue with cd'ing is not accepting yourself. That causes a huge problem and will weigh you down.

Michelle, please read my previous post on what type of crossdresser that I may be..and please try to tell me, am I accepting myself?? Do I need to accept myself and really, what does that mean?? I ask this because I don't see myself having to accept anything. I am..what I am at the moment that I am. Questions are serious, not being sarcastic, okay?

I read that he has no girlfriend, or wife. For some men, the clothes, and "lady in the mirror" are a substitute.

Louise, I have no girlfriend or wife..which as explained on previous post is when I jump heels into doing when I desired. I rack my brain at times to see if this is really why I do it..and yes, that cute woman in the mirror could be seen as a substitute.

[Lucy_Bella]

Staci, I'm quoting you, but my remarks are addressed to everyone else in this thread who feels the same as you, which I'm afraid is the majority:

I visited some of the other blogs the original blogger links to. Another blogger, also someone who no longer wishes to CD, identifies as a sex addict. For him, the dressing is a trigger.

I'm amazed that so many people in this thread can't see beyond their own situations and cannot acknowledge there are some people who dress purely for fetish and not ID, and furthermore for them it has become so compulsive that it impacts the rest of their lives negatively, such as preventing them to do their jobs as effectively as they might or making it difficult for them to have a healthy sexual and emotional relationship with a partner. I'm also shaking my head over our nay-sayers' unwillingness to even recognize the possibility of an addiction or a compulsion! I mean, there is such a thing as sexual addiction or even shopping compulsions and there are even 12-step groups for it! Is it such a stretch to imagine that some sex addicts might actually be triggered by crossdressing?

I know there is a bias in our society against addicts/compulsives, but I'm shocked that so many other CDers aren't more understanding than they are, given the difficulties they themselves face with people who are biased against the CDing. This is as inane as a person who suffers from racial prejudice, who in turn is racially prejudiced against others.

So, I'm beginning to wonder if it might not be a case of the "lady who doth protest too much" for some CDers here, in other words, the CDing for them might be more a non-gender-ID compulsion than they wish to admit, but they're not worried about it because they haven't reached a place in their lives where it prevents them from holding down a job of having a healthy relationship with a partner? Or perhaps they have reached that place but they're not willing to admit it?

Honestly, I am angered at many of the responses in this thread, and this is because in my past, I have struggled with an addiction. I am NOT tolerant of others who make fun of this or who refuse to admit that it is a serious and sometimes life-threatening issue.


EDIT And I am NOT referring to the TSs who need to give up everything in order to live as the woman they are. This is an entirely different matter.

Reine,

So true I have felt at least part of my behavior is driven by sexual desires not to get in depth with the subject.. One would also have to have a pinch of Femme in them to go through such extremes .. I can honestly say they go hand in hand or mine did since puberty ,can't explain the desires to present as Femme prior to puberty and thats the Cding feeling that doesn't go away..

My point is , we sometimes point the finger to a cause that really isn't the root but can be the fuel to enhance the desire.. Master B... isn't the cause of Cding but it does enhance the experiance ..

P.S. Yes I know my grammer sucks no need for PM'S

[NathalieX66]

I thought the webpage from the original post was like a 12-step recovery process, or an ex-gay "reparative thing" like Love Wins Out. I was hoping to get a link to a Christian ministry, but I didn't see it. Not that I really want to.

It seems to frame crossdressers & transgender people as purely paraphilic and often affected with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). I'm sure there are cd'ers with OCD, but you might as well put gambling, and excessive handwashing or housecleaning in there too. I'd rather visit a licensed therapist who specialises in such things.

Society invented the concept of gender identity, and many people are too scared to venture out of the norm for fear of......... I don't know what? Fear?

[Jessica S]

I have to agree with all the posters on page 4. The voices of reason finally prevailed.

[CaitlynRenee]

Funny, Every well educated psychologist (they should ALL be well educated in gender variences) I've ever heard venture a comment on masturbation, stated it was Normal, Healthy, Tension Relieving, Creative and they all, to a person, male or female did it, most as far back as early childhood and they continue to do so today in their (sometimes MUCH) later, frustrating and busy lives.

I've always found that when one is less tense, for whatever reason or method, one is more productive.

I'm extremely happy with who I am, both drab and femme, quite productive in my life even though retired, and really consider myself a lucky girl. I don't question my sexuality, whether femme or drab, it isn't an issue.

Perhaps it's due to our having both 'X' and 'Y' chromosomes. Who knows. For what it's worth, I find a great number of our members to be absolutely beautiful en femme and see no reason why they shouldn't be proud of their femme side, just as I'm sure they're proud of their drab persona.

Fortunately, we have each other and this site for support. I just wish I could meet more of you, to share conversation, a good cup of coffee and friendship with.

[Pythos]

I'm sorry. I have to speak up here. I do not in anyway like how cding is being compared to being drunk, or being addicted to drugs.

IT IS NOT!!! Drug addiction and alcoholism destroys the body, mind, and lives. I have a friend who is living with the results of their father's drunken behavior.

I will say it again. Cross dressing is NOT A DISEASE. It is not wrong. The ONLY thing that makes it wrong is the public's INCORRECT assumptions about it. If it was not for the hatred, or ignorance, or bigotry, or the combination thereof crossdressing would be a non issue.

Alcoholism results in some pretty horrendous actions BY THE DRUNK. Cross dressing rarely results in some pretty horrible actions by people OTHER THAN the crossdresser.

I agree that the maker of the "stop cross dressing" site has every right to make that site. But I also think the guy is barking up the wrong tree. He indeed sounds like Jack T. Ripper, when he says masturbation leads to a lowering of energy. From what I have seen so does sex. Some of the more highly strung and stressed out people I knew in my teenage years were those that were sexually active.

The fellow is misinformed, and in the process is dragging a group of people (us) through the mud.

I am astonished some HERE would actually compare cross dressing with alcoholism, or drug abuse.

Yes it can be an addiction...so what? As I said, if it was not for the ignorant and bigoted people out there, who gets hurt by what we and other do?

the CD support groups I was exposed to when going to a therapist are all for supporting DOING it, not stopping doing it. I wish him the best of luck if that's what he truly wants and can manage to do it.

The reason why there are so few sites that handle such is because for all intents and purposes, there is no need for it. We are doing nothing wrong.