Some people are against - warning! controversial

[Rianna Humble]

The real question seems to me, is whether crossdressing as a fetish stems from the same route as someone that is TS, or if it really is a fetish no different than someone that enjoys bondage or other fetishes.

I think that we ought to accept what people inthis thread (and elsewhere on cd.com) who self-identify as fetish dressers have said. They have largely said that unlike identity dressers and TS folk, they don't dress because they "want to be a woman" and that they don't self-identify as a woman.

I cannot say whether this is true of all fetish dressers, but it does seem to be the prevailing sentiment on cd.com amongst this section of our community.

I can, however, say with a reasonable amount of certainty that there is no sexual stimulation element in a TS person's need to express their brain gender. Speaking purely personally, I know that my need for sexual release is much lower when I am presenting as my brain gender than when I was trying to portray a man.

[JulieK1980]

I think that we ought to accept what people inthis thread (and elsewhere on cd.com) who self-identify as fetish dressers have said. They have largely said that unlike identity dressers and TS folk, they don't dress because they "want to be a woman" and that they don't self-identify as a woman.

I cannot say whether this is true of all fetish dressers, but it does seem to be the prevailing sentiment on cd.com amongst this section of our community.

I can, however, say with a reasonable amount of certainty that there is no sexual stimulation element in a TS person's need to express their brain gender. Speaking purely personally, I know that my need for sexual release is much lower when I am presenting as my brain gender than when I was trying to portray a man.

I agree 100% with that.

[Lucy_Bella]

Like many have said " There is no cure " I have to believe that a form of treatment does exisits .. As one reply above mentioned a " Pole to Pole " Theory. if true would make any treatment hard to treat.. Treatment wouldn't be as easy as grabbing a bottle of asprin.. Many of us have our own reasons as to why we dress some justify and accept while others still struggle. My point here is after 40 plus years of denying I have a Gender issue or having a form of sexual frustration, I have learned more about my self by being here and reading other post here.. Sometimes reading replies of my own post helps me figure out just who I am and what direction I am going..
With out Support negative or positive ,I would not be as equipt to enter any kind of theropy ( I don't trust Doctors) ..Being a member of Forums like this helps me become more secure about who I am and educates me. Which is why seeing another " Blog " descibing Cding as negative behavior that he believes only hendors ones Social abilities , can only enhances my thoughts of who I am and where I am going in my day to day life.. It doesn't make me feel sorry for myself in way that I can only relate to with the OP of the "Blog" .. Because I think I have myself figured out to as why I live such a lifestyle doesn't mean I have everybody else figured out to as why they live a simular lifestyle.. I've been there, I've done that I know what this Blogger is going through .I wish him the best of luck through out the rest of his journey and if this blogger ever becomes a member here.. I can only do for him what many have done for me here , offer support the only way I know how..

[Olivia2]

I say this because my initial reaction to the site's name evoked thoughts of hostility, and possibly violence, towards crossdressers. Immediately, I was offended and threatened. Yeah, I got incensed; chalk it up to testosterone. You wanna fight? Better pack a lunch, bi-otch!

After following the link to the aforementioned site, I was relieved to discover the site's creator was not advocating eradicating CD'ers from the face of the earth, but, rather, providing an avenue to explore the possibilities of eliminating a behavior they were uncomfortable with for themselves. :

If the blogger were asking my advice, I would have softened up the headings and symbols used because they are a bit charged and send out a somewhat judgmental tone before one even reads the blog. For people desiring to curb their behavior or who may feel some shame about it, it may turn them off before they even read the blog. Others may form an opinion of the blogger before reading his posts and react from the gut as some here have. Clearly, he is computer savvy and wanted to get the blog attention, which it has.

If you look at the links to the other blogs, they are a bit softer in their initial approach. And in all the linked blogs, including his, these bloggers show a real understanding of the issues as to how they manifest in their own lives, and seem to take an empathetic stance toward crossdressing in general.

This guy did seem sincere but he lacks education and he's not old enough, not by a long shot to make as many of the conclusive statements that he has. I'm twice as far down that road as he is and I am a man of "letters." I have read every book and lived most of the experience, felt the guilt, the excitement, the guilt again and then the lonliness and isolation that comes bag and baggage with this "hobby." That's just the way it is.

It was a nice try, and as I mentioned, sincere. But most of you will agree with me that there is no cure---and we all just have to deal with this condition at whatever level we each find ourselves at any given time. Peace-

Shiny

My initial thoughts were similar to yours given the blogger's age. I won't make any assumptions about his ecuation. However, I think his credibility can only go so far, until he has learned to live with CDing for several more years. Like you, I have 2+ decades more experience with it. He does seem to recognize where it has been a problem in his life and I will not in any way make any judgments on his motivations or chances of maintaining his abstinence. I wish him success and happiness, no matter how it manifests for him.

