How do you accept yourself?

[Gocaps14]

I have been riding an emotional roller coaster the past week or so. It basicly comes down to this question: Who am I and where do I fit in? What is going on in the world around me? How do I affect others around me? I know what's important to me and how can I reconcile conflicting wants and needs? I am a staunch advocate of my desires not upsetting the family, I am closeted and I am usually ok with it, today I am not so sure. Hopefully, I will figure myself out before I do damage to my family, especially my wife whose health is fragile and must avoid stress.

[Karren H]

Well personally... After decades of torment... Wondering why I am like this.... I decided that I don't care why any more. I am what I am and like what I like... And there is nothing wrong with that! After that it became fun!! No stress. No issues!! Doesn't mean I wouldn't hop to one gender or the other in a heartbeat. But I know that's not going to happen and its never going away.. Yeah it ovely complictaes your life but you can make it work.. I have so far.

[diannecourtney]

I appreciate your concerns which are downright fears. I never had to go thru your trials but it sounds like with a good deal of patients and care which you seem to have you will makei it work. Very good wishes to you and your family.

[TGMarla]

Karren is on to something there. Yeah, it sounds simple, and it seems complicated, but there's a lot to it that simple self-acceptance can go a long way towards taking the guilt and stress out of this. Instead of obsessing over when you can pursue your dressing activities, simply welcome the opportunities as they arise. Don't allow it to supercede the important things in your life that you need to pay attention to. And when the opportunities do come along, simply enjoy it and stop stressing out about it.

Like she said, I've been this way since I was 12. If it was going to change, I think it would have by now. I may as well accept it and do my best to live with it rather than fight it 24/7. I found that once I was able to do this, life became a whole lot easier. Remember, it's really harmless when you boil it all down to gravy. You're really hurting no one. It doesn't change who and what you are. And (obviously) a whole lot more people engage in these activities than let on in our everyday lives. It's more common than people think. So there should be no shame involved. It's likely that any single person who might criticize, taunt, or trash a crossdresser has secretly engaged in such activities himself, and uses such behavior to cover it up so no one might guess he does it when no one's around.

So stop beating on yourself and just go with it.

[Nikki A.]

It is hard to balance our wants and our family's needs in most cases. Does your wife know about your dressing? If she does, talk to her and see if you can get a little time to express your other side. I know how you're feeling, having been there also.
After being able to dress while the kids were away in school, now that they're back my time is severely limited. Tomorrow is my first chance in two weeks and I am so looking forward to it.

[Gillian Gigs]

Not to get preachy, but if I wanted to be able to love others, I came to the conculsion that I had to love myself. To love myself meant that I had to be prepared to accept myself for who I am and how I see myself in this life. If we spent all of our time trying to get others to accept us according to there standards, then we will become shipwreaked, and a total mess. Who am I and where do I fit in? If we all tryed to be like the other 98% of the world, then this world wouldn't be very interesting. If everyone was the same, where would the great art come from? Where would all the great literature come from? These questions would go on for ever, differences in character are like the pepper and spice to food. No condiments, or spices, and things will get boring really fast. So, you are not like the other 98%, so what! Life is to be enjoyed, and if you enjoy it more in a dress with frilly panties, who am I to stop you and tell you how to live your life, and enjoy it.

[dawnmarrie1961]

That is the 1,000,000 dollar question. Unfortunately not an easy task. It is near impossible to anticipate how things will effect those we care about the most. Prepare yourself for rough seas ahead if you chose to continue on the course you have plotted. Seems to me, and this is only my opinion, that if you care for them as much as you seem to that you ought to steer clear of your desires for a while. For their sake. Why would you want to deny yourself? Because, as you well know being a family man, that it isn't all about you. Godspeed.

[Danni Renee]

I have been following your posts for a few weeks now and I can feel your anguish - torn between who you want to be and who you feel you have to be (or said another way - how yor wife wants you to be). I am not much further along on my journey than you are but I do have an accepting SO. But even with her love and acceptance I still have a lot of self doubt and wondering about myself. The best advice I have seen is that you must accept yourself and love yourself before you can ask anyone else to accept and love you.

I believe you should take the high road and be patient since your wife's medical condition cannot be helped by you moving too fast. But your situation is going to have to be resolved at some point in time too. You have to be who you really are.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Gocaps. I'm really sorry that you have the additional stress of your wife's health problems, I am sure that thi smust make it much more difficult for you to see things clearly.

I cannot answer the question in the title of your post for you, but I would like to share a little of how it worked for me in the hope that something I have experienced will help you to see your own way forward.

I have known since I was a child that I was in the wrong body, but whilst I was an adolescent got involved with a group that made me believe that there was something shameful - even dirty - about this self-knowledge. The honestly believed (wrongly in my current opinion) that I could simply choose to be a cisgendered male heterosexual and it would be so. This gave rise to decades of inner conflict where I knew I was not a man, but tried to fight it.

