Question about your Wifes attire?

[Lorileah]

How my wife dressed and now how my SO dresses has no relation to how or why I dress.

First I don't think being Bobsie twins is a real good look. My wife looked great in dresses and skirts but maybe because I didn't compliment her enough or just because like most women she went to what was more comfortable for her, she wore slacks most the time. The highest heels she had were 2". My SO now is more fashion conscious but we don't agree on what is sexy usually. She is almost exclusively in heels and wears skirts and dresses 75% of the time. But I like short skirts and flirty strappy heels. She likes the more rugged modern look.

Neither one effect(ed) my dressing. I have a fashion sense of my own and it worked out well for my wife because she hated shopping and fashion. I dress the way I would ( I assume) dress if I was a woman in whatever situation I was in.

[kendra_gurl]

I'm beginning to realise that my closet keeps me connected with the past, to a time when cding meant shame and fear of being busted.
I hope I can eventually purge that crap!

Gaby your whole post was very interesting and I'm so happy for you that your wife is still very stylish. I quoted this one line however to say I too seem to be connected to the past with my dressing but not in the same sense as you .
I know there will be some here who think what I am about to say is terrible of me but its the truth. I can dress and look very similar to the way my wife looked 42 years ago when I married her. I'm not putting her down. I don't ever say anything negative to her about what she wears or how she looks. Our relationship is great and I know ALL the various reasons for the way she and I both have changed in 42 years. Still For me, part of what drives me to dress the way I do is an attempt to capture an era gone by in OUR past.

[kendra_gurl]

How my wife dressed and now how my SO dresses has no relation to how or why I dress.

My SO now is more fashion conscious but we don't agree on what is sexy usually. She is almost exclusively in heels and wears skirts and dresses 75% of the time..

Interesting Lorileah. Amoung all her other qualities your attracted too, would you consider your SO's way of dressing rather than the way your wife changed to as part of what attracted you to her at first?

[Melanie Sykes]

I loved to dress before I ever met my wife. She's doesn't wear very feminine things as often as I'd like, but I'm not sure whether if she did, I'd have more or less of an urge to dress. I used to tell myself (before I came out to her) that I dressed because she didn't, which wasn't really fair on her. Her mum brought her up to wear sensible shoes, unfortunately for me. Happily though, since my coming out, she wears skirts and heels more often, and although I really appreciate how she looks in them, I can't help but feel jealous too, wanting to wear them myself. So on balance, I don't really think it affects my desire to dress, no.

[ReineD]

Kendra, you bring up an interesting question: how does a wife's style of dress affect the CDer's?

Like Shenanigans, I too initially felt you meant that if the wife dressed better or was sexier, then the husband would need to dress less, implying that he might fulfill his own need for the femininity that is lacking in his wife.

But then I read your post again, and saw that you also asked the reverse: if the wife were a knock-out dresser, would this make a CDer wish to dress even more?

Both of your scenarios describe different CDers. The first is a man who loves TO BE AROUND femininity and sexiness and if his needs are met by the women around him, he will be happy .. although I agree with Shenanigans that such a CDer might still want to dress in a sexy manner even if his wife dressed up too. The second is a man who wants TO BE the feminine and sexy woman and is triggered to do so every time he sees one. This would be a CDer who is confident in his femme looks.

Here is another scenario you didn't bring up, and it would be interesting to know if any members here feel this way: the CDer who does not like it when his wife is sexy and alluring, because then he compares himself to her and it takes away from his own thunder. This sounds like a case of sour grapes, but I don't look at it this way. I've often read threads in here from CDers who do feel depressed when they see beautiful women, because they feel they would never be able to look like them, no matter how much makeup or how stylish are the clothes they wear.

This is slightly off topic, but I just wanted to throw it in.

And now for another type of CDer, here's a personal anecdote reflecting something that happened between me and my SO:

To put this in context, I do want to mention that I am 5'9" (6'1" in 4" heels) and a size 8. I'm one of the lucky ones (I put it down to genes) who has retained my 20's figure. I'm not bragging here, just saying. It comes from my maternal grandfather's side: tall, fair, and thin. When my SO and I were beginning to go out to nightclubs dressed a lot, I initially just wore blue jeans and a black satin shirt. I'm in my 50s. I had not gone out to alternative clubs before and was not at all "into" the lifestyle of the looks. LOL I had no clue.

I quickly discovered that my SO's eyes were popping out all over the place over all the sweet young things with their cascading bleach blonde hair, wearing their off the shoulder tops, and short, short skirts. The average age in this one particular place is under 30. I felt dowdy, matronly, and was jealous as all h*ll because I felt I could not compete with women 25 or 30 years younger than me. I actually stormed out of there one night for a brisk walk around the block, just to bring myself back to center. Again, this was at the very beginning of our relationship when I discovered just how much my SO was into how women look and I mistook this for a preference of these young girls over me.

Anyway, I decided to go for REVENGE. I bought this skimpy little purple number, tight around the body, cap sleeves, cowl neck, and with a flirty skirt just a few inches below my bottom, that I wore one night with a push-up bra, thigh high black boots and the sheerest of sheer black nylons. . In other words, I looked like what my mother would have considered to be a "skank". LOL. My eyes were done up very smokey, my hair also cascaded around my shoulders (it is very straight, haven't started graying yet, and there is lots of it), and well, I got a lot of admiring glances. I also got an odd reaction from my SO, and it was, "Well, it isn't "you", but you are certainly entitled to wear what makes you feel good, after all I do, so if it makes you feel good then go for it." Not, "Wow, you look so hot!". LOL.

So, here is your fourth type of CDer: the CD who is into high fashion or style, and not necessarily into night club sexy wear, and who feels slightly embarrassed when her SO tries to look like a 25 year old, even if she has the body for it.

(Gosh, I hope she doesn't read this, LOL)

[Lorileah]

Interesting Lorileah. Amoung all her other qualities your attracted too, would you consider your SO's way of dressing rather than the way your wife changed to as part of what attracted you to her at first?

not really, but she did dress like I dress at the beginning. She is also sexy and hot and I am none of that I really didn't see how she dressed for over a year before we physically met. The pictures she sent were in jeans Because she was with her horse enthusiast friends) so when I did meet her the first time it was a LBD, thigh highs and heels. Maybe it helped seal the deal but we were already on the path

And funny thing is I remember the outfit my wife wore when I first met her too...turquoise jacket and miniskirt with white heels. Now THAT was a deal maker. I loved the outfit and the legs

I also remember my first wife's outfit when I met her, Tight shapely with a pin-tag on her right hip that said "Tigger" and 4" heels, bunny ears and a little cotton tail....I miss getting that tail

[Gaby2]

Gaby ...I'm so happy for you that your wife is still very stylish...
...Still For me, part of what drives me to dress the way I do is an attempt to capture an era gone by in OUR past.

Reine has me reeling again... but I'll try and concentrate on your interesting positive take on my moaning!

My stylish SO and I are in a fledgling relationship, having only met last year about the same time I joined the forum and started confiding my cding to some close, exclusively female friends.
My SO and I have tried to move together a few times but it hasn't been right just yet.
She is seven years younger than me, although in maturity-terms about twenty-five years older.
I want this relationship to work so much, and we're both giving our best - cross-fingers, it's going well so far!

My Ex has and always had a natural beauty which I still love with all my heart - it's still very distressful for me that my cding threatened her so much that it compromised this very "naturalness".
After being busted by her twelve long years ago, our relationship never had a real chance of recovering.
Other normal life-complications arrived and although we have always supported and unselfishly helped each other to cope, it just wasn't going to work anymore - mea culpa. Our two perfect daughters bond us eternally, of course (I'm crying a little).
I moved out three years ago, just before our eldest daughter hit puberty and I last year pushed the divorce against her will through - I believe it was the right thing to do. She looked great the day before yesterday - but we'll see!

I don't think my cding was compensating for something which my Ex didn't give me.
I have thought this at times but experience here on the forum has made me aware that there are multiple and much more important reasons (also new ones) why I love cding.

I find your dressing in the style of your young wife a beautiful hommage to her which expresses your love for her in the most personal way possible, Kendra.
She is very lucky to have found you.

Gaby

[kendra_gurl]

So, here is your fourth type of CDer: the CD who is into high fashion or style, and not necessarily into night club sexy wear, and who feels slightly embarrassed when her SO tries to look like a 25 year old, even if she has the body for it.

(Gosh, I hope she doesn't read this, LOL)

I am that 4th type of CDer with one exception. It is my SO whom I sometimes embarrass by being a 60 year old trying to look like a 25 year old even when I can create the body for it.
Even the Home Depot Paint department can't mix enough foundation to take that many years off my appearence.

I do feel I need to explain that my OP was more about How I felt 42 years ago when we were 18 and 17 years old. Then how style changed to the "quote more comfortable mode".

[Erika_bagels]

Kendra, you have an interesting point. My wife also doesn't do much more than jeans and t-shirt, and usually goes without makeup. She used to be very girly, makeup, fun coordinating, girly outfits, but then they stopped fitting, so she kinda gave up on buying new clothes. She refuses to go to Lane Bryant (although they make sexy outfits that are perfect for her), and since the baby's been born, I'm excited that she's just painting her fingernails. I can't ask for much these days, and now that you mention it, this is when Erika started to surface as more than just an idle curiosity.

Now I don't know if I do it because it's who I am, or out of a need to see something in particular, or both... :/

[kendra_gurl]

She refuses to go to Lane Bryant (although they make sexy outfits that are perfect for her), and since the baby's been born, I'm excited that she's just painting her fingernails. I can't ask for much these days, and now that you mention it, this is when Erika started to surface as more than just an idle curiosity.

Now I don't know if I do it because it's who I am, or out of a need to see something in particular, or both... :/

Erika that is a very brave statement. I understand completely what your saying. Its not that we do not love our wives and understand the circumstances that can and do change all of us with age. It's that we as CD's in our attempts to recreate the look we enjoy sometimes miss seeing our loved one in similar fashion This is not purposely trying to put them down. It's just one more thing that makes up part of what we are

[kendra_gurl]

I find your dressing in the style of your young wife a beautiful hommage to her which expresses your love for her in the most personal way possible, Kendra.
She is very lucky to have found you.

Gaby

Thank you Gaby. I have to admit my wife gets very jealous of me at times and is always making some comment how she would love to wear what I'm wearing if she still had the right figure for it.
If she only knew how much pain a real tighlaced corset causes after a few hours

[Erika_bagels]

I think there has to be more to it than that, though, cos when I come right down to it, I feel sexier, personally, en femme than anything I've ever worn or done with myself en butch.

[audreyinalbany]

My wife was never a vamp, but she stopped wearing short skirts and sexy clothes years ago, even before the kids were born. We're in our mid- fifties now and she is still an incredibly attractive woman, but she doesn't believe it. She has a terribly negative body image (always has, even when young); she thinks she's too fat, she's got too much cellulite, breasts are too small, too many chins, etc. Not a sexy dresser. I've bought her lingerie in the past which simply ends up in the drawer. She dresses in what I'd characterize as the typical middle-aged Mom. Cotton tops, capri pants. I find thats pretty much the stuff I dress in as well. I'm more inclined than she to wear a skirt, but only when weather permits pantihose or tights. Interestingly enough, she asked me a couple months ago if i consciously try to dress like her. I don't, but I do try to blend in with middle aged women...

[Erika_bagels]

My wife was never a vamp, but she stopped wearing short skirts and sexy clothes years ago, even before the kids were born. We're in our mid- fifties now and she is still an incredibly attractive woman, but she doesn't believe it. She has a terribly negative body image (always has, even when young); she thinks she's too fat, she's got too much cellulite, breasts are too small, too many chins, etc. Not a sexy dresser. I've bought her lingerie in the past which simply ends up in the drawer. She dresses in what I'd characterize as the typical middle-aged Mom. Cotton tops, capri pants.

It's the same here. It's like you were talking about my house. Are you outside my window?

[5150 Girl]

My SO's attire is not connected to my dressing, as for me, dressing is about putting somting somthing right taht went horribly wrong at birth....

[Kendra Sue]

kendra_gurl, My wife has always been a great dresser and an expert at makeup. If I got one thing from her it was how to use makeup. I would say our tastes in clothing are not the same

[Valerie1973]

My SO is not very fashion savvy at all. She dresses very simple, Capri's simple knit tops. That's it. If she was more "Chic" and was a fashion diva like those women on "The Real House Wives of Jersey" I'd probably have more of a desire to dress. My desire has been flat lately and it is because of her. One, she doesn't support, two, maybe because I like to fancy myself in ladies garments she has no fashion sense. I'm always encouraging her wear dresses, I just love a woman in a dress. I'm one who believes clothes make the woman. But she says, " Here we go again about the dresses!" She hates pantyhose and I hate neckties. However, she can still be "chic" and girly at times. She loves to wear makeup and nail polish. She's a good girl and I still love her. Peace

[Shananigans]

If she was more "Chic" and was a fashion diva like those women on "The Real House Wives of Jersey" I'd probably have more of a desire to dress.

lol I just can't help but say that those women wouldn't know fashion even if Marc Jacobs walked up to them and punched them in their noses. They have a style...I don't know if I would call it fashion though.

Exhibit A of Disaster:

[dilane]

lol I just can't help but say that those women wouldn't know fashion even if Marc Jacobs walked up to them and punched them in their noses. They have a style...I don't know if I would call it fashion though.

Exhibit A of Disaster:

Oh dear. I don't want to look, it just might "cure" me!!!

[kimdl93]

A couple of comments. To the OP about how my SOs dressing affects my dressing. I would say in a positive way. I do tend to emulate her style in my own. She's sales manager, so of neccessity she generally in business attire or perhaps business causal, I suppose. She buys a lot of clothes at Cold Water Creek, and I have gotten several of my outfits there as well. In the evening, its usually casual lounge wear, but we both like wearing sexy lingerie on date nights.

[kendra_gurl]

Exhibit A of Disaster:

Never watch that show but from that photo It looks to me that at least 3 of them could be mistaken for crossdressed males