I also think it is more fair to say there is no "known" cure and perhaps some who stopped their dressing may never light on this or any other CDing site. I don't even think the term "cure" is appropriate and probably is not an accurate description to be used in any compulsive behavior, in any case.

When it comes to sexual compulsions, be it fetishes, pornography, or any number of other behaviors, managing the behavior in some fashion seems to be the method that has been used in treatment centers. There is certainly some evidence that the power of sexually motivated urges can become less powerful in individuals and in some cases become almost absent from a person's life or their thoughts but it takes time and support for that to occur. In some cases a prolonged period of depression or emotional pain may result until things start to improve. I've seen it in my own life. The real issue then is to decide whether there is a benefit in some way to controlling one's urges. Only then can one decide whether it is worth going through the pain to get there.

[Taylor186]

I don't even think the term "cure" is appropriate and probably is not an accurate description to be used in any compulsive behavior, in any case.

Agreed.

I'm not even sure why we're using the term "cure." The blogger in question never uses the term "cure." He wants to "stop" his crossdressing fetish because it controls his life. Just like an alcoholic may reach the point where he/she wants to "stop" drinking because it controls his/her life. He/she can "stop" drinking, there is no question about that, but he/she is never "cured." The alcoholic knows this distinction and from what I've read, this blogger knows it too.

[Stelli]

A burst of messages between 11th and 14th and then a long silence. To me it says: The thread is over, whatever needed to be said has been said. But somehow it ends abruptly, almost with no conclusion. Maybe it is to me to make it.

First, my intention was not really about that particular person who blogged. This thread is about YOU and it is about me as well. About what you think and consequently what are you. Your posts reveal something about each of you and you know the best what makes you tick.

Only couple of posters here, touched my intention, and provided me material I wished to read and thus I will thank several reasoning posts of kendra_gurl, confident calming ReineD posts, surprising internet understanding from luludoll, many wake-ups from Pythos and most interesting and unique only post from Jorja.

Now, I am somehow disappointed with the reaction, and what bothers me is the almost constant obsession with issue of sex, and sex related issues connected with CD, addictions, cures, obsessions and transitions. I hoped, that my post would possibly trigger more empathic reaction to what has been published on blog. And possibly detect emotional outcry shown there. Only few posts touched that, but did not elaborate, it comes easier to wash hands of the subject. I somehow always thought females are more empathic....

Save initial negation, later reasoning has lead to re-assessing of self. And this was closer to my intention, to seek into selves and see where we can be empathic. As it looks to me, CDing still lingers in sexual waters (for me, same old, same old).

Again, for me, and in my understanding, CD has been for a long time an emotional confort zone. I even talked to professionals about it. And they have very little to say, they wash their hands too. I did trigger many emotions here, and I stand behind that huge part of CD is about our emotions and not about sex. Yet, It is easier to discuss sex than emotions.

I must admit that my initial reaction not to participate on this forum for quite a while, actually comes from this misunderstanding. I wanted to learn what is the cause of that misunderstanding and that took me several years. Very few members here, possibly, noticed that I belong to group of people that discovered this forum at very early stages and participated heavily then. Yet again I am starting to see why I do not come more often. I am starting to ask different kind of questions.

I am afraid that if I continue I may bring more controversial subjects, and at some point possibly step on someone's toes (which apply specially to passionate moderators)

In virtue of that, Wish you all to be well and prosperous, and thank you all for the participation and opinions. B happy, nothing else matters.

yours Stelli.

[Sue101]

I thought the blogger was honest and sincere and more importantly he thought about what it all meant to him and he recognised many of the common reasons used by crossdressers to explain what they do don't stack up. There are big holes in the reasoning which he recognized and understood and made him question what he was doing.

I dont think his solution of absolute cessation will work in the long run nor does it have to. Being able to control your behavior is the key to a balanced life. You cannot undue being a crossdresser and the urge will build up over time and he will give in sooner or later. He was just in the middle of the compulsive pink fog and never reached the other side of the river to get things into perspective.

There is plenty of discussion about fetishism and sexual addiction. While most crossdressers do develop a sexual habit, this is something which again is down to self-control and is a distinct issue from the crossdressing behavior.

The label fetishism I believe is wrong. If you compare crossdressing to actual fetishes then there are obvious differences. Crossdressing only looks superficially like a fetish but it is something quite different. I believe what is going on is once a crossdresser develops a female image of himself as a response to gender dysphoria then this gives him an alternative route to satisfy the sexual urge to date women. It is a secondary dating mechanism bypassing the need for another person by becoming that person.