Finally I came to a point where I was losing sleep and contemplating suicide all because I did not want to admit that there was nothing wrong with me knowing I am not a man. About 2:30 one morning, I came to the conclusion that either there was something wrong with knowing I am not a man - in which case the only option was suicide - or there wasn't - in which case I needed to accept myself and see what came next.

Today I was talking to a GG acquaintance about how much better people relate to me than when I was trying to be a man. Without hesitation she said "Well, that's because you have accepted who you are so now others can accept you in the same way. You have to love yourself to be loved".

I don't know if any of this will ring a bell, but I think that for me the key to accepting myself was to stop blaming myslef for being transgender. That didn't make everything OK overnight, but it helped me get started on the path towards resolving my problems.

[Audrey34]

Sigh.......still working on that aspect of my life. There are times when I feel so proud being Audrey and other times when I wished I had never tried on a pair of nylons or a dress. There are times when I don't mind being seen with my support group and times when I don't wish to be seen by anyone. I really wish I could just find some kind of clarity and just get on with my life.
-Audrey

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My feelings of learning to accept this side are, it has been there from birth, there is no getting rid of it (that battle was fought long ago and for a long time, and lost), In practical terms this side is a part of the factory installed equipment which cannot be removed.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it's best to get it on paper. Make a list . On one side put advantages of CDing, on the other side list the disadvantages then take it from there. Everyone's situation is different and in the end we have to decide what is best for us and those we love. We don't always like the answer but at least the facts are there.

[RebeccaJ]

It is a great question Gocaps, one that I struggle with myself. I understand the concept that you must love yourself before you can expect someone to else to love you. The real issue is how do you love yourself? How do we not feel guilty for having what the general population would at best consider odd at worst consider a perverted desire? How do we not feel ashamed for who we are?

I like what others like Karren and Marla said and inside I know it to be true....just easier said then done.

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife has health problems and even before that she was stressed over work and our growing children. I was stressing over my crossdressing and it was only making matters worse. Finally I decided that I wasn't going to change and accepted my gender identity as a given, not a set of issues. Once I began to plan around that life started getting easier for me and I was a lot more help in the family.

It was in their best interest for me to understand and accept who I am.

Later my wife discovered my CD side, but that has only helped and she supports me while I support her. It isn't getting her over her cancer, we rely on real medicine and doctors for that. But the stress is way down in our lives because now we both know I'm the same person as before, just with less to hide and worry about.

[Presh GG]

Hi Gocap ,

Ok, so what if , just what if YOU are the Lucky ones ? The ones that got the extra special something .
Kind of a high-breed human, that maybe the norm in 100 years. Kind of before your time ? The fore runners of how we are evolveing ?
Just a thought, but what if ?

Presh GG

[Gocaps14]

Well Danni, thank you, I really pour my heart out here, and it is wonderful to be accepted for who I am, as mixed up as I am right now. I am so confused, and wish things were different, but I know I just need to be in the present and grateful for what I have, even though its not perfect.

[Jorja]

Geocaps14 (male version) meet Geocaps14 (female version). Sorry folks, there has been a slight mixup at the baby factory and your body got a double dose. We would change this if we could but we can't. You two will just have to work it out and make it happen. Shake hands and come out being who you are. A very lucky person that gets to see both sides of the fence.

[Sebastian]

Gocaps14, if we all knew the answer to that question, we would certainly be millionaires of some sorts. Writing a self help book, "How to Accept Yourself," just might make a lot, I suppose! However, it all boils down to your own personal fight between yourself. We all have it to do it eventually with every aspect of ourselves. Everyone needs to learn to accept themselves because we are all born with our own imperfections, flaws, and things we dislike about ourselves. On the upside, there are many great things we all have each in ourselves that allow us to conquer over the things we believe hold us back. One thing I learned awhile back was to write a positive/negative list about myself. It allowed me to reflect upon myself, see my positives that keep me going, and also see the things I need to improve upon. For example, I have a terrible way with words. Grammatically, I'm fine, but from the soul/heart...I fall flat on my face like I tripped on crack in the concrete. You are you. Love it, hate it, but either way-you are wonderful for just being you. I have found if you can accept that, the rest just sort of falls by the wayside, if you will.

[Phoebe P.]

I am who I am. I don't need therapy. It makes me happy to dress. My wife is okay with it. I'm not hurting anyone and it's not immoral or illegal. That pretty much covers it.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think my signature answers how I except my self! I don't tell anyone how to live and you won't tell me how to live! Once you're fed up with everyones opinions you tell yourself it's time to live your life! Opinions are just like a-holes! Every body's got one! Except the crap comes out of their mouth!I am who I am and darn proud of it!

[Kara Connor]

Hi Gocaps14. I would look at it this way. It isn't about "your desires" it is about who you are. You aren't "doing" anything if you are transgendered, you are just BEING who you are. Everyone should be free to be their true self. I know that bottling it all up didn't work that well for me. I feel happier now that I am out to a few dozen people, and get to be Kara and go out every couple of weeks, than I have in a long time. My girl side compliments my guy side, and makes him a better